Midlife Crisis User Group
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About This Group:

A place where people can come to discuss their experience with midlife crisis. Support and words of wisdom for the spouse that is not in crisis, what is going on in the head of the spouse who is in crisis, how each party can best handle it, what works and does not work.

Founded by j7653 on October 2, 2009
38 members
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Here we go!

My husband and I have been married 5 years. He just turned 46 and I am 32. He was previously married twice to the same woman on and off for 20 years and they have 3 grown children together. My husband and I met while we were both in the Army and we married after only knowing each other 6 months. We then spent a year and a half together in Iraq. Upon our return from Iraq, I seperated from the Army and he got chosen for an assignment in the same city as his ex wife, children, and entire family (we had previously been stationed literally clear across the country from them). So we have been here for 2 years now. His job is VERY stressful and he works alot more than he used to. His children all have issues with him and their mother getting a divorce. His oldest son is just mad about it. His daughter talks bad constantly about her father. And his youngest, who is 16 seems to be the most normal one out of the 3. Since moving here I have become close to my husband daughter, even though he warned me not to. She has always talked bad about him and in his last marriage was always telling her mother that he was cheating on her. My husband also has 3 grandsons, one by his oldest son and two by his daughter.
A couple months ago I found out my husband was talking to a woman whom he dated while he was getting a divorce from his exwife. He told me he was just talking to her because it had to do with his job. I didn't believe this because if that was the fact there was no reason for her to be text messaging him on his personal phone. Now, about a month ago, my husband dropped the bomb on me that he wants to move out and know what it is like to live on his own. He now goes out most nights on the weekends and doesnt come home from work until 10 or 11 during the week. He had also switched our cell phone contracts because he knew I had an online account to view our old accounts. I saw the new contract and saw he had his friends address on there to have the bill sent to. Of course, I am not stupid and was able to set up an online account for the new phones and see that he is text messaging this woman all day and all night everyday. I contacted this woman and she informed me that they were just long lost best friends. He says the same and admits that she was the love of his life. Even though they both swear up and down they are not sleeping together, all the signs are there. Since telling me a month ago he wants to move out, he still hasn't! It is literally driving me nuts.
I love my husband dearly and we have been through a lot in our short time together and do not want to lose him. He has all the signs of midlife crisis. He is obsessed with working out, he wants to be alone, he wants to live life his way and not answer to anyone. So my question is, if he doesnt move out soon, should I just take the step and leave him? Or should I just try to hold on and stay living with him and hopefully make it through all of this. How long do midlife crisis' last anyway? I am just really about to lose my mind. This all came out of the blue and I feel like I am living a nightmare. Any help would be appreciated!
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Avatar_m_tn
I think you need to cut your loses, and move out on your own. I don't know what the finacial situation is or if there are children but you need to start a new life and get your own healing started instead of this yoyo life your going through.
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