You are in desparate need of someone to talk to on a regular basis in order to work out your depression and to get another perspective.
There are two problems with medication treatment. One is to find the right medication, and the right leve. Once a month monitoring is okay for that.
The other problem is that medication alone is not sufficient. It has been well proven that the best approach is medication and counseling (psychotherapy). It works amazingly well. Thats what you should be getting. That's what you, or whoever is helping you, should push for.
Don't give up now. Get the right treatment, and you will be okay. If suicidal thoughts are this intense, you should get help immediately and tell them it is an emergency.