First Period after M/C...Feeling sad about it

[Christina2011]

Hey ladies,

So I got my first period this morning after having a D&C 5 weeks ago tomorrow.  Didn't think I would feel so sad about it, but I do.  And to make matters worse, I can STILL get a clear + HPT.  I had my HcG levels tested last week and they were at a 28.  Going again tomorrow morning to have them retested.  I swear I feel like by body is playing a cruel trick on me....here's your period (and a super heavy one at that) and here's a + HPT that I'm sure you are wishing was a true positive, but it's not.  Ugh!  My doctor did say that I could get my period even with a + HPT, but I can't imagine that I'm ovulating.  Hopefully my levels are coming down and that + will turn into a - soon so we can start trying again.  

But today is definately not starting off great.  Hate that these constant reminders of what was and no longer is are always around.  Just want to move on, but finding it hard to do so when nothing is the way that it "should" be.  

[EAM623]

Thank you so much for responding! As soon as posted that I felt awful b/c I did NOT want it sound like I was discounting your sadness. That was not my intent! I KNOW how much this whole process ***** and getting your period, whenever it happens, is like a punch in the gut. I just meant that sometimes getting that first period is a welcomed event, just b/c it can mean your body is starting to get back on track. Does that make sense?
That being said, I am so sorry to hear about how frustrating this whole thing has been for you. It is even WORSE to think you are getting your period, only to find out it's still just bleeding from the m/c. That happened to me with my first m/c in Dec. I was 9.5 weeks along with that one and had a D&C. Again, my bleeding went on and on forever, stopping and starting many times. Then, I stopped for about 19 days straight. When it started up again after that, I was sure it was my period... but then I found out my hcg was still around 50, so it wasn't. It was devastating b/c I thought my body was getting back to "normal." BUT, there is no normal for me... my cycles are crazy and irregular on their own, which makes this whole process even harder. Miscarriages just mess us up so badly. It's the worst.

I'm so glad for you that your hcg is finally back to zero. That is huge! And it is encouraging to me to know that I'm not alone in having this take forever. I know it WILL happen eventually, but a part of me always worries that there is still retained tissue or something that is making it take so long. They make you feel like 2 weeks is the normal time for a miscarriage, when really I don't think that is the case for many women.

Oh, and to answer your question... with the first m/c I was 9.5 weeks and found out at 10.5 weeks via an ultrasound. This time I was only 6.1 weeks, but found out at 9.5 weeks. Both experiences were completely different, but both were hard. And I know with you being even further along, it is just that much harder. Even the difference b/w knowing the baby was 6 weeks vs. 9 weeks the first time was drastic. I was grateful it didn't make it so far this time b/c it just makes it that much more difficult to come to terms with. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you. Was this your first pregnancy? Are you managing ok emotionally? It's so incredibly hard.

Thank you again for responding, and I really am sorry if I seemed insensitive on my first post! I am just at the point where I feel like i will lose it if I have to bleed for one more day... and yet, I know I will make it b/c I get through each day. I just want it to stop!

You'll be in my prayers.

[Christina2011]

I'm sorry to hear about your losses.  

At the time I posted this I was having what I "thought" was my period.  However, it turned out not to be.  I am just now having my "real" period.  Prior to this real period, I had bleeding on 2 separate occassions and was told by my doctor that it was most likely anovulatory bleeding....basically random uterine bleeding as a result of no ovulation.  

Here is my timeline (although everyone is different).  I hope it helps a little.

*Missed M/C on April 11, 2011 (Baby measured 11w2d, carried for 15w2d)
*D&C on April 12, 2011 (That was a Tuesday and I was done bleeding by Saturday)
*3 days of bleeding 2 weeks ago (turned out it was not my "real" period)
*1 day of bleeding 1 week ago (again, not my "real" period)
*Real period started this past Saturday (at least I think....7 weeks post D&C)

HcG Levels 3 weeks ago (4 weeks post D&C) were a 28
HcG Levels 2 weeks ago (5 weeks post D&C) were an 11
HcG Levels 1 week ago (6 weeks post D&C) were finally down to 0

I hope this helps a little.  Hang in there.  Everyone's body reacts differently.  According to the "norm" it took my body a lot longer to balance itself back out.  How far along were you when you miscarried?  

[EAM623]

I know the sadness that comes with it, but honestly when I read this I feel a bit jealous. I had a natural miscarriage in April and am STILL bleeding 4.5 weeks out. My hcg was still over 1,000 a week ago today. I am still very much in the midst of the physical loss part and would give ANYTHING to be at the point where I was having a period again (and therefore at least able to THINK about TTC again). As it is, I feel perpetually stuck. I can't move on when every day I am still seeing the red reminder of what I lost. This was my 2nd m/c (first one was in December), so it is hard to feel hopeful. And having the process drag on forever just feels cruel considering what a m/c already feels like. I read all of the comments about how fast people go back to "normal" and I just want to cry. I hate my body right now. I can't carry a baby the right way and then on top of it I can't even miscarry the right way. It is so very frustrating. :( I'm sorry about your period being hard (and I know it is), but I just wanted to say that things could be worse! I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. :) Hang in there and try to just hope in the future...

PS Has anyone else had bleeding last this long and hcg go down so slowly??

[seattlemom2plus]

On a positive note when you see your period it also means you are fertile once again :)  Super Sticky Baby Dust to everyone!  Take extra care of yourself during this time.

[luvloveluv]

i'm on my first period after my loss too, and it just ***** *** that i wasn't suppose to have it for another 3 months. my hcg levels were gone by week 3. it hurts seeing my period, as silly as it is.

baby dust for you sweetie, you deserve it!

[seattlemom2plus]

I don't know if this helps at all but when we had our miscarriage back in October, I opted to just have it naturally expel.  Yes there was emotion attached to the process but what helped me was I made a shrine in one of our rooms for the baby.  (this was after a few weeks of kind of healing and working through my emotions)  And our children even helped me with it.  I didn't ask them to, but they chose to.  They made signs that said "we love you." and we started a vigil with a little battery operated candle.  Week upon week we went ahead and would add things to the shrine, like for Halloween we put a little pumpkin on it, etc.

It helped me a lot.  It helped the children too.  3 months later I became pregnant.  We still have our shrine and it's for our little one and we keep the candle working too.  I know it sounds odd, but everyone has their own special way of working through this.  Just do whatever you feel intuitively is appropriate.  Baby dust to all of you and healing too :D

[jessjane]

I had my miscarriages in 2010 and we are trying again.  And everytime I go  to the bathroom and my period starts I bawl.  It is a monthly reminder to me that I failed, that I couldn't do my job as a mother and bring these children into the world.  It *****.  And sadly even after all these months I'm not better.  Here hoping you cope better than I have.  Loss is hard and pmsing on top of it just isn't fair.  

[angelbabies]

hi huni im yet to get my period after my D&C on the 21st on april but i recall from my other miscarriages how much it can hurt, im dreading my af all i can think about is what should of been and it cuts me up! the only positive i can think of about it is that i can ttc again but it still never takes the pain away of the angels we lost! x

[tschock]

I know how you feel...tired of looking at my fat belly, increased bust with the tingling in them, the big veins everywhere, and all the other reminders.
Lost baby on the fourth...and it ***** big time.
I haven't gotten a period yet, but I should in the next week or two I'm sure.
My only consolation is that I could see and hold the baby...I put her in with my dad's ashes...going to bury them together...seems only natural that they should be together.
Am I sick/depressed? Possibly...but grieving has a better ring to it.