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Missed Miscarriage-My story for anyone looking for answers and support
I wanted to share my story with others going through the same in hopes to answer questions and also give support to those in need. There are some parts in my story that are very detailed and there are choices I made that might not be understood by some but please be respectful and do not leave rude comments. This is just to help those that choose to read it. Thank you.
On May 20, 2010 I took a HPT and discovered that I was pregnant (2nd pregnancy). I had my first u/s on June 14, 2010 which to my surprise showed TWINS! They measured 7weeks1day and my husband and I could clearly see their beautiful and tiny little heartbeats. I was so thrilled and was already going over everything we would need to buy for them before even leaving the exam room. After the exam the doctor sat my husband and I down to talk. She told us that with twins there was a chance that one might not make it and not to be shocked if this is what we found at the next u/s. I thought it was a horrible thing to tell us but I understood the chances and know she had to prepare us just incase. As with my first pregnancy (which ended with a healthy baby girl) I was having horrible morning sickness all day and could barely eat anything. I began losing weigh right after becoming pregnant and having started at 102lbs it made me nervous. I dropped all the way down to 92lbs and held that weight for two weeks after my first u/s. I was having very bad feelings about the pregnancy (more so than the typical worries when pregnant) and I called my doctor. I told her how I was feeling and asked to come in sooner than my next appt which was 2 weeks away. Well, you cant really tell a doctor you have "bad feelings" and expect much of a reaction. She told me not to worry and hold out til my appt. A few days later (July 4, 2010) I was having some backpain and decided since I could not count on my doctor I would try something else. I went to the ER and explained my back pain and that I was pregnant and very worried. I was brought to an exam room and the ER doctor did a u/s. He found the babies measured 7weeks6days (when I should have been 10weeks) and they had no heartbeats. It was a missed miscarriage. We were beyond devastated. I was urged to go immediately for a D&C but decided to schedule it for two days later because I was having a lot of trouble processing everything. I went home and left a message for my doctor to call me. Later that day her nurse called me and said there was nothing the doctor could do for me anymore and would not see me! I was so angry and confused, so I decided to research everything that I could. After talking with my husband we decided a D&C was not the right choice for us for many reasons. I didnt want to have surgery which had its own complications (as does natural miscarriage), and it seemed wrong to have them taken out of me. Also, we wanted to have them cremated which would not be an option after a D&C. So I canceled the appt and waited to miscarry naturally. The weeks went by and my new doctor encouraged me to have the D&C several times. On July 23, 10 I started spotting. Another couple weeks went by and nothing happened. My family and I moved to a new state and again I had a new doctor. At that point I had carried them for seven weeks after they had passed and only had slight bleeding, and so I decided I needed to try the medication to induce. On August 12, 2010 I took the medication (vaginal tablets) and immediately started bleeding and cramping. The cramping wasnt very bad (that of a strong period) but I knew it was time. I rushed to the bathroom and everything passed all at once. There was no physical pain (which is different with everyone), only the emotional devastation of losing them all over again. I passed everything into a large bowl so that we could save it for the cremation. I know everyone grieves differently and whatever way helps you is what you need to do. For my husband and I, these were our children no matter how far along in the pregnancy. And we treated them in that way. We wanted to see and hold our babies, and so we did. We carefully opened the sac, cut their umbilical cords and held our tiny twins in our hands. We could see their eyes and tiny arms and legs that were forming, but together they were only the size of a dime. After, we wrapped them together in one of the baby caps that are given at the hospital (since that is what they would have worn) and we placed them in a little jewelry box. We had them cremated and put their ashes into cremation necklaces that my husband and I wear. It allows us to keep our babies close to us always. On Aug 13, 2010 I went in for a follow up appt and u/s. The doctor said that everything had passed which later blood test also confirmed. I have suffered through many break downs and a lot of crying, but I know that my babies are in a better place and I believe I will see them one day. I still become very upset and sad when I think about them, or I see twins at the store or in a movie, or when my husband talks about them. Every sunday I think "I should be another week further into my pregnancy" and hirt knowing im not. It has been the most difficult thing either of us has been through and I dont think it is something we will ever "get over". We lost our children and thats how we will always see it. We loved them from the moment we found out I was pregnant and we will continue to love them.
I want to offer any support that I can because I know talking to others has helped me a lot and I want to be there for anyone that I can.
Please feel free to message me with any questions or if you just want to talk.
I am truly sorry for anyone going through this.
On May 20, 2010 I took a HPT and discovered that I was pregnant (2nd pregnancy). I had my first u/s on June 14, 2010 which to my surprise showed TWINS! They measured 7weeks1day and my husband and I could clearly see their beautiful and tiny little heartbeats. I was so thrilled and was already going over everything we would need to buy for them before even leaving the exam room. After the exam the doctor sat my husband and I down to talk. She told us that with twins there was a chance that one might not make it and not to be shocked if this is what we found at the next u/s. I thought it was a horrible thing to tell us but I understood the chances and know she had to prepare us just incase. As with my first pregnancy (which ended with a healthy baby girl) I was having horrible morning sickness all day and could barely eat anything. I began losing weigh right after becoming pregnant and having started at 102lbs it made me nervous. I dropped all the way down to 92lbs and held that weight for two weeks after my first u/s. I was having very bad feelings about the pregnancy (more so than the typical worries when pregnant) and I called my doctor. I told her how I was feeling and asked to come in sooner than my next appt which was 2 weeks away. Well, you cant really tell a doctor you have "bad feelings" and expect much of a reaction. She told me not to worry and hold out til my appt. A few days later (July 4, 2010) I was having some backpain and decided since I could not count on my doctor I would try something else. I went to the ER and explained my back pain and that I was pregnant and very worried. I was brought to an exam room and the ER doctor did a u/s. He found the babies measured 7weeks6days (when I should have been 10weeks) and they had no heartbeats. It was a missed miscarriage. We were beyond devastated. I was urged to go immediately for a D&C but decided to schedule it for two days later because I was having a lot of trouble processing everything. I went home and left a message for my doctor to call me. Later that day her nurse called me and said there was nothing the doctor could do for me anymore and would not see me! I was so angry and confused, so I decided to research everything that I could. After talking with my husband we decided a D&C was not the right choice for us for many reasons. I didnt want to have surgery which had its own complications (as does natural miscarriage), and it seemed wrong to have them taken out of me. Also, we wanted to have them cremated which would not be an option after a D&C. So I canceled the appt and waited to miscarry naturally. The weeks went by and my new doctor encouraged me to have the D&C several times. On July 23, 10 I started spotting. Another couple weeks went by and nothing happened. My family and I moved to a new state and again I had a new doctor. At that point I had carried them for seven weeks after they had passed and only had slight bleeding, and so I decided I needed to try the medication to induce. On August 12, 2010 I took the medication (vaginal tablets) and immediately started bleeding and cramping. The cramping wasnt very bad (that of a strong period) but I knew it was time. I rushed to the bathroom and everything passed all at once. There was no physical pain (which is different with everyone), only the emotional devastation of losing them all over again. I passed everything into a large bowl so that we could save it for the cremation. I know everyone grieves differently and whatever way helps you is what you need to do. For my husband and I, these were our children no matter how far along in the pregnancy. And we treated them in that way. We wanted to see and hold our babies, and so we did. We carefully opened the sac, cut their umbilical cords and held our tiny twins in our hands. We could see their eyes and tiny arms and legs that were forming, but together they were only the size of a dime. After, we wrapped them together in one of the baby caps that are given at the hospital (since that is what they would have worn) and we placed them in a little jewelry box. We had them cremated and put their ashes into cremation necklaces that my husband and I wear. It allows us to keep our babies close to us always. On Aug 13, 2010 I went in for a follow up appt and u/s. The doctor said that everything had passed which later blood test also confirmed. I have suffered through many break downs and a lot of crying, but I know that my babies are in a better place and I believe I will see them one day. I still become very upset and sad when I think about them, or I see twins at the store or in a movie, or when my husband talks about them. Every sunday I think "I should be another week further into my pregnancy" and hirt knowing im not. It has been the most difficult thing either of us has been through and I dont think it is something we will ever "get over". We lost our children and thats how we will always see it. We loved them from the moment we found out I was pregnant and we will continue to love them.
I want to offer any support that I can because I know talking to others has helped me a lot and I want to be there for anyone that I can.
Please feel free to message me with any questions or if you just want to talk.
I am truly sorry for anyone going through this.
On the 13th of July i took a HPT. Not because i had a feeling i was preg but because there was on there and i wanted to see what whould happen.. It came out positive. We were happy behond belief. we allready had a almost 2 yr old girl but after suffering a m/c earlier on in the same year it was all we wanted. I had to tell me husband over the telephone as he was working away for the week and we both cryed from happiness. I got an appt with a new dr as we had just moved and she sent me for my first dating ultrasound. Every day my husband talked and kissed my growing belly.. I though it was just bloating and we told our daughter that she was going to be a bigger sister and we came up with names.. Bethany-leigh and Joshua Wyatt.. I waited untill the night before the ultrasound to tell everyone as last time we told everyone then lost the baby..
The ultrasound place was about 2 hours from my home so on the 27th my husband went to work and i left with my daughter to get my dating ultrasound.
After waiting my turn and drinking all that water it was my turn to see my baby. The tech told me that the baby was a great lenght.. about 12 weeks and that everything looked good. The leg bones and spine were the correct lenght. She also told me there was not twins as i was parranoid it would be.. Then she informed me i need a vaginal ultrasound. I asked her was everything ok and she said yes no need to worry..
But they couldnt find a heartbeat... it broke my heart. I asked her over and over again to check and check again which she did. But in the end she told me there was no hope the baby was dead. That was it i broke down. I have never cryed so hard in my life. I couldnt breath and was hyperventelating.. Then she told me to go home. I was to wait for my dr to ring me when she had the chance..
after spending all day in the town the ultrasound place was i got home. with the help of friends who drove 2 hours to pick me up i was devestated.
In the end i was told there was no chance i would pass nautraly. as thats what i wanted i cryed some more. And i was booked into have a d and C. I asked where would the baby go and what would happen to it but i was then told not to think about that. where to baby goes theose people deal with that all the time.. All i asked was the baby would be treated with respect.. I asked if it could be taken home so we could get it cremated but again i was told me. it wasnt good for me.
So what i am trying to say is im so glad you got to hold your babies and see them. I never got the chance and it had been all i can think about. I never got to see the ultrasound pictures and i dont have nay memory excpet for getting it taken away...
as you can see i know how you feel and hope your journey of recovery is going smoothly..
i wish you all the best
The ultrasound place was about 2 hours from my home so on the 27th my husband went to work and i left with my daughter to get my dating ultrasound.
After waiting my turn and drinking all that water it was my turn to see my baby. The tech told me that the baby was a great lenght.. about 12 weeks and that everything looked good. The leg bones and spine were the correct lenght. She also told me there was not twins as i was parranoid it would be.. Then she informed me i need a vaginal ultrasound. I asked her was everything ok and she said yes no need to worry..
But they couldnt find a heartbeat... it broke my heart. I asked her over and over again to check and check again which she did. But in the end she told me there was no hope the baby was dead. That was it i broke down. I have never cryed so hard in my life. I couldnt breath and was hyperventelating.. Then she told me to go home. I was to wait for my dr to ring me when she had the chance..
after spending all day in the town the ultrasound place was i got home. with the help of friends who drove 2 hours to pick me up i was devestated.
In the end i was told there was no chance i would pass nautraly. as thats what i wanted i cryed some more. And i was booked into have a d and C. I asked where would the baby go and what would happen to it but i was then told not to think about that. where to baby goes theose people deal with that all the time.. All i asked was the baby would be treated with respect.. I asked if it could be taken home so we could get it cremated but again i was told me. it wasnt good for me.
So what i am trying to say is im so glad you got to hold your babies and see them. I never got the chance and it had been all i can think about. I never got to see the ultrasound pictures and i dont have nay memory excpet for getting it taken away...
as you can see i know how you feel and hope your journey of recovery is going smoothly..
i wish you all the best
Thank you for your kid words. Chrissymom, I am so sorry for your loss as well and I hope for the best with your current pregnancy. Ive heard of others who experienced the same but went on to have a healthy baby. I will keep you in my prayers. SuzyScorp, I imagine it will be the same for us as well. I look at my daughter and worry for everything in her future. Her first day of school, her first first boyfriend, graduating and moving out, etc. And then I think of my twins and hate that I wont get to worry about all those things for them.
I feel that sharing my story and talking with others is helping me a lot, but there is still so much pain that I cant even find the words to explain.
Thank you again for your responses and I wish all of you the best!
I feel that sharing my story and talking with others is helping me a lot, but there is still so much pain that I cant even find the words to explain.
Thank you again for your responses and I wish all of you the best!
Hi, I just read your story about your twins and your heartwrenching decisions. I commend you for your strength you have! I had a miscarriage 28 years ago and I still think about the baby I lost!
Hearing your story I know you are a person of great courage. I'm very sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for ur lost.... I completely understand what u did I did some crazy stuff when I miscarried... No one can really understand what u r goin thru because every ones experience it diff and we all grieve diff I can really appreciate what u did for ur babies. Even tho I wasn't far along I still named my baby. It took me to journal my experience for me to start to heal and move on but I will never forget what happened and my baby. Good luck to u both
Hi, I am not going through the same thing, and so I hope you don't mind me posting a response. I just wanted to say, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful twins, it is never easy losing a baby, like you say no matter how far along, I can relate to your pain, I had my baby boy die at 1 hour 15mins old (born at 25 weeks) it's something you don't ever "get over" like you said. I thought the way you told your story was beautiful, so caring and warm, and no decision you made was wrong, you did everything you could right and perfect, I think you wanting to cremate your babies and care for them however small was very noble and I think I would want to be the same. I hope I will not miscarry (7 weeks today, lots of brown spotting some red bits, been going on for about 2 weeks now) but if I was to, I would want to meet my baby too. I hope if you have any future pregnancies you don't have any problems and you will get to hold your healthy baby at the end. God bless you, your husband, and your children and I wish you all the best in the world.
chrissy! :) x
chrissy! :) x
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