Paranoid Personality - What should I do?

[Becky]

Me and my boyfriend have been living together and are supposed to get married in June.  Last month, after eating dinner, he started whispering and wanted me and my daughter to go outside and talk to him in the street.  He was thinking the house was bugged and that his acquaintances are trying to "set him up".  He does not use drugs, but suddenly he is so fearful that everybody does drugs and he is constantly pointing out people "who he thinks" is working for the police or trying to get to him.  

He went to stay at his mother's for a week.  He went to get blood work and urin work done because he thinks somebody drugged him at work which caused this problem. He was employed with a job for 11 yrs and quit the summer I met him (4 yrs ago).  He took a break and worked with a friend for a short while when he got another full time job which has lasted 2 1/2 yrs.  He turned in his resignation this week (while staying at his mother's house again) because he still thinks people at work are drugging him for trying to set him up.  I don't know what's going to be next.  I don't feel secure in our relationship anymore and as much as I love him, I don't think I can handle this for a lifetime.  He was supposed to come home today and go have a birthday dinner with my folks.  It is my son's 23rd BD and he is a recovering cocain addict.  My boyfriend doesn't want to be around any "known" present or past drug addict and postponed him coming home until the dinner is over.  Convencing him to get a professional evaluation has not been successful. He thinks that I am giving him bad advice that some medications might help him. I would like to get couple's couseling initially for me and "us", but I just want to get him into counseling....maybe that would be the 1st step (couples counseling)then the counselor could recommend additional mental health counseling.  I really need help and feel like this is the beginning of the end.  Feeling hopeless!

[HFHS MD - RG]

Paranoid thoughts may be caused by different diagnosis. Schizophrenia is associated with auditory or visual hallucanations and /or bizarre behavior. Their delusions may have a bizarre content like aliens are coming to get him. Paranoid delusional disorder are nonbizarre delusions involving real life situations like what you mention. Paranoid Personality disorder is a pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others and may present in variety of contexts.

Medications may be helpful in schizophrenia but is limited in paranoid delusional disorder and quite unhelpful for a personality disorder.

I empathize your dilemma in seeking help for your loved one. Sometimes when the paranoid becomes worse a court-mandated hospitalization is necesary. Otherwise, it is difficult to encourage a paranoid person to seek help.

There is no right way to bring a paranoid to treatment
Your idea to seek couple counseling initially might help but i would suggest that you see both the counselor together instead of you being seen first as you would reinforce your boyfriend's paranoia by seeing the therapist first.

[Mary]

I  will make this breif.  My twin sister of 31 years is having thoughts that planes are following her everywhere. This has been going on for about a year. She believes the state patrol, mail carriers, medics, people at the gym, ect. all rent or own  airplanes to follow her. She has confronted the women at the gym and told her to quit following her. I believe this is getting to the point of harm. Either to herself or someone else. Please help as I am lost on what to do next.

[Mary]

I  will make this breif.  My twin sister of 31 years is having thoughts that planes are following her everywhere. This has been going on for about a year. She believes the state patrol, mail carriers, medics, people at the gym, ect. all rent or own  airplanes to follow her. She has confronted the women at the gym and told her to quit following her. I believe this is getting to the point of harm. Either to herself or someone else. Please help as I am lost on what to do next.

[Anonymous]

HERE IS MY STORY. I LIVE WITH SOMEONE JUST LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND,  AND MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN SO ADVERSELY AFFECTED.  I CANNOT TELL YOU THE HEARTACHES WE HAVE EXPERIENCED AS A RESULT OF HIS PROBLEM. HE, OF COURSE, BELIEVES WHOLEHEARTEDLY IN HIS IRRATIONAL FEARS; THERE HAVE BEEN DAYS WHEN I PRAYED TO DIE. I JUST HOPE AND PRAY THAT MY CHILDREN HAVE NOT BEEN PERMANENTLY DAMAGED BY THE SUSPICIONS WE HAVE LIVED UNDER.  IT IS ONLY MY FAITH IN GOD (HE'S MY BEST FRIEND; WHO ELSE CAN YOU TELL ABOUT SOME OF THE BIZARRE BEHAVIORS AND BELIEFS HE HAS) THAT HAS PROVIDED THE PEACE THAT I NOW HAVE.  EVEN THEN, THOUGH, WE DEAL WITH PROBLEMS I WOULD NOT WISH ON ANYONE. MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TEN YEARS, AND HE REFUSES TO SEE ANYONE.  I HAVE NO HOPE THAT HE EVER WILL--EVEN WHEN I ASKED HIM TO DO IT MERELY FOR THE SAKE OF HIS WIFE AND KIDS, HE REFUSED.    
   I PRAY THAT NO ONE HAS TO LIVE IN A SITUATION SUCH AS THIS!

[Anonymous]

Becky,  Have you married this guy?  Today is Sept. 28,2000.