I am so lonely

[britt22]

I can not get out of this lonely feeling.  i feel like i am trapped in my room.  i seriously do not have anyone to talk to. any friends i once had are all doing something completely different with their lives for so long, there is not any chance of talking with them again.  and since i have been at college, i have not been able to make new friends.  it seems like everyone here is too busy with other things or other people and even when i try talking to someone else, it never works out.  the closest person in my life hurt me so bad not too long ago, its hard to think i will ever have that again.  but i still miss them so much it hurts.  he hurt me then, and he still hurts me now, because i cant think of anyone else but him. and everything around me reminds me of him no matter what else i am doing.  i feel empty inside. like i have nothing more to give.  i should not feel like this.  i am young and attractive but yet all alone still.  i dont understand.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I am sorry to hear you feel so lonely and depressed, but being young and attractive means you have a lot of hope and a lot of life ahead of you even though it seems like you are in a hole you can't get out of alone.  I strongly suggest that you see a therapist as soon as possible. You will begin to see the light then, and find out why you are holding on so tightly to the hurt and rejection. In the meantime, reach out to family and old friends and get out of the house and into the world of people.

[Cristie]

I know how you feel and I just want you to remember that with time everything can be healed. You must believe in yourself. These people do not matter, if they did they would still be around. You deserve better. Be good to yourself and people will pick up on that. You are number one, you are the only person that you have to live with the rest of your life. Make yourself happy and love and friendship will follow.

[c1arity]

The Doctor basically summed up what I was going to say.  The best thing you can do at that point is do whatever it takes to keep you socially active.  Get out, meet people, live in the world, and TRY to be positive.  Negativity is really what got me into holes a lot.  Once you start trying to think on the bright side of things, it makes it easier to live your life.  One question...are you usually hard on yourself?

[britt22]

yeah i am usually very hard on myself.  i always have been.  this year in college, i have tried more and more to meet people.  unlike all other years.  but still i feel i do not get very much from it.  which makes me think more and more of how much i miss my old friend and great it was.  its like i will never get that back.

[c1arity]

I'm usually the same way.  I don't know how you are, but with me it comes in spurts usually.  I'll be fine for a month or so, then depression and stuff sets in.  

The first time I really had to deal with depression and overcome it, I did it a number of ways.  First of all, take all the advice you can get.  Listen to people that want to help and take their advice...of course, with a grain of salt depending on who its coming from.  

Finding genuine friends is always difficult, however, when depressed it seems to be magnified.  Like I said, try to be positive.  I know it's not easy, but your last statement illustrates my point.  Thinking that you may never have that same degree of relationship is that negative thinking coming into effect.  The fact is, you're still the same person you were before and thus, are still able to attain that level of friendship.  At least, I believe you can.  

One thing I really tried to do was to keep my brain active.  I don't know what you're daily life is like, but the worst thing you can do right now is nothing.  Don't loathe in self-doubt and negativity.  Read a book, try something new...do things that you know will make you proud of yourself and happy to be you.  It may not seem like it helps after one day of trying to change, but over a period of time, you will notice a change.  It just takes some time for your brain to adjust.  

I need to go now.  I'm at my schools cafe and this girl next to me is talking very loud on her cellphone and about relationships...I can't concentrate anymore. :)  Stay hopeful.  If there is one thing in life that I have learned, it's that nothing is permanent (love I believe is the one exception).  It just takes time to change.  You'll be fine.  Everyone goes through tough times in their life.

[zoloftcreatesapathy]

Try to discover what interest excites you.  A hobby? Reading? Persuing a sport? Bible study? When you find what you can enjoy join a club where you will find people with the same interest.  Its easier to make good friends when you have something in commmon.

[hey3]

Britt,
I understand.  I recently read a Thesis by a Brigham Yound University student.  His web-site is called Stranger in a Strange land.  It is theory on why some people feel like they don't belong or they are not close to anyone.  It opened my eyes a bit.  I am married and I have still never felt like I belong anywhere.  When I do it is people that are like me, people who dont feel like they belong.  It's worth checking out. (The thesis that is)  Sorry you feel this way.  Many people do.  The theory is most people become more comfortable with the feeling as time goes on.

Hey3

[c1arity]

His paper wouldn't happen to be motivated by his religion, would it?

[I'mallheart]

hey if you need a friend i am hear..email me...whats your email..where you at?

[britt22]

Everyone has been very helpful.  it does help knowing that i am not the only one who ever feels this way.  makes me feel a little more like i do fit somewhere.  i would love to be able to talk to anyone who is willing to help more and would like to have someone to talk to as well.  so if anyone would like to email me directly they can at ***@****.  even little emails since to help some days.

[Dezzabe]

Your not the only one who feels like that. I get like that alot.
My best friend got rapped this summer and i was so sad and mad and crazy with anger, when i saw her for the first time three weeks before school she said she trusted no one in the world anymore and how scared and lonly she felt.
I felt so bad for her because i felt the same way. But in her case it's alot worse i still feel a bit uncomfortable with her but i let her know that i'm there and i'll listen tho her anytime... we're all here for you too.

[all_beginnings_have_a_end]

I think that everyone somewhere along the lines feels the same way, i mean, me, I was raped when I was 12, had no friends in school or in college, and just feel that there is a massive part inside of me that is not there.

I got rid of that by just thinking, sod the people who didnt want to know me as it is there loss, and my Psychiatrist helped me out with this as well. Now I have overcome fear of not having friends cause of events in life, I have got a job now in a high up position and got many friends I go out with.

No matter what the damage in life has taken its toll on you but well its kind of odd, no matter how much better your life is, the past is still there to bite you in the butt so to speak.

So my advice, is keep yourself to yourself, and only socialise where necissary, you aint missing alot, and you have the rest of your life to make changes. Things always come back as a treat.

All Beginnings have an end, and to each end must be a new beginning, its just when you find your end, you have your beginning. Odd but it worked for me.

Take care all of you.

Andrew Ralph
(***@****)

[hangin'in there!]

Think of what happenened with Delta Goodrem and Mark Phillipousis.  If Delta was your friend, how would you cheer her up?  Well, now you must be your own friend.  The comfort you would offer others in your situation (and they are out there, famous or not) also applies to you ... accept that you were hurt and move on.  This is like grieveing for the loss of a loved one, in the sense that you need to mourn what has died and remember the positive things that touched you about your relationship with this guy.  You will grow to learn alot about yourself as you move through the grieving process but, like Delta, I wouldn't give this guy another chance even if he were to beg for it on his knees.  You will hopefully learn more about what you want in a relationship (and this guy has hurt you before) and also what you don't want in a relationship.  You don't want a partner that toys with your emotions and hurts you unneccesarily.  You will learn not to invest so much of yourself in future relationships until you are certain the feelings are mutual.  You probably want what all of us do and that is to be truly loved and valued.  You deserve to be loved that way; it is your right as much as it is mine.  I think we all go there at sometime in our single lives and it feels as though there is no one on the planet for you.  That is just a feeling, and not infact a reality.  Be aware of this!!  Chin up, and learn to love yourself when your single so that you can nurture yourself when youre in a relationship.  Sounds like you probably should've dumped this guy months before he got the chance to hurt you!!!  Don't be so vulnerable next time, learn and grow.  Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before.

ps.  Get outside in the sunshine and have a cuppa on the lawn.  Get some fresh air and don't try too hard to make friends when you are feeling like this, friendships will happen when the times right.

[openup]

I know what you mean about loneliness. Just read a good book that enlightened me on a condition I believe I have suffered from since childhood, Chronic Discontent. The book is titled: The Half- Empty Heart: A Suppotive Guide to Breaking Free from Chronic Discontent. The author is Alan Downs, Ph.D. also the author of Why Does This Keep Happening To Me.

The book include a 5 week guided program that I just started day 2.

Keep looking and you'll find the answer.

[Debralynn]

I understand exactly how you feel.  My best friend for the past 4 yrs and 8 mos just told me last Tues we were done.  I knew he wasn't in love with me, but no one had ever treated me like he did, and the sex was the best I have ever had.  We were so close, we could share and talk about anything.  Now we haven't even spoken since then.  Why?  He met someone on the internet. He spent last Sun nite with me and everything was fine.  Then on Tues he dumped me.  I don't have any other friends.  I work 2nd shift and it's really hard to socialize.  I have a dog and cat.
If it wasn't for them it would be really hard to make it sometimes.  I know there's no one else to take care of them.  I am also a shy type person, I want to go to church but then every Sun morning I don't want to walk in there by myself. So I don't. I try and take care of myself, my figure is slim, men look at me but they act like they're afraid to talk to me, I smile but do I put off some kind of vibes that say leave me alone???  I am 50 yrs old and I don't feel as though I've ever been truly loved in my life.