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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Constantly worried about imposing on people/affecting sex life.
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD) , bipolar disorder , dementia , electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) , learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) , panic , personality disorders, phobias , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) , schizophrenia , stress , transitions, and work problems.
Constantly worried about imposing on people/affecting sex life.
by cardigun, Jun 19, 2007 12:00AM
I'm a 29 year old male. Ever since I was a child I have constantly worried about others being or "feeling" put out, or somehow being inconvenienced because of me or my presence. Mostly it had to do with friends parents buying food or paying for an activity, and eventhough they would insist I would never let them. These situations would become stressful for me and I would feel panicked and stressed. I've always been shy and an introvert. I've never had a forceful or bold presence or personality. I've always been afraid that I might put someone off. Unfortunately this has greatly hindered my sex life with my wife of 8 years. I don't try to initiate sex because I'm always thinking, "what if she doesn't feel like it right now and is just doing it because I want to". I then feel like I don't want to have sex under those pretenses. I've actually gone as far as to stop cold when we were getting warmed up because these doubts keep going through my head. I know she loves me and enjoys sex with me. How do I get past this overwhelming feeling of doubt and feeling of imposition on my wife?
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., Jun 19, 2007 12:00AM
, Jun 19, 2007 12:00AM
You have described a system of thought called self doubt. Everyone has some self doubt to get over as you mature, but you seem to have a lot. There is much to read about self doubt, and self labeling, all of which erode your self confidence and your rights as a person. There must be a history of this because it goes back a long way. If you can't get enough help with books, then try therapy...not medication, but talk therapy that can help you understand what is happening and regain a healthier perspective.
