Please help me withdraw from Xanax and answer a question re: it

[reallysad]

I have been taking Xanax ER for 3 1/2 years.  I was told by an
"addictions specialist" that it was "non-addictive" since it was slowly released.  I never abused it or took it other than as prescribed.  NOW I am suffering, and I do mean suffering, very embarrassingly from incontinence.  I will not go out almost at all and I live alone.  I am dying of loneliness.  I read that Xanax could cause incontinence and the docs have been unable to find a reason so they have suggested that I stop taking it.  I am just now beginning to wean off the first 1/2 milligram and am feeling terrible.  I cannot sleep and I am shaky and miserable.  I am afraid of getting worse, as I start taking less in 2 days.  I am so alone and so shaky and scared.  IS IT TRUE that Xanax can "impair urination?"  I read that on one question and I am having that problem also.  Please give me some answers and also know that I have a history of alcoholism and severe panic attacks years after that with PTSD and then severe agoraphobia.  Am I ever going to be OK?  Do I need a treatment facility?  What should I do?  Are there any "things" that I can do/ eat/ drink/ that are healthy and helpful that I might try?  Please help!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Getting off xanax is notoriously difficult. You should do it over a three week period, gradually reducing dose. You should ask your doctor to cover you will Klonopin while you are doing that. drinking water and eating healthy will help, but it stillhas to be done gradually.

[rosetoes]

I'm sorry to say that yes you are addicted to xanax and while you can get off of them, it will not be easy to do.  You MUST withdrawl slowly.  You didn't indicate the amount you were taking per day.  When I was on xanax I took .5mg (3 times a day) and when I started to wean off of them.  I'd break the afternoon pill in half and did that for 7 to 10 days and then I cut the morning dosage in half so I was taking .25, .25 and .5mg.  I would continue to lower my dosage until I just stopped.

That is when Hell Broke Loose!  For the first 3 nights..I slept a total of 2 hours in THREE DAYS!  Heart pounding, racing heart, ringing of the ears, severe tenseness in my stomach, hot flushes, sometimes feeling disorientated were just a few withdrawls, but after a few weeks, it all subsided and I  felt a 100% better.  I was on them for 3 months.

You have to be determined and focus, many times I was scaried of how I was feeling during withdrawl and wanted to take xanax again, but I knew if I didn't take a stand, I would be on them forever.  The longer you stay on them, the harder it becomes to get off them.

It does feel great now.  Best Wishes.

[reallysad]

I forgot to say that I have been on 4 milligrams for 3 1/2 years- 4 milligrams per day.  So, I just took 3 1/2 milligrams for 10 days and felt terrible and couldn't sleep much at all, and now I'm starting to take 3 milligrams today and feel really, really bad.  My doctor doesn't want me to take Klonopin- it will defeat the purpose of me getting off this to try to get better from the other problem I'm having- and I'm so alone and I have SO much to get off of... it seems like too much.  I don't know if I can do this... can anyone encourage me?  Does it get better?

[rosetoes]

Realsad:

Yes you can get off of them...and it is understandable that you are scared, but you can't let that overcome you and you lose focus.  

4mg per day is alot and it is going to take time, lots of it so don't rush yourself.  Do start reducing gradually. And each cut can be every 10 days.  

And please don't look to take something in it's place, you will be leaving one drug for another and they all have a dependence.  Everytime I would cut, the withdrawl symptoms would appear (fighting me every step of the way), it became a battle and I was determined to win.  The alternative was to stay on xanax and the dependence would get worse.  I just didn't want to have to take anything...I wanted more control and independence of not taking anything.

You will have to look deep within yourself and make up in your mind that you want off...once you do that, they start the process.  I wish I could give you an easy out, but there just isn't one other than be very strong and focus.

[reallysad]

Thank you, Rosetoes, for your comments...I need all the enouragement I can get and the symptoms you mentioned are exactly what I am experiencing, so I do not feel "alone" or at least I know that this is "normal" for this kind of withdrawal.  It is hard.  I am determined.  I am trying to remember to pray and to breathe deeply.  Thanks for posting your thoughts.

[rosetoes]

Dear Realsad:

Just remember to take your time getting off of them.  It may take 6 months, if it does, know that everyday you are closer to your goal.  You might want to drop from 4mg to 3.75 perday.  Ex.

if you are taking 1mg four times a day, then you break one of the pills in the morning and take that for 5 to 10 days.  Then the next cut, you cut the morning and the next dosage in half (3.5) and continue to cut like that.  If you are feeling pretty good you might cut every 5 days, if it gets hard then cut every week to 10 days.  Just make the cut though but if you are having a really bad day and you go back to the regular dose for that particular day, then start back the next day where you left off.

Once you are totally off, you will experience withdrawl, but your body was getting prepared for that by the cuts that you have been making.  

There is a web-site called benzo.org.uk and they deal with everything related to benzo addiction and withdrawl.  It did me alot of good to read the different threads about withdrawl and what to expect.  The only thing that I didn't agree with is that they want you to start using valium in place of xanax.  Valium is a benzo it just last longer than xanax.  I just couldn't think to get off of one to start another.  So I didn't, I got off of xanax and that was that.

It is absolutely possible to get off of xanax and not take anything else....I'm living proof!  While you are weaning off of xanax do learn about anxiety and panic attacks and how to deal with them, deep breathing, positive thinking, etc.  This will help when you get off of them, you will be able to handle the anxiety that you will feel at first.

Best Wishes and please let me know how you are doing!

[jilly b]

Hi,
My name is Jilly and I just got here...
OK...I once, just once, ran out of Xanax after having been on some sort of Benzo for about 8 years...my Dr.wouldn't see me, as i was in the middle of changing one, (yes, i think illegal of her),and my new Dr. appntmnt. wasn't for 5 days... and I went through withdrawal that I would not wish on anyone. I was taking 3 mg a day for anxiety and a sort of mood stablilzer for bi polar II, (which I found out from my great new Dr. can exacerbate and even cause mania every now and then) Again, a reason to find a great Dr.  
ANYWAY, my withdrawal went like this:
1.Throwing up for about 2 hours
2.Body pain for 2 days that felt like every cell in my body was being pounded with a nail
3.Shaking
4.Drooling
5.Yelling out odd things with no control
6.Lack of muscle control, and spasms , like arms and legs flying around for no reason
7.Throwing up for 3 days, with nothing left of course
8.Finally after 3 days, things started to dissipate and I finally fell asleep, waking up, able to handle eating a Pedialyte pop..which I am hooked on now..

I guess, my point being, do it really slow.and if you are wonderng why I didn't get medical help, it's because, believe it or not, I used to work in a Free Care HIV/Mental Health/Drug Addiction Clinic, so I knew what was happening, and to expect, and that i was not going to die.
Plus, I was scared they would think I was an addict, and semd me to rehab! I've seem it happen.
So I guess this is long enough.
In my 12 years of taking every Med out there,(as I'm sure most of you have too) i strongly recommend always tapering of for a matter of months.
Thanks for listening, and i hope this rambling helped at all...

[rosetoes]

It is a wonder that you didn't have a seizure...they say stopping cold turkey can cause seizures.  Well anyway, glad that you survived the withdrawl of benzos....it is scary but doable.

[I need sleep]

I find it hard to believe I am posting this at all, as I only used Xanax one time a day for three months and I cut a 0.5 mg pill into four pieces, thus only taking .125 mg at night to help with anxiety attacks and inability to sleep at night.  

I never increased that dose, but began to notice that I was sleeping less and waking up very early.  I have since gotten through my crisis that I needed the medication for and determined I would stop taking the medication.  I was not concerned about withdrawal as I took such a low dose and I am amazed that I have had a full spectrum of withdrawal symptoms, such as upset stomach, constipation, irritability, headaches, jaw pain, muscle aches angry outburts and mood swings, as well as not being able to sleep at all for four nights in a row.  I am really tired and I just want to fall asleep.  

Does anyone know the shelf life/saturation level of this drug and how long it will take me to clear out the low dosage of >125 mg per night that I took for three months.  It's unbelievable that people can be affected this way by this drug, even when they use it consciously and take low doses.  I would not suggest the use of this drug to anyone.

If there are any doctors out there or anyone who has knowledge regarding this, I would love to know when I will be able to get a good night's sleep again and how long this withdrawal will last.

[espresso]

rosetoes your posts give me a lot of hope and courage. i tried to go cold turkey with my generic xanax but it was unbearable today on the tenth day. i realized I misjudged how bad the withdrawal would be since I was on a low dose of .25 not even every day. The alprazolam was not working well and so althugh I took one today and it has calmed me somewhat, I asked the dr to prescribe real xanax and I will just cross over gradually to the diazepam as recommended. I was afraid of switching after cold turkey to another drug as they do not act the same. I will make the gradual change. This has been one of the worst periods of my life - trying to get off the little bit of alprazolam i was on. I don't know if I could do it cold turkey another second unless I was in a hospital with constant nursing. They don't offer that and we have to do it alone.  My husband has ms and I was telling him I would trade him this for that anytime in a heartbeat. I thought that because it is manageable and doctors don't treat you like trash when you have it, they give you good care. Being addicted to pills that are like heroin, after being ordered by doctors to take them for ten years, and the pills make you totally unable to function when they start affecting you, well, that is worse to me than cancer or ms or anything. Maybe I'm not being sensible, but my life has been ruined by these small pills.

[espresso]

PS I am assuming that the withdrawals you experienced after making small cuts are not as harrowing and unbearable as the cold turkey withdrawal. please describe if possible.

[rosetoes]

I can't imagine going cold turkey...my God, you can't function at all.  YOu must wean slowly off of them.  The first month after I got off of them, I thought that they were the worse pill in the world due to the horrible withdrawls.  Now reflecting on them, I know that xanax and benzo period are made for short term use or as needed.  They do help tremendously with anxiety and panic attacks, but not a drug to use 3 times a day for over a month.

Espresso, I do understand how you feel, every fear and bad feeling I had during withdrawl...I lost 10 pounds (the only good thing that happened) due to withdrawl and being scaried, couldn't eat, hyperventalating at the thought of eating taking my breath away..etc.  I had a bad bad time...adrenaline rush, hot flashes, rapid heart rate, not sleeping, the unbearable tense feeling in my stomach, ringing in the ears.

I weaned by cutting one of my daily dosage in half and made a cut every 4 to 7 days..depending on how I was handling the cuts.  Ex. I took 3 .50mg per day.  So the first week, I took .50mg in the morning, .25 in the afternoon and .50 at night.  AFter 5 days..I cut the morning dosage to .25 .25afternoon and.50 at night.  Continue the following week .25  .25 .25  Then split the .25 in the morning to .12.5 .25 a 25. next week .12.5 .12.5 .25.  I kept cutting the dosage and when I got down to .12.5 in the morning, dropped the mid-day dosage and took .12.5 at night, did that for 5 days and then stopped.  All hell broke lose  after the firt 36 hours but I was determined to stop them and get some control over them (meaning xanax).  I had never been addicted to anything and it really bothered me.

Now that it has been many months ago and while I hated that little pill, I just know now that they are not meant to be taken regularly, they are to be taken as needed....They did help me when I was at a stage in my life where panic and anxiety was a daily thing, but I did get it under control

Try to work on your anxiety and understand the natural ways of dealing with it...deep breathing helped the most for me, breathing deeply and expanding your stomach during the breathing will absolutely stop rapid heart rate and hyperventalating...which was my biggest problem.   Also, tense and release, where you start with your feet and tighten those muscle (point your toes really intense and count to 10 then release quickly and take 2 slow deep breaths, then do the same to your legs, thighs, buttocks, stomach, chest, shoulders, and even open your mouth really wide.  With your chest bring your arms back near your shoulder blades.  It works, after you do that entire exercise your body is relaxed.  I do this laying down in bed, but I read that you can do it sitting, etc.

Let me know how you are doing,  I'm no medical expert, but I did read everything I could get my hands on to understand benzos and how they impact me.  I didn't have anyone at the time to help me, but I did find the websites like this one and benzo.org.uk which did a world of good to help me learn that I was okay and the feelings that I had were normal withdrawl.  I must say that I spent thousands and thousands of dollars in the emergency room and cardiology, thinking that I was dying and it was panic and withdrawl.  If I can help someone else avoid my mistakes, then it was not done in vain.

Best wishes to you!

[rosetoes]

One other thing, you have to practice these exercises when you are not experiencing panic and anxiety.  They won't work then, you are in a different mindset and it is hard to focus.  When I was taking xanax, I read books and practice the exercising then.  So when I did get off of xanax...when I was weaning off of them and started to feel bad, I started to try the deep breathing and tense and release and began to reassure myself that the feeling would pass and I'd survive it.  And I did.  It is hard, but you can do this.  To this day, I tense and release and deep breath daily...

[espresso]

I replied to you in the other thread too so I hope I am not repeating too much. I want to add that my doctors all told me 0.25 was not strong enough and I should take 0.50. But I always resisted, not wanting to get more dependant! I refused to take it on a schedule, 3 x a day as prescribed, I always was afraid of getting addicted. The weird part is I got addicted and dependent, even taking the smallest dose, not every day. The body still got used to it and went into withdrawal state every time, which explains why I had more anxiety attacks in the last few months, since I went back to taking it 2-3 times a week. The worst was when it failed and I could not do ordinary things. My fears of going anywhere came back. I think it is fine to take it maybe twice in 6 months. Then I just am able to go back and be normal. But if I took it even 3 x in one week, then I'd get the withdrawal, which felt like another attack, and I would live through them and suffer, or give in and take it. Like a never ending circle until I make a decision not to let it rule me.

I stopped it cold turkey and was fine for a few days, only mild discomfort and then 3 days of feeling great, then 2 days of hell on earth, so I went back to it, and this time it eased the symptoms within minutes.   I do not know why sometimes it would take 3 hrs to work...it probably was not a big enough dose just like the drs. said. Now, I learned that I am not so all knowledgable. I was wrong thinking my way of taking it was safer. I still took it too much, and I was not seeing my dr. regularly, just renewing it. This time I will have a dr. following my regime and will be constantly checking in, and probably with two doctors. I do not want to make any more mistakes in understanding.

I can stand a lot of pain, but I've had increased tremor and it drove me to be a recluse. I now feel sulre it was from the alprazolam withdrawal I was in every time it wore off. That is one of the side effects. It went away completely yesterday when  I took the pill after ten days. So did everything else, except the headache but it is gone today.

I was feeling like a heroin addict must feel. Everything in my body crying out for relief, trying to hold on to my sanity and remember what to do. I realized I was doing this to myself by not taking the pill, and that I no longer could stand it and didn't have to. I would reinstate, and stabilize, and then taper. Otherwise, I don't know what, because I could not stand the feeling of almost exploding within and jumping out of my skin.  So, I will post news of my progress as I like this forum. It has helped me a lot during this difficult time.

[espresso]

I had to go to the dentist to repair two broken teeth and it was hard. I felt anxiety rising trying to break through even though I took the alprazolam in advance and took it twice yesterday. It's really a hard time for me! But I got through it, telling myself I'd be so glad when it was done. It ws so strange feeling anxiety trying to stop me even when I knew I had been fully sedated. But actually I didn't time it right. The maximum saturation of the drug occurred about a half hour after I was finished at the dentist so I still had to use effort and positive thinking to get thru it.

What puzzles me is how many times I've been to the dentist in my life with no anxious feelings at all. The body has to get back into a steady state of solidness, so that everything is not scary to me. That is my goal.

Now I am proud I got that necessary thing accomplished, but my xanax won't be ready at the pharmacy until Monday so I still have to use the alprazolam. However I am not afraid of them anymore. I am more afraid of withdrawal symptoms so I am taking it every day now, or twice a day if I feel the slightest bit of anxiety when it wears off, as it did yesterday. I am going to be well. First, take all I need to be calm. Once the wellness hits, then, and only then, I will start tapering, ever so gradually.

For anyone who sees this, cold turkey is not the way - there is no need to go thru hell. Taper down slowly using Heather Ashton's protocol. As slow as you need to. After all: if you don't taper, you end up being addicted for years and years anyway. So take a  year or 6 mos. to taper and let the body adjust.

I am extremely focused on regaining my fitness level and my brain function, so it doesn't cry out for benzos to be able to function. I know that taking it the last few months since Jan. made the receptors weak (GABA). The body can't handle stress now. As I taper, the brain learns gradually to make its own GABA again. At least, that is how I visualize it. When I went cold turkey, for ten days, it was managing until the 9th day, and then it was screaming for help. Sure, people can do cold turkey, but it is a living hell and I was not prepared for it...could not handle how it suddenly got worse.  I am going to be kind to my body and brain. Reasonable. This way I will get my abilities back.

[rosetoes]

You seem to know the impact of xanax and about how to weaning off of them.  Do continue to post here and I will look for them...It is important to have support especially from people that have walked in the same shoes.

Best Wishes!

[espresso]

Hi, I thought I should update my situation. I tried the real Xanax and do not like it. For some reason, it lasts only 4 or 5 hours and then I get anxiety. Having to take two is just not conducive to weaning off them. Also it barely takes the edge off the anxiety (or withdrawal, or whatever the symptoms are). So I have 3 other types of pills I can use. The old alprazolam, a few left, which work OK, the new alprazolam, which seemed too strong in their effect and take hours to work, and the new diazepam, which I haven't taken yet. I don't like any of these choices...and am disappointed that the Xanax I paid for doesn't work as well as it used to for me, years ago. But I've got to use something to taper off these pills. I can't keep using them, and I can't cold turkey. For the first few days I took one or two alprazolam and I was feeling calm. Then I forgot to take any as I felt well, and then I felt the interdose anxiety/withdrawal come back. It's like, taking them so much has made my brain less able to handle any stress. I really don't know what to do now. My former dr. has washed his hands of it...he no longer has time and says I can just use the Ashton protocol but he is not going to guide me as he's not officially my dr. and just prescribed the pills to help me till I see the new dr. So I'm alone till I get the new dr. in a few weeks.  I've got the agoraphobia, headaches, muscle pains, tremor, and now that a heat wave is here I have the heat triggering anxiety. I have lethargy, and haven't felt able to even do simple things like wash my hair. Just getting in the tub causes me anxiety.  I can't do this when I am under the influence of the pill. I can't do it while it is wearing off as I have anxiety then. What to do? I guess I bite the bullet, choose one of the pill types and just reduce them little by little.

The thing is, I hate taking them. I wonder if taking them farther apart (waiting longer before each one) should work the same as cutting them a little bit each week. I think I'm worse since taking them every day for a week! I hate being so dependent on them and being unsure what to do now.

[rosetoes]

The xanax that you are taking...what dosage are the pills .25mg, .50mg,  1mg.  That is important to know.  When I first started taking them the er doctor gave me 1mg to take three times a day.  The 1mg knocked me out and I slept the entire weekend, only to get up to bath, eat and sleep again.  I realized the dosage was too high.  The next day, I started taking .50mg three times a day and that worked fine.  When I started to wean myself, I took .25mg and while it took the edge off of the anxiety, it didn't last as long.  It worked and that was okay.  Let me know the dosage of the xanax that you are taking.

I have been there when you say that you can't bath...it was hard to brush my teeth at first...the toothpaste took my breath....nerves were on overload.  But trust me, it does get better and you must work on yourself...read read read about anxiety and the causes and how to help yourself when you feel overwhelmed.  I often think about how I was when I was going through severe anxiety....now I shower for long periods of time, deep breath and relax.  It takes time, but you can improve and will improve if you devote the time to do so.  I remember that I asked for xanax and not the generic version, and I agree the alprozam (misspelled) was more effective.

I never took valium, I didn't want to start another benzo,  I was doing fine with xanax and my body reacted  the way it should with xanax...took the anxiety away, so I wasn't about to try another benzo and wait to see how I was going to feel.  The Ashton manual and the forum are extremely pro valium, and I'm sure it works, but it wasn't for me.  

When you first take xanax for anxiety, they do recommend that you take it 3 times and day.  You might want to do that until you get your anxiety under control.  Once on xanax, read all you can about anxiety and the ways to overcome it.  So once you start to wean off of it, you have some knowledge on how to handle the anxiety when faced with it.

Let me know your dosage of xanax.

[espresso]

It's still 0.25. It always was. Except when I took half, but a whole one barely helps now. I have to go to the orthodontist today. I took one xanax and it's not working!! I think I will have to take another or end up having too much tremor and anxiety to sit in the chair and get the ten minute procedure done. What is wrong with me that I am so terrified of something normal? If I have to go anywhere, I get anxious. I am so tired of having to say no, put things off, not do things because I don't feel stable enough. The drugs even at the full amount are not helping my anxiety. If I double it just for today it may still not work. It may also make me worse in the long wrong. You can see I am having trouble dealing with this whole dependencey thing. yesterday it didn't work very well and it wore off in 4 hours. I still had abdominal cramps (IBS symptoms). I don't have that today.Now it's an odd chest muscle throb off and on (I have also had a chest cold for some weeks with a cough; the cough relieves the tension). It's getting better so I didn't see a dr. about it yet. I figured it ws the cold I got from my son; my daughter also had it and they are better. Anyway, it is also summer and the heat affects me, triggers anxiety. Parking in the underground for the appt. also triggers anxiety. Everything does....xanax used to make all the fear and tenseness go away. It's not now, therefore it must be that my body is tolerant to it and wants more, but that defeats my purpose of weaning off it. I've lived without it for months and years at a time, it's not like I can['t do it. But any time there is something I have to do, it interferes. I think, what if I just go there and suffer the terrors and tremors of hell and get through it. But that is just impossible if I have any chance to flee. I hate what this drug has done to me.

[espresso]

PS I never took it regularly or 3 x a day. I only took it 2 or 3 times in one day on horrific, excruciating occasions I could not go to without more - weddings, funerals etc. I was always too terrified of becoming dependent and addicted and I DID ANYWAY. The last time I had such occasions was 2002. After that I weaned off it, taking a whole year to do it. Then I got panic attacks again out of the blue, and went back to it during work stress. That was 2004. I realize I never took enough, the dr. always told me that. He said take .50!! But .50 made me almost fall asleep at the wheel, I am so sensitive...even the .25 alprzolam has severe effects like drugging me, even though it takes too long to work. The xanax is very mild in its little effect...I am very disappointeed. yet I am afraid of switching to the diazepam. I feel I have to cancel my appointment again. I feel even for one million dollars, or a hundred billion dollars I could not go there. Why does the mind/body do this?????? I need answers and I cannot find the whys and wherefores. It makes no sense, because in between the anxiety I am fine.

So I have suffered a lot of interdose anxiety, withdrawal almost all the time because I took it occasionallly, then every time, it made it so I had to keep taking it. Only if I had no stress and could rest, then I could go without it and heal. But my life is non stop stress, the last 2 years. I thought I'd increase the dose, then gradually wean off it once I had no anxiety. But now i cannot imagine no anxiety. your experience weaning off included horrific anxiety that you mentioned. Everyone's does...I am trying to keep it to a minimum eeven if it is avoiding everything in life that triggers anxiety..so I lose weight as I can't even bear to go to the store, feel like I will drop dead...you know that feeling?  If the xanax ever kickeed in like it used to, it would calm the panic in the brain and I could skip merrily around doing anything at all. But it no longer works, it's like a tease, seeming to partly work and leaving me semi anxious and still with symptoms. It's the same as full panic, if it keeps me from going out. Needless to say I am unemployed and on disability. How anyone can work with this condition, is unknown to me .. I tried, and failed each time...sorry to vent.

[rosetoes]

Espresso,
Have you read any books on Anxiety and Panic attacks?  One thing for sure, you cannot and will not die from panic attacks.  I know how you feel, when I think back when I was really bad off, I was afraid of most things.  It took me 2hours in the morning to get ready for work, heart would race then I would have to sit and calm myself and start over again.  Now when I'm getting ready for work, I wonder how I got over all of the fear and panic.  But I did read about it and I do deep breath which helps to avoid hyperventalating and it does slow your heart rate.

If the .25mg is not working, have you tried taking a .25 and then another half of a .25mg which is .12.5...totalling 37.5mg.  That would probably work, make you a little drowsy, but maybe you could sleep and rest.

Be patient with yourself. If you are not ready to venture out, then don't.  It is important to learn about this disorder and how to deal with panic when it hits us.  Don't worry if you have to take xanax for awhile, but it is important to do something constructive while on the med, like reading and doing exercises that help us get over panic and anxiety.  I am living proof that it works.  You can and will get off of xanax when you are ready.  You don't appear to be the depended type especially since you have gotten off of them before and are worried about it now.  

If you decide that you want off now, know that the withdrawls will subside.  They do gradually, so again, have patience. Xanax does a great job in surpressing our nervous system, so our bodies have to make some adjustments when we get off of the pills.  It takes time but all comes back normal.

Hang in there espresso and keep posting, it helps to vent.  You are not alone! Take care.

[espresso]

I decided to take another .25 xanax when I still had too much anxiety 2 hours after taking the first one. I just couldn't call and cancel when I've already waited so long. I made it to the orthodonist OK and my husband went along. Anything is less hard if someone is with me. He said he'd go with me every time (it will be every 3 weeks). The procedure only took 5 minutes but you understand, the anxiety is in getting there, parking, the big building, waiting in the waiting room, etc. By then the anxiety was gone as I was early. But all that xanax started to wear off only 4 hours later. I got the IBS symptoms, a queasy stomach. But I managed to buy some food and eat something before I got queasy. It's not really queasiness. I loved the omelet and pancakes. Maybe it was too much coffee - I was celebrating making it through.

Anyway it did work eventually and I had no more anxiety or fear. I was really panicky when I posted earlier here. I just have to have someone to talk to who has been through it. I have read books on anxiety - and done the Lucinda Bassett workbook and tapes. I do know these things. I saw a psychiatrist for 8 years. I was doing well but then it came back last year. Don't know why except maybe lots of stressful life things. Well for now I will take the xanax. I can't talk myself out of it when it hits. It takes over my whole body and mind. Hopefully I can get it sorted out when I see the new psychiatrist in a few weeks. Thanks for your replies, they mean a lot to me when I am feeling so low.

[rosetoes]

One thing that stood out when you posted is that you drink coffee.  I did too, and now I don't.  Caffeine acts as a stimulant and works against us who have panic and anxiety..it can make you jumpy and nervous.  I stopped drinking coffee, pop and chocolate.  While it was hard at first (especially Pepsi),  I don't miss it at all.

I'm glad that you got through your appointment.  This should re-enforce to you that all was okay and nothing negative happened and that your fear was unfounded.  I think the more that we realize that, we gradually start to trust we can carry on without fear and the dreaded "what if". It is great that your husband is there to provide support.  Keep challenging yourself as often as you can, you will begin to gain confidence in carrying on with everyday life.  Your family needs you.  Don't be too concern with the xanax now, you need some assistance now, this is not to say that you will need it forever.  

When I started to wean myself off of xanax, I had been to enough doctors to assure myself that I wasn't dying or had heart problems and that what I was experiencing was anxiety.  It was hard to beleive at first, my symptoms were so real, but once I was able to calm myself with the exercises I had read about, I did start to understand anxiety.  My bout with withdrawl from xanax was intense, but I am fine now.  I don't regret taking it when I did, it helped me through a rough patch in my life.  It was needed at the time.  

Do continue to write and vent.  It is good to get our feelings on paper so to speak, it makes it real and we come to terms with them.  It helped me and when people responded and could relate, I knew I wasn't alone and when we they shared of their triump, I was encouraged.

Take care Espresso and remember some positive thoughts.   Also, try to get involved in something of interest.  While that can be difficult, try hard to focus on something else.  Honestly, when I would drag myself to work, (after a hard morning with anxiety), I would get involved in my work and interaction with clients, for a brief time, my anxiety would fade. Once I'd get home, it would resume.  Slowly, I started incorporating activities in my evening schedule, so I could turn off the anxiety trigger.  It takes time, but you can do it.  Please try to resist the panic...it is hard...but you are worth it, positive thoughts!

Talk to you soon!

[espresso]

I was reading the criteria for agoraphobia and they seem so wrong. They always mention "fear of having a panic attack in a place where no help will be available." For me the sensation of agoraphobia is just an inability to go outside, walk to the store, get in the car, or if I force myself, the need to get out of the line after only ten seconds, or turn around and come back after one block. It's not a fear of what WILL or might happen, but a body sensation like being in a vice grip, where the body will not move or begins to feel like you will collapse. It's a matter of how long I can bear the horrible feelings before I turn around and leave. This symptom called agoraphobia is common as a side effect of benzos, from all that I have read. People describe it differently but it is basically the inability to go out and do normal things that we used to do. It's a feeling that the body can't handle normal stimuli such as lights, noise, crowds, large buildings. So it is a fear, but not of what might happen. It's a fear of what is happening right now.

Today I think I broke my third toe, right foot, when getting up from the chair I ran into the love seat leg (wicker). It hurts, it is swelling, and I limp and can't put weight on it. Now I am hampered even more from trying to go out. So I weighed the options. My anxiety began to increase. It's another hot day - I took two xanax. The combination of the pain, the knowledge I can't go out even if I want to, to get to a cooler place - these magnify the anxiety. So the tapering again has to wait.

I know it's no big deal. I broke a toe in about 1984 by walking too fast and running into a coffee table  - I continued to go to work with a cane - however humiliating - that was long before I had any anxiety disorder. I got it x rayed at the ER, they told me there is no treatment. So I know this and just have to live thru the healing over some weeks. What about upcoming activities? I have to see if I can somehow go, or else cancel them. I am really a fine mess now.  Each time I think I am on the road to recovery a new thing sets me back. I had the ibs cramps, gas and bloating for days. Today it is gone. I suppose it didn't help that I ate baby food 3 times yesterday, as my teeth were too sore after they put the wires on tightly and I could not bite or chew on anything. It'll be a long time before I can eat apples or anything normal. I had trouble even with a banana as the teeth were so sore.

One of my chief comforts is visiting my ex husband. It's a long drive of 45 min. but I do it several times a week. We help each other shop (he has disabilities too). We talk, and he is always sympathetic. I hate and despise living alone. All i want is to get out of this cramped apartment and move back closer to my daughter and husband. The life I foresaw when I bought this apt. downtown was a busy working life but that didn't happen; I lost both jobs and never got another and my friends rarely come around. I sleep on the floor on cushions as there is no room for a bed. I tolerate it, but it surely is ruining me. Not to mention the traffic smells and noise outside. I live on a busy main street. These are some of my stresses besides my former doctor who is unwilling to help me and I have been having trouble getting over my feeling of failure, and of being thrown in the trash by society because i am over 50 and lost my looks, drive, ambition, cheerfulness and because I just look disabled, apparently. Like always nervous or depressed, I can't hide those feelings.

Withdrawing at this point, not even possible now unless I was in an institution with nursing care. But they don't do that for low dose addition to benzos. And the number one stress, besides my sister having cancer and I was unable to drive the thousand miles to see her so she came here and now has pneumonia. The number one stress is my brother called me angrily, he has been sending me money to help out but he demanded I come, over 3000 miles so I'd have to fly, and help sort our mom's things, which he is tired of storing and claims rats are eating them. She died 4 years ago and I did not go back, and didin't want to go back. I had to take care of her for 4 months as no one else would and watch her die. I am still traumatized by this. But my brother is whining that he has no room in his garage. I told him go ahead and throw it all out. I cannot come. Sorry to vent once again. These are a few of my stresses. In a situation like this, baby food or pancakes are quite comforting. I am lucky if I get no cramps and indigestion from what I eat. In my planning of what I want to do I always want to buy ingredients and cook real food but I cannot. I have a phobia that is very entrenched. All of these things combine to make it impossible for me to do any but the minimum of existing. But no help is forthcoming.

[ogredad]

Hello: I've read, with great interest, the problems that you ladies are having to live with. I DO feel so badly for you. I'm 55, and can relate to your misery. I worked my way up to 4 mg. of xanax over a 10 year period. I haven't worked full-time since 1996. Because of all the physical problems I believe are caused by this drug, I've worked my way back down to an average of 2 mg. daily. My gut distress had reached a breaking point. My once flat, muscular stomach looks like it's been stuffed with a beach ball. I haven't taken any xanax since 6 PM, the 29TH of June. That's how desperate I became. Nights are, and have been, a nightmare. My brain won't shut down and I have to take 4 mg. of seroquel to slow me down. Sleep is erratic, the dreams, VERY disturbing. This morning, my face and various joints ached terribly and I took [another drug!] Extra Strength Tylenol. As I type this, I noticed that my symptoms [including an alcohol-type of withdrawal] have pretty much subsided. But I'm sure that when I'm done, my brain will tell my body to go crazy again. I'm a Christian and as I lay there at night, I just kept praying out to my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, for freedom. This was a great help. I WILL NOT RELENT until I'm FREE again! I don't mean to shove religion down anyone's throat, but I DO have to share the TRUTH which brings freedom. I'm so glad I found this site. God Bless you all! - Bob

[espresso]

To the last poster, I hope you taper the pills slowly enough to make it less hard on your nervous system. I can't taper right now because of the extra stresses in my life. Xanax is such an interesting substance. It stops the body from the heavy fight or flight symptoms which I get without real reasons. The first time I was given it was at a clinic where I went after staying in the sun too long and feeling heat prostration. But the dr. said it was just an anxiety attack. Well, if I had never been given that, who knows? Maybe I would not have had any more anxiety attacks. I still think it is unusual that hot sun triggers anxiety in me, but it does. I didn't want to get dependent on it as I'd read about it before so I barely took any. I lost my job as I would only take half to try to go to work and it kept bringing back withdrawal symptoms. The drug itself causes symptoms; it is a two-edged sword. I'm not like other people now because I have to take it to feel "normal" and be able to go out and do things, simple things like go to the store or the dr. Yesterday I took two again, and was able to do everything even get my foot looked at; now I have to get an x ray. I do not want to take it today; I feel normal so far. But I know the attack will come, it will build up, the anxiety feelings and then the heavy tremor. Only 2 of the pills will stop them.

I always think, what if I just live through it? I have tried that route too. It's too horrible to go through. So I am still on the xanax train. I've got to get things done in my life and not waste more of it cringing in my apartment shaking and isolated from the world. To get better I desperately need psychotherapy and hope to be getting it from the new psychiatrist I was referred to. My life is complicated. My case is a mess, doctors have not been able to find a cause or cure. Only the benzos have actually helped, and yet they also made me this way, a shaking, fearful wreck. Only the human mind and spirit are still able to refuse to sink any lower, and at least I still have that optimism.

I am so proud when I get things done (even though it is the drug that calmed me enough to allow me to function). I think of the GABA receptors that were ruined by the xanax somehow so my body doesn't know how to process stress. I feel them being filled and soothed about 2 hours after I take the pills. I feel them struggling and crying out if I take only one, which is not enough. I remember when I was free, and well, and could do all things like fly and use tall staircases and walk miles, even give speeches. I am fully disabled by this thing, yet I am not supposed to be....and still want to get free again.

[reallysad]

I just checked this site for the first time in about a month...due to being out of town and my mind not working as I withdraw from this med.  I am so saddened that others are also suffering from withdrawals from this.  Doctors are horrible to so casually prescibe this without warning people that they will become physically addicted and have insanely awful withdrawals oneday if they do take and ever stop this medicine...Xanax.  I am so very sick, still.  I have gone down from 4 milligrams a day, for 3 1/2 years, to this past week I am at 1.75 milligrams per day.  I am now weaning off at .25 mg per 10 days but with little help as my doctor had a massive heart attack and may not survive, if he is still alive.  Saw his partner, who is too busy to really help.  So, I go insane with the withdrawls... insomnia, lack of appetite and food seems awful, can't think or figure out what I should do about even small things... have a very hard time dealing with things like just getting groceries or paying bills or driving or shaving legs...yes, just have to really, really concentrate to wash hair and get mail from mailbox and insane little things... it is so scary.  I have lost so much weight and needed to, but this is NOT healthy and I am so bony, with loose skin.  I am 52, and just can't function "normally" at all.  THIS IS A VERY BAD DRUG and I would strongly recommend that it not be taken and something else be tried... it is just TOO addictive physically even if you are not prone to addiciton.  My brain is not working... there is ringing in my ears and visually things are not clear and in the worst days sort of "go in and out" and it feels like there is a brick on my head.  If expresso reads this two things:  I also stumped and broke my toe on June 8... and hit it again two days ago and it really hurts.  And, the temp. here is 104 today and getting out seems impossible so I completely understand your struggles.  Two: I have suffered terribly from agoraphobis and have been a complete recule.  I overcame this.  Although I understand that a relapse can happen as I come off this drug, I am checking my thoughts as much as I can... a friend, not a professional helped me realize something that "clicked" one night on the phone (he lives in another state) and I could start going out after that and take one step at a time.  I don't know if it will help but it was this: "IT'S NOT REAL."  He had to say this to me for two hours until it clicked.  "Yes!  I cried and screamed...the fear is VERY REAL!"  But, the point was that whatever I feared... the "thing" the "whatever" that was keeping me paralyed WAS NOT REAL.  THERE WAS NOTHING... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING... TO BE AFRAID OF.  I know this sounds oversimplified.  I just got it finally and kept telling myself this.  I still do.  "It's not real."  I recently in June drove from Texas to Colorado to see him and stayed with my dog in a hotel on the way and am going out and doing OK.  I was completely paralyyzed not that many months ago.
It CAN be part of your PAST.  It really can go away and you can be so much better again.  We can both get through this. To anyone else withdrawing... stick it out and don't, don't give up.  I won't.  I prayed this morning, as I cannot do this alone and feel very alone.  I do have the one friend, now back in Colorado.  Am planning to go back and "rehab" there, as I live alone and have no one near me that I know.  Just can't do this alone.  It's too hard...so very sick.  God bless.

[espresso]

Hi,
I will post my update here. I read your story with interest, you have a lot in common with me. I have seriously been trying to taper down, and avoid anxiety attacks and withdrawal symptoms by taking some every day, more than I ever used to. I started with .50 mg and then .37 and just had low level anxiety. But yesterday I had to go to the orthodontist to get my wire tightened and (yes I am over 50 but I had to get my teeth straightened again as they slipped back), I felt the anxiety and tension rising, and took another quarter pill to add up to the whole .50. I still barely made it, almost wanting to leave or tell them to take someone before me as I waited for it to work...but I forced myself and got through it. I was proud that I went alone without my safe person. But then, it all wore off 5 hours later and I got new, horrible sensations: my left thumb was tingling, so I feared, maybe I do have parkinson's (my right index finger twitched a few days ago too). Then, I got tingling all over, and felt anxiety rising. This never happens, normally when the pills wear off I'm just OK at least till the next day! So, I laid down and had a one hr. nap and felt horrible when I woke up, cold and unsteady... but it abated after a few hours, and I then had insomnia until 5 a.m.

My concern is that I have "tolerance withdrawal." In other words, my body was telling me yesterday "give us another pill" when the .50 wore off. But that is absurd because for ten years of use I never even needed .50 except for funerals and weddings or other massively stressful things. Now, the body is acting like it wants more that .50. And I think it's because I raised it to .50 after my dr. said .25 was not enough. I told him I wanted to taper and use valium and I have that now but am still using the Xanax.

Here's the way I feel now - that I am better the next day. I wake up, I feel normal, I can think and remember. I don't want to take the Xanax. But if I want to go out and drive, I now fear I'll have an attack if I don't take it in advance. Like yesterday, I didn't take enough or well enough in advance. It has to be 3 hours in advance to be fully working.

I don't like being like this.

As for my broken toe , I had it xrayed, it was a fracture of the phalanx...the bottom of the toe. The foot wasn't broken, but the top of the foot still hurts and the toe still hurts. I still limp, but it aches even when I'm just sitting. The dr said it's all normal. The bruising is gone now but the toe it still swollen and shorter than the other. I still can only wear sandals with velcro.

Now, objectively speaking, I am very handicapped by these things, but if I had a job I'd have to manage, wouldn't I? I'd limp to work with a cane or whatever. But I don't have the confidence to apply for jobs anymore, all because of these constant attacks I have had, and now the dependence on the pill to prevent them, but the pill has horrible side effects. Like the tingling, the indigestion, the phobias, the muscle pains, and depression. I wake up fine, then the bad things gradually come on me unless I take the pill. But when it wears off I feel horrible.

I guess someone who had been through the withdrawal will say this is standard. I just would rather do cold turkey now even if I am a recluse and have to shake and pace the floor until it wears off. But I am afraid of seizures. The last cold turkey I tried in June lasted ten days and I couldn't handle the suffering so I went to the pills which calmed me and it was such a relief. I guess I am not handling this well. I taper too fast now after raising the dose to give me relief. I should not have gone from .50 to .37 but stayed on .50 longer.

I haven't taken the pill yet today and yet I have to drive and go somewhere just to get out of the apartment where I so hate being cooped up. I can't walk as it's not good until my toe heals fully. I would otherwise go for a long walk and just get nice and tired. I miss that. I want to be fit again. The benzo dependancy has taken away my fitness totally. I tried to stay with the yoga, but lately I do very little and instead play online games like Diner Dash 2 which are addictive and take my mind off my horrible problems.

I've got to sell the apt. before it gets foreclosed but as I am a total wreck and people find me weird as I guess it shows, I am afraid of getting a realtor to come here...also afraid of packing...and my kids will not help. They have their lives, they are not sympathetic about my struggles.

Anyway, last night I felt so horrible. I had to be brave not to go to the ER. I am kind of fatalistic now as the ER just makes you wait hours anyway, and usually whatever you have doesn't kill you right away so you might as well wait...and by the next day it's better anyway.

I am very sad about this. Only 2 years ago I was having a wonderful, fabulous life with 2 jobs, back from disability, everyone loved and admired my work. Then, it all went away suddenly and here I was stuck with the condo I bought...I just need myself back so I can get things done, because at my age, 57, no one cares to help me anymore...aging is very very hard ... people just lose interest. And that is totally unfair, as I am the same person who was so vibrant, popular, successful, and capable when I was in my younger years.

Oh well, this is my viewpoint for the day. To all who are suffering like me, let us hope we find the answer and stick to it and have faith.

[reallysad]

Oh my gosh... I am shocked at how many things you are saying that I am also experiencing.  I am so very sorry that you are having them.  Right now my toe (it is my little toe on my left foot) is so red and so swollen and is throbling with pain!  I know that you said that yours is some better... mine is just much worse, as I have not taken care of it.  I broke it in June and re-injured it Sunday and it is just hurting so bad as the medicine wears off in these hours.  The hours of the days which are like nightmares to me are in the morning... when I don't take my meds until about noon or so, because I know that I will suffer so terribly in the evening... and it will be worse earlier if I take the meds earlier.  Making any sense?  I take 1 mg. of Xanax then and .75 at night, usually about 11:30... and I take it with a couple of other meds I'm on and with a Benadryl and hope that I get some sleep.  I was sleeping for a while... but most nights I'm up until 2-3 in the morning before I dose off for a few hours.  The insomnia is awful.  I'm so tired.  

I know what you mean about so many things.  I wanted my daughter to help me last weekend... but she didn't.  I was really disappointed and now I know that she won't have time for the rest of the summer... so she won't be helping me.  My son doesn't live here and certainly won't be helping me.  I have no other family.  My parents both died the past year and a half.  I'm 52 and all of a sudden feel so old.  I've lost so much weight coming off this and my hair is falling out and it's freaking me out and I called my doctor that I've gone to for years to go in and see what was wrong and what I could do and she REFUSED to see me.  I was shocked.  Said she wouldn'd help with this.  I am so scared.  Tonight I felt like I needed to go to the ER, but I then thought, well, what are they going to do?
They wouldn't DO anything.  I am just so, so scared and feel so, so sick and my ears are ringing and my skin is crawling and my scalp feels like it's all prickly and my stomach is jumping... these symptoms feel like pure HELL.  

I also want to sell my house, as I bought it by mistake 3 1/2 years ago and live in a stupid little town where I don't know a single human.  It is miserable.  I've always lived in the city and I hate it here.  The heat is so bad outside right now...106 degrees and stuff.  It's just unbearable.  

I can't work, either.  I feel like I can't DO anything.  I don't think I ever will be able to.  I'm so frightened by this.  I have to hold on to some hope.  I have trouble finding it.  This is especially hard late at night like now.  So very alone and sick.  So sick.  These withdrawals are so intense I can't believe this is happening.  I used to have a life and a really nice house and lors of money and all kinds of friends and if you saw my life now it is a joke.  It is a nightmare.  I have felt abandoned by people in my old life... sounds like you have, too.  

I don't like being like this, either.  We have to tell ourselves and we have to mean it... that we WILL get to a better place.  This too will pass.  I know that there has to be life after Xanax.  It will not be soon for me.  I have to withdraw slowly... and it is going to take me at least 3 more months of hell.  I can't believe it, but that's what I have to do.  I don't
can't think right or do anything well... but I hope that one day I will be better after this.  

I am not healhy anymore, either.  I wish I was somewhere pretty and cool where I could walk... and my toe was not broken.  That would be nice.  I might try to get back to my friend in Colorado... it is NOT a perfect set-up... complicated... but at least there is a person and mountains.  I don't know if it is wise or not.  Driving to get there is VERY, VERY difficult.  I can't go, if I do try, until my daughter has surgery.  I am so dreading her surgery... it makes me feel nauseated to think about it, but I am trying to be "strong" and support her.  She is about to turn 22 and is still single.  Her boyfriend/fiance is in Maine for the summer, so I have to "be here" for her right now.  Even though she will not really "support" ME... I am the mom... and I will do everything I can to muster up the will to make it to the doctor with her this Friday and to the surgery.
Her dad is a big shot and travels the world, so he won't be here for her.  She needs me.  I have to do this somehow.  I feel so sick thinking about it.  Just so queasy.

Do not give up.  Stay in the fight with me.  Keep in touch.  I don't know you but I am compassionate and I care.  That's the truth.  I will check here to see if you post and if you need to
"vent" I will respond.  Do keep the faith.  God bless.

[espresso]

Yes we do have some things in common! Not just in our lives and events but the terrible dependance on the drug which has made us so unstable. Sometimes I read the newsgroups where people have decided to live on their meds forever because it makes them able to work and have a life. They never plan to go off, so being dependent doesn't worry them. I never understand that. If the meds worked and made me normal, sure I'd stay on them forever. But they stopped working right. That is the whole point. I know I am in dependency withdrawal...even with going back to alprazolam which is less horrible (wears off more slowly) than xanax. I still have my tremor. I have so much I have to do! My sister has cancer. I have to visit her, soon she will be moved to her daughter's way down south and I won't see her again ever. We just got close again in March. Then suddenly she was ill. Her daughter and kids are taking her over. I won't have her to talk to...she was a major friend, even though she stole my husband. I got used to that. She couldn't help it, I realized she was insecure all her life. I just wanted to still have our close sisterly talks. Here I am selfish, feeling upset, and she is the one going through it.

I've got to sell my condo. I have hated it since I bought it, becaue the day I bought it, my boss made advances and ruined our work relationship. He fired me a few weeks later and so did my other job downtown...I loved my jobs and was so good at them...still I couldn't gt out of the condo, I had signed the papers, and now I had no job. I had to use up all my savings, sell my stocks...finally do work for my brother long distance and he paid me for a few months. That will stop as he's mad at me for not visiting him...which I can't as I can't even go a shorter distance to visit my sister who has cancer. I've had terrible mental blocks about these things, I just cannot do them, I am so afraid of being judged, of making mistakes again. Every time I was happy and thought life was good again, the rug was pulled out from under me. And that is why I went back to xanax and it is ruling my life now and I despise being crippled by it.

I swear I will not let my enemies win. The doctors who tried to hurt me, or did so inadvertantly out of ignorance. The people who jealously fired me because I was too good. I was told I do too much. Too darn bad, I was raised to achieve and be excellent. Now, because I was too excellent, I have nothing. Just my condo, all the money is in it. I have to seel it, but unless I paint it and put in hardwood floors I will not get as much. But I absolutely can't do it.

Something terrible happened to me, and I don't know why. I was as you were, in a wonderful life. I had men pursuing me, many dates a week. But no one wanted to marry me. I was not the kind they want to marry, just date. I still don't know what my big problem is. Something about my personality? Sorry but it's late now to change that. No one complained about it really, most of my life, but aging people who are not outgoing enough - they can just die. That is this society. I don't fit in! But I am  not suicidal. I know I can recreate myself yet again and the people who hate me can go to hell. It's all my self esteem issues.

Well I am haunted by terrible things I had to go through. I can't set them aside, and I hope the new psychiatrist can help me. I wish I could set them aside. Anyway as for now, I took the alprazolam 2 days in a row. The effect is much less horrible when it wears off than the xanax and it makes no sense, but that's the way it is now. my body which used to prefer xanax, now is used to alprazolam. So I wasted $27 on the xanax. Who knows, maybe in desperation i will use them eventually too, but why would I , since the alprazolam is free. I am not tapering right now. I am taking the full .50 which I have to have to function. I can go out now and will. It's hot here too, not over 100 like in the states but for me it's hot when it is over 28 centigrade. That's about 84. When it's 24, like yesterday, which is 76 F, I feel fine and it doesn't bother me. I feel all the time I am just struggilng uphill, over and over, only to get kicked back down again, with someone laughing. I don't know why. How it became such a mess. I was so capable and organized before and every time I try to be that way I give up or I forget. So I figured it has to be the benzos making me not thing correctly anymore. I get windows of clarity and feel I can do things again. Every time I see my daughter she says I can and should get a job, and I have applied, but no one has hired me.

Anyway it's crisis time, one thing after another, yet I only address the really vital ones like the broken toe, the dental appointments, blood tests etc. The foreclosure will happen unless I get a realtor and put this on the market or beg my brother for more money. He is rich, but he is not that willing. He ahs compassion, but also some kind of resentment.

Always resentment...and I don't know why. Well, this is all for now...got to go out now as it is cooler outside.

[reallysad]

I'm sorry about your struggles... your sister so sick, your condo needing to sell, your brother (mine has really, really hurt me) and this med. which has wrecked havoc on both of our lives.  I've been so sick from it that I shouldn't drive... but I have to in order to survive, as I live alone and isolated.  It is scary.  Today it is time for me to "go down another dose" from 1.75 mg/day to 1.50.  I have been dowe from 2/mg a day to the 1/75 mg for 11 days... and am supposed to withdraw .25 mg. each 10 days (or the doc said that I could go down each 7 days if I was "tough" enough...but he has no idea the danger I would be in, as I am barely functioning right now).  So, I am doing this today, with fear and trepidation.  It doesn't help that I am going to have to somehow be "there" for my daughter and support her when she has surgery (and I guess drive her to and from it although it seems crazy as I am NOT safe driving and will be driving her because she cannot drive herself) when she has day surgery on Aug. 15.  I had planned to try to drive to Colorado as soon as she got this done, and was sort of hoping that she would have it sooner, but I am so sick, that I can't figure any of this out.  She is having surgery at 6 AM and I do not even take my daytime meds until about noon... so that the evening is not too bad of a nightmare.  So, I don't know how this will work.  Anyway, I don't know how I'm going to get food- groceries, etc. this week so sick.  My hair is falling out bad from lack of nutririion I have lost so much weight.  This is just such a nightmare.  And, this "email friend" wrote me yesterday that he is going to kill himself so I have a call into my counselor to ask her what I should do about THAT.  I am really very worried.  It is too much for my brain to figure out what to do about.  I am so very concerned about him.  Really scared.    Well, we can beat this medicine.  It is just a stupid little pill and we can.  It might take a bit of time and fight... but if we really put our minds to it... this can be overcome.  Our fears and problems can be overcome.  I belive this.  (And I am rightfully labeled a glass-half-empty person.)
So, hang in there.  Don't despair.  Just believe that it can get better.  Life can always turn around... even though we are a bit older and don't have all that we once did... it can still offer us surprises that we don't yet see or expect.  We have to have hope and we have to know we can beat this med and all the fears and phobias that are connected to it... whether they were why we were put on it, or a result of it, or whatever.  They can be overcome.  If I can believe this, anyone can.  I truly am not an optimist at all.  So, keep fighting.

[amped out]

Where do I start... About a year and a half ago my cardiologist put me on 1 mg of xanax a day to be taken at night as that is when the anxiety would be the worse and I couldn't sleep and the terror would take over and have me convince I was gong to have a heart attack...Well the xanax felt like it had saved my life then but now trying to get off of it seems like it is taking my life away again. My doctor never told me to wean off, they gave me 14 Xanax and told me to take them while they started me on 15mg of Buspar twice aday. So I took them and did not take any xanax for 9 days until last night my left arm was shaking so bad and the insomnia/nausea has gotten so out of control that I broke down and took a half .50.  I did sleep from 10:30-2:40 this morning and then from 3:00a-7:30a.  It is the most sleep I have had in a week my arm isn't shaking so bad this morning and I feel I can function today. But someone please help me to get off this horrible drug I no longer feel the same person is in my body.  I have 2 beatiful daughters and they can tell something isn't right.  My husband is very supportive but doesn't understand panic attacks or anxiety but he tries and I think honestly is scares him to a point.  How could it not is terrifies me and I am living with it..I don't think Buspar is the answer for me either.  I don't really want to replace one with the other, but maybe there is one more suited for xanax withdrawls... Any help would be greatly appreciated it is wonderful to know I am not alone on this...

[rosetoes]

My heart goes out to you, I know that you are having a extremely hard time getting off of xanax.  I just took it for 3 months and by your note, it seems that you have been on it for over a year.  The best advice is to go slow weaning off of xanax.  If you are taking 1mg, break it and take .75 for a week to 10 days.  Even that is going to make you have withdrawls, but not as severe.  You have to wean off very slowly, and know that you will have withdrawls, there is no way to escape them.  But keep in mind, it will eventually subside and you will get back to normal.  Deep breathing (from the stomach) helps and do read about anxiety and panic and learn to rid yourself of the negative thoughts that brings on our anxiety.

Anxiety is brought on by me thinking of heart attacks (I have sinus tach, and palpitations)  and when it happens I use to have full blown panic attacks....but one good thing, while I was on xanax, I was learning how to deal with my anxiety and by the time I stopped xanax, I knew how to deal with it.

It is hard dealing with withdrawls when you have little ones, they require so much attention and really don't understand what were going through.  I have 3 and I know that I wasn't the best mom in the world when I was getting off of them.  I had little tolerance to the everyday bickering and fighting siblings go through.  Thank God my husband was very supportive.

There is a website that is unbelievably great and I got alot of support from.  It is benzo.org.uk  It deals with every imaginable issue withdrawing from benzos (which is xanax).  The website allows you to interface with others that are going through the same thing.  The only thing that I didn't agree with is that they feel weaning off of xanax should be done by starting valium then gradually getting off xanax, then valium.  Valium has a longer life then xanax.  I just wanted off and didn't want to start another benzo to get off of xanax.  

Best wishes to you and you are doing the right thing.  Be strong and know that you will survive and how you are feeling is quite normal.  Check out the benzo website.  It will help!

[amped out]

Thank you for you input it is so nice to know that I am not alone. I have a wonderful mother that helps me on a daily basis to keep me grounded and to let me know that I will be okay in time.  I have tried to figure out what it is that my anxiety and panic comes from.  I know that I hve been told by Joe Leibowitz in California that the panic atacks come from a tramautic experience in our lives and from what I can tell my started after the birth of my first daughter 14 years ago when it suddenly dawned on me that I had someone else who I was responsible for besides myself. That in itself is just plain scary and my fear is I will have a heart attack and die and not be there for my children.  Like I said in my previous comment, Xanax gave me back my life at one point but now seems to have taken it back away. So everyday I make a sincere effort to be active in my life and not let the little monsters inside control me. But it can be sooooo hard and exhausting.  Thank you for the wonderful infor on the Benzo website it has been quite enlightening I have found from it that the one medication you should never be on when withdrawing from the Xanax is the one my doctor perscribed for me for the withdrawls.... It is Buspar so anyone else that is told that this is the drug for you when coming off Xanax your doctor is wrong the effects of the withdrawls are doubled I am sure...These doctors should not be allowed to give out these meds if they aren't educated on the damage it can do to a person... Again any advise anyone has is greatly appreciated it is so nice to hear other thoughts on such a stressful time and situation.  I will keep trying to stay focused and positive...

[louloudi]

Hi, everyone. I have never posted anything but I have to admit you guys have giving me a lot of comfort the last month. Today is the first day of real clear thinking. I guess I should start by saying that a year ago I ended up in hospital with dehydration, low blood sugar, and a racing heart. Well all that together spelled out PANIC ATTACK to the doctors. So I was put on Prozac and Xanax. I took Prozac for 6 months (2 daily at 100mgs) and tapered off with no problem actually surprised myself. Considering I have no experience with any types of meds. Anyways I have been trying to cut the xanax even did for five WHOLE days. But here I am once again I was taking 3 a day (0.5mgs) and when needed. I am back down to only one at night and will not try to cut back until next week. I recently found out that 1 panic attack does not justify the meds they put me on so not only am I feeling crappy but I'm very upset about it. It is nice to know that other people have gotten off this stuff.

I have to mention that I have bad hormone problems (Very serious) and mirtal valve prolapse (not a serious problem) so I guess I'm more sensitive to meds, caffine, sodas and anything with sugar. Plus I will have to start taking something for my thyroid. Have nodes or something. The doc said this can cause panic attacks too. I guess I'm too busy trying to get off the xanax that I don't have time for panic attacks (thank goodness).

Has anyone tried Bespar for just Anxiety?????? I have serious PMS and know I need something. I just don't want to get caught up with wacko stuff.

By the way I'm 37 with three kids and husband (very understanding) I also took the advice about Stress manangement I have an appointment tonight.

I live in Greece and have no one close enough to talk too. But I kind of gathered that if you haven't been there you cant possible understand.
Sorry for babbling but thanks alot.

[drmarilyn]

Sorry guys I forgot to make the link "clickable"

<a href="http://www.anxietybookstore.com/Xanax-Discussion.htm">Xanax Discussion</a>

Oh and you can also find the same book I got on that link

[drmarilyn]

Whatever "addiction specialist" told you that it was "non-addictive" does not know what he is talking about, Xanax is a very addictive medication, before you take alprazolam or xanax read up on what they can do to you, you can find a good book and lots of reading material at this site it has a good page on  Xanax Discussion - http://www.anxietybookstore.com/Xanax-Discussion.htm

Information regarding the usage of Xanax and other benzodiazepines for the treatment of panic disorder.

Dr. Johan

[glitterqueen1975]

Hello..
I am hoping someone might be able to ease my mind.. I have been on alprazalom (xanax) now for 1 year.  I started out with .5 3x per day.. I am now on .25 2x per day.. I want to get off. I started cutting my morning .25 in half and taking a .25 at bed time.. I started this 2 days ago.. Is it possible for such a low dose to be causing withdrawals??  I feel a little edgy, and I notice I am hyperventalating a lot. I have like numbness around my mouth and face,  I feel like I am concentrating on my breathing and my mouth and jaw feels very tired.. I also feel light headed..  Is it possible that what I am feeling is withdrawals???? My bedtime sleeping is not as good either.. Takes me a while to fall asleep.. I wish I knew how to deep breath to relax.. I was never shown the proper way to do so.. If any one knows what I am going through.. Please let me know.. It would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks

[espresso]

Hi, I thought I should write an update in case you are still reading this site as you helped me a lot before.

I have successfully tapered to .25 currently. I did it after updosing to .50, stabilizing, then cutting a half or quarter in stages of .37, then .31, now .25. I may still cross over to the valium but I don't want to. I want to put up with the discomforts and just get off the alprazolam. I just take the one pill, and sometimes it wears off but I am determined not to updose again, which I did in the beginning. A couple of times I had to take a little more later in the day as I had cut too fast.

I tried getting a job but my anxiety level went too high with the stress, and during withdrawal I just don't think I am ready to work. That is in the future, when I am better. That remains on the backburner. My sister died, but I had seen her 5 times before she died, and helped her somewhat with her papers, which she entrusted to me. I'll be working on a tribute to her which I'll send to her children. I am comforted by how close we were and knowing she is at peace now.

I have been feeling more normal for longer chunks of time. In the beginning of the taper I felt insane and depressed sometimes, as the body adjusted first to being sedated enough to stop the anxiety (.50) and then gradually cutting it by a half or quarter of a pill, and the brain getting used to it for several weeks each time.

My symptoms have changed over the past 3 months. Lately I have tense and tight back, neck and chest muscles most of the time. So I spend a lot of time trying to ease them with yoga and walking. My agoraphobia is mostly gone. I am not afraid of everything now, and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't have massive anxiety and panic attacks, now that I am taking it every day, and tapering slowly. I am working towards a purpose, to be myself again. It's a very scientific thing and it is working. I wish it would work with smoking too but I'll save that for later.

Other withdrawal symptoms I have are insomnia, waking up every few hours, mild anxiety, sometimes a fast heartbeat, aches and pains in the knees or ankles, skin rashes, lack of emotion, lack of appetite. It's not as bad as it was when it was out of control. I am very encouraged that I feel my brain working better now, that I am coping with reality and not hiding so much from life. It was the withdrawal and the pills that made me feel that way. The muscles really are a mess, but in time that will get better. It's just like fibromyalgia - which I used to have - and that got better so it will again.

Well that is my update. It's all positive.

[lpneedshelp]

have been on xanax for years - can take .5 mg like 12 at a time 3 times a day.  It seems the more I take the less it works,  How do I ween myself off?