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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Suicide ????
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD) , bipolar disorder , dementia , electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) , learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) , panic , personality disorders, phobias , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) , schizophrenia , stress , transitions, and work problems.
Suicide ????
by Fawnda, Dec 21, 1999 12:00AM
My dad committed suicide nov 20th,99, i don't know why,he didn't leave a note or give me any indication that he was going to kill himself. I kinda understand why people kill themselves so i'm ok with not having a diff. answer. My problem is i dream about him every night, and sometimes the dreams are so real, they scary me, there not good dreams about him, i'm scared to sleep i have to leave my light on. Sometime i hear him whisteling or saying my name. My ???? is, is this normal after losing your dad? I'm only 18 and i'm scared to tell anyone i don't know how they will react.
Doctor's Answer
by HFHS M.D.-SW, Dec 21, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Fawnda,
My deepest sympathy for your loss. The loss of a parent is a difficult adjustment for anyone, particularly in the unexpected manner in which your father passed.
Grief is the normal process of reacting to the loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death) or in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce or loss of a job). Each type
of loss means the person has had something taken away.
Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or
emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness.
Social reactions can include feelings about taking care of others in the family, seeing family or friends.
As with bereavement, grief processes depend on
the relationship with the person who died, the situation surrounding the death, and the person's attachment to the person who died. Grief may be described as the presence of physical problems, constant thoughts of the person who died,
guilt, hostility, and a change in the way one normally acts.
Hearing your father calling your name, or even having visions of him may be normal. I recommend you see a therapist to work through your grief. If your symptoms are prolonged or worsen, you should see a psychiatrist.
Sincerely,
HFHS M.D.-SW
My deepest sympathy for your loss. The loss of a parent is a difficult adjustment for anyone, particularly in the unexpected manner in which your father passed.
Grief is the normal process of reacting to the loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death) or in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce or loss of a job). Each type
of loss means the person has had something taken away.
Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or
emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness.
Social reactions can include feelings about taking care of others in the family, seeing family or friends.
As with bereavement, grief processes depend on
the relationship with the person who died, the situation surrounding the death, and the person's attachment to the person who died. Grief may be described as the presence of physical problems, constant thoughts of the person who died,
guilt, hostility, and a change in the way one normally acts.
Hearing your father calling your name, or even having visions of him may be normal. I recommend you see a therapist to work through your grief. If your symptoms are prolonged or worsen, you should see a psychiatrist.
Sincerely,
HFHS M.D.-SW
I want you to know IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Nothing you did, said, didn't do or didn't say caused your father to do this. Please do not ever blame yourself.
I strongly suggest you discuss your feelings, get it out. How is the rest of your family dealing with this? Understand that some of them may be very angry with your father. Everyone deals with these things in their own way.
Family, friends, counselling are all great resourses. You may have to go through a few councillers/therapists to find one you connect with.
By the way, "Will I kill myself because my father did?". No, you wont, don't be afraid of that.
What you you might want to explore is, did your father have a mental illness that is genetic.
Hang on. No two situations are the same, but I lost a parent the same way.
You have the strength to cope with this.