Missed Miscarriage - how long should I wait for a natural miscarriage

Hi Ladies, I need some advise.

During my first preg (2007) we found out at 9.5 weeks that our baby stopped growing at 7wks, I was sent immediately for a D&C. We were in such shock that we just followed the Dr's instructions.  The D&C left me feeling terrible, one day we were so excited thinking we would see our baby via ultrasound for the first time and by the next day, I was in hospital waking up with an empty belly.
My hormones took over a week to settle back down (to loose the tender breasts, stop feeling nauseas) my body still thought it was pregnant yet my head knew our baby no longer existed. To make matters worse I spent the next few days surfing the web to try and get some answers as to why this happens and came across so many stories of Dr’s getting it wrong and recommending D&C’s and women that ignored them and went on the have healthy babies.
I know in my head that our baby really was already gone, but there are times when I can’t help and think what if they made a mistake, and what if we just waited to let nature take it’s course. I think if I’d miscarried naturally I would have had better closure.

Now my in my second pregnancy - I went for my Nuchal scan a two days ago and unfortunately baby #2 also has no heartbeat. I am (or was) 12w 3d along – Just starting to relax that we made it to the 12 weeks mark. Our little one measured 10w 4d.  

Right now I’m hurt, confused and probably not thinking very straight but this time I want to miscarry naturally. I know this will be hard, but I think in the years to come I will feel better about it knowing that nature gave us this baby and then nature took it away.
But I really need some advise –

How long should I wait for this happen naturally before I let the Dr’s step in and do a D&C?
What can I expect, will I cramp before I bleed or will I bleed first
I know this sounds a horrible question but what can I do with the remains (I don’t want to flush my baby down the toilet)
Is there anybody that has miscarried naturally, but regrets it and wish they’d had a D&C?

[Kimmy9093]

Hi DideeC.

My prayers are with you for what you're going thru. I have gone thru 2 natural miscarriages, and I'm actually on my 3rd right now. On Mon I'm going in for a D&E cuz I'm not bleeding yet. The only reason I'm not bleeding yet is cuz I was on progesterone suppositories that actually kept me from not bleeding, and kept the sac & yolk sac growing, believe it or not.

My last 2 m/c's I started bleeding and that's how I knew I was miscarrying. My DR during my 1st m/c a year ago, was a complete idiot, and didn't think to question why I kept measuring 2 wks behind at EVERY sonogram, and I was completely ignorant at the time to realize it myself. I wouldn't have changed miscarrying naturally, and the only reason I'm getting a D&E this time, is cause my new DR's, who are amazing, are going to analyze the tissue, and we may get more questions answered.

As for the remains, I know another girl on Med Help burried her lil bean at the beach, which I thought was awesome. Personally, both times, i couldn't bring myself to touch any of the remains, but that's just me.

I know your pain FIRST HAND, and if your body passes it naturally, let nature take it course. If you haven't already had chromosome testing, progesterone testing, and a complete list blood clotting & folic acid testing, get it done, so you're not going thru a 3rd m/c. I, unfortunately have all of the above and that's why I'm on my 3rd m/c.

Good luck and I'm praying for you. Stay positive & keep your faith.

Kim

[leighanne143]

i am so sorry.  i know how you feel.  i myself had 2 MC's back to back, one Oct 07 and another Feb 08, 5 months apart.  i chose d and c's both times only because i could not handle potentially walking around for a month with my baby inside of me not alive.  it can take up to a month sometimes for natural.  

i think you need to do what is in your heart right now.  for some reason though, i have to tell you, my second d and c was so much smoother.  no cramping afterwards and i got my period 2 weeks after.  i also chose the d and c the second time so they could run test on the tissues to see if something was wrong with the baby.

i do suggest though you go in and see a fertility specialist to have recurrent pregnancy loss tesitng done.  this will help to see if you have common things like low progesterone of a clotting DO which causes MC's and are both very easily treatable but unfortunately some of us women have to suffer a couple of losses before it is detected.

again i am so sorry and if you have any questions for me, please feel free to email me or just ask.  i too have been through what you have and i am hear even if it is to just vent.

leigh

[hope61]

Hey D. I am very sorry for what you are going through. I just recently has a miscarriage on 7/1/08. I went to the on the reg appt. hcg blood test, ultrasounds and all that. What they told me was that I had an empty sac, no fetal pole, no heartbeat. The first appointment when they told me that, I came back and researched, just like you said a lot women who were told that in error. So when the doc gave me the options, I knew I wanted to wait. This is very heard though. Just waiting is torture.I had hope that the baby will develop but eventually I started to feel cramps two weeks later. Then the bleeding came along. Eventually I miscarried. I was getting off work and didn't want to go to hospital since I was so affraid of them wanting to do the dnc. I went to the bathroom everything just fell to the toilet. Big mistake.  I should have went to the hospital, they are able to send the (its so hard to describe thinks without making it sound so cruel) bag and cells to the lab and could have possibly found the reason for miscarriage. Just for peace of mind.  If you decide to go to the hospital, just tell them you don't want a dnc. If they tell you u still have tissue, you will eventually discharge that through the days you are bleeding after. Unless they tell you is the placenta and still attached to your body or something like that. and if you decide to not go to the hospital than be prepared, my mom told me I could have had a clean jar or something to hold everything in a small burial will also give you closure and some peace.  I suggest this things because I did nothing like that I don't know what I was thinking! I didn't want to go to hospital NO DNC! But I knew it was coming that it self was devastating. But I don't know why I didn't think about getting the remains and I don't know bringing them home for a small burial. I have no closure. Besides all that I have to deal with the guilt that I could have killed my baby by drinking chamomile tea.  The doctors say that is ridiculous, but I read a website that tells me different. Chamomile tea is suppose to be a stimulant and could terminate pregnancy. I am never going to live with that. I wanted my baby so badly. That I don't even know how TF that happened. Sorry I am just all confused, sad and everything. Girl think think think and make sure its what you want. exhaust all possibilities. Get other ultrasounds, I mean did you ever hear the heartbeat? Maybe doctor just didn't see it. Stop growing, maybe growth just slowed down. Just wait. If it does happened be prepare with what I said. Because I can't tell you to be prepared mentally that you can never be. Even after I had it, I was trying to be strong about it, I was fine right after it happend I could not even believe it. I ask myself, I did all my grieving while waiting now it happened so is it like what now!, then the second day I stood home I slept a lot. Third day I was back at work... Big mistake! I was exhausted that night, weak and everything. and on 4th of July, It hit me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel empty no tummy no nothing just empty. I still forget and feel like there is something there. I had to go back to work eventually but the minute I get out. forget it. So girl take care of yourself, don't forget Jesus our Lord, pray everyday, everynight, when you wake, when you sleep. Nothing is more important right now than you, forget the world. TAKE YOUR TIME. And D. let me tell you this is the best website you could have found. This has been my most support, my 2 BEST FRIENDS, pratically kicked me to the curve, people get tired of hearing you moan and wonder. My mom is the only one that calls me everyday. Other than that is the people on this site that has really supported, listened and were willing to talk.
Take lots of care. and if ever need to talk send me a message, I promise to check and respond. GIRL I FEEL YOU THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD JUST PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAY.

[hope61]

Hey Leigh, well I read the comment you posted for D.and if you want to read about my situation, I also posted a comment for her. Actually, I b on here so much that, I got familiar with all you guys. I feel for you too, I am sorry about your losses.

As you might read, if you do, I have no peace in my heart. I have a question for you. When you had the dnc in Feb. where they able to tell you the cause. How far where you and did they find a fetus.

In my case, I was told I had no fetal pole no heartbeat, the doctor said a bag of cells only and no baby. I just don't understand that! I don't mean to be graphic it bothers some people, it bothers me, but I just have so many questions that I have to get detailed. I know there is nothing I can do now, but when I wiped I picked up a small piece of discharge like a small clot, it kinda seemed like a little bean with two dots on side but it was attached to a lump of clot. I wonder can this have been my baby, but the doctors said there was no baby, I wish I would have though about bringing home, like  I said I don't know what I was thinking. Then when I went in for follow up to doctor asked" did you take it to the hospital", I didn't even know you could do that!

I just wished I could talk to GOD, I know that won't be till I leave this fkn world. Sorry that's just how I'm feeling.

[Latrice414]

Im sorry for your loss, i had a d&c, i found out i had a missed m/c at 10weeks and 3 days, fetus measured 10 weeks.  er Dr asked me did i want to wait and talke to my ob first or have d&c, and i have read that a natural m/c could take up to a month like leighanne said, and i could not imagine walking around with a dead fetus in my stomache, that day i woke up, i new something was wrong, i did not feel a sense of being pregnant.  This was my first m/c and i wanted the d&c that same day but i waited til monday to see my ob and got second u/s wich confirmed baby was dead, i had d&c next day, and just those 5 days walking around with dead baby in me was terrible.  I would do a little research on both, then do what is in your heart and whats best for you.  I can only pray that i heal and god gives me the ability to carry a baby even after having a d&c.  Again sorry for your loss, i will keep you in my prayers

[hope4one]

You can talk to God through many, many forms of prayer - hope you're feeling better.  I will pray for you. My heart goes out to you, as I'm going through my own miscarriage.

[Zirka]

I'm very sorry for your loss.My heart is breaking for you.
You are in my prayers.Sending lots of love and hugs your way.