Really need help trying to figure out what could be going on please!!

About ten years ago when I was 19 and had no fear I was a drug user.  Several  nights after smoking some marijuana I started having  some really scary experiences.  I had started to notice that when I smoked marijuana I would go in to these weird attacks.  I don’t think they were panic attacks because it felt more like some kind of brain attack.  They made me feel like nothing I have ever felt before and they were really scary. I was also experimenting with meth at this time and did not have any of these weird attacks while on meth.  One night while using cocaine I went into one of these attacks and the feeling was horrible.  I was sitting on my buddies couch and all of the sudden it was like something snapped in my head and I got this huge rush and my head felt really messed up. It was really like a major out of body experience and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life.  I did not say a word to my buddies, I just go up and left.   I do not remember driving home, I just remember I thought I was gonna start screaming cause of the way I felt .  I have no idea how I fell asleep that night.  The next day I got up and I was still having the attack, I just felt like I was constantly on the verge of dying and it scared the hell out of me… I could barely leave my bed after that.  So I went to the doctor and they said I was having anxiety issues which I desperately wanted to believe because I had a lot of the symptoms.  But in the back of my mind because of the way my head felt I just couldn’t see anxieties causing all this. All the SSRI pills that were prescribed to me eventually sent me to the ER with weird side effects. I even had side effects from taking benzos  and according to the doctors if I was having anxieties these pills would really help and they did not.  When I took a benzo and it started to kick in,  it would do something to my head  and I would get this weird feeling through my whole body and than my body and mind would feel blank and the whole attack process would start all over again.  I seem to have some reaction to fish oil and hydroxyzine too. I don’t think these attacks are psychological.  After months of laying around and being scared to leave my bed I decided to try alcohol and it seemed to help tremendously.  (I  find this really weird because of how I was reacting to the pills) So I started drinking pretty heavily and I felt like I finally found relief from whatever was going on in with my head. I was able to start working again and met my wife and had a child, and things looked better and better year after year.  That was about to change.

About  a year  ago after a night of hard partying I started feeling really weird.  I went to a movie and was eating greasy popcorn and drinking soda and the feeling got worse.  I tried to shake off the feeling by leaving the movie and walking around in the halls and than I was hit with a panic attack.  I called someone to come pick me up because I could barely walk and I thought I was going to die.  When I got home I was a real mess and could not stop puking.  I started to feel a little better over the next few days and a couple of weeks later after a long weekend of partying Friday and Saturday night I went into another attack completely different than the one I had at the movie theater.  It felt like my soul was sucked out of my body and I was staring at myself.  It was creepy and weird. I went home and started puking again.  Since than my life has changed drastically.  I have not been able to work.  I thought maybe it was the alcohol but I have not had any alcohol since than and I am still having these strange feelings in my head.  Why does it seem like the alcohol made it better for so many years and now made it worse?
I want to add that throughout those ten years I still felt like something was wrong or something just was not right with my head.  These feelings affect me every day.  I cannot even just  watch tv.  If I do not get
enough sleep the feelings are worse the next day.  Here is a list of my symptoms  and feelings:


-My brain feels damaged.  I get these waves of sensations in my head like pressure traveling from one ear to the other.
- When I am around strong chemicals I feel like my brain is trying to protect me somehow from feeling high and going into on of those brain attacks                                                                                                           -Sometimes when on the computer or something I get the sensation my brain is trying to pull my head forward and throw it to the ground.
-I feel really detached from everything like my head is not on my shoulders or my hands are not real.                                         - I look in the mirror and feel like I am not there or that I am looking at a ghost.
- When I am wearing my glasses it trips me out cause it seems to make that feeling worse so I rarely wear them.                                                                                                                                                                        -If I am really trying to concentrate on doing something like playing a video game I feel really weird and awkward afterwards. I am even feeling kind of weird typing this.
-I wake up in the middle of the night with every single muscle in my legs twitching and I can barely walk.                                                                                                                               -Lots of muscle twitching through out the day in arms and legs and weird feelings in the back, chest
and throat.
-Everyday I feel like I am dying and I get feelings of unreality, like I am gonna freak out and go insane at any moment.
-Some days I feel extremely fatigued                                                                                                                                   -I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am gonna forget everything so I will do math problems
in my head so I know I have my memory.
-Can never be alone cause of the way my body and head feel all the time
-Ears feel like they constantly need to pop                                                                                                                   - Eyes and head will feel strained sometimes                                                                                                          --Back hurts a lot
-I go  into these attacks where I just feel like I am going to die and they pretty much drop me, all I can do is lay down and overcome them.
-Sensitivity  to light.
-Some mornings  I feel extremely confused like I do not know what is going on and I feel really shaky and cannot even hold my phone still unless I am using 2 hands or holding it in a different position
-Seem to have weird reactions to benzos and anything that messes with my head. I will not take any narcotics because afraid of the effect they will have on my condition.  I am afraid I wont even be able to handle anestathia  if anything ever happened to me.
-Irregular heart rhythm if I lay down in a certain position…rate at around 90 to 110 bpm sometimes it is at 72 bpm
-Really bad pulsing in my head that wont stop.
- Increase in heart rate and blood pressure when I stand up
-I have had several tests done which have come back normal (ie blood work, eeg, ekg, mri )
-Constant feeling of blood rushing to my head.
-I feel like my shoulders and arms are trembling all the time on the inside.                                                       –I clench my jaw a lot and clench things with my hands…the worse my head feels..the more I clench.
-vision is all messed up like when I look at something bright or real busy it seems like its vibrating or moving. Blurry vision and it seems like flashing lights in my perephial vision also.