Why do This Keep Happening?

Weel this isn't a question its more of me just here venting wanting someone to listen to me. I just got back from the hospital for blood work and another ultra sound (went in wednesday for abdominal pains and vaginal bleeding, tested positive for pregnancy), and found out i just had yet ANOTHER f-ing miscarriage!!! This is my second one in a row, and like the first time, i'm dealing with this all on my own because i have an uncaring fiancee who refuses to understand the emotional pain and depression i'm dealing with from this. For four years i was unable to get pregnant, so i gave up on the thought of it ever happening. Then in 2010 i got pregnant and then miscarried at 7 weeks. I was completely heart broken by it. Afterwards, i kept having this feeling that i would never get pregnant again and if i did, i'd lose that pregnancy too...AND I WAS RIGHT!! Now i have never done anything wrong to anybody, and yet God is deciding to pit me through this horrible punishment over and over again. Its not right and nor is it funny in any way. I wish i could understand why this keeps happening to me, i've always wanted kids of my own, and in the beginning of me and my fiancee's relationship, he told me he would like a son being that he already has a daughter from another woman. Then he changed his tune and said he don't want anymore kids. That broke my already weak heart. So this miscarriage and the last one didn't even phase him at all, he don't care. Can't let him see me crying over this because he'll get angry at me because he didn't want the baby anyway. I swear i wish i never kids because like him, i wouldn't care either. I also wouldn't be going through all this crap God is putting me through, for some unknown reason. I hate that i EVER wanted children of my own because i have to go through this. Why does God hate me?

[Ecologic]

How old are you?? As we get older we unfortunately have more bad eggs and more miscarriages. I personally got 3 miscarriages before getting pregnant with my son, he was conceived after 4 years of trying and he was born when I was 41.

As for your fiance, it's harder for men to be as interested in children as we are, I think. He probably will be thrilled once he has seen the baby on the ultrasound. Until then it's all in your body and men don't feel it. My husband grieved much faster than me after our miscarriages and he too suggested we may want to forget about having a child. We kept trying.

You may want to see a therapy counselor if things don't get better with your fiance, it's not good for your relationship to be so divided.

[marie1210]

God isn't doing this to you.  Sometimes it's just the crappy way nature works out. I had 3 m/c before my first child.  Believe me, I know all about depression and heart break.  Especially when it seems like everyone around you is popping kids out left and right.  As for your fiance, whether he wants kids or not, he should still support you through this time and understand that you're sad and emotionally fragile.  If he can't do that, are you sure he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?  Marriage doesn't make things any easier or better.  Hang in there, I did eventually have two girls but had to endure 4 miscarriages all together. I'm pregnant with my 3rd now, 7th pregnancy total.  Try to stop blaming God and start leaning on him and trusting in his plan.  

[adgal]

Sometimes crappy things happen to good people.  I too have been through this, and had 5 losses prior to having my beautiful son in 2010. I have miscarried 3 more times since.  Unfortunately miscarriage is so common, that Dr's will rarely do any testing until you have had 3.  Fortunately, only 1% of women will have 3 in a row, and in many of those cases they are older like I and Ecologic are.  My husband also suggested that maybe we should look to alternatives such as adoption (we are looking into that now for a second child).  

I also have to tell you that your fiancee may not be as uncaring as you think.  I agree with Ecologics comments.  My husband often seemed rather detached from what was going on, but he is a fantastic father.  For him, the pregnancies weren't as real as they were for me.  He was there for me as best he could be, but I often had to tell him exactly what I needed from him.  He was frustrated, and also struggled seeing me go through such a bad time emotionally. But it just wasn't the same for him.

I'm sorry you have been through this twice.  I wish you peace and healing.

[outsidelookinin]

Thank you all for your comments, i understand that God just has a different plan for me and when things like a miscarriage go wrong, i really need to not blame God for it. Want to let you all know that i am not against God, i just don't understand how He works. Things like a pregnancy is in His hands supposedly, so i thought that if things should go wrong, thats in His hands also. Anyway, i know there are many of you who have experienced more miscarriages than i have, so i really do need to keep that in mind that two is emotionally painful, but having numbers 3 to even some times 10 or more for most women is probably depressing. Yes it does seem like everyone are popping kids left and right, my sister in law is currently pregnant with number 3, then HER sister in law is also currently newly pregnant. Its extremely difficult watching everyone around me (litterally) get blessed with a gift from above, and i come close to it, and lose it. Oh, sorry, i'm 25 years old. About my fiance, i love him very much, he's stuck with me through my worst but often don't know what to do or say. He's a great guy, he's just one of the many men who just don't know how to deal. Adgal said it best, the pregnancies weren't real for him as it was for me, and i believe thats the truth, and thats why my fiance seems to be uncaring. I am extremely appreciative of you all and thankful i found this forum. Without it, i think i'd be sunk into depression a long time ago. Appologies for all the bouncing around through subjects, hope i didn't confuse anyone :-)

[adgal]

You know something...miscarrying *****. And it hurts.  It hurts a great deal.  It's ok to feel angry and to mourn, and to question things.  The way you feel is healthy and normal and it is good to get it out.  This is a safe place for you to do that, so scream, yell, and do whatever you need to do.  But know that it is probably going to work out and that the day will come when you are holding that beautiful child in your arms, and you will know that you would go through it all again for that.

I'm going to tell you something that right now may not make a whole lot of sense.  I miscarried 5 times before having my son.  He is 2 now, and from the moment I gave birth to him, I knew that HE was absolutely the child I was meant to have.  I cannot imagine having a different baby from him.  So for me, I feel like there was a plan and I wound up with exactly the baby that I was meant to have.  It will be the same for you.  Stay strong honey.  This is hard to go through, but things have an amazing way of working out.

[outsidelookinin]

Thanks very much, i'm extremely appreciative of you and all the other women who've been there for me in this tough, emotionally painful time. Hats off to you for hanging in there and not giving up after 5 miscarriages. I can only hope and pray that i recieve the same blessing you have recieved someday. I am the type to quickly give up and start thinking that nothing that good happens to me, for the past couple of years, i've been running into nothing but horrible luck. So for this to be added ON TOP of everything else that happens is very hard for me, and even harder because i'm alone in it. I just really wish that a kid wasn't something i wanted because i never knew that i would be the only one wanting a baby. Always pictured having a husband who'd be there for emotionally should things like this happen, one who'd show that he cares, not get angry with me for grieving the loss of a child i always wanted. But thats the way things are i guess. Not all women have supportive husbands. Any who, i have been dealing with this situation quite differently from the last time. Last time i was extremely depressed, looking for support from my fiance but it just wasn't there. It caused us to fight and argue all the time. So right now, i'm pretending that its not hurting me all to avoid fighting and arguing with him all over again.  

[Imdone12]

You shouldn't have to pretend that your not hurting and I'm sorry that your husband makes you feel that way. I know how it feels I have had 2 miscarriages and both times went to the hospital by myself because my husband simply had better things to do and was not as supportive as I needed him to be. I felt as though I was going through everything by myself and that's not right. I am try sorry for your loss and hope that one day soon you will have the baby you are meant to have

[outsidelookinin]

I know that i SHOULDN'T have to pretend that this 2nd miscarriage is bothering me, but honestly its the only way to avoid any sort of conflict between my fiance and i. I just wish i knew what goes on inside his head while i'm sitting around crying over the loss of OUR child. Part of me thinks it don't bother him because he already has a 12 year old daughter with another woman, so he can care less about losing an unborn child. I myself, am childless so it rips my heart into a billion pieces when i miscarry. Then hurts me a hundred times more seeing him going on about his day as if nothing happened. I just don't understand why he has to be this way with me when i'm mourning the loss of my second child in a row. I have brought it up to him many different times that i think it don't bother him because he already has a child but he swears thats not the issue at all. I find it very hard to believe him though. That it just doesn't hit him as hard as it does me in any way shape or form because again, i'm childless and he isn't. I wish he didn't already have kids because for once i'd like to know what its like to have his support and for him to feel what i feel. Not being cruel or anything, just wanna feel like HE'S THERE FOR ME.

Totally off subject but, right now i'm irritated as hell because 30 mins ago, he asks if i was ready to come up for bed, i tell him yes. He goes out for a cigarette while i come upstairs. He is down stairs chatting it up with his best friends girl!! Knowing damn well he wouldn't be cool with me just chillin with a guy while he ain't around. I'm boiling inside right now.

[hotmama78]

Hey dear... 1st of all i am very sorry for you loss... thats really awful.. :( but let me tell you about myself.. and yet i do believe i am not the yet the worst one...!!! I am very simple lady.. happily married for 4years after 4years dating the same man... i am very happy type.. i love to make all my family...friends and relative happy as much as i can.. as far i remember i never yet doing something real silly or anything like that.. i love to share whenever i boom into nice food or anything... i don't mind sharing it with many others even they often not return my $ after asking my favor to help them buying it... but guess what i never count.. as long they happy i am very happy... :)

When i finally tie the knot back to August 2008, my pregnancy journey begin.. i am trying and tying and trying and trying.. finally Feb 2009 i get my BEST NEWS in my entire life... I PREGGO!!! my world turn to be the most prefect universe even since... But i lost my baby to m/c the coming April been thru D&C.. :( my world crash but i tell myself its ok.. try again... then again... the journey begin... try try try try.. i again preggo same year Sept with twins... but faith really enjoying playing with me i lost my baby again Nov 2009 again D&C... I feel like WTF is this.....???? why me...??? why here??? why again??? so many ??????????? come on and off in my head.. but too bad i know there will never be an answer revealed right infront of me... NEVER WILL.....!!!!

Then i put myself all together again and keep going... if this is the game and GOD enjoy playing it with me... FINE...!!!! let's play then.... i pregnant again... May 2010... i begin with no hope already... i don't know why.. but somehow i just feel i might lost this baby too... its true... God take it again.. this time i natural m/c with help of medication... :( i then stop trying and let it be natural... i back to my busy life and having some fun with family and friends... i helping my sister with her kids and my life its begun see rainbow again... i feel so enjoy with my sister 3 kids and everyone was saying i can be the prefect mommy... :)

Then come 2011... again April i pregnant but somehow loss it again following month natural m/c with help of injection... :(( i am really getting tired with the entire things about pregnancy, so i decided to stop think about it and plan my holiday to visit my friend in Aussie & Germany when again Sept end i get to know i carry baby Aidan in me... i am really in the situation of carry on or end the pregnancy due to fear... but doctor advised me to give a try with help of medication... and yeahhh... it's seems to be the ONE  finally here....!!!

My baby Aidan grown stronger day by day... i still remember SHINE all the day long when i finally hear his heart beat at 7weeks old... my hope goes above sky level that this time i am finally on my way to become LOVELY MOMMY that i used to dream of.. :) when i get to know Aidan was a boy i feel God make me the prefect woman in this world and i cannot stop SMILING even when i was asleep... But dear at 21weeks... my nightmare turn to reality... Baby Aidan has passed and i need to go thru a still birth... :((

I was really devastated and destroy and crash and almost lost my mind that OMGness.... AGAIN....???? AND GOD WAIT TILL I HALF WAY TO REACH MY FAMOUS HAPPY ENDING WITH MY LITTLE MAN TO TAKE HIM AWAY FR ME....!!!!???? its really no kidding i lost him... and its been a month this Feb 15 still i can't get over it... guess what.. i am truly tired and finally give up with the game that GOD playing with me... I do over night decision with hubby i cut and burn my tube bcos i can't take it any longer... its too much for me to bear... :((

But dear.. you doesn't need to do the same as me... keep trying as i say i am not the yet the worst one...!!! i do believe many more out there worst then my case.. and i do question GOD on and off... why me....??? why me???? what did i done wrong...??? and bla.. bla.. bla.. but then nothing much i can do beside moving on and looking forward to discover what are the things behind all these pain i have been thru.... good luck to you and remember you're amazing and if your love one its not helping in making things better for you.. value your life bcos after loss baby Aidan i learn that life it's full of surprise...!!! do not make an happiness on hold...!!!

All the best
Rachel

[greatexpectations_4_2012]

I know that a miscarriage is hard. I just had one myself. It hurts so badly. I was always told that I wouldn't ever even get pregnant. I had hormone problems, PCOS, part of an ovary removed at 15, a D&C to regulate my period.... I just about gave up hope and then I got pregnant in December. I was so excited. My.miracle baby. It stopped growing after six weeks. It broke my heart. I was told to wait it out. Last Monday the most heart breaking experience of my life turned into the most scariest event of my life. I began hemorrhaging last Monday and the doc about let me bleed to death before he done a d&c. I had to have 2 units of blood. I about died if it wasn't for my family throwing a fit. It is hard not to question, why me but let

[greatexpectations_4_2012]

... me explain my story. I was born with mild Cerebral Palsey. I have had 3 foot surgeries, braces on both feet until I was 17, and a lot physical therapy. I went to Shriner's Children's hospital which I am very thankful for. It is one of the greatest places in the world. But it is also a very eye opening and humbling experiences in your life. You go to any Shriner's hospitals and you see babies that are severely deformed or have low qualities of life and you realize how rough it must be for them and their parents. I know it was hard for mine and I wasn't near as bad as it could be (i have a bad foot that is a size 6 and turns over easily and good foot that is a size 9. I am blind in one eye. I have bad curve
in my back and my hips aren't even.)

I guess what I am trying to say is God knows beat even though it doesn't seem like it. He kept our babies from suffering. Most miscarriages happen because there is something wrong with the fetus that would cause no quality of life outside the womb. This means if our babies would have live they would have suffered. I know all of us that miscarried loved our babies. I know I lived mine with all my heart but I would rather the Lord bring my angel home to him than to have to be in pain and sickness here. It is very hard to look at it like that but for your sake I hope you can. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do. God just wanted to protect your angel. I hope this helps. It may not. Just don't give up faith, I have been through so much in my life and He has always been there for me. Even when I have been angry at Him, he has  been there

[greatexpectations_4_2012]

I meant God knows best even if we can't understand at the time.

As for your fiance, I am sorry about that. I don't know him so I can't say how he is. He could just be like mine and be so upset about it that he would rather not think or talk about it. Mine understands that I am hurting but he is too and because of that he doesn't want to acknowledge that it happened while I want to just keep talking about it. Everyone handles it different. Men handle it totally different as well because they weren't the ones experiencing the body changes and knowing that a baby is the reason why. I hope for you that he starts being more understanding but you are not alone. Any of us are to chat with you. We all know your pain.

[outsidelookinin]

Hi Rachel, i am saddened to hear your story, i can never even imagine going through all that that you've gone through, its a terrible shame and i'm so sorry that happened. I too have given it thought to just give up and have the surgery done to asure i won't go through the emotional pain again, but a financial situation keeps me from doing so. I want to give up on having my first child, but there's that small half of me thats saying "be patient, my time will soon come when God says so", then another part of me says "give up kim, you're never going to become the mother you want to be and dreamed of". I'm even partly scared to have sex with my fiance because i don't want to go through a third miscarriage. We been together for 4 years now coming up on 5 in july, and for the entire first 3 years we had unprotected sex, using no form of birth control and not once did i ever fall pregnant, so we assumed i just can't get pregnant. Year four came around (in 2010) found out i was pregnant and i was happy as can be, thinking its finally my turn. Then at 7 weeks, in August on the 20th, i miscarried. I was absolutely devastated and fell into depression. Climbed out of depression, and just told myself "well, there's something obviously wrong with my body, if i ever got pregnant again, it wouldn't last" and i was right, just recently had another miscarriage about 4 days ago. I have no hope or beliefe that i'll ever succeed in a successful pregnancy with no difficulties. I often find myself wishing i was normal like all other women around me, but i was unfortunately born with this horrible curse that scars my heart and soul forever and i will never be that lucky. Not many good things like that happen to me...ever. Thats why i say i'm cursed. I'm still tryin to hold onto a lil faith and hope it'll happen soon.

[outsidelookinin]

Wow...your story means a lot to me and has helped me better deal with my situation. Your words expire me to go on through life and stop being so down on myself when there are people out there who have it worse than i do. I recall my dr explaining to me that the reason many miscarriages happen is because the baby isn't growing correctly, our body senses something is wrong and gets rid of the baby. Its a very hard pill to swallow, but it has to be done in order for us to keep pushing forward and keep faith in the Lord that he has a plan for us. I too was very angry with Him for taking two of my babies away from me when He knows more than anyone how much and how badly i want to become a mother. I'm only 25 but i feel i'm ready for a child, i want to experience pregnancy, to feel my baby moving around in my belly. To know how it feels to love someone so much no word can express it. I want all the experience that comes along with having a baby. ALL my friends have children, and all my fiance's family have children as well (i live in pennsylvania away from my own family in florida) even his brother and his husband have adopted a little girl from birth, so yea...i'm all alone in this childless boat. Its a very lonely feeling and i can't stand it, its very depressing, but i still try and not allow it to bother me any. I will try and keep my faith and keep it strong, even when it may be difficult at times. Just wish i knew why it happens to me...i'm a great person, always willing to help when i can and never done anything to cause bad karma like that upon myself. I won't give up, but i do feel it just won't happen again anytime soon. If it does, that fear will remain there that i will have an unsuccessful pregnancy.

[cmtnjt]

I'm going thru the same thing. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. 2yrs later after trying EVERY cycle I am pregnant again. I'm 8 weeks now. But my last ultrasound shows a very weak heartbeat and the embryo showed 6weeks not 8. I'm likely to miscarry this or next week. All I have been doing since is lying in bed crying and cursing God. I know exactly how you feel. But stories of women having healthy babies after multiple miscarriages help. I CAN get pregnant, its just a matter of time I will have my baby in my arms. Try to stay positive and yes lean on God, even though I was and some still angry. Its hard, but if you really want this fight for it. I'm here wondering if my baby is alive still. Waiting to see if I miscarry is sooo hard and sooo painful. But I still hope that in my next ultrasound the baby is healthy, even though I've been told otherwise. Faith is all we have and sometimes its all you need. Stay strong. I will try to as well, your not alone.

[cmtnjt]

I'm going thru the same thing. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. 2yrs later after trying EVERY cycle I am pregnant again. I'm 8 weeks now. But my last ultrasound shows a very weak heartbeat and the embryo showed 6weeks not 8. I'm likely to miscarry this or next week. All I have been doing since is lying in bed crying and cursing God. I know exactly how you feel. But stories of women having healthy babies after multiple miscarriages help. I CAN get pregnant, its just a matter of time I will have my baby in my arms. Try to stay positive and yes lean on God, even though I was and some still angry. Its hard, but if you really want this fight for it. I'm here wondering if my baby is alive still. Waiting to see if I miscarry is sooo hard and sooo painful. But I still hope that in my next ultrasound the baby is healthy, even though I've been told otherwise. Faith is all we have and sometimes its all you need. Stay strong. I will try to as well, your not alone.

[cmtnjt]

Sorry, I thought my post didn't work the first time. So I posted twice by accident

[cmtnjt]

I also want you to know that if I do miscarry this one (2nd miscarriage) I will try again. You got pregnant twice! You will again. No doc has told me I can't get pregnant, no one said its impossible. So that means it IS possible for you and me. Please stay strong. If I have to endure more miscarriages before I can have a healthy baby, so be it. But I'm still hoping for this one. I cry everyday. I wake up thinking if I'm no longer pregnant and I will bleed today. Let it out cry be sad its part of grieving, but please don't lose hope. I tell myself that I can get pregnant and there is hope.

[katiee726251847]

Hi I know how you feel and IM so sorry you had to endure a stillbirth. I am 18 years old and married after 4 months of Ttc I was pregnant with my first baby jade I lost her at 10 weeks one day as a missed miscarriage and after multiple ultrasounds took cytotec to remove my baby. six months later I had a chemical pregnancy. Two months after that I got pregnant again and yesterday at 5 weeks 4 days lost this baby. I start infertility testing next week.... IM only 18 why are all my children taken from me?