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[allie3656]

hi ladies, my name is allie and i suffered a miscarriage in july. it was my first pregancy and i still am in pieces over it. especially now. i am approaching my due date. i can't stop crying and worse of all i had a friend tell me to " get over it." she also told me that i shouldn't be so upset because it wasn't even born. needless to say she is no longer a friend. does anyone have any coping mechanisims that have been successful?

[allie3656]

thank you soooo much for your advice and personal experiences. i feel very welcomed here. i feel like i can talk about it without feeling ackward. i'm also sorry for all that lost a pregnancy or pregnancies. i couldn't imagine going through this multiple times. but i notice through your posts that every single one of you has strength and hope, which in turn gives me strength and hope. to emptyinside, i give you a big hug. i'm sorry you had to go through that. it seemed like the storm didn't want to die. hopefully you are doing well. again thank you all!

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your loss. The only coping mechanisms that have worked for me is Therapy and being community leader in this forum. I have learned to accept my losses but I still grieve them. It's a pain that over time will subside but never go away completely. I have closure knowing that it was nothing I did wrong. I have learned that things happen for a reason and it just wasn't meant to be. You are very strong to come on here and ask for help. I admire your courage. We have built a community that allows women and sometimes men to do just that. It's a supportive and warm and welcoming fourm. I hope you find your way of coping with your loss however that may be. If you ever need to talk I'm always here for you. I wish you the best. Take care...
Hugs,
AP

[BP0629]

I too am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to hear any words, read any information or anything that takes the pain away from losing a child. Its one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I have found comfort in this website (A GREAT DEAL OF COMFORT FROM THESE STRONG WOMEN), close family and friends. Although they are family & friends, keep in mind, they've most likely not been through this situation before & have no clue what you're feeling & say things they 'think' will make you feel better. I mc'd late August w/twins @ 7wks 1day. Then while trying to make my body 'normal' found out we were pregnant. W/in 1 week the dr said I had another mc & we thought it was over. I got a call from the dr 2 days later saying my HCG level was still rising. Come to find out I had a tubal pregnancy along with the sac developing that we saw on the ultrasound. I had to have a methotrexate injection to terminate the pregnancy and it took until mid december for my boodwork to come back negative of the pregnancy hormone. Crazy right? I spent from July-December pregnant & have nothing to show for it. While I was going through this last ordeal in November...a family member told me "I needed to let both incidents go. its not like i 'had' a baby & it died. it wasn't even here so in a way it wasn't real" WHAT THE HECK!!! That hurt & angered me so bad! I said no, it wasn't they weren't here in my arms so you could see them. but I got to see the twins ultrasound, they were there, they were real. With the tubal, I got to see the sac in the ultrasound & went back w/hopes that something had formed over the long weekend, but no luck, it was all gone. Its crazy what loved ones say to you in hopes of 'healing' you. Just know that they mean the best. The dr keeps telling me that 'it just wasn't meant to be and that fertility is a sign of health & that all things will happen in good time". Just know that all of the ladies here have been in your shoes and feel your pain. We might not always have an answer, but we will never belittle you for feeling the pain of a loss that is so real. My heart goes out to you. Take it one day at a time...and know that it does get easier, the pain doesn't go away, it just starts to feel different. Some days are easier than others. Take care...

[susi1976]

i am sorry you are feeling like that. i also had a miscarriage on july and i was very depressed for few months. one of the worst things for me its that i had to wait to try again and that made me feel even worst. i think that nobody can understand what it is until happen to you and we can't blame them for being so insensitive. but your friend should have been more there for you. anyway what make it easier its think that you will be pregnant again soon and everything will be alright the next time
kind regards
take care
susi

[kikki12114]

I had my first miscarriage 2/2/08 at 17 2/7 weeks and had a very difficult time with it.  We were blessed to have beautiful pictures of her, so I found comfort in creating a scrapbook for her.  When her due date arrived, my husband and I spent the day together and got a couple's massage then went out for a nice dinner in her honor.  That helped to make the day a little easier.  Her first "birthday" approaching has been difficult as well, but again my husband and I are going to spend the day together and we are going to do a balloon release in her memory just like we did at her funeral.  We lost another baby on 9/11/08 at 11 3/7 weeks and since we don't have any really nice pictures of him, his scrapbook page is of his ultrasound photos.  My advice is to surround yourself with those who love and support you and try your best to ignore those hurtful comments.  One of my closest friends, after the loss of our second baby, said "maybe you just can't carry girls and you'll do fine if you have a boy" (obviously not the case) and it took me a long time before I could talk to her again. People just don't think sometimes before they speak.  I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find peace and comfort soon. Nicole

[mapes10]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I think one of the hardest things is how alone you feel.  You know that other women have suffered too, but it's not something that most people talk about.  This site has been wonderful, and it gives you a place to vent and ask questions that may be a little uncomfortable.  The ladies on here really do keep up with you and make you feel included.  If you feel like it, join our cycle buddies.  We have a range from those who are pregnant after a miscarriage to those who are waiting for their first period after a miscarriage.  It gives us a way to keep up and make sure we are all coping.  The feelings of loss never go away, so "just get over it" is a stupid thing to say.  Try to remember that SOME people just don't know what to say and others are just insensitive.  Take care, and post anytime.

[XxpandaxX43]

ok well i had a misscarrige at 3 weeks 5 days and i loved it before i even knew i was prego i started bleeding really bad i went to the doctor and they told me i had been prego i told my boyfriend and he asked if i was still going to have it or if i was getting rid of it mean abortio ( i dont belive in abortion) but i told him i had a misscargie and we cried for weeks but then he wanted to try again i told him i wasnt over it but i guess he was so people get over things like that if its not improtant to them but i know it was to you so dont listen to your friend if you want to stay sad over a baby you loved before you knew then go right ahead and dont worry about what people think about it...it's you and your unborn baby if i was you i would be sad forever i hope i helped you out a little thanks much love from XxpandaxX43_aka Brittany

[smr08]

I am sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about people not understanding. I lost my son in Oct., I was almost 5 months along. I've heard everything from "it happened for a reason" to "your probably just to old". Finding this site has helped me so much, the women here are great!! I have been having a difficult time with my due date approaching, but when Im feeling low I come here to talk or try to help someone who is going through this terrible time, it really does help to get it out. I wish you the best and if you need to talk I'm a good listener.

                        Lori

[Latrice414]

Allie i am so sorry for your loss, i agree with what mandymm said.  I had a missed m/c in june, i was 10weeks 1day and it was my first m/c, my DF first child, i have a 13yr old son already. I had been ttc since august and it was very hard for me bcuz the only person who new what i was going threw was my mother bcuz she had 2, but i didnt find that out until i had my m/c. I did not want to burden her with my problems bcuz she had just had a stroke and was recovering, i was lucky to find this site.

My BEST friend told me it happened for a reason and maybe your not suppose to have a baby by my DF, we are still friends but i dont share much of nothing with her, she dont even no im preggo now. Sad to say i was struggling with depression 2 months after the m/c and i was in denial, in late november i had my dr prescribe me zoloft.

I to was getting upset when i would think ohh i wouldve had my baby shower now, i was due jan 5th, and when that day came i cried and cried, DF just held me, i felt sick. I was like it would be nice to have gotten preggo at least on my due date. I tested on the 7th and it was positive.

I think if you talk about it a lot, to others who have gone threw it, it helps with the healing, also like allie said, keeping yourself busy and picking up xtra hobbies.

I do beleive crying cleanes the soul, but also there is a process with greiving, as long as your not into pieces as you first was, then you are healing, i was angry everyday and not understandiing the whole thing, my reason for seeking medical attention, i new my greiving process was not getting better but a little worse.

I will keep you in my prayers, keep faith and try to stay strong, if you are still ttc, just make sure you bd on your fertile days, women only have a 20-30% chance each cycle in getting preggo so you have to keep trying until it happens. Take a break if it brings to much tention between you and your mate.

This is a wonderful site, i would utilize it to the fullest, there are some very supportive women on here. You can always send me a message if you need someone to talk to.

Time does heal, take care of yourself

Hugzzzzz Latrice:)

[mandymm]

Hi Allie,  
   I am so sorry for your loss.  Dealing with a miscarriage is difficult especially around the due date.  I know this sounds a little cliche', but it just takes time.  Don't worry about what your "friend" said, no one can understand the pain and emotions involved unless it has happened to them.  I can tell you what has helped me each time, is to just think about the next, and keeping thinking positive, knowing that someday we will be able to have a little one.  My husband was deployed when I had a stillbirth, and it really helped me to get involved in some activites.  I took up some new hobbies and tried to stay active.  Keeping family and good friends close is also a great help.   The pain lessens over time and you will feel better.   Hang in there!