What is wrong with me?

[Elizabeth_22]

I am 22 years old, and I feel like I've been unhappy my whole life.  I've wasn't abused as a child in any way, I cant remember of any traumatic event in my life that could have caused this. As a matter of fact, I've had a great family, and I've had everything and more than I've needed in life.  But ever since I can remember, I have always felt like a failure.  Even back in my childhood.  I have always been extremely shy and antisocial.  I have rarely had any friends in my life.  I feel like I do everything wrong. I rarely talk.  I feel like I am weird. I always used to think that maybe it would go away as I grew up, but I feel like it is getting worse.  It is affecting my job performance and my social life (if any at all).  I get distracted easily, I cant concentrate and I have difficulty in making decisions.  I dont like talking to people because everybody always comments on how quiet I am and how I never talk.  And everybody always asks me why I always look so tired or depressed. I am tired of it!! Why cant I just be normal? I dont know how.... that is the problem. I am always tired, I complain about everything.  I feel like I am dull and boring. I am constantly thinking I have certain diseases.  I have VERY low self enteem and self confidence.   I abused alcohol for a period of time because drunk I was the total opposite.  I realized what I was doing so I left it.  I've also had an eating disorder (bulimia) because I though that maybe being skinny would make me happy.  I am good looking (I admit to that) but I am just not happy.  I've begun to realize that I may never enjoy life.  I get stressed out very easily and I sometimes think that I should just kill myself, but I know I would never actually have the courage to do it.  I've been married for a year. My husband thought that I was just going through a stage of depression, but he is now realizing that I will probably never change.  I have very low sex-drive. I have abused my husband mentally and physically.  I always want to fight with him, and I have punched him in the face several times and thrown things at him. Any little thing will tick me off and make me want to hit him or throw stuff at the walls.  He is the only person I am abusive and violent with though.  I have never been abusive or violent with NOBODY else in my life.  The thing is my husband cant take it anymore, and has thought about leaving me.  I love him to death, I dont know what I would do without him.... But I am so mad at myself and confused for I cant even LOVE right!!! If I cant keep my husband then that just proves that I am a TOTAL failure and am destined to be unhappy my whole life.  What is wrong with me?  I think I have Dysthymia.... but why do I have these hysterical violent attacks with only my husband?? And how do I change, for I cant seem to do it.  I have never seen a doctor about this. I always thought this was just the way I am. But I feel like one day I am gonna lose it if I dont seek further help.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You definetly need to seek help, and the help you need is a qualified psychiatrist who can talk to you and prescribe medications.  Don't wait until it is too late. The reason you can do it with your husband is that he is safe, but now you see that there will be a big price to pay if you don't stop the abuse soon.

[JOGIRL423]

HI,

I would certainly schedule an appt with your PCP and a therapist...there are miraid of diagnosis you could have...all more than likely easily treatable with the right meds...

I am not a medical provider but am familiar with the symptoms you are describing...run, do not walk, to your doc asap...tell them EVERYTHING you wrote in your post...you could even print it out and take it with you...so you dont forget anything...

You obviously have a lot going for you and you need to act quickly to make things better for you and your husband...

Good luck to you!
Jo

[enaj]

I agree. You could have depression, an anxiety disorder of some kind, ADD, bi-polar disorder, anger management issues--any number of things. A good therapist is your best bet. Unfortunately, there are a lot of not-so-good therapists out there, so you may have to do some hunting. If you are in a large city, you may have more luck finding someone. If the first one doesn't work out, try another, and keep trying until you end up with one who can help you.

[Ady72]

I agree too. Sounds to me like you might be suffering from bi-polar. There's plenty of help out there for you, what about talking to a therapist? Maybe you need the right person to talk to you.

[oceans3]

usually if you type in the disorders that have been suggested in the above posts you can find a check list of questions to see if that sounds like you. as a matter of fact, just last night i was reading in a magazine a list of symptoms for bi-polar to see if the reader "fits" that description. you can do this on line as well.
a while back i felt that i had depression at one point and the checklist didnt really point me in that direction. i seemed to have more "no's".  however, social anxiety disorder was more like it! after you take the "quizzes" you can get a much better idea of what the problem could be. taking in the check list to your dr. is a great idea. its just a means of gathering some information and knowing which road you should take. you could simply have a chemical imbalance that needs the right medication to get you in control and feeling better.

[Nickos]

I have gone through many of the things that you have in the past and I didn't get help for myself until I basically had a breakdown and had to get help for myself.
I was irritable to people and mentally abusive to my significant others in the past, held all of my feelings inside and when I turned 24 I was so stressed out I had panic attacks and many scary symptons that go along with anxiety.
I was a very stubborn person, especially when it comes to doctor's, but I must say that the only help for me was a SSRI (I took Zoloft) and counseling.
I just had to go back on a different medication after being off Zoloft for after 5 months, but I recommend you go to your doctor and explain your situtation and if they recommend a SSRI and counseling I would definately encourage it.
You will feel much better I promise.

[silver024]

I can relate to alot of what you said..i never had any traumatic events, no abuse..my family is loving and would do anything for me. Im 23 and for awhile i just felt so tired and didnt want to get out of bed, i didnt want anyone to see me, felt like everyone was looking at me laughing, making comments, staring...i snapped at everyone, fought with my boyfriend for no reason, had very low self esteem, and i put it off for a long time..saying it was my period or just a bad day...well everyday shouldnt be like that..i finally went to my dr and she put me on wellbutrin...its been a total 180 for me..im back to my normal self. I went through the "maybe if im skinny i will be happy" stage..I got stressed very easily, blew everything out of porportion..and basically just drove myself, and everyone around me nuts. I also know where your coming from with always thinking your sick...i do that a lot. My mom and I came to the conclusion that I spent a lot of time with an aunt, that was a hypochondriac (sp?), when i was litte. I never went to therapy or counseling, just did the meds..and figured if the meds didnt work, i would try therapy. I was put on the wellbutrin back in january...and things are great. I think you really need to talk to your doctor..you should not feel this way everyday..and its not fair to you or your husband to let this just keep going. I put my problems off for months...dont let yours go any farther

goodluck!!

[shade]

Definitely consider meds AND therapy.  When I was your age I didn't fully see how much of a problem my upbringing was.  Though my parents weren't abusive, they were neglectful.  Though it's not as bad as abuse, it can cause one problems as an adult.  I don't know if i would have ever been able to admit to myself how hurtful their neglect was were it not for therapy.

To address one part of your post when i am more depressed, I have extreme difficulty thinking clearly and doing anything that requires organization.  For me these ADD-like symptoms are part of depression.  This problem doesn't go away immediately after getting on the right med.  My thinking cleared up slowly over time.  It took maybe three months before feeling like I was back to being the clear thinking, intelligent woman I had been prior to this major depressive episode.

[aamit]

hi elizabeth

how u doing...i assume you are improving with this problem, its now 1month. Iam a therapist seen this kind of problem alot.
GoodLuck n take care of yuorself n ur husband

can contact me if any problem at
***@****

[alter-ego]

It seems like I am going through a similar situation as Elizabeth, except for the fact that I am a male and single. I have had this problem of being very jelous and over analytical when I become emotionaly and physically attached to someone of the opposite sex ever since I started dating. Luckily I am only emotionaly abusive, although not proud of it. In a past relationship, I did have an ager outburst that led to some physical harm to one of my exgirlfriends, which i will never forget. I have, since then, learned to control my anger. I was recently involved with my girlfriend of 2.5 years, an attractive and a very social person, a completely opposite person of who I am. Unfortunately, we broke up because she felt that I was becoming too suspicious of her actions, and emotioanly exhausted from the accusations. I always had doubts, even after she would tell me where she was going and who she was going to be with, when I would would have to work on the weekends. I am worried that I will end up alone because I can't function in an intimate relationship. I know that what I am doing is wrong, but I can't seem to control my emotions. I am not sure what is going on with me anymore. I have been encouraged to seek help, which I tried not too long ago, but didn't feel that the counselor I was going to was doing any good. Maybe i need some medication. I recently found a therapist that may be able to help. What would you guys suggest I do, or think that I might be going through? I would appreciate any feedback.