difficulty coping with second miscarriage

[zoe06]

Any one else very recently miscarry? Or feeling recovered from their miscarriage and have words of wisdom to share? I just last week (still spotting) experienced my second miscarriage in 4 months. I'm in need of a friend as I find most of the people in my life think "I've been through much worse than this" so I should buck up. But this is the worst pain I've ever felt.  I'm just in agony and spending large portions of my day wild goose chasing all of the reasons miscarriage could happen, fantasizing about what test I should have had or how I shouldn't have eaten a snickers bar or then there was that time my cat jumped too hard on my belly or the wine I drank before I realized I was pregnant. Any support please reach out!

[joann1975]

Oh sweetie....i just read your post...please don't blame yourself or the tea! It is not your fault...unfortunately these things happen. I had an ectopic pregnancy years ago and was told then that I have a 50% chance of concieving....then years later dx'd w/endometriosis, adneomyosis & PCOS and my husband's parents were told he was sterile when he was child due to multiple hernias. Well, we still got pregnant... so it can happen! I tell you this so you know their is hope NO MATTER WHAT...but it's not on your timing....I know several people who have adopted then had babies and I have a friend who spend $20,000 on fertility treatments and had 2 children from that....then b/c the dr's said she "couldn't get pregnant" she had 2 MORE kids w/o the treatments! So anything is possible... she wasn't planning 4.... but again it's not her plan.

I do hope you realize my words are meant out of love & encouragement! You can PM me if you ever want to chat!
JoAnn

[ajsmommy]

Im sorry for your loss. I just miscarried again in may. I was 51/2 wks. both times. the dr. really hasnt given me any answers. I have a 5 yr. old son, he is my world, but have been TTC since he was about a year old. I have endometriosis so it takes me twice as long to actually get pregnant and when I finally its almost like a miracle. Then I start bleeding and its all over with usually within 2 wks. after we find out. Very sad & discouraging. The doctor says miscarriages, especially early, are very common and we should keep trying. He said that besides the fact that it takes longer, we CAN obviously concieve. I dont think I can handle another miscarriage, I'm still getting over the last 2...  I will say a prayer for you, you're in my thoughts. Take care.

[Sharon2714]

hey darlings i am so sorry for all ur losses and pray peace for u all
just know that no matter what the doctors found there was a pregnancy
and it tragically ended leaving u to feel empty and alone
the only comfort i can offer is this ... u will see ur lil one again in heaven
they will know u and u will know them and u both will be happy
i know this comfort from my own experience of a miscarriage in 1988
i will never forget the tiny being that i carried for such a short time
and i hope to see her face when i enter the pearly gates

praying u all success with your work ups
love sharon

[hope61]

Hi zoe. I just had a miscarriage on 7-1-08, and yes I am having a difficult time coping with the miscarriage. I find myself on this computer day and night reading, researching, about every possible explanation for a diagnosis of no fetal pole, no heartbeat, I just don't understand.   I myself am feeling very guilty I had drank a cup of chamomile tea.  I did a lot of reading on chamomile and a lot of websites say its safe to drink moderately,  I had heard this was used for like periods or to prevent pregnancy but I found a website that said chamomile is bad and could terminate pregnancy. I blame myself for the miscarriage I think I might have killed the embryo before it developed the fetal pole.  Doctors say thats crazy, and assure me it could have not been the tea. I still think other wise, and hold guilt, my blood burn through my veins everytime I think about. If I only hadn't took that tea. All the doctors I ve seen have told me that I had an empty sac no baby, other one said there was just a bag full of cells and no baby. I just can't seem to understand.  I think I have exhausted the web, I read all sites, and nothing seems to make sense. I had all the symtoms, everything! and no baby. No way. I don't know what to think anymore. I try to keep myself busy on the computer so that I don't go into my other stage it just feels horrible. and then there is times when I feel thats all I want to do. Girl stay strong, if doctors say a herb can't kill a baby, than it wasn't the snicker, it wasn't the cat, and it wasn't the wine.  Doctors are tired of me, I called them all the time, they assure me that there is women that drink daily through pregnancy, smoke daily, take drugs, run, jump,  and do much more and still have healthy babies. That a tea could not have caused this.  I am just not trying to think anymore. I been going through all this since a wk after I found out I was preg and that was on 6/30/08. waiting for a miscarriage is just terrible. all that time just waiting. and now the loneliness, the heartache sometimes I just want to sleep, don't do what I do. be strong reall strong recoop and start all over. please. I have been feeling sick, my iron is down by more that fifty percent, I have pain on sides of lower back, in the front sides of abdomen.  Take care so you can be really healthy, drink folic acid if your are thinking about getting preg soon, don't drink at all, don't eat snickers if you feel like you shouldn't, eat healthy always, no fish at all at anytime, don't run just walk, don't jump out of your car, do drink milk PASTURIZED, don't eat non-pasturized cheeze, no starbucks, no coffee, no hot chocolate, serious! and most important do not drink any kind of TEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel  you girl and if you would like to talk to someone just send me a message, i tell you i am on here 28/70. take care.    

[leighanne143]

i am so sorry for your losses.  i myself had 2 MC's in a 5 months span with 2 d and c's.  it was the worst pain ever.  i actually started seeing a therapist since i could not cope after the second one on my own and it has helped me greatly.

has your doctor talked to you about seeing a fertility specialist now to have the recurrent pregnancy loss workup?  i had it after my 2nd loss.  it also helped because if there is a simple reason it makes a world of difference that you might have some control over the next pregnancy.

[dakjilsim]

Zoe, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I also had 2 mc's in 4 months.  It was devestating and the fact that the pregnancy stopped early (8weeks) did not lessen the pain I felt.  There is no way of not feeling the loss.  Allow yourself to grieve and recover.  I just kept telling myself that at least I was getting pregnant.  Wait the 2 months or even a little longer and try again.  My prayers are with you.  I remember feeling as though I had to stop talking about it with family and friends and because they didn't want to see my so sad and I found a lot of support in this forum.  

Take good care of yourself,
Nikki

[Latrice414]

Sorry for your loss Zoe.  I have a 12yr old boy who will be 13 this month.  I had missed m/c on june 12th and d&c on the 17th.  I am still greiving, i do no that crying cleans the soul, so i dont keep it it i just let it out, and with time i will heal.  This was my fiances first child, so i kept blaming myself as if i did something wrong, i really wanted to give him a child.  Dr gave ok to try again after first cycle, but im going to wait until after 2nd cycle because im not emotionally ready, unless things change between now and august.  There are really no words of encouragement or nothing i can say to make you feel better, just know that you are not alone and there are a lot of other women who understands what you are going threw, ask all the questions you want, i also realized giving feedback to women questions is helping me threw this, i thank god for this forum, if you ever need to talk, my messaging is open. I will keep you in my prayers.

[basill1970f]

I am sorry for all of your losses.  I do not know of any magic words of wisdom.  I can share that I have had 4 m/c since my tubal reversal in May of 2006.  By the time the 4th one came I almost expected it in the back of my mind, while the front of my mind was excited and estatic with the 4 good u/s i had.  The thing to remember this is no specific reason why things like this happen and do not beat yourself up over the shouldve couldves wouldves but didnt.  There just arent enough minutes in the day to batter yourself over what you are already going through.   For me my RE has determind 3 of them are due to lack of progesterone, we had this licked the 4th time around but the little guy/girl just stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks no explanation.  I have got to say though to see a fetus was super duper exciting as this was the fur. thest of the 4 i had gotten, while there was no heartbeat that put the excitement back into reality in a real hurry.  My hcg levels are very slow to return to normal.  The m/c was May 28th and i go again tomorrow for hopefully the last hcg.  Last week it was 44 and the week before 93.. so tomorrow i can feel is the day that i will be as normal as i can be.  I try to keep telling myself my surgery was a succes and at the very least I am thankful that my husband and i are able to conceive.  We have been through genetic testing this last time around and we have found we both have good Genes.  One more positive to move forward when we ttc.  Good luck and god bless... and vent alot in this forum.. it does wonders for a brain to tell its fingers what to type ;)

[zoe06]

i had the same thing happen at 6 weeks and miscarried a month later...for some reason having that picture of a bean makes it so much worse, i was so much more aware of the pregnancy than i was the first time when i only knew i was pregnant because i went to the dr. for other reasons and then miscarried two days later. and i too have a super easy time getting pregnant, it's just the keeping things going that i struggle with.

you're so right about the what if's and control: this may well be the most humbling experience of my life! i so appreciate your thoughts.

best to you and your husband on lucky number three!

[zoe06]

So sorry for your loss as well, and thanks for your words of comfort.....just having company is consoling!

On your hCG: it should be going down, not up. but as long as it is at about 20, i think you'll still have a positive pregnancy test. why do you think you DEF miscarried? i would think you need to have an ultrasound because a couple of things could be happening: you could have NOT actually miscarried, but experienced some implantation or other attributable bleeding OR your body may have retained a small piece of placenta or other fetal tissue causing your body to continue to produce hCG. Sounds like your doc is watching closely and you'll have answers soon.

best of luck!

[krushing]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I m/c for the second time in February of this year.  I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from and there are so many other women on here that do as well.  I found MedHelp when I had my first m/c back in 2006.  I had gotten pregnant while on the pill.  It wasn't catastrophic, me and DH had been married going on 2 years and we wanted kids, just not that soon.  Well, my levels never doubled and I was diagnosed as having a blighted ovum.  OB said it was a fluke thing, not to worry next time we decided to get pregnant.  Well, time passed and DH and I decided we'd try the first of this year.  Got pregnant right off the bat and I was a nervous wreck because of what had happened before.  Blood work looked great and levels were doubling.  Went in with a scare at 6 weeks 3 days...had slight bleeding whenI went to the bathroom.  Went to OB and did a scan and there was my little bean and the heart was just fluttering away.  OB said probably just implantation bleeding, not to worry.  3 days later I m/c that baby too.  OB couldn't tell me why this happened, my progesterone was good, levels were good, so I was referred to a specialist.  We began testing on February 25 and ended April 28.  All tests came back normal and fine, even the chromosome testing.  This was upsetting because I could have dealth with it better knowing something was wrong and got treated for.  So, now we are trying again and I'm 1DPO.  I'm scared to death that this will happen again, but us wanting a baby out weighs the fears of the unknown.  We know we have to keep trying until we get to hold our precious bundle of joy in our arms.  The what ifs will always be with you and eventually you realize you had nothing to do with it.  It's just nature's course.   You are only here for the ride, you don't control it.  Only you will know when the time is right to move on and try again.  I wish you luck on your journey.  Keep your chin up and stay strong.

[confused_28]

Hi i miscarried 2 weeks ago!!! i know how stressful it is, you just feel horrible, i was really early on but it doesnt make any difference it still hurts, my hcg blood test results are doing all sorts of wierd things at the min, so have to go bak for more tests fri!!! do u know wot ur hcg blood test results are mine were higher, then dropped and are now rising again!!! did another preg test this morn but is still showing positive even tho i have def miscarried!!! its all so frustrating anyway, my thoughts are with u. im sorry these arent really words of wisdom its all quite fresh and raw for me too, but im sure things will be ok. if you have any advice on blood test levels they will be greatfully received. im sorry for ur loss, and as people keep saying to me although easier said than done chin up . x x x