I am a 22 year old male. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years now..and we have been having some extreme difficulties. I have not been diagnosed as BPD..but I have read many articles on the
disorderAdjustment disorder
Anorexia nervosa
Asperger syndrome
Autism
Autoimmune disorders
Bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder
Bleeding disorders
Borderline personality disorder
Bulimia
Chronic motor tic disorder and it describes me 100%. I have an extreme
fearFears and phobias of abandonment, which is very troublesome to my relationship. I see my girlfriend as either an absolute angel, or a
completeComplete
Complete a-z
Complete allergy
Complete natal
Complete premium
Complete senior
Complete-rf ***** whom I hate very much. Even though I have these feelings, I know deep inside that I love my girl very much..and I have no idea why I'm pushing her away. After I say these things to her, and call her every name in the book I feel shameful and guilty, and then I feel like killing myself. I feel like I'm so alone..and I know I'm not. I have a
cocaineDrug abuse and alcohol problem as well. I use these to escape so to speak. I have uncontrollable
angerIslets of langerhans
Ovarian cancer dangers
Pancreatic islet cell tumor that is totally unneccesary. I have had this
angerIslets of langerhans
Ovarian cancer dangers
Pancreatic islet cell tumor long before I ever tried the drugs, so I know that is not the cause. The reason why I get so angry is because I'm really afraid, and I don't know how to control my feelings. I know I need to get help, but I haven't got the money for it. Is there any way to get an affordable, yet respectable opinion on this? I also have fetal alcohol effect and I would like to know whether or not this is related. I would also like to know what the treatments are, and can I get better? I really need some help. It is destroying my relationship, along with all the others whom I love. I also forgot to mention that I am constantly accusing my girlfriend of sleeping with everybody..no matter who it is...her doctor, her co workers, I've even accused her of messing with her grandfather. I know this is a sick thing to think, but it just comes out. It's like my head keeps telling me all these things that she's doing, and I can't control the thoughts. Somebody please help me. The urge to take my own life is getting stronger, and I don't know what to do anymore. Like I said, I cannot afford a therapist. I live in Canada. Thank you in advance for your help.
Sincerely,
Jay D.