Feeling suicidal, hopeless

[BradWil]

Hi. I've been receiving treatment for BPD for several years now, including a year of DBT. Some months ago the psychiatrist I had been seeing for most of that time moved overseas. Whilst I'm happy with my new doctor I cannot let go of the relationship I had with my previous doctor.

I realise it was purely a professional relationship, but as my family are extremely emotionally distant & I also suffer from severe generalised social anxiety it was the closest relationship I had.

I concede I improved significantly over those years. I completed training in IT & only self harmed once during my time under her care (I was "lucky" to live).

For the past 2 or so years however I have felt myself sliding back down. Firstly, I tried to enter the workforce, which ended in disaster. It wasn't a highly technical or stressful job, but still I couldn't cope.

I'm now 31 and have been living off disability for most of my adult life. I do not see things improving. I'm feeling constantly suicidal... I just see no point carrying on. I feel like a worthless leech who fails at everything. I simply can't stand this any more.

In all honesty, what is the general prognosis for males with BPD? I have a long history of self harm & comorbid SAD & Major Depression.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

First of all, you must talk about this with your doctor, including all of your suicidal thoughts, and how important the other doctor has been to you. Maybe you can have periodic contact with her.

You can't live by your diagnosis.  It is important because it guides the doctors re medication and treatment recommendations, but the issue of not working at your age is the issue you need to focus on in order to recover your self esteem..some good work, a sense of momentum in your life, something to look forward too is the best medicine, and when you work toward that goal and get there, the prognosis is excellent...so focus on that with your doctor...get yourself back into the flow of life...

[desertgirl]

what is BPD? and I have a long history of some of the things that you are going thru as well. I always felt I was no good, and what the heck am I doing here. After abusing prescription drugs for over a year I am sober. I am very anxious and panicky. I harmed myself more times than I would like to admit. No one deserves to feel the way that you do. What I am finally doing for myself is trying to get rid of all of my inner guilt. I have cut out alot of people in my life. All I can do right now is put one foot in front of the other and try to take care of ME. It is very hard. But I want a better life. I hope that you are feeling better, if not please let me know, I will talk with you as long as you need!

[SoulFeather]

Maybe getting out and volunteering would help and maybe there are support groups in your area. Your local newspaper may have a section for group meetings in your area. Your doctor may know if any are in your town. I don't like group meetings but my son did and liked that he was able to help others at the meeting (we are both BP). We have auditory and visual hallucinations and extreme mania and sleeplessness. Through the meetings he was able to make contacts so when he feels suicidal or starts cutting he can call someone to talk to and people can call him too. I use music for those times and distract myself with books. It's very hard I know, but it is possible to live with this illness. Your city may have programs that train you in some area where you are able to get a part time job. Contact your local Mental Health Mental retardation center and they community resources. My son sees a phychiatrist through them and they have other community resources too. I don't know how it works with them if you are on SS. My son hasn't qualified for it, so we are supporting him at this time.

[onroute]

You are NOT a worthless leech and you are NOT a failure.

There is a Physical problem here  It is NOT  YOU... there is an imbalance going on here and I am not a doctor but with the symtoms I have had I could say the same for myself.  But the one  thing I learned is this is a "dis -- ease"
Just like diabetics or heart patients or cancer patients...they have a physical problem and it is NOT  YOU ........it   is    your    body   not the real you inside of that body.  

Read a lot of these people symtoms on this web and see that it is physical that they are dealing with and so it is with you and me.  Yeah I know, that they are dealing with mental stuff but that mental stuff is from the physical brain that we have in our bodies and sometimes they just do not function as they are suppose to and that is not our fault....we are not to blame...yeah maybe we didnt eat properly or maybe did drugs,etc. that is our fault...and we can work on that but the physical we cannot help it if it is mis-firing or lacking.
We can get help though, so dont give up on this new psych.  It is your health that is at stake here and that is important.

Be honest with your new pysch...and lay it all out and work with what you are feeling inside.  That is very important... how you feel is very important even VENT on this website if you have to but deal with the unspoken emotions.
When you have a negative emotion your body is telling you to "take note" just like your hunger tells you to eat.  Write everything down and take it to your new psych.

YOU  ARE  NOT  A  FAILURE  OR   A   LEECH........it   is   a    dis---ease

NOT   YOU.!!!!!!!!!!!                      


YOU  WILL   MAKE    IT  !!!!!!!!!!!        YOU   WILL   WORK  ONE   DAY !!!!!!!

[andlovesaidno]

i was once suicidal, i still get phases every now and then, i have cuts up and down my arms, and im only 14!!!! but my mom made me seek help and now im in recovery...i have slowed down the cutting and i am currently on prozac....i also have ADHD which just blends in with it...and so yeah...my best advice is do what u desire