I hate my life

[steve]

For about 6 years I have felt incapable of having fun.  I am constantly tired (so I take long naps during the day) and when I wake up I feel guilty and wired.  I have no motivation to do anything.  I live at home with my mom.  I have NO friends.  My girlfriend broke up with me 8 months ago.  I have no hobbies, and everything I used to enjoy:  working on my car, sports, going to the bar ... I don't enjoy anymore.  I take antidepressants but I still feel like #$&**? exeryday.  I never stand up for myself and I feel like I'm missing out on everything.  I really want to make some friends, but I'm too scared to find any.  I'm 29 years old and still living with my mom ... what's wrong with me?  Any advice?  I'm not suicidal (right now anyway) ... I just want to get a life.

[HFHS.MD-AJ]

Steve,

I can understand your frustation about suffering for so long. Your symptoms of social withdrawal, loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities, fatigue, guilt, excessive sleep and lack of motivation may be due to depression. I recommend that you discuss your concerns further with your treating physician/psychiatrist, especially with regards to increasing your antidepressant doses, or to changing your antidepressant medications. There are studies that suggest that depression is best treated with a combination of medications and interpersonal/cognitive-behavioral therapy. Psychotherapy may help you address the loss of your girlfriend, difficulty with establishing friendships, and your concern about still living with your mother.

[Hannibal]

Well Steve, life is a journey, full of ups and downs.

The good news is that you have done the downwards spiral and you are sick of your direction, not its time to change things.

First of all, please stop feeling guilty. All of these expectations put upon us have been invented by society, and usually people wanting to sell something. Your life is your life, and its priceless time that is the only thing you truly own. Define your own values and directions.

To start with, you almost certainly have an inherent shortage of brain chemicals that makes people feel good, sleep, wake up, and stay motivated, enjoy food/life/hobbies. Most people try to "sit around and reason this out" which is a shame because logic will never change an emotion, only action will.

***1) you need to get on the right anti-depressant and the right dose with the help of a good doctor; and in the mean time don't blame yourself or feel bad about things now.

2) I recommend a psychiatrist to help you with the medication and explore the possiblity of therapy. Did you know 90% of people have needed therapy (help in working out and unraveling issues) and never go and sort things out because of the silly stigma attached to it? Mental health is no different that physical health in the way that there must be a mantainence routine.

3) as with a good portion of the rest of us generation x'ers, I'm quite sure you suffer from a lack of self discipline. By this I mean the "training" to keep things moving, even when your down. Just getting up in the morning, getting outside in the sun and being active; holding down a job; things like this. Its something thats never to late to teach yourself; day by day. You will not believe the difference focus with give you in your life. Start with a regular exercise routine, the add martial arts (pick one thats professional, rather than maucho). Contributing to others around you will give you a sense of belonging as well.

When you are feeling a bit better, define what it is you want, your goals, your causes in life, where you want to be... by this I dont mean pressure yourself with status or material related goals, and hate where you are now, i mean set your sights on comfortably moving beyond stagnacy.

I recommend Steven Coveys books such as 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Another excellent one (bear with the cheesey moments) is Anthony Robbins' 30day program; well worth the money.

The better you feel, the more you interests & desires will grow; aka motivation and growth.

Remember, freedom can be a man's worst enemy, but when properly utilized, it defines each of our own heavens on earth.

[steve]

I really needed some good advice, and I will take advice on everything you said.  You're right that I lack discipline, and I will start a regular exercise program.  I was thinking of joining a soccer club too, but martial arts sounds like a great idea.  Also, I'll visit my doc to see about changing my antidepressant prescription.  Once again, I really appreciate your advive.  Thank you,
Steve.

[briana]

If the anti-depressants aren't working...see about testing for bipolar....that was my problem...I am like 99.9% depressed....(deep usually) but have been diagnosed with bipolar...the anti-depressants didn't work with me...made me worse actually....

[liisa]

Steve, I totally can relate with how you feel.  I too feel the same way.  I am 28 and married to a man with bipolar.  I don't really think you are bipolar.  I was wondering if maybe it was because we are close to the age of 30.  I never had a problem with discipline.  I don't have any friends (except my husband), I like to stay home, sleep, work (two jobs) and that is my life.  It sucks.  I have tried exercise and I know that helps.  I think joining the soccer club is a great idea because you will also be able to meet people too.  Thanks to you I now know I am not the only one who feels this way.  Post a message back if you want to talk.  Take care and BEST OF LUCK.  Liisa

[steve]

Thank you for your suggestion Brianna.  I'll bring up your suggestion to my doctor.  And thank you Lisa as well.  It's comforting to know there are others out there who are in the same boat.  It could be the age thing, but I think that with my education (7 years university), I should have a better job than I do (mine pays $13/h, and the hours are variable).  I also feel anxious around people, and even though I need to have friends, I don't seem to have the guts to make any ... plus, who would want to be friends with someone who's got nothing to talk about?  Anyway, thanks to this forum I actually got up before noon ... and I'm still awake at 2:50.  I've applied for a job in my field already, and I just got back from delivering the application to the HR office.  I'm feeling a little better thanks to everyone who responded ... and I'd love to chat with you Liisa.
Take care,
Steve.

[Hannibal]

Steve,

I'm glad that we were able to help.

I am 28 myself, and it has only just hit me, all of the false things I was led to believe by society as a child and teenager. I have few friends, because I can't seem to bring myself to "spend" a lot of time just hanging around with people anymore, and find myself having pleasant ocassional social calls rather than many close friendships. I was never like this when I was younger, and I was full of vim and vigor about society, and the human race....

I'm only just waking up to the reality that it aint all so pretty, and thats life. On the bright side, now that I realize whats really important, and what things *I* want to do with my short time on this planet; I have never felt to clean, at peace, free and clear headed in my entire life.

I think the full realization maturity can bring can be awfully sobering at first. At least for me anyway. It makes me shudder the dillusional fairy tale I was living in just 3 years ago. I've only just became "mature" and began to accept that I am a speck of dust as far as eternity is concerned and I may as well chill out. =)

Am I the only one thats shuddering at how fast the last 10 years screamed by, and in another blink like that we'll be forty!!??

Oh well, I'd MUCH rather be here now, then have to go through all of those mistakes again! lol

[steve]

Hey Hannibal, that's a good way of putting it.  Like you, I used to have a lot of close friends, but now that they've moved all over the world (2 are doctors, one is a lawyer, and the rest have modest jobs) it seems as though I'm alone.  But I guess maturity does change the way things once were, and my situation is probably not that different from those of my friends who moved and had to start over.  I guess I should stop comparing myself with "everyone else" and start moving forward compared to where *I* am.  Thanks again,
Steve

[debbie]

Steve: I think you have the right idea and are going to do great. Just a month and a half ago, i came down with severe depression, i also have panic disorder, so it was a nightmare, but thanks to a good therapist and paxil(20mgs)a day, I am doing better, and you will too! Its just rideing with each day and the ups and the downs and not being to discouraged when the downs hit. Good Luck!

And I would like to say to Hannable, you are right about the 10 years going by so quickly, I am 42 and I am amazed at the way times flys.  It seems like "I" was just "your age" just a little while ago.  I can't believe I have a 22 year old daughter sometimes.  I think everyone needs to sieze the moment !Do you   Know what I mean?  I don't know where you are from, but I am in California, life goes way to fast here and thats half the problem  I think everyone needs to sit down and take a breath! Good luck to you too _ Debbie

[liisa]

Steve, that's great.  Good for you!  Sounds like you are taking steps to get better and feel better about yourself.  You are very well educated with your 7 years but do you know how many people I remember from high school and college that have degrees and they are not working in the subject they have their degree in.  Only one person is working now in their related field.  The potential is there you just have to be strong enough to reach down and get it.  Do you have an email address so we can chat?  Take care, Liisa.  Good luck with the job thing!

[servie]

after my Motherer died I lost it I wanted to be nothing my job not so well my life alone  how do I get something back its been 5 years and I am rebuilding New Orleans small things