Have I got OCD § possibly BDD ?? HELP !!!

[Cheryl35]

Hi,
I have been compulsive about skin picking (mainly face) since I was about 15. I was brought up with a violent alcoholic father and my first marriage was a carbon copy of my parents relationship. I have also suffered many traumas in my 35 years of life.
I am currently on 40mg Prozac a day. This has been prescribed cos I have endometriosis and am currently on Zoladex & Livial HRT which has made me severly depressed. The prozac dont seem to work at all and I am getting more down each day..even suicidal at times. If I didnt have kids I dont think I would be here.
I can spend hours in front of the mirror poking and picking then feel so ugly that I darent go out or any where near a mirror..its like a viscious circle..I am too scared and ashamed to tell anyone even my GP how I feel and what I do to myself everyday. I am full of scars and my complexion is shameful, especially as I am 35.....my teenage son has clearer skin than me.
Does this behaviour sound like OCD & or BDD ?? I hardly go out unless I have to and when I do am so paranoid that everyone is looking at me and thinking how ugly I am. I literally pick stuff till it bleeds and make a real mess of my face. A simple small pimple can turn into a huge open wound then when a scab forms I actually enjoy picking it. Am I just crazy or should I pluck up the courage to confide in my GP ???
Please help me I am destroying my 2nd marriage with this terrible behaviour and guilt ans shamefulness......I cant look anyone in the face not even my hubby......
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanx
Cheryl

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Cheryl, my advice to you is to see a psychiatrist. Your problem can definitely be helped with a combination of medication and psychotherapy.  If your g.p. is the gatekeeper, then go to him directly.  You must insist on getting a psychiatric evaluation. It  is not an issue of being crazy, its a matter of getting help because you are engaged in a vicious cycle that is ruining your life.

Since you feel suicidal, you should consider this to be a medical emergency, and you should impress this on the doctor you are seeing or going to see.

[Emily S]

Hey Cheryl,
  It definitely sounds like a form of OCD. Skin-picking is a OCD-spectrum disorder when it gets to the stage that you are talking about. BDD is a bit different, it doesn't sound as if you have that--but definitely OCD as skin-picking. Do a search on the web for "skin picking" and OCD and see if you find anything that sounds like you. I suspect you will.
  You probably need to see a professional about this, with meds it is typically easy to get under control. You are ABSOLUTELY not alone. I suffer from OCD and depression and was absolutely shocked when I started to talk to others and discovered how similar their stories were to mine. I'm nearly positive you will be the same way. Take care, tell your GP!! Hope this helped.
                -Emily

[amk627]

Cheryl,
I too suffer from OCD. Also skin picking, I started when I was
about 8 or so. My father was also a verbally abusive man. My first marriage was also a carbon copy of my parents. I pick the skin off of my fingers. Until they bleed and also enjoy picking them until they start to hurt and I hide my hands from almost everyone. It has gotten to the point where I don't even know that I am doing it. I am 38 and again married to a WONDERFUL man and he is very supportive of me. I have been on Zoloft and Buspar and I am seeing a physiciatrist on April 5th do determine whether or not this is the correct medicine for me, I have posted a question for the doctor as well. I feel on one hand that my father is the one who caused this , but on the other he was so loud and abusive (verbally) that I started to be loud and abusive. Maybe it( ocd and anxiety )run in families. Thats why I got help, I didn't want to live like this. I also have thoughts about death and am afraid of death and dying, part of the ocd I think. Anyway I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. You can get better, I want to get better also, and I have to believe we can. Life is worth living ! I have three children and I want them to be well, they need their mother...and so do yours!
If you want to contact me, just let me know and I will give you my e-mail address, we can talk, sometimes that helps.

[msholee]

Cheryl,
  i have OCD, along with various other mental health problems, and like you will stand in front of a mirror for hours on end tearing at my face.  i began to do this while under the influence of drugs, mainly "crank". putting the crank away has most definately subsided the need to pick myself apart but, unfortunately, has not ridded me of it.  i also have mental health issues that the medication for use to help control OCD would worsen, thus there is no medication to help me. if your already on prozac, as i understand it, this is one of the variety of meds that can help, and maybe you need an up in your daily dosage. if your finding that the prozac is making you worse, like i did when on it, there numerous other anti-depresant meds that can help with both of your illnesses, they are often related, and as my physchiatrist put it "they tend to run in clusters". Please talk to your doctor, if thoughts of sucicide are present you need to see someone ASAP!! My prayers!

[lana36]

I have similiar feelings at least about the ugliness and the fear that everyone is watching me.  I have felt like this pretty much my whole life, I am now 36.  If not for my daughter, I doubt I would be here any longer.  Sometimes it is very difficult to continue to find reasons to get up in the morning.  I get extremely depressed, I worry constantly and have panic attacks.  My boyfriend gives me a lot of grief about it and refuses to understand how he feel, he does not understand my feelings.   I am hoping that sharing my feelings with others will help.

[onlineinmn]

This is my first time looking for information anywhere on this topic.  I too since a teen have 'picked' and enjoyed seeing blood even.  Winter is my favorite season because I can stay covered up.  You are not alone, I was on Prozac awhile ago but since have stopped it.  My depression has gotten better as I have a highly supportive boyfriend now, but I still get attacks once & awhile.  I would suggest to try and change the aspect of your life that is the source of your depression.  I know it's easier said than done.  Mine is my relationship with my entire family who I haven't seen in years.  So I don't have any contact with them because it causes me so much pain, and I can forget about them.  You are not alone just realize.  I sleep now instead of picking.  It is so hard to pull myself out of the bathroom as I'm in a trance usually, and can't always do it, but you have to keep trying.  Hang in there, things will get better.  You just have to keep your hope alive.