Marjuana helps depression and a number of other problems for me....

[Miena]

Hello, I'm Miena, and I hope someone can help me.

I think I am one of the few that marijuana actually helps. I can focus, do my work, be ten times as efficient, not dwell in the past, but look at a bright future...actuay smile for real... and it always helped more than anything any doctor prescribed.

I am NOT suggesting anyone do what I did.

I don't smoke anymore, it's illegal in the US, after all. I'm an overseas US citizen. But honestly, I'd rather smoke it than take all the meds that seem to do no good. Since I am overseas, I have no access to drugs even if I wanted them. They are legal where I live, but not advertised, and I would never go searching. It's dfficult because I am a VERY moral person. Never even a speeding ticket. I am a very good person, and do not want to break laws. It is all realy important to me that  do the right thing in all aspects of life. However, the right thing for my brain doesn't agree with the laws of my home country.    

Currently, I take Effexor, Valium, Neurontin, Stillnox, Phenergan...with all sorts of side effects. When I stop them or lower dosage, I go into a deep depression, feel sucidal though I've seen life better and won't kill myself. Basically, for lack of a better description, I freak out and feel like I'm gong to die, have a stroke, etc. I feel totally alone and helpless.

No doctor has been able to help me with these problems, but amazingly, smoking marijuana cured it all. I was content, purposeful, happy, effective and more sociable. Everything about life was better when I did it. I didn't worry myself to death about a the things I couldn't control.
  
Can the doctor comment on why I might be reacting this way and how I can get better? I have been depressed for years, since I was a child, I think. I have tried most, if not every medication made so far. I am not exaggerating. I feel tranquilized, exhaused, have no energy. I am continualy nauseous, very nervous to the point I cannot work or go many places. I have also gained a massive amount of weight on these meds, making me doubly unhappy. I never feel content or feel like doing anything since I quit marijuana over a year ago.

Anyone who can help with this, or has any ideas or comments, please me know. It's so very hard living ths way. I am so alone in this, and no one seems to understand.

Thank you for any help you can give to me.
Gratefully, Miena

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Miena, I don't think anyone can explain why marijuanna is so effective for you, but that is your experience, and nobody can take that away from you.  There are probably many others who have had the same experience but either are not talking about it or trying to get the law changed. That does not make you abnormal, just a different chemistry.

Regarding medications, you are right, they all have side effects,and people react to them differently. They certainly have not been perfected yet, and are not the ideal answer. I strongly feel that psychotherapy with a master therapist will be your answer.

[Miena]

I forgot to mention a few things.
I have also developed very high anxiety thru the years due to depression and general frustration at being able to do nothing about it. I have extremely vivid nightmares often, although I can sleep forever with extra meds since it's better than being awake sometimes. Maybe I was always this anxious and didn't know it, I can't be sure. I thought I was a pretty well adjusted, though slighty nervous child who liked animals more than people. I'm 38 now.

Only my Mother is still living in my family, and she is a very negative influence on my life; most psychologists and psychiatrists tell me to cut contact, but again because I do believe in a sort of Karma, I cannot abandon her like that. It would be so cruel. Seems her behaviors are the ones that I am acting out, all the negativity in my head comes right out like I'm her, and I don't know how to stop the cycle.

She would never smoke anything or even drink, much less take medication, but she is responsible for my feelings of inadequacy, helplessnes, depression, and the generalized "bad and negative feelings" I have about myself. At 38, I can no longer blame her for my life. She's a very good person who doesn't understand what she does, and won't be changing. I do have a husband, only 6 months married now, who does not understand the scope of these problems, but is very supportive of my getting off meds, and everything, a good man, so I hope that will help me be stronger.

I DO want off the meds, I do want to be clean of everything...guess I wanted to clarify the goal. But I DO NOT want to see another psychiatrist or a psychologist...it just doesn't help me. I end up gettng even them turned around rationalizing as well as I do. Psychiatrists just label me, med me up and send me off, and the rehab program I was in was more like signing up for a living hell. So those things won't be options, but I would see some other doctor about it.

Thank you again for any help you can give; any ray of light for me to have a real life before it's over.
Miena