Hypochondriasis

[mcarva]

I am a 45 year old woman who has suffered from hypochondriasis since age 12.  During the last 33 years, attacks have been on and off.  I have truly believed I have had such illnesses as brain tumors, lupus, cancer, leukemia, ovarian cancer, multiple sclerosis, tumor of the paritid gland, breast cancer, etc.  The past 2-3 weeks I have relapsed terribly.  My problems always start with a physical sensation of some sort which I then focus on, worry about, research, probe, and then become convinced of the disorder.  A few weeks ago, I started to experience intermittent pain all over my body (it would come and go).  I know that bone pain is a sign of leukemia and I became convinced I had the disease.  I would check my body for purple markes under the skin, check my spleen, check to see how tired or pale I looked and so on.  The pains continued.  I went to the doctor for a blood test.  My white count was 9.9 (I'm usually about 7.0) and I absolutely panicked!!!  The pains got worse and all I could think about was that I was dying.  I spent an enormous time on the internet researching treatments, looking for symptoms, etc.  A week after my first blood test, I went back to the doctor to have another test done.  This time the white blood count was 8.6, however, my platelet count had dropped from 375 to 280.  Needless to say, I panicked.  This convinced me more that I had a bleeding disorder.  I keep checking for purple marks and am convinced I am seeing little red marks under the skin.  I feel that my platelet count is going to continue to drop.  My doctor is very concerned with my emotional health and almost seemed a bit perturbed.  Now I am convinced that my all over pain is bone cancer.  A good amount of the pain is located in my right hip and my upper thigh bone.  I mentioned this to my doctor and did not get an answer.  Now I am convinced the bone cancer started in my hip and has spread to my entire body.  I am so tired of this - I can't seem to break the cycle.  I do know that if I were lucky enough not to have leukemia or bone cancer, I would attribute the pains to another disease.
I neglected to mention that all my other blood tests were normal (including my sed rate which was 5).  During this relapse, I must have checked my temperature about 100x a day.  Needless to say, I started to run a low grade temperature (99.5) and panicked!!!
I'm sorry this is so long.  I'm trying to get 35 years worth of suffering into this little block.
I am not on medication and have been in therapy many, many times (with limited success).
If there is anyone out there who has experienced this debilitating disorder, I'd love to hear from you.  Also, does it sound like my symptoms are bone cancer or leukemia to anyone?
Thank you and God bless!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Have you tried taking some medication for anxiety.  Ask your doctor about klonopin, or buspar or Paxil....any of these will help take the edge off the anxiety, and that will relieve the hypochondriasis....and a little therapy won't hurt.

[shubunkin]

I feel soooooooo terrible for you. I have gone through the same thing. I ran up thousands of dollars worth of medical bills going to the doctor saying I had this and that only to have the test and nothing be wrong. That was 3 years ago and I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel! It took much time and yes, I did go on Paxil. I am now proud to say I am almost off of it and doing great. I still have my moments but I quickly think back to all those times I was being paranoid for nothing and it goes away. The mind is a VERY powerful thing and if you think about having a pain here or there long enough you will have it! But if you can get your mind off of it long enough you will see it quickly disappears. The main thing I acn tell you is to quit looking up symtoms on the internet! I did the same thing and according to the searches I had  EVERYTHING ! So that would be a start. I will be praying for you to get through this and I would recommend trying a medication. Because I know it is hell to live like this! Bless you, Danielle

[dont]

I feel your pain. I started with what I thought was a swollen lymph node to be lymphoma in December. Then I got a bladder infection and had red blood cells in my urine, thought I had kidney cancer. Then that went away and I got back pain and was again convinced that I had lymphoma. I started having panic attacks and starting twitching all over my body and looked that up and thought I had ALS. I went to see a psychiatrist and I am now on Lexapro, the 6th anti dep I tried. I am very med sensitive and it was tough to find one I could tolerate. I went to the neurologist 3 times to be told I did not have ALS all three times. He did do an MRI to make sure I did not have MS and it was normal. I still twitch and I still worry but the Lexapro is helping with the obssesive thinking. I had panic attacks 12 years ago and twitched then too but was told it was part of my anxiety so I ignored it and it went away. This time when it happened the difference is the internet which can poison your mind. DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! look up your symptoms on the net. You can self diagnose yourself with many things by doing this. If I had not done it to begin with I probably would have not even had to take the Lexapro and it would all be behind me. Now I have to recover from the terror I put myself through thinking I had ALS for months. Stay away from those internet sites. If you do it long enough it will be out of your mind and you can begin to forget about it. Out of site, out of mind.
I also agree with the doc. You need to be on some medication to help with your anxiety and obssesive thinking. It will take some time to help you but it will help. I am starting to see the light at the end of a very long tunnel after being on Lexapro for almost 6 weeks. I am also in therapy.

Take care and good luck

[Scared Mom in CA]

Boy!  I have to tell you that while reading your post, you made me think of myself and the *diseases* that I have had.  I completely identified with everything you said!  However some of the things I *actually* did go through (as the parent of a child w/Leukemia.  He was two when he was diagnosed and is almost 18 now).

I have spent years and years convinced that I had/have multiple forms of cancers/tumors, aneurysms, stroke, heart attack, etc.  I find that I don't worry about diseases that are not life-threatening or terminal.  When I try and evaluate why I do this, I think it's because I'm afraid to die.

Also, I work as an Administrator in a Funeral Home and being that I prepare death certificates, I always "scan" the causes section looking for something new to worry about.  I have seriously been thinking about a job change as this is not suitable to a hypochondriac.

If you ever need/want to exchange e-mails, please feel free to e-mail me:  ***@****

angela

[zox]

I feel like I am going through the same thing that everyone else is!  Four months ago I started worrying that I had MS and it snowballed drastically for me.  I have been to a neurologist and twice and he has reassured me that I am fine.  I did have an MRI of my brain done and it was normal.  However, I have had some strange symptoms such as opthalmic migraines and inner tremor (and other sensory symptoms) that convinces me that I still have MS.  I am on 50 mg of Zoloft a day and am in therapy for anxiety but I feel like none of it is working for me.  I am convinced that I have MS and I don't know if anything will change that.  I live each day in fear and realize that it is no way to live.  Has anyone heard of getting strange peripheral vision images from anxiety?  From taking Zoloft?  I have only had it a few times and it didn't last long but now I am really scared.  I am obsessed with being sick and agree that symptom surfing is evil.  Can anyone help me?

[lioniss]

I have a balance problem. When I stand up I feel unsteady on my feet. I had it for nine months. I had all test and all came back negative. Before the balance problem I thought I had a liver disease because I had pain in my lower side. Then I thought I had a tumour because I had a headache. One day last week my balance was ok for most of the day then it went again. Is there any thing I can do?

[ksandine]

I became very ill over a year ago and had to go into the hospital for a very short stay. After being sick I became obsessed with every ache, pain, twitch, even my stomach growling. I became very dizzy and sometimes saw "things" that weren't there, I was so dizzy I couldn't walk for a couple of weeks. I went to the ear nose and throat Dr. to see if I had an inner ear disorder after horrid testing all was fine. I wasn't convinced so I went to the neurologist had CAT scans and other numerous tests for MS and other debilitating brain disorders, everything checked out OK. I went to see my regular Dr. numerous times. He told me it was anxiety. I was put on xanax and sent on my way. I was scared of everything, taking my temperature 100 times a day, constantly wearing bug spray because I was afraid of west nile. I was a mess and my husband was scared for our relationship. I finally decided to remember what I was like before this all attacked me out of nowhere. I decided to not let this exhausting and ridiculous disorder control my life. I began concentrating on God and praying constantly for him to deliver me from these "demons" that were taking over my life...you know what...he did. It all went away as fast as it came over me. You have to understand that if you have fear like that the more you dwell on it the worse it will get. Did you know just by concentrating on it your temperature can go up, along with your blood pressure. You can completely "fall apart" just by focusing on it. LET IT GO. It's not worth wasting the rest of your precious life on. God did not intend for you to be this way and with him in your life you will have NOTHING to worry about. Anytime you get scared pray he will take all of you burden away, I promise...well I don't have to promise you He already did! And if you’re skeptical just try it. You have absolutely nothing to lose...Right?! It could only HELP. GOD BLESS.