I am having sugery soon

[1semloh]

I guess my problem is family.  I am schedualed for surgery in a 10 days.  It is a worke's comp injury and I have waiting and going to court, etc for 5 years. Finally I am scheualed.  I have a daughter who lives next door, a "boyfriend" of 5 years who lives with me and a son who live a 3 hours away.  Yesterday the boyfriend ask how was I getting to my surgery?  I said I though he was taking me... He said sure I can drop you off and make it back in time.  He is student teaching, just finishing he teaching credital program... I don't know if this matter but we are both 59 years old. He has taken off one day to go to a job fair to look for work and he will be taking off another day to go to another job fair.  He has met all his requirments with a 4 point average. He said I won't even know he is there so what is the big deal?
I am not usually a baby about stuff.  I have driven myself to the hopital when I have had outpatient things done in the past (and taken a cab home).  But this to me seems like a bigger deal.  Maybe because it has been such a fight to get here.  I will be staying in the hospital 2 or 3 days. My daughter can't take me to the hopital because she can't leave her baby at daycare early enough, my son works too many hours.  In fact he ask me to do a project for him, he forgot I was going to have surgery.  
So here I am feeling like nobody loves me... Wondering how I will manage after I get home and feeling guily on top of it all that I am acking like a whinny baby.  What is NORMAL?  Should I expect someone to keep me company and wait for me?  I am I expecing my family to give up important things just becuase I want to be babied. I started to call and hire someone to drive me, but wonder if I am expecting to little so I get nothing.
I would appreciate any help with dealing me my feeling and/or getting my family to help with out having to throw a fit.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

all the answers to these questions start with " it depends", that is there is not set rules for everyone to follow, and you may be very well loved even if you are disappointed by what is offered you.  Probably no one quite understands the special meaning this surgery has for you, so they respond to the low risk aspect of the surgery, rather than the meaning.  Perhaps if you took some time to explain to them why this is so important, your anxieties about it, and the kind of support your would really appreciate, you might get a different response.

[silver024]

i think how your feeling is normal..everyone wants to be loved and taken care of...if i was in your situation..i would be throwing a fit...what would your daughter, son and boyfriend do if the tables were turned..would they expect you to drive them? my bet is that they would...your family are supposed to be the ones you can count on...have you expressed how you feel to any of them at all? if not, i think you should...i think you have every right to feel the way your feeling...i mean its surgery, and you will be in the hospital a few days...its obviously not just some simple outpatient procedure...god forbid, what if something would happen? then what?  and if your daughter cant take her daughter to day care that early...could she bring her with her to the hospital?? this is all just my opinion..but i believe you have every right to throw your "hissy fit"

goodluck!!!

[1semloh]

Thanks for responding to me.  I am... stressed I guess.  I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends because I think it would sound like I was asking them to come sit with me.  And keeping this inside, not being able to talk about how I feel so alone, is really bothing me. Yes my daughter and baby could take me to the hospital but no babies beyond the waiting room and she couldn’t very well just leave him sitting out there.  One big problem is I have to have surgery in a hospital 1½ hours (if traffic isn’t too bad) from our home so running back and forth is sort of out of the question.  So back to maybe I should just buck-up and put on my big-girl-panties. thanks for any support or ideas

[dustilady]

Good grief, woman! Of course you should expect your boyfriend/children to drop everything and help you! Wow, girl, aren't you worth it? (YES!!!) Surgery is a BIG deal. When my child had to have a kidney biopsy, not only did my hubby take off work, but my pastor, his wife and his son (best bud of my kid) came also, just so we wouldn't be sitting there alone. That is what family and friends are for. You have not because you ask not. So ask. And also ask friends/family to bring a meal each night for the first week you are back home. Expect it! Is it trouble for them? Yes, but so what? I betcha they will be happy to help out. Ask!

[giddychic]

I have had many surgeries and my family have been there for me----I knew I would not be able to see them for a while as they also new I would get to see them there---but thry were there for moral support for my husband and my children----they werer therer for whne I came out of recover to see me-----I loved that----My mother's father's burial was on the day of my surgery---it was in another bordering state---but my mom and dad could not leave my room and I was 26 years old-----they were going to miss the funeral because of the not knowing what was going to happen to me------I always want someone there -------I feel safer knowing I have loved ones waiting on me----talk to your familty tell them this surgery is important and your nervers are on edge and that you would like to have someone there for moral support..you will make it through it great------I can be your moral support if you would like------I am a very experienced surgery patient----I know ---because I have been there...

if you want my e-mail address I can send it to you----we can get each other through this trying time!