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Miscarriage
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Miscarriage

I suffered a miscarriage a couple weeks ago.  I am 34 years old, non-smoker, and rarely drink.  I eat fairly healthy. I rarely eat fast food, and eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.   I’ve never been pregnant before.  When I got the positive pregnancy test, I was shocked and excited at the same time. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and when I found out that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic.  The very next day, I woke up sweating, which is something I get before I start my period.  I ran right to the emergency room to be checked out.  My hcg levels were at 24, but they couldn’t say for sure if I was having a miscarriage.  A few days later, I started to spot.  It was brown at first, but then became heavy like a period.  I went to the emergency room, and they drew blood.  My hcg levels dropped down to 20. Again, the doctor couldn’t determine if I was having a miscarriage.  I knew in my heart and gut that I was losing my baby.  I was only 4 weeks along, but I was so disappointed.  I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant, it just happened.  I was instructed to go in every few days to have my hcg levels checked.   I was devastated.  I cried for several days.   I already knew that I was having a miscarriage.  It wasn’t confirmed until Monday that my hcg levels had dropped down to zero.  The doctors say I am healthy, but I am still trying to make sense of what went wrong.  They ran a lot of blood tests when I was in the emergency room, and the doctors said that everything came back normal.  It has been only a couple of weeks since I had the miscarriage, but I still feel so empty and sad over it.  I keep wondering ‘what if’.   What did I do wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Did I not eat enough, or eat the right foods? Did I turn a certain way? Did I wear clothes that were too tight? Did I sleep wrong?  Did I lift something that was too heavy? All of these things keep going through my mind.  The first few days were the most difficult.  It seemed like every time I turned around there were babies, children, and pregnant women everywhere.   I still haven’t fully recovered emotionally.  I have been writing in a journal to ease my pain….it helps a little, but not completely.  I still have bouts of crying every now and then.  I am functioning better than I was a couple weeks ago. I have rejoined the living, but I am still struggling with the emotional pain.   Then there is the worry that if I get pregnant again, will I have another miscarriage, or will it take this time?  I know that a lot of first pregnancies end in miscarriage, but that doesn’t make me feel better in any way whatsoever.  I still feel like I did something wrong, or that something is wrong with me.   I know logically that there probably isn’t anything wrong with me, even my sister keeps telling me that I am fine, and that it probably won’t happen again.  I also wonder if most other women go through what I am presently going through when they have miscarriages. Are all of the feelings that I am going through, normal?
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2063110_tn?1398570934
Sorry for your loss... :0(To answer your question yes all those emotions are very normal. It okay to feel that way and just let it out and don't keep it bottle up. I have had 3 miscarriages one at 8weeks,6 weeks and most recent 15 weeks in Oct 2011. I had alot of bitterness and anger because you will never get the answer of why it happened? You will wonder why me? And all that's normal.I blamed myself over what I could of done to stop it but you realize its not your fault. You will worry the next time your pregnant but you just try to stay positive and you will appreciate that pregnancy so much more!! *hugs* your not alone.
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry for the loss, but we all women once in life time we experiance a loss but we don't talk about it.  When we see other people with kids/ pregnant we think that they all perfect.  That wasn't true.  I was in that shoe, I have 3 kids, healthy no drink nor smok, but the past 10 months, I had 3- miscarrage (miscarriage).  which the last one was a week a go.  but nicole, you didn't do any thing wrong, nor you will experiance another one.  Like my doctor said, fertility is a wired thing.  In your case it sound like a chemical pregnancy, which is a false positive that's what I had at first I was 4 1/2 weeks pregnant.  stay healthy and active, stay postive.  It heart, but it's in the hand of the almaighty god..  He knows our needs.  I bleam my self, for the past two, I couldn't wait to be sexually active.  I belive I heart my self by not been patient enogh.  The dr. told me atlist to wait two more cycle, the reason is that our horrmon level, and our system need to become normal.  I read lot's of story, which happen a week letter, not for every body.  I start joining the site recently, I know what I went throught, what if, I want share my story, if I can help others like me so I log every day to listen other sory, and confort others.   Good luck  Nicole it's not the last....
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1935407_tn?1339237714
Hun... i am so sorry for your loss... its must be so hard..!!! but hey... you not alone feeling this way.. here i am dying.. walking zombie... and none stop asking myself what i have done wrong..????? i more or like u.. healthy.. i never even smoke or drink... i love salad the most.. soup and all the healthy foods you name it.. but still i loss my Baby Aidan at 21weeks and gone thru still birth last Jan 15... :(( i don't know what to say to comfort you hun.. but let me tell u this, i do truly understand how u felt, its not get easier for me day by day but i wish it will with you hun.. i am so sorry this might not the best comments you read but forgive me to vent my feelings that more or less just like yours.. :(( worst more i sleep with my Baby Aidan's ashes.. its almost 2 months now and i still crying badly... :((

Hugs... xx
Rachel
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1994832_tn?1336762874
So sorry for your loss.

I went through a silent miscarriage & only found out my baby had died when I had my 12 week scan!!  This was my 1st pregancy, happened in Jan 2012.

I am scared that it could happen again, people say it's going to be fine, but time will decide that. I wish you luck & happiness, and it may never happen again, sometimes it's just a one off. I really hope that's the case, can't deal with a 2nd one.

I am also fit and healthy and I don't drink and smoke, u did nothing wrong at all so stop blaming yourself.

Makes me angry why all theses BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, on this website have experienced such heartache and pain, we so deserve to be mothers, and then u hear of child neglect and mothers hurting there babies, makes me feel sick that evil people can have children & beautiful people who really want a child have all this HASSELL, Makes me so mad.

I pray hard that each one of u have children and soon and my heart goes out to hotmama bless her.

lets try and be positive as we can, i know it's hard.

Rachel x
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