Experiencing a Missed Miscarriage

[my2lilgirls]

Hi, I just found out on Sept. 13th, at 9 weeks, 3 days along, that my baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks, 5 days. I had had no indications whatsoever of any problem, so it has come as a complete and devastating shock. So far, I've opted to wait to miscarry naturally. Although I'm nervous about the pending miscarriage and any complications that can result, my most pressing concern right now may seem unusual, as I've not been able to find any information about it online. I'm concerned about what to do with the baby after I miscarry. I asked the nurse at my doctor's office and she said to flush it down the toilet because they wouldn't need it for testing, due to this being my only miscarriage (fingers crossed.) I understand that the baby is very very tiny and also that it will be a bloody mess, but I still can hardly believe that I'm expected to flush my baby down the toilet like a dead goldfish. I feel, right now, that I would be disrespecting my baby, whom I love dearly, and that I would always regret and feel guilt over doing so. So, I'm wondering if I'm being overly melodramatic or if other people have dealt with this concept and found resolution. Are there other ways of handling the fetal tissue or is this just one more thing that I'll have to come to terms with? Many thanks - J.J.

[leighanne143]

i jad 2 missed miscarriages and 2 d and c's within a 5 months span.  it is a tough thing because just like you, i had not clue what was going on.  you would think that if you miscarry, you bleed.  it makes it tough to go through.  but the nurse is right, they do not do any testing on the first MC because although it is painful, it is very common.

i am now 18 weeks along with my baby boy after my 2 missed miscarriages.  so you can go on to have a very healthy pregnancy.  i suggest you give your mind and body a little bit to heal because with this new pregnancy, i was a nervous wreck and even to this day, i am still nervous.  if you have any questions, feel free to email me.  i am very honest and open with my story.

[peterjl]

I found out at 16 weeks of pregnancy that my baby had died.  My doctor induced me the next day.  I went through labor and delivered our beautiful baby boy who was perfect.  I then had a D & C after, since I was bleeding badily and unable to pass the placenta.  We buried him and have a gravestone for a place to visit and remember our beautiful baby boy.  Good Luck- it's one of the most difficult things you will ever do.  

[adgal]

I had a missed miscarriage, and its such a shock, along with the emotional trauma that comes with any loss.  In my case I had a D&C as I just couldn't handle the thought of continuing to carry knowing there was no hope.  Another member here, Latrice, did something I thought was really beautiful.  She had a burial, much like ann did and a memorial service.  I thought that was lovely.  Do what you feel is best for your peace of mind.  It is quite rare that there are any physical complications with first trimester m/c, but the emotional part of it can be difficult. Its important that you do what you need to do to find peace and move forward.  I wish you all the best.

[annrb]

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a missed miscarraige in may but i decided on a D&C mainly because i have other children and i did not want them to deal with what was happening. My hospital told me they would bury my baby in a respective way in the hospital grounds . they have a baby angel garden there. you could ask your hospital if they have something like that. I found it very comforting to think my baby was treated as a human being . I also laid a small angel statue on my fathers grave as i know my baby is now with him.I hope you find this helpful in this very sad time .

[ArmyPrincess819]

Hi I don't know if this will help you but over the weekend I experienced bleeding and I'm 6wks and 1 day today. I was clotting etc. I'm still waiting for conformation that it was a miscarriage or not but I felt and feel the very same way as you do. I had this discussion with my husband how I was in the bathroom and was afraid to flush and it was one of those automatic ones at the hospital and I cried thinking you sucked my baby down to the sewer. To everyone else I thought I would seem crazy but to me that was my baby that was half of the man I love my life my husband and to hear the flush and see it just get discarded like garbage was quite devastating. After seeing it I don't think I will ever be the same person again. I'm a very sensitive and genuine woman and I don't take things like that lightly. We tried so hard for this baby and the thought it's floating around in sewerage somewhere was quite disturbing. I just now look at the whole situation as if I'm pregnant I'm grateful if I'm not now I have a little angel looking over my husband and myself forever! I hope this helps you alittle bit. I hope you get through this and support each other it's just as hard on our men as it is on us. Be there for each other and then talk to as many people as you can and try not to be alone! Take care and good luck!

[jessicasj77]

I just miscarried on Friday. I opted to have a D&C so I wouldn't be sitting and waiting. MY priest came to visit me in the hospital and told the doctor to ask the lab to hold the remains and that we would bury the baby. He even called a funeral home and had them on standby.
I was supposed to be 10 weeks and found out the baby stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks. Anyway the lab called later on to tell us that there wasn't enough remains to hand over. But we did try and I suggest you do the same if you feel you want to.
It may be hard though if you are passing the baby at home, to determine what is the baby and what is the rest of the remains.
I am so sorry for your loss and know how you feel. As the days have passsed since Friday, it gets a little easier each day.
If you aren't able to do anything with the remains, remember that your baby goes right to heaven. My husband and I prayed about it and both felt strongly it was a girl. We came up with a name and now she is a part of our family forever.
Best wishes and my heart is with you.
Jessica