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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Does friend have schizophrenia or is she a chronic liar with depression?
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD) , bipolar disorder , dementia , electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) , learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) , panic , personality disorders, phobias , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) , schizophrenia , stress , transitions, and work problems.
Does friend have schizophrenia or is she a chronic liar with depression?
by griffingang, May 07, 2003 12:00AM
For years, I have known that my friend has told many lies. She has made up several boyfriends that nobody ever met. These pretend boyfriends (PBs) were good looking and successful; the boyfriends that others did meet, however, were losers & unattractive. When she would be on the phone with a PB, I would never hear a voice from a few feet away and she would hang up with them if I went into another room where there was another line I could pick up. I let the lies continue because I thought she was just having a self-esteem problem (since she isn't mainstream attractive & is overweight) and she wasn't hurting anyone. One day, she started telling others that she was sleeping with my boyfriend (which definitely never happened).
Once I was finally told, I dissolved our friendship.
I now live in a different state and I have contacted her to rekindle our relationship. I don't want to talk about the past over the phone with her, it should be done in person. I almost thought she had matured past the PBs, but in our last couple of phone talks, she brought their names up again. I was preparing to confront her on our next visit to the area about her untruths, telling her that I care for her but she must stop them if we are to be close again. Then I saw a movie that discussed schizophrenia and many of the symptoms reminded me of her. I then felt it's possible that these PBs and other events aren't lies to her; they may be hallucinations or delusions. She has also never gotten along well with others & shows many signs of depression, other possible symptoms.
One thing that keeps me from being convinced is the 3 letters that I have that were supposedly written by 3 different PBs. She handed all 3 to me, they have significantly similar handwriting, and they have the same grammatical and spelling errors. The supposed phone conversations ending when I would near another phone are very suspicious, too.
I need to confront her, but I don't want to make the mistake of calling her a liar if she honestly feels it's true. Either way, she has a problem that needs facing and help and I want to support her. Our friendship in the past has been one of envy by many and we have missed one another since I ended it a few years ago. I made the mistake of enabling her to continue these fantasies in the past until it led to our destruction...and I don't want to make that mistake again. Is this enough information to at least begin to tell if she has a serious mental disorder or a problem handling who she is?
By the way, I can assure you that NOBODY ever met or spoke to any of these men in question, just the losers. She also made up a variety of deaths for the PBs so that nobody could ever meet them. There is a myriad of other information, but this is probably the most pertinant. I would appreciate any help, for I am very concerned about her.
Thank you.
Once I was finally told, I dissolved our friendship.
I now live in a different state and I have contacted her to rekindle our relationship. I don't want to talk about the past over the phone with her, it should be done in person. I almost thought she had matured past the PBs, but in our last couple of phone talks, she brought their names up again. I was preparing to confront her on our next visit to the area about her untruths, telling her that I care for her but she must stop them if we are to be close again. Then I saw a movie that discussed schizophrenia and many of the symptoms reminded me of her. I then felt it's possible that these PBs and other events aren't lies to her; they may be hallucinations or delusions. She has also never gotten along well with others & shows many signs of depression, other possible symptoms.
One thing that keeps me from being convinced is the 3 letters that I have that were supposedly written by 3 different PBs. She handed all 3 to me, they have significantly similar handwriting, and they have the same grammatical and spelling errors. The supposed phone conversations ending when I would near another phone are very suspicious, too.
I need to confront her, but I don't want to make the mistake of calling her a liar if she honestly feels it's true. Either way, she has a problem that needs facing and help and I want to support her. Our friendship in the past has been one of envy by many and we have missed one another since I ended it a few years ago. I made the mistake of enabling her to continue these fantasies in the past until it led to our destruction...and I don't want to make that mistake again. Is this enough information to at least begin to tell if she has a serious mental disorder or a problem handling who she is?
By the way, I can assure you that NOBODY ever met or spoke to any of these men in question, just the losers. She also made up a variety of deaths for the PBs so that nobody could ever meet them. There is a myriad of other information, but this is probably the most pertinant. I would appreciate any help, for I am very concerned about her.
Thank you.
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., May 08, 2003 12:00AM
, May 08, 2003 12:00AM
Its a wonderful act to help a friend who obviously is need of help. I wouldn't think about schizphrenia, but certainly there is a story here about desparation, loneliness and shame.
You are right to be concerned about her shame, and you should never call her a liar or worry about hallucinations. Instead you ought to take the tack you suggested which is to help her get help, and open a pathway for her to be honest with you in a way she has not been with anybody else. If you can do that, you can lead her to the help she needs.
You are right to be concerned about her shame, and you should never call her a liar or worry about hallucinations. Instead you ought to take the tack you suggested which is to help her get help, and open a pathway for her to be honest with you in a way she has not been with anybody else. If you can do that, you can lead her to the help she needs.
Member Comments (2)
by Chocolate921, Aug 28, 2007 10:38AM
I am in need of serious help; I have a friend that is really funny and sometime nice to be around however, there is one major problem with her. She lies 24/7; to the point, I don't know what to believe. The lies she tells are sometime awful to the point I learn to tune her out. I try introducing her to positive friends so she can see she doesn't need to lie or try and be something she is not. Well that didn't help; my positive friends don't want her to be around anymore; I can't blame them. I am at wits ends right now, I really don't know what to do with her, as of today I plan not to talk to her anymore. Please give me any advice that you think will help her. I feel she really need help and help real soon.
by seasaltydrums, Oct 10, 2009 11:13AM
To: chocalate921
I am sorry about your friend I've had the same problems apparently she is very insecure and needs constant attention try to let her know in a nice way that its hard to know when she's telling the truth or lying because she sounds ridiculous. Although its kinda hardcore try recording one of her stories and then playing it back for her or several of them and maybe it will help...? I have a husband that lies so much he can't remember what he says...so that's the best way to tell ask them to repeat the story months later. And if it doesn't add up...there you go... best of luck! It seems most people with these disorders have low self esteem and cannot share their friends let her know she's special to you but you enjoy the company of others and she can have other friends also...without lying about it...maybe if you lie to her about something and let her see how painful it is. She'll get the point and try but from experience lying for these people is like an addiction and they need therapy. Peace love and honesty! Seasaltydrums! :}
