suicidal thoughts

[molayne]

I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH DEPRESSION FOR YEARS, WITH ECT BEING A REGULAR TREATMENT ALONG WITH SEVERAL MEDICATIONS. I HAVE HAD SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THE PAST AND HAD CUTTING TENDANCIES. I HAVE BEEN FAIRLY STABLE FOR A WHILE, BUT SUDDENLY I AM HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AGAIN. THEY JUST POP INTO MY HEAD AT RANDOM TIMES AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS HAPPENING. MY THERAPIST SAYS ITS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AS LONG AS I DON'T DWELL ON IT . I AM NOT SURE IF I AM COMFORTABLE WITH THIS REASONING, SINCE I HAVE ALSO BEEN HAVING THE URGE TO CUT AGAIN, AND HAVE CUT IN THE NOT SO DISTANT PAST. THERE ARE MANY TIMES I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE IF THIS WAS PUT TO END, BUT HAVE NOT REALLY PLANNED WNYTHING EXCEPT HOW I WOULD FINALLY DO IT. AM I WORRYING NEEDLESSLY OR SHOULD I BRING THIS TO THE ATTENTION OF MY PSYCHIATRIST? I AM CONFUSED BY MY THERAPISTS COMMENTS. THANKS

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You should definitely bring this to the attention of your psychiatrist , and do that right away.   Something is going on that needs to be explored, and the thoughts are part of it.  Additional medications might help you in the short run.

[SmilerSS]

To take suicidal thoughts not seriously, in my experience is very serious...we don't just in an everyday life want to end it all. I am in hope you will bring this to the immediate attention of your psychriatrist,,,,,in order to achieve more help that appears is needed. Medication adjustments may be necessary, or whatever.  It is difficult to not just "throw away these thoughts."  That's been my experience and have had numerous suicidal attempts,,,those thoughts did not go away....My experience, too they can be very obsessive, if not impulsive.

Your therapist from what I hear you say is not the only person in your treatment. If you are not HEARD,,then seek out "those" they will HEAR you.  It appears it would be your psychriatrist... I had a therapist, by not listening("I was making it up") to what I hear you saying,,,almost killed me.  I sought help by going in the hospital on my own, along with med adjustments was able to get back on my feet..just one experience to share.

I am hope you will hang on, give a call to your pschye doc immediately and find out what is going on to have such serious intrusive thoughts, and if that doesn't help, if you feel the need, seek medical attention immediately, and in my way was going into the hospital to save my life....and it did....

Wishing you well and hang to to whatever you can,
Suzette

[SmilerSS]

Also, I have had cutting experiences, too. It had been along time then they reappeared. I was aghast! That was a sign/symptom that something was not going right. I wasn't quite sure, but I a good therapist at that time that took it very serious.

What helped me getting thru that period of "cutting" was to place a rubberband on my wrist.  Anytime, the thought of cutting came up I just snapped the rubberband. Some out there in the psyche field may totally disagree with this method(which was offered by my therapist),,,well, I didn't cut,,I didn't harm myself,,,The sign that I wanted to cut again was a signal I was in alot of pain and an attempt to relieve. With additional help I was able to cease the cutting thoughts, with the rubberband in tack, I caused no physical harm until we were to figure what was going on.  And with both your suicidal thoughts & cutting again thoughts, it does sound like you are in alot of pain. And you need to be HEARD and have the right to be treated...to find other ways of dealing with your pain that you are in....and to keep you safe.

Hope this help,
Sincerely,
Suzette

[molayne]

THANK YOU SUZETTE FOR THE RUBBER BAND IDEA. IT MAKES SENCE TO ME AND I WILL GIVE IT A TRY. SINCE I AM IN ECT THERAPY I DON'T SEE MY DR. EXCEPT FOR BRIEF PERIODS AND THEN I,M USUALLY UNDER SEDATION SO I HAVE BEEN SEEING ONLY MY  THERAPIST. I'M IN A GROUP THERAPY PROGRAM WITH THREE OTHER GIRLS AND WE HAVE LIMITED TIME SO IT IS HARD TO REALLY GO INTO DEPTH ABOUT THINGS, AND A COUPLE OF THE OTHERS ARE GOING THROUGH ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT TIMES. I DON'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH THEIR TIME. MAYBE THE THOUGHTS WILL GO AWAY AS SUDDENLY AS THEY APPEARED. I HOPE SO, I WOULD NOT HAVE BROUGHT THEM UP IN GROUP IF I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS NORMAL OR ROUTINE IN MY SITUATION. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE INPUT. LILMO

[SmilerSS]

Lilmo---understand where you are coming from. Group therapy can be tough with having difficulty problems...I have had ECT so understand about your unavailability or ability to see your doc.
Hang in there,,,but, don't cut yourself short..you are just as important in that group as the others. That's makes a group. We all work together,,,not to leave someone else out. That's not fair..They may like to hear your experience, strength & hope to help them move along. Your experiences just maybe what one may need to hear...I am in AA & that's how it works, and it works.
Really,,,it's amazing,,,

Good luck,
Suzette