Miscarriages Community
dont know how to tell my other children about the miscarriage
About This Community:

This support community is for discussions and support relating to miscarriages.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

dont know how to tell my other children about the miscarriage

I just had a mc 2 weeks ago. I am in my own world of despair, hopelessness, confusion, hurt. You name it...My husband is trying to help me but I dont want to be near or talk to anyone. I feel like nobody understands, I keep getting "you are lucky, it happened so early"...what? This immediately irritates me and I just want to run away! I have two other children ages 9 and 7. They continue talking about the baby because they dont know. I feel myself pulling away from them because I dont want to fall apart in front of them when they start talking about their little brother or sister!! My whole world seems like its been simply shattered. My heart hurts. My body hurts. It all happened so fast and so suddenly. My other pregnancies were perfect and this one was too. I dont understand how one minute I was pregnant and then within 24 hours, my baby was just gone!! Please, I dont know how to tell my children what has happened. I can barely get out of out bed, eat, sleep. My husband just stays away now because he says I need to deal with this and move on because I have two other kids to be mommy too!! Like I dont already know that? I try to explain to him why I cant just "move on" but I think his way of dealing with this is just pretending like it didnt happen and I cant do that! This is my first m/c and I find no comfort in my doctors who tell me they have no answers as to why!! I dont know how I am going to get past this!!! It feels like my life, as I knew it, is over and I will never be whole again!!!
Related Discussions
8 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
693804_tn?1304724074
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain that you feel as I have endured it myself several times. A loss is a loss no matter how early or late it has happened. I had very early losses and a late loss at 5 months and my heart broke each time. Sometimes with children as young as yours you need to sugar coat it a bit as they don't really get the whole m/c thing. I think the sooner you tell them the better it will be for all of you. As for men, sometimes they handle things alot different then we do, but try not to push him away, he really can be your rock if you just allow him to. I don't want to sound all cliche, but time really does help to ease your pain, you'll never fully forget but you will be able to cope after some time. I wish you peace and strength during this difficult time and if you ever need to talk you can message me.      Lori
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain, I recently miscarried also.  I have 4 other children who were all excited about the thought of a new little one.  I had to tell them because I had to go into hospital for a D&C.  Don't be afraid to cry in front of them, it is perfectly natural to cry over the loss of a baby.  They may well cry to but this isn't a bad thing.  

I'd also advise a visit to your Dr, I was reading only recently that it is possible to get postnatal depression following a miscarriage, the drop in hormones doesn't help matters.  As smr has said your husband may well be dealing with things differently, he is probably trying to be strong for you and doesn't want you to see him upset.  Time does heal, you'll never forget your angel of course you won't but the grief does ease with time xx
Blank
1197637_tn?1331562433
Hiya I no how u feel I have had 2! In past 2 an half months and it hurts some days more then others I have no children so it the pain that I just won't to be a mum and I think with children u need to say something like the baby is waiting a bit befor wonting to come out it's hard to tell children about a loss x as for u I no u pain and yes u need time but time will heal and u need to think about ur other children they need u as much as u will need them go through this together u need ur family behind u x good luck x
Blank
1254989_tn?1290576057
Thank you for your words of encouragement and support. I called my doctor today and he says he wants me to come in next week for some tests. Ive never had a m/c so I dont know what there is to test. What are the next steps medically? Do I haveto have bloodwork or something? I feel like Im in a bubble, everything and everyone seems so far away! Sometimes I feel like I cant even hear people when their talking to me??? Does this sound crazy? I am trying to let my husband be there but physically and emotionally I cant!! He continues to act as if nothing happened and it makes me so irrate! I dont expect him to be a bucket of tears, but some emotion would be nice, to know that I am not feeling forced sometimes to hold it in when I am around him because he refuses to lets his out! Did that make sense? I love him so much and we have been through very hard times before but this feels like nothing we ever have had to face! Im scared. I dont want to lose him but I cant focus on him with myself being a wreck! Im so confused. I dont know where to begin in the healing process!! I have yet to tell my children. I think both my husband and I should be able to do that together but with him acting like its no big deal and me being a mess, I dont want the children to get confused!!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like your husband is shutting everything out as a way to cope, don't be afraid to let go in front of him, you don't need to do that, it's not your responsibility how he handles your tears but his own.  I agree with you that telling your children is something you should do together and can understand your anxiety because of how your husband is handling it.  I would try again to talk to your husband about this and how important it is for you to show a united front when telling the children and that it's ok to mourn the loss of your baby.  I'm so sorry that your husband is not able to show his feelings with this.  

I don't know what tests they do and it's unusual for them to do so after one miscarriage, how far along were you if you don't mind me asking?

Feeling like you are in a bubble is down to grief, I remember feeling the same way for a good couple of weeks.  Keep channels of communication open, even if it's only on here, talking about this helps you to deal with it and not feel so alone.

I always thought I could imagine what it must be like to have a miscarriage before I had one.  When I experienced it first hand I realised that nothing on earth could have prepared me for it.  I may never have met my baby and he/she may only have been inside me for 12 weeks but there was a bond, there were hopes and dreams and to have all that gone in a millisecond is soul destroying, confusing, hurtful and very very sad.  

You will come through this though.  One day at a time. xx
Blank
1197637_tn?1331562433
Hiya I think they will only test to make sure your levels are back at 0 I no it's hard to me it sounds like ur dealing with this on ur own that can making it harder on u I would talk to ur partner he might be keeping it in so don't worry u? Talk to him x
Blank
1254989_tn?1290576057
I was 7 weeks and 4 days. I am having alot of abdominal pain still and bleeding alot! So, maybe that is something their concerned about? I figured it was normal. Was I wrong? I talk to my husband at night before we go to sleep. I try to bring it up and within minutes, sometimes, it feels like he gets very defensive and then I do so as well, thus getting us nowhere! I dont want to feel hasty, but maybe counseling would help? I honestly dont know what to do here!!! He is a VERY private man. Our marriage and any issues or problems, he feels should always be kept between him and I. So I dont even know if he would be up for counseling! My daughter said to me last night what was happening that I seemed upset all the time...I didnt know what to say! I simply told her I wasnt feeling good and she replied hope its not the swine flu!... I reassured her it wasnt but then just walked away. It scared me to know they were picking up on the tension and now, more than ever, I feel pressured to tell them but really want to do it the right way! With my husband and I, so they understand as best as they could at these ages, what has happened! Did anyone elses husband react this way? I dont know how to approach him without it seeming like Im trying to start a fight because he gets so defensive!!!! Ive always been very confident in my marriage and our ability to get through anything and this is the first time where I dont feel on the same page as him and it worries and scares me.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
After 2 weeks your bleeding should have really stopped and also the cramping I think.  Others on here will know more than I do, my miscarriage was a missed one and I had a D&C, my other 2 miscarriages were chemical and I only bled for about a week and just heavier than a normal period.

Your husband sounds like mine, always very private and things should be kept to the family etc etc.  I'm not sure how you can get through to him other than to maybe say.  "I'm not telling you how to feel but please can you listen to what I'm saying and not interrupt me".  He's getting defensive because he's probably scared of breaking down and it's natural that in return you also become defensive.  Say to him how much you are hurting.  Tell him the things you have said here about not feeling on the same page and that you're scared of it driving a wedge between you.

With regards to counselling, even if your husband refuses to go you may find it helpful for yourself.  xx
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Miscarriages Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Pregnancy Answerers
689528_tn?1364139441
Blank
Heatherm4
London, ON
1527510_tn?1392304944
Blank
Carly1306
United Kingdom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
SoConfusedRightNow
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
aruth
Baytown, TX
7074486_tn?1389936422
Blank
Petrosdoll
TX
5891459_tn?1400035507
Blank
ross1112