I think I have social anxiety.

[ryguy]

Hello, I'll try to make this as short as I can. Im 24. Ive never had a girl friend, ive tried to goto college about 4 times but drop out after a month, Ive only had one part time job in my life. I like being around my friends and family but theres just something else there. Whenever im out I feel like everyone is looking at me, thinking or saying things to eachother about me. Whenever I go shopping when I leave the store I feel as if security is going to come and stop me thinking I stole something.
   As for relationships that seems like something I could never do. Going up to a girl like that and talking to her is so difficult. When im talking to a girl my age I have no idea what im saying. I find myself having no say about anything in the conversation. It's like im trapped in my own little world that I cant get out.
   I live at home still. My parents think im a lazy person with no goals but thats not it. I've known for a while now that theres something wrong with me but I dont know what it was untill I heard about social anxiety.
  I feel like everyone is better at anything else than me. Like most of the time I can never do anything or say anything right. I feel like im a doormat. To affraid to do or say most things. Im not close with my family and I hate it, but just going up to lets say my sister and telling her how much i like her is the hardest thing in the world to do. I cant do it.
    I've basicaly lost an online friendship with a girl because she says basicaly I dont talk to her. All I ever do is "surface" talk with her. Last night she came out and said why do we bother we never talk? I like her so much and I know I cant talk to her sometimes. We use to be so close, almost a best friend but i dont know what happened. I feel like she dosent like me when I know she does so i'll avoid her alot. She said "your a ghost to me".
  All I can say is I know theres something wrong with me. I feel if I dont get help all I see is a lonely empty future for me. At the sametime I can walk up to a stranger and have a somewhat normal conversation most of the time, it dosent make any sence.
  Sometime tonight im going to tell my mother all this. I feel it will be a step in the right direction. If i dont do anything i'll just loose more friends, be job less, wont goto college and never have a relationship. I feel as if everone must think im the most quiet, unfriendly, shy, guy who dosent care about much but in reality its the total opposite!!! Theres a shell around ME and I cant break out of it.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

It sounds very much like social anxiety, and there is a great deal of help available to you. This is very treatable, and the treatment is very successful.

You should see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications that will greatly diminish your anxiety and make everything else easier.  You should also be in treatment, psychotherapy, with that psychiatrist or another therapist.  In addition, there are programs specifically for social anxiety that your therapist can refer you too which are both behavioral and group.

Talking to your parents and getting there help, support and understanding is an important first step, then follow through with these recommendations.

[ryguy]

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

[cat77311]

hi im 29 year old. ive been diagnosed with cyclothymia for 8 yrs and social phobia. I take paxil for the depression and the social phobia and it has really helped me come out of my shell.

I was very glad to see that you realized you needed help and i hope that everything goes well with you. I believe it takes a very strong person to speak up and say hey i need some help. Good for you!!!

Take care and I hope that everything goes your way.

[ojohnr]

hi.  i have the exact same problem.  30, and tried 3 colleges.  socializing is impossible, and finding jobs and being relaxed is very difficult.  i am seeking help from a psychotherapist currently to fight my problems.  i just found out i have sever panic disorder which is causing me other health problems.  

getting help is the first step, and although it might take a while, it is the best thing i have done.  good luck!

[Prozac]

Humm... sounds familiar to me..write me to zachary_attacks***@**** and we'll talk about it :O)

And don't worry, everything has a solution, even social anxiety...

[carlarae]

This condition is VERY similar to the symptoms my 21-yr old daughter has experienced most of her life.  She is living on her own, with our help, but has been unable to get a job because of her anxiety.  She has tried lots and lots of counseling but she never felt like it was helping.  She is currently on Effexor, Adavan, and weaning off of Risperdahl and is doing better.  She states her anxiety has lessened but meanwhile she has no social skills having been so inhibited throughout her school years.  We were always told when she was younger when we would question the severity of her "quietness" that she was just shy and would grow out of it.  If I could go back and talk to those same people now I would have a thing or two to say to them!!!  I have a question regarding treatment but I will follow rules and post it in a separate post.

[amywatts]

After years of not feeling sure of himself, my husband started on some Society Anxiety Disorder Medicine (I forget the name).  He has completely come out of his shell and is doing great at work. It's amazing what he had when this 'veil' was lifted.

He also takes XANAX if he knows he has a stressful event coming up (Board Meeting, etc).

I've seen him become assertive, take-charge and focused.  It's amazing.

[R.Rose]

I am new to this board.
I have developed social anxiety over the last year. Shaking, panic, etc. I'm wondering about the last writer's note (her husband is taking a great med but she can't remember the name). I'd love to know the name of the med ....

Also, I'm wondering if this could possibly be caused by a hormone imbalance and if so, which hormone and how is it treated?

I used to be extremely social, etc. It's all come in a wave. Of course, I've explored psychological causes, ie. life changes, and other issues.

But this really feels chemical.

Any help is appreciated. Please let me know what meds work. Paxil makes me shaky so any other suggestions are welcome.

Thanks.

[ImagineNoAnxiety]

Gosh, reading all of your comments about living with the social anxiety brakes my heart. I'm 33 and have suffered from this for as long as I can remember. I have no social life, one or two close friends, and very fortunate to have loving and understanding parents. I too can't hold a job, Never graduated high school, and just recently drop out of college. I was searching the internet today to try and see what hormones play in all this. I have a two year old son and while being pregnant never once felt anxious in public, the panic attacks went away, and I finally had a somewhat of a normal life. Unfortunatly for most of us suffering with this disorder agoraphobia can also set in. I've taken just about every medication out there but they just made my symtoms worse and more frequent. As of now I'm taking a beta blocker called Atenolol and attending group therapy. This med has helped me to relax and the only side effect is...NONE! how about that! I'm told that there is no quick cure for Social Anxiety just ways to deal and manage it. With exposure therapy, eating right, excersise, along with support of family I'm going to continue to face my fears and I'm confident that I will one day conquer them and prevail. Good luck to everyone.

[ImagineNoAnxiety]

Gosh, reading all of your comments about living with the social anxiety brakes my heart. I'm 33 and have suffered from this for as long as I can remember. I have no social life, one or two close friends, and very fortunate to have loving and understanding parents. I too can't hold a job, Never graduated high school, and just recently drop out of college. I was searching the internet today to try and see what hormones play in all this. I have a two year old son and while being pregnant never once felt anxious in public, the panic attacks went away, and I finally had a somewhat of a normal life. Unfortunatly for most of us suffering with this disorder agoraphobia can also set in. I've taken just about every medication out there but they just made my symtoms worse and more frequent. As of now I'm taking a beta blocker called Atenolol and attending group therapy. This med has helped me to relax and the only side effect is...NONE! how about that! I'm told that there is no quick cure for Social Anxiety just ways to deal and manage it. With exposure therapy, eating right, excersise, along with support of family I'm going to continue to face my fears and I'm confident that I will one day conquer them and prevail. Good luck to everyone.

[haplo]

Please read haplo's comment to a posting earlier in this website listing (I really don't feel like re-typing it) with regards to the consequences of social anxiety; the sad truth that it doesn't go away and it will worsen with age as accumulated regrets unravel an empty life.  I can relate to all the persons who have replied to this thread; e-mail me at '***@****' (because I am interested in the similarity of adolescent/adult experiences among 'us'; it took me 8 attempts to complete high school, I left university uncompleted, I've never had a 'real' relationship at 30, I am predominantly unable to work or plan a career, et cetera...in other words, we seem to share some common deviations from the 'status quo' which only we understand are not overtly the result of laziness, poor work ethic, negative attitudes...I am also wondering if anyone else suffers chronic physical ailments sufficient to always put ideas in 'the future', although it never arrives).   Quite the 'parenthesis'; my apologies for being so wordy and I hope to hear from someone.

[captain america]

http://www.thinkrightnow.com/

[Derrell]

I've been suffering from social anxiety ever since the first grade. I'm 20 now. I had no ideal that it was called social anxiety until I was in the 10 grade. I found it to be extremely difficult to talk to people, classmates, teachers, etc... I've only had one true friend throughout my school years. I've lost friends that I've worked so hard to get to know because of my social anxiety disorder. I've spent every school year eating lunch alone and always found my self standing up against a wall during recess. I just couldn't help it. I couldn't bring my self to start a conversation with someone else or play games with them or anything. I tore me apart. I couldn't stand it or myself. What can I say. I've got social anxiety and I've got it really bad simply put. However even though my social life sucked and I cursed and blamed my parents day in and day out, I did not drop out of high school and graduated with a High School Diploma and an Academic Diploma. I'm a really nice guy when you get to know me. Sometimes I can just talk to people about something but it never last very long because I suck at conversations... unless it's something I'm really into. I've never had a girl friend (impossible) and I don't plan to get married. My social anxiety kicks in when I'm standing in line for something, at the bank getting my check cashed, etc. When it hits me I lose control of my body. I can't remember what I wanted to say or certain parts of my body might jerk such as a shoulder. My hands won't obey me and might fumble over something when reaching for a pen to sign something at a counter. That's how it usually is. There's so much more to this but I can't put it into words. Then I found myself blaming my parents for my disorder and hating them more and more each day. Is it their fault? To make a long story short I've got it bad and it's basically ruined my reputation at school, at the bank, in stores, at work etc. There's no way I can deal with this.  It's good to know that there are people out there that's trying to deal with this besides me.