Ive been dating a active air forcer for the last 8 months. I have struggle with depression and anxiety myself during this time frame. He has been 100% supportive, nurturing, encouraging, and a great great man. He has done everything in in his words and power to prove to me he's not leaving me or giving up on me regardless of what i'm going through. About two months ago i wanted to try and get off the antidepressants. We weren't sure what the out come would be or what to expect. He said he'd be there no matter what happened - if it worked - great- if it didn't then we'd just go back on the medicine. I didnt really notice any difference coming off the medications. I had him, he made me utterly happy and life was great. About a month ago he got orders for a deployment. I freaked out. I went all paranoid that he was going to leave me for someone over seas, that he didnt really love me, that he would get bored with me, etc. I firmly believe this reaction was due to me not being on the medication i need to be on. My reaction took its toll on him, he was so excited and i was so ,,, needy and crying and smothering. But bless him, he just stood by and said "babe, i love you, we're fine. Im not going anywhere - everything will be the same, i'll just be on the other side of the world ok?"
Two days before he was to fly out he had his PT test. Right before his test they gave him the news that his deployment was canceled - that the wrong job code had been entered when requesting bodies. Subsequently he failed his PT test. Very very bad day for him. I thought he'd want to be alone and sulk and be mad at the world, but instead he wanted to see me. to cuddle and watch tv like we usually do.
I'd love to say my smothering got better, but it didnt. This past month i didnt' realize it until he blew up monday that i was still smothering him and needing constant affirmations of love and commitment. Im ashamed of how i acted. I truly am. I am back on my antidepressants and anti anxiety medications. This past monday he said that he couldn't be with me anymore. That he loved me, but he was't in love with me anymore. That he felt married when he wasnt.
I know my boyfriend. He doesn't not sit there for months on end proclaiming love and enouragment and promises of a future only to yank them away. He is a man of his word. I know lately he's been working 17 hrs shifts on base. They've had a plan crash which directly affects his shop and his job. His failed PT is weighing on him heavily.
Ive talked with his best friend and neither of us can figure out why the sudden snap. He's clammed up on both of us,. won't talk to either of us. And the break up with me, is not only tearing me apart becuase i know in my heart this is the man i've looked for my whole life, but bc he knows i'd never treat him the way i have intentionally. He knows how much i love and adore him and he's always picked up the pieces and held us together.
This is my first experience with the military. Can anyone please explain what is going on? I know i played my large part in over stressing him, but could this be work too? Do i just stand back and let him work it out and come back to me? Or is he done for good? I dont know what to do. Im so very very sorry for ever hurting him. All i want do is make him happy and apologize and explain that it was all just everything hitting at one time, that we can work through it. One day he'll be remorseful and say how much it hurts him to be apart from me and how much he misses me, then the next he's mean and hateful and says it doesn't matter if he ever sees me again. Can anyone shed any light for me? Can anyone please help revive my sanity and hope?
being in the military can be quite stressful i think if he truly loves you he will eventually come back to you, do not try to smother him you should give him some time apart maybe. when i was in the air force i worked 12 hour shifts and it was hard to have a relationship with anyone. in the service they work you hard and i hope he comes back to you just give him space and i wanted to ask you what pills do you take? :)
right now im on 1mg of lorzaipam (sp?) and 50 mg extended release pristiq.
Im so sleepy all the time on both of them. i sleep through the night, wake up to a severe anxiety of attack of "what did i do wrong, will he come back?" take a lorazipam get to work and fall asleep at my desk again. either no one has noticed or no one has said anything. bc i'll sleep for hours at my desk. I'll wake back up to another anxiety attack at lunch, take another lorazipam them some how struggle through the afternoon. until i get home and can bawl my eyes out, yet again, to my mom or any family member that will listen.
Should i just brush off the comments about him not being in love with me? One days hes ok with talking to me and the next he wants nothing to do with me like im the scum of the earth. Its breaking my heart to not be able to help him or to know what is going on with him. I never meant to smother, i swear i didnt.
He may not know how to cope with what you are feeling and it may be very difficult for him ...Have you thought that the meds could be making you feel worse, it may be a good idea to ask the prescribing Doctor about Dosage or a change ...are you taking more than one med as sometimes there is also an interaction Never come of these drugs unless you speak to the Doctor and wean off very slowly as the withdrawal is severe....all the sleeping you do during the day is not a good thing ...Try to get a handle on the issues if he cant take it you may lose him ...There are some good Natural supplements may help you also talking it out and counselling can help...good luck hope you feel better soon I know its not simple ..
Seeing where you are from I think I know what plane you're talking about. I sincerely believe that he's going through some stuff that he needs to get help with. Soon too. He should not let it fester in his mind. Get it out and talk to somebody about it. Preferably a professional counselor who knows the right words to say and can help him work it out. I would imagine he might be feeling an enormous amount of guilt, although probably not deserved. Everyone in the organization from the wrench turner down to the admin folks feel a sense of pride and responsibility anytime one of those jets take off and lands safely. When something like that happens it feels like it happened to your own family. I would think that the longer he's been in that particular shop, the worse he feels. I hope this was the plane that the pilot ejected safely. Sounds like this all started after he found out that the deployment was cancelled and he wasn't going? My guess is that from the moment of finding out that he was deploying to the time when he found out it was cancelled he was probably having all sorts of feelings about it. Anticipation, nervousness, excitement to finally have a chance to perform the job you've been training to do in a real world situation, adrenalin rush (?), fear, sadness? And then the big letdown. Or good news to him? He may not be strong enough mentally to deal with all he's going through plus trying to fulfill the needs that you have. He may very well still love you. You were feeling depressed at one time but thankfully you were strong enough to ask a doctor for help, hence the anti-depressants. It's very possible that he's feeling the same way. Failing the PT test. Our new Air Force says he could lose his job if he can't pass the PT test. Very stressful. Most men don't easily recognize or admit that they need help, need to talk to someone or need to see a doctor. Especially if he's a stereotypical "macho" man? Nothing wrong with that, as long as you can figure out how to deal with him. You, probably more than most people around him, namely his friend, can relate to how depression feels. If you can empathize with him and try to get him to see a counselor I think that might be good for both of you in the long run. He may not even know that he's stressed or depressed. You might try talking to him about this during one of the few good moments.
I also agree with Margypops that you should get your anti-depressant medication figured out. I myself am a basket case if I forget to take mine for 2 days so not a good idea to try on your own without a doctor's input and advice. Once you've found the correct combination or dosage I think you will be able to see things a bit more clear.
I didn't intend to ramble on so long but sometimes it's hard for a non-military person to fully understand the strong sense of comaraderie folks feel for each other in some units. So don't blame yourself. You need to take care of yourself and you need to be your #1 priority. I wish you well and hope things turn around for you.
Yeah it was that one. Last i heard it ran out of fuel? He goes between being the macho man and being the nurturing "getting help is a good thing" type guy. He was super psyched about the deployment. The money, the time to get in shape, the time oversees to get some college classes in. The time away from here - which he hates it here. He found out about the cancel right before the PT test and he said he just didnt care. He failed the test of his own accord, not because he couldn't do it. Now they have him in fat-boy camp. A couple years ago he went through a really rough time on this base, He went to the dr because he couldn't sleep and they threw every type of sleeping pill they could at him, and nothing worked, they finally settled on him being bi-polar, which he's not at all. I think because of that, he's afraid to go back. I know lately he just doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care about getting stuff done, he doens't care about the PT test, he doesn't care about moving up in rank, his will to strive for better is gone and i know its because they've overloaded him in his shop. They expect perfect performance from him when he's doing 3 people's jobs at one time. ANd now they're getting a new tech sgt. which, according to him, means he could be up for a PCS - which he can't get until he passes PT.
Personally, i should have never gotten on my medication. I was happy with him and i thought i didnt need it. For the past 8 months he has looked me in the eye earnstly and honestly and told me he loves me and that he plans on keeping me, no matter where the military sends us. He has told me how scared he is about how strongly he feels about me and about how much he likes me having me around because he's not used it.
I know he was looking to me to be a strength in this time, and without my medication i was there when he needed me the most. I know i let him down. I let myself down. But he hasn't talked to me in nearly 3 weeks. The last he's actually said to me was "I love, but i'm not in love with you anymore. I just don't know that we're meant to be together My feelings just changed." he had one of his friends tell that he does want to talk to me, but not if im going to cry and beg for him back.
im an emotional, tender hearted person and he's my heart so of course that would happen, espcially bc i think it had a great deal to do with me being off my medication and not being strong for him. I dont know how to help him anymore. He said i was his closest and dearest friend and that he didnt want to lose that. But he's not coming to me and talking, so i'm afraid to approach him, im afraid i'll make it worse. He's not talking to his other best friend who got pcsd to Turkey either. A friend he always talks to.
Its hard when for 8 months everything is so perfect, so happy, so loving and open and honest then its just ripped away. Its hard to take care of myself when my whole world has been him for so long. I just want him to be ok. He says work is fine, that it really is just me - but i can't believe that. I can't believe he'd tell he planned on keeping me always and that i was his heart for his feelings to just change. Sorry i rambled. You really seem to hit the nail on the head of what i was thinking. I just dont know how to get through to him to help him or make sure he's ok anymore.
Not to mention, he's made all these grand gestures like giving one of his bank cards, putting my name down on his will, his emergency contacts for the military, for everything. He's made himself completely vulnerable to me when the deployment came up. And so far, he hasn't asked for any of that back. In three weeks he hasn't mentioned the cable bill, the phone plan, the fact that i alot of his vital paperwork. I dont know what to think or what to do.
Have not been able to get back in to check on you before now. How have things been going for you in the last fews days? Any contact with your boyfriend at all? I can definitely empathize with you on how your feeling. From what you say it does seem like he was rather abrubt. Hard to tell if all of what he's been dealing with in the military has a connection to what he's telling you? Or is he using it as an excuse to break up with you? Like you said, you were there when he needed you most........"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink".......you did not "let him down". The deep, emotional pain that you're feeling right now could maybe be eased just a little by talking to your doctor about the dosage of the meds? You might be able to think a little bit clearer. Able to cope with things better if only just a little bit. If he has been your entire world for all this time you might try finding just one small thing that's just yours right now. Doesn't have to be major. Just something that is only for you. Art class, aerobics class, painting? Something that you can do, that you might have enjoyed doing before you met him, where you won't be thinking about him during that time. It's okay to cry and vent to family and friends right now. That's good that you have them. You might be better able to help him when the opportunity comes up again. Realize though that you can't force it. I know that's a hard one.
Remember, one step at a time. Good luck to you and your boyfriend.
No, no word from him in over a week. HIs friends keep asking me how im doing. The therapist told me not to talk to him. He told his friends that he just didnt feel the same. I can't wrap my mind around that. Its been really hard these past few weeks. He was my whole world, the reason i got up in the mornings, my everything. So im not really sure what to do with myself anymore. I want to talk to him and explain my theory on the meds, but im trying to stick to what the therapist said and just leave him alone and let him talk to me when he's ready. but we still have the "stuff" to deal with, phone bills, computer equipment, dvds etc - i keep thinking if he was really intending to be done done done he would have wanted to clear all that stuff up right away. idk. I've gotta go - sorry such a short response - PM anytime please!
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