Don't know where to turn.

[busmomma]

My problem is multi fold.  It covers a lot of topics but I think depression is the major factor.  I have not reached the stage of suicidal thoughts, but I do have thoughts of just disappearing from the life I lead now, even my children don't keep me from wanting to run away.  I have chronic back pain associated with two bulging discs that my doctor seem to think is not that bad.  But the pain does affect my daily activities.  I also am having problems with my marriage because I feel my husband is emotionally abusive to me but I can't live on my own and I have a teen daughter so I'm forced to live with it.  All of these has been going on for several years now but the back pain has plagued me for 15 years, only recently getting worse.  Because of the financial, emotional, and painful problems, I have started to drink I find it helps me to escape.  I now drink at least four to five drinks daily, sometimes more because I just can't stop once I start.  I must say I enjoy drinking.  And especially if I know I will be at a public function, a stiff drink mixed with 20 oz. sprite and cinnamon gum to take with me is a neccessity.  This includes family get togethers where I just have to force myself to go. I can't quit because the emotional and physical problems return, but I'm afraid the medical problems I am causing myself will be worse.  I want to see about help, but I don't want anyone to know. I have insurance but it is a state government insurance and I'm not sure what it will cover and how do I explain a doctor's appt to my family without arising suspicion.  Please help, I feel like I have been treading water for so long that I'm tired and just want to drown and get it over with.  When I find myself alone I wil cry uncontrollably but I hold it in because I don't want to appear weak which is what my husband would say. I come from a family of heavy drinkers. So I hope you can offer me some idea of where to turn.  Thanks

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The problems you described are multilayer and interwoven with each other, and you will need some kind of therapy to sort it out and find a better solution than drinking to escape.  There are always better answers but you will have to dig deep and do some good emotional thinking work because right now you are depressed because you are feeling helpless and stuck. I suggest you find a good therapist. In the meantime, while getting that set up, you can get some immediate help online at my new alternative therapy  program at www.myvirtualshrink.com....but I strongly recommend that if you use this program that you also see a therapist.  Therapy is not a magical cure, and it takes time and work, and this is an alternative way to do that work and make your therapy go faster when you do meet face to face with a therapist.

[Jaquta]

I'm clueless about the insurance issue.  You could try phoning them or looking up your policy.
I had some advice from a lawyer once.  You can be truthful without conveying the whole truth.  Her example was of a woman wearing a very vibrant but rather hideous dress.  When asked if she liked it she chose to focus on the colors.  The colors are great!
I'm not sure if I like that sort of honesty (even if it does save hurt feelings, etc).
As your back is part of your presentation you could allude to that being the problem.  In my experience it is less painful in the long-term to be totally upfront and honest though.
Yes I am depressed, yes my back hurts, yes I want to leave and yes I have a drinking problem.

You have choices (even if the most helpful ones do create a lot of discomfit in the short-term).

I often want to run away and I think that's just a sign of the stress we're under.  And also the fact we feel powerless to change our situation.

Doctors always give that impression.

Are there options for addressing the back pain?  Surgery?  Anti-inflammatories??  Ways to not make them bulge or to bulge less?
I sympathize though.  Even a back strain can feel pretty bad and can affect mobility and my doctor will tell me to exercise or go for a run.  I guess he misses the bit where my back feels like a collapsible bed.  Which makes even walking difficult.
Doctors!!

I was wondering if your husband was abusive because of his frustration or sense of helplessness but I don't think that excuses it.  You shouldn't tolerate it.

Drinking doesn't help you financially or emotionally.

Some members have mentioned free or low fee clinics in the States.  You might like to try and access one of those (if your insurance doesn't cover treatment).

I would advise talking to your husband but that is a personal thing for you to decide.

Dr Gould has an emotional eating program that can easily be applied to drinking as well -I think.  You could check that out at his website: shrinkyourself.com.
I'm sure he'll let you know if he feels it isn't appropriate.

Good luck and take care.

[zack32]

As far as the back pain you could try a chiropractor. What is the back bone for? To protect your spinal column. What is the spinal column for? To carry every nerve in your body to your brain. When the spinal column including discs are miss-aligned it puts pressure on the nerves. These nerves are not only connected to your spinal column but to all the organs in your body. EX: Let's say it is your lower back that unhealthy, this will put pressure on those nerves. Those nerves are connected to the liver and kidneys etc. So these organs are not going to function properly. You have thrown another factor in by drinking, which effects, you guessed it. The kidneys and liver as well as the rest of your body.
That is just an example of the lower back. Middle back may be your lungs and heart. Neck can effect the eyes, nose, and even the brain. I think you can see where I am going with this.
Perhaps once you start feeling better about yourself the drinking will stop. You know the scriptures say " That if your hand or eye is making you stumble, than cut it off". Please, this is figurative, because we wouldn't actually do that. But when something like drinking has made us stumble, perhaps we just need to cut it out. Cold turkey in a way.

As far as the abuse IT IS NOT OK!
Don't stand for the abuse because of your daughter. That will tell her that it is OK to be abused by a man. Stand up for your rights and HERS.

I am not in any way a doctor however the Dr. here usually has excellent advice. I hope that you can get things turned around.