My wife tried to commit suicide

[Carl]

My wife recently tried to commit suicide. We had another arguement about nothing well not nothing but something really
small and it got out of hand. I don't hit my wife but I do throw things, slam doors, take her checkbook and credit cards, and the keys so she can't leave. She cant work because of 2 bad disks
that cause her pain every day. She takes Vicodin and muscle relaxers every night. She is very stressed out because of the things she can't do anymore. After our argument I went back to work and she took a lot of vicodin(6),muscle relaxers(3),
tylenol pm(4), nite time cold reliever(4), and chased it with some tequilla. Over a 3 hour period, at first she said she just wanted to go to sleep and that she accidently took too much, But now she told me that she really wanted to just go to sleep and not wake up. But she got scared when it started getting hard for her to breathe and called 911, she wanted to die in her sleep not while she was awake. She has nighmares that keep her from getting
very much sleep, she has like panic attacks, and seems to be confused, and has blank spots in her memory. Besides the obvious medical help she needs that we can't afford right now (I make too much for free services) What can I do to Help her ?

[HFHS MD-JM]

Carl,

    It is clear that your spouses's medical issues are having a significant impact on your relationship.  It is also very serious that your wife has attempted to end her life recently.  I suggest that you and your wife seek treatment individually and jointly at some point in time to help you cope with the situation.  Medical issues need to be addressed one way or the other as this is an important piece to this problem.  Please discuss your concerns with your wife in a supportive manner and proceed from there.  Good luck.

Sincerely,

HFHS MD-JM

Keywords: Depression, suicide attempt, family

[John]

she can help herself by doing very slow exercises of the neck in small degrees for an hour each day. More if nec. maybe 2 hours. Take care...

[drusilla]

Sometimes, especially when a person's life is in danger, money should not be an object.  She needs a psychiatric evaluation.  She needs it now, not when you can afford it.  There are places that will help you get the help she needs and you may pay less than the norm, based on your income and other expenses, such as Human Services or Social Services.  I know from experience how debilitating depression and anxiety are.  You have to get help for her.  There are medications that can help, and so can counseling.  Even though she is in cronic pain physically, the emotional and mental turmoil she is going through is likely far worse.  I'm sorry if I seem harsh with you, I am sure you love your wife very much.  I just want you to realize how imperitive it is for you to act. Now.

[Carl]

I Love my wife very much, I was just trying to find a way to help her myself. I make too much money for any kind of free or lower cost help, but we have alot of bills and her suicide attempt cost $4,400. that we have to pay out of pocket. I don't think going bankrupt is going to help her, that will just give her something else to worry about and feel responsible for. I know that my Love is not enough
to cure her that's why I was seeking some answers of what I else I can do.

[MaryRita Doorley]

Contact the Mental Health Hot Line number in your area and explain your immediate problem.

[lorraine]

Hello Carl,
I will pose a question to you, this might be somewhat different in nature than the usual postings, but take it to heart:
If you wife needed open heart surgery to survive would you let finances stand in the way? Of course not. You can not let the finances stand inthe way of your wifes mental health either.
I am one that has pasi 10's of thousands of $$ to the mental health profession, and I make very little money, mostly only minimum wages.
Let the bills pile up if that is necessary, there is time to pay them once your wife gets the help she needs and deserves. Far too often we allow money to stand in the way of what we need. It is too bad that this has to be the way it is, but we can not fall into this, figure out the finances after. There are counseling services that operate on a sliding scale fee basis. In most communities there are Mental Health Services that can assist you.  I would suggest that you call you county Mental Health office and get an appointment. Your wife is obviously suffering and needs to be seen, evaluated and receive treatment.
Along with this, I would suggest you look into possible services to assist in anger control. I know it can be frustrating to deal with mental problems,but you getting angry does not help her or you.

[Cheryl]

do you hae statistics on the incidence of suicide in the military and clinical depression info with this group?

[Carl]

Just found this stuff and thought it might be interesting to see your opinion if I asked the question and provided my side of the story.  You see tis came from my wife, not me.  Truth is, I have offered to do what ever I could to help her for I do love her very much.  Money is always an issue, but would not stand in the way of getting her what ever help she needs.  The real problem is she will not discuss anything with me honestly.  She will say whatever she thinks fits the situation so I have to try and guess what she thinks in most any situation.  When upset or angry, she withdraws completly.  She will decide what my motives and reasons are for a given incident and refuses to even consider any explanation.  It is true I have slammed a few doors and such, but it is the result of extreme frustration. During these episodes, my wife presents a calm and rational appearance which progresses to hostility and provocation.  It sometimes seems she is trying to push me to violence (something I refuse to allow - and something she has done in other relationships - by the way).  I take the car keys when she is impaired by alcohol and prescription drugs.  I took the credits cards so I could track what money was in the bank and offered her what ever cash she needed or wanted up front.  My actions are based on concern not control.  When she leaves and is gone overnight, or for days, I am actually ill with worry.
It seems whatever I say or do is wrong and intended to hurt her,no matter what, and my intentions and feelings don't matter, only her impression of them.  As for her overdose, she said she called the police when she had trouble breathing.  As I understand it, that is one of the last progressions of overdose and she should have been comatose before then.  I think this was a gesture not an attempt, or maybe a way to punish me.  She took some drugs and alcohol and then called 911 asking for police not paramedics.  She was alert enough to provide information on arrival at the hospital.

[nx]

Carl,
Do you know how many people die each day from depression and anxiety disorders. Any attempt of suicide is a cry for help,
you are lucky she got scared, mabey next time she won't. If you love your wife so much why can't you hear her crying for Help
instead of thinking its about you. She is unable to handle the stress in her life right now, she needs medical help. And she needs you now more than ever.

[Joanne Thompson [e-mail]]

I have six herniated discs and two prolapsed discs cutting into my spinal cord. At this point they are inoperable because the slipped/prolapsed discs are in the thoracic which requires more risky surgery than in the cervical or lumbar regions. I have had them for three years. I have been to twenty eight doctors. I may have had a nervous breakdown last year because of illness from medications, uncooperative employers, being laid off, doctors messing up my work comp case and more. I cannot drive even ten miles without severe pain. I started having panic attacks. I am hypersensitive. I was originally chemically imbalanced but have become a true bi-polar patient. I started trying to commit suicide, since last fall. I cannot do the things I want to do and nobody in this world can change that. I feel betrayed by almost everyone.I have had problems previously when I was young. I am trying to get hold of my emotions. I spent two weeks in the hospital and came out pretty good for a while until my meds made me sick. I was also angry because of a mistake they made in the hospital when I was being admitted. Someone wrote that I tryed to commit suicide the night before and I drank a twelve pack of beer everyday. I have had three beers in twenty six years. I didn't start drinking again after twenty five years, last august. If your wife wants to get better, she must come to terms with her illness and accept it and move on to new things. It doesn't sound like she is unloved as I am. It doesn't sound as if she cannot do simple things. Has she researched holistic medicine or received acupuncture for the pain. There are so many avenues to explore for her. She can come to terms with it right over the internet. I have heard that there is some chat places for people like us with chronic pain. I am thinking of getting involved with that. My psychiatrist wants me to join a group for socializing. I don't think he will find anything close enough for me to get to. Maybe your wife could try that. If you want to have some more information on Yoga for relaxation for the back, there is an excellent video to use. If she gets involved in something that will get her mind off her problems, she will feel a lot better. If you or your wife want to contact me feel free. I hope this can help you.