How to find the strength to keep TTC after loss

[rorygirl]

For you ladies that are TTC after a loss, how do you keep the strength and sanity to keep trying?  I just started my 3rd cycle after the stillbirth of our daughter and I have to say I'm losing hope already.  It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant and it makes dealing with my failure so much harder.  I'm tired of feeling depressed, sad, and angry.  I will say that my good days do outweigh my bad but those bad days seem so intense at times.

So ladies, please share with me how you go on everyday with your sanity intact?  How do you deal with AF showing up?  How do you deal with your upcoming due date if you still aren't pregnant?

Sorry for so many questions and thank you in advance for taking the time to reply.

[MiniMin]

When I am around other pregnant women or young babies I feel the same way. I had to go to see my Husbands friends at the weekend who have both had little girls in the past year. I couldnt face it and had to make excuses. Unfortunately the next day his godsons were christened so there was no escaping it. I found it hard not to tear up or feel madly jealous at the women! I keep trying to think how much more love our child will get as we want them so much more. Having to go through all this has made me realised how special children are and how much I want my own. I see women/families shouting, ignoring and generally not appreciating what they have and I vow to myself I will not do that to my child. Thinking this way helps a little. It will never replace the other thoughts but hopefully with time the other thoughts will reside.
take care of yourself.

Minimin

[malarkin]

I posted last night, but today has been surreal!

I have had 2 'I was just passing' visits and a phone call today ( from 3 different friends) all telling me they are expecting and they are all due the same week as I was. All of them said ' we were just about to break the news to you when we heard what had happened, so we waited a while' OMG. How do I feel? I'm not really sure. I know they are great friends but i feel that I can't go out with them all at the moment this makes it 12 of my BEST mates, so lets hope I get over it by Christmas or it'll be a lonely one!
x

[rorygirl]

Sorry I haven't replied but I was out of town.  Thank you everyone for your replies and for sharing your stories with me.
I'm still struggling with my anger towards God.  It's not so much anger now as it is avaoidance I guess.  It feels like my head and heart are constantly at war.  My head knows that God would never do anything to hurt me but my heart is so broken over our loss that I find myself questioning WHY?
I'm so sorry that any of us have to be part of this unfortunate sisterhood.  I can relate to all of your feelings, worries, and fears.  I hope that all of you find peace and that one day you will be blessed with a healthy baby.  Thanks for keeping hope alive.

[DECEMBER21]

Thanks for that, i unfortunatley still have both ovaries but only one tube so now when i ovulate on my right hand side i cant concieve due to there being no tube, it confuses me, cos i will ovulate and still have a period from that side but cant have a baby unless my egg travels over to my other side where i have a healthy tube and ovary.
xx

[malarkin]

Hi

I had m/c just over 3 weeks ago, We will try again, but I have since found out that 9 of my close friends are all expecting - all within 2 months of my due date. 2 of my couson's have had babies in the last 2 weeks, and it is hard, really hard. But I am sure we will get there, I do feel that sometimes i don't want to be around when my friends have a get together, but 'm sure that is quite a natural reaction; and i have no doubt that some of you have had the same feelings.

It is so nice to just to be able to talk to people that REALLY understand... and are honest about their feelings

x

[Victoria01]

It's not easy. I had a m/c a year ago and was so afraid to try again. I didn't think I would be able to handle another loss. You just have to have faith that you will have the baby you so desire. It takes time, patience and a little anger, but it is all worth it in the end. I am now 11w4d along and am scared something will go wrong.

[LilTq]

It is really hard to keep hoping that just maybe you will get lucky. I've had 13 miscarriages all of which were very hard. I feel miserable, angry, and jealous all the time. I feel bad for being jealous cuz i do have a son who i feel very lucky to have. My son was the second pregnancy and i keep feeling like maybe im doing something wrong. It makes it hard cuz im only 20 and thinking that ill never be able to have another little one. I'm extremely jealous of my twin sister she can have kids with no problem and I keep telling myself that one day ill get lucky. After awhile you do lose hope but stay strong there is always alittle hope left.

[sue68]

Hi,
I'm 41 and have yet to have a child .  I m/c'd twice and am ttc'ing again because we want to have our own little family so badly.  How do I keep myself up whenever friends happily announce their pregnancies ?   I'm not of Christian faith but, I am spiritual.  I have no choice but to swallow the helpless / hopeless feeling that starts welling up in my chest and celebrate with them " Because," I tell myself , " my time WILL come and everyone will celebrate with me."   Its a constant struggle to keep positive but, I know its better for me if I keep my chin up and to not worry. But, I found this forum last year and I recognize quite a few who are now on the pregnancy forum and that gives me great hope.  We all root for each other here because someone's happy story gives so many alot of hope.  And I see there is alot of hope.   My first m/c happened last Halloween  - think I'll pig out on candy this year.  My second pregnancy - due date was set for this coming December 25th - 26th.  I don't know what I'm going to do - pain is still fresh.   As for AF arriving , when my 2nd cycle after the m/c came  I cried.  I was hoping so much to be pg.   The next time it does arrive - I have dark chocolate waiting and I'll console myself with other things I shouldn't have when you think you're pg :  sushi, coffee ....Sorry I don't have a secret trick to keeping positive - I do know that everytime I pick myself up - I feel stronger.  I hope you will too.


To : December21

My best friend had one ovary removed when she was 18.  She got pregnant twice since then ( although she didn't keep them ) - so don't you give up hope. Just because you have one ovary does not mean your chances of getting pregnant have been reduced to half - your remaining one kicks in to make up for the missing one.  

[hope4lilbaby]

Good luck.  Just believe...you already know it's possible since you have a child already :)  Everyone around me has children.  I am 33, and I have none.  I recently got pregnant, but suffered and miscarriage and had to have a D&C done last week.  I was so heartbroken.  I was really scared too since this was my first pregnancy.  This event hasn't stopped us from trying again as my husband and I both really want a baby. Hopefully when we try next year, it'll be a successful pregnancy.  

[LADYBJTHOM]

Always keep your faith and remember God won't put no more on you than what can handle. I know. I lost my baby May 27, 2008. Over a year ago. It took me 6 years to get pregnant with that baby and as soon as I get everyone excited it was over. Now me and my husband has been ttc since and nothing. We have 2 boys ages 10 & 7 but we will really like to add to our addition. Everyone around me also is pregnant even the ones who don't want babies. I had one friend have an abortion a couple of months ago. that really hurts. I keep holding on to Him (The LORD) that he will never leave or forsake me, so my advice to you is to know that it is under control and that God knows the desire of all our hearts. KEEP THE FAITH!  LOVE LINDA

[miznmybaby]

It is very very Very hard to find strenght after a m/c! I had one on july 18th and it was my first one after having 5 healthy pregnancies! I cried, I was angry, confused, sad , and hurt also embarrased thinking that something was wrong with me or that I had done something wrong! BuT I never stop praying and venting my feelings to GOD! I strongly Believe that we should never put a QUESTION mark where God has put a PERIOD! Everything happen for a reason! I fell pregnant before getting my first af. So PRAY and TRUST GOD! YOU WILL FIND STRENGHT IN HIM AND ALSO A NEW MIRACLE.....I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU OKAY...

[DECEMBER21]

Hi Thought i would share my story with you.  I suffered an ectopic on 21 Decmber last year, and every month seem harder and harder 5 of my close friends of mine are all having babies at the monet and my closes went into labour today, mine was due August my firend had one in july then my close friend today another in october and one in nov and dec, which makes it all the more harder to handle.  I had a ruptured extopic which i was an hour off dying due to the mass of internal bleeding had two blood tranfusions and my right tube removed!! i was and still am very devestated by it as now i will struggle compared to women who still have two tubes! i fear every day i wont concieve but i keep telling myself to be strong.  im so sorry for your loss, but i do believe that good things come to good ppl and keep you in my prayers!! good luck!! i have everything crossed for you and everyone who struggles and myself that one day we'll have healthy pregnancy and babies!!

[rorygirl]

Thank you so much for the reply.  I'm sorry for your losses.  You are truly stronger than I am to keep going.  Sometimes I just feel hopeless, like we will never have another child.  Thanks for just letting me vent.  I really hope the day you bring a baby home in your arms comes soon.

[udbe2]

I guess I just keep going and find strength with others here that have gone through as much or more than I have.  I can't honestly say that I know exactly how you are feeling as I have only been able to carry to about 9 wks but I've gone through 7 m/c's.  Never been on birth control and I'm 36.   I used to hate seeing others pregnant around me and I would get so jealous however I just smile and think to myself "one day I will too have a little one to hold and love."  

I have so many upcoming due dates that I don't think I can keep up with them any more.  I had a due date back in July  and the next one is this Feb.  even though I'm still in the TTC boat again.  

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and hope you find comfort w/ us all here to help you get through some of your bad days.