Low self-esteem leading to erectile dysfunction?

[rexthedestroyer]

I am a young guy who suffers from low self-esteem when it comes to women.  I didn't lose my virginity until my early twenties and that was from a prostitute.I have seen many prostitutes since then.  I have recently had the opportunity to have sex with regular girls.  On three occasions I have failed to gain an erection with these women.  With the first one, I was erect but when it was time to put on the condom I lost the erection and could not regain it.  The other couple of times I attribute it to nerves because during makeout sessions I had erections, but with sex it didn't work.  In the mean time going to prostitues have not been a problem.  In terms of low self esteem, a lot of my sexual fantasies are about females laughing at my penis, depriving me of sex, or even castrating me (not all of my fantisies, maybe 20%).  I feel as if a woman can never love me and that I can only pay for sex.  I get a thrill out of riding around the redlight districts and checking out the prostitutes and going on websites relating to porn or prostitution.  I am terrible scared of getting involved with a woman because I don't think I will be able to get an erection.  I constantly watch porn or fantasize about my female coworkers to prove to myself that I can get it up, but I freak out when I am talking to a girl and don't feel an erection. Any advice?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You have become entirely too self conscious about your    uality, and it is no longer just a part of your life, its become a measure of your manhood and self worth. If you can pull back on your own, fine, but if not, you should be seeing a therapist.

[JOGIRL423]

Hi,

I think you should talk to a therapist. As obviously your problem is not organic but emotional/pyshcological (s?). And your emotions can play a big role in how you relate to people.

You might have some sort of phobia that can be worked through. Your plumbing is working, but its not at the right setting.

I think a doc and probably no or minimal meds would put you on the right track.

And just for the heck of it...women, I think, are A LOT more self conscious than you think...I know I am!

Good luck to you, I am sure you will be fine!
Jogirl

[rthomas003]

i think your fine too man, ive never had ongoing issues with erectile disfuntion but its happend a few times,once when i found out that a girl i was dating had never dated a white guy...you can elaborate on your own as to what sort of thoughts were drifting through my mind on that one, she had dated all black men before me lol i wound up breaking it off with her on account of it and thats ridicules she had no problem, i did, even very recently , ive had health issues and its been weraing on my girlfriend because i cant do much lately but she made a joking comment that as long as i can still get it up then were cool....welllll the very next time we were going to have sex i lost my erection mid way through, then again and again and again after that, i knew the whole time i wasnt impotent but the fear of not being able to satisfy her made it happen, luckily she recognised that that was the issue and we talked about it, its working just fine now.
i also wanted to mention something else, you talk about fantasys of girls laughing at your penis or even castrating you, you really shouldnt be so focused on things, even if theres something about yourself that you feel is inadiquate for whatever reason its very likely that you are perceiving it that way FAR more then what any girl would, our society puts so much focus on penis size,body type and how long you can carry on having sex and girls not being satisfyed and its ridicules,i personally KNOW several girls who would not have sex with a guy that had some huge organ, i learned this becuase i was braggin about how "great" i am and got knocked down pretty quick,guys are all different and so are girls its way less of an issue then i think you are thinking it is, i do very well with girls and it has nothing at all to do with my private parts , it has to do with the sort of person i am ,if i were you id take all the energy and focus you put on sex and turn it towards self improvement (not to say your not a great guy but everyone can be a better person)the better you are as a person the more likely you are to be loved and the quality of sex has more to do with that then any other factor.im not a doctor but i think i might be able to help you some on this, ive dealt with very low self image issues before and know how that effects a person when it comes to dating and sex,and because ive overcome that poor self image i now know what it takes to do well with the opposite sex, the last several girls ive met have all fallen for me like you wouldnt beleive and im not some extremely attractive guy ,moderate at best but i have confidence and that makes more of a difference then you might think, email me if youd like and we can get more into detail about whats going on with you. ***@****