Please don't tell me to call it tapering. To me, methadone is poison of the worst sort and I will call it detoxification. I have numbed myself with pain killers for 18 yrs so I feel I'm qualified to write about it. Eventually I ended up on methadone, but Percocet and Oxycontin came first.
I believe Oxycontin is a drug that was created for the sole purpose of addiction. Did they know it would eventually become the GenX epidemic? I believe yes. I also believe that the methadone clinics in our country (US) saw this and prepared for the day when Oxycontin would become "less available".
When I first started methadone (at the clinic), I thought it was the greatest. I no longer worried about where to get my drug because it was there. I never failed UA's because numbing my past was all I wanted and methadone was king. Problem was that methadone (to me) is the most debilitation and unhealthy of all the pain killers. I reached as high as 160mgs/day when I wanted out.
I started looking all over the net to find someone that had detoxed, but could find very little. I just wanted to find one person who had done what I knew I was going to do. There were a few stories of people that said they had detoxed, but just like a ghost, they were always gone. There was no way for me to "reach out" to them.
So I started 1.5years ago on a slow and painful detox alone. Instead of helping and being an integral part of my detox, the clinic has actually stood in the way in a few instances. Still, I have continued and I'm now at 15mgs/day. I wish I could tell every one of you that it has been easy, but it has not.
Before beginning my detox I put many barriers in place and when I get through I will owe a significant amount of gratitude to the barriers. The barriers ranged from things as significant as my family to as small as an MP3 player full of inspiring music. I owe it most of all to my family, but every barrier has played a role, and I could not have done it with one less of each.
When I detoxed to 40mgs, I was in pain. I had never laid eyes on my clinics physician and they never gave me any emergency numbers to call. It was a very lonely and painful place and I wanted someone that had felt the same way to tell me I was going to be okay. There was none. My family was there, but they couldn't understand the craziness going on in my head. So I started a blog.
ismelltherain.me would become my outlet. I have posted daily detox symptoms and every thought in between on those pages. I haven't decided what to do with it when I'm done (with detox), but I know I will leave it there for anyone else going through the nightmare of pulling these methadone hooks out.
It is true; I have done this detox alone in many respects. I believe no one should ever have to go through these kinds of doubts alone and I will do my part to make sure that happens to nobody else. The blog address is above and my email is purplerain at ismelltherain.me
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