the loss of our first baby

[boston_terrier_lover]

after reading about other women and their experiences, i thought it might help me to heal if i talked about mine. my husband and i decided to get pregnant after he returned from afghanistan and my return from army basic training. we tried for three months but was cut short when i was called up to iraq. after spending a year over there we decided to wait awhile so we could get use to being together again. in jan i stopped birth control and we got pregnant within a month. everything was great, i had horrible morning sickness and everything, so i figured things were doing fine. i don't smoke or drink at all, i took prenatal vitamins, went to my appointments, everything i was suppose to. then, i started spotting. i went to the emergency room and they did a hcg test and told me i was ok. two days later i had my first ultrasound appointment and the baby wasn't moving. there was no heart beat. i was 16 weeks but the baby measured 9 weeks. i had carried my baby for 7 weeks without even knowing it had stopped growing. my husband and i cried so hard, it was unbelievable. i was given medicine to aid along the process of having the baby and sent home. i've never been in such pain before, even having been OC sprayed in military training for iraq, this was 100 times worse. the next day i had the baby and took it to the hospital. now everytime i go to my doctor i feel the same as i did the day i found out we had lost the baby. the smell of the office, everything about it just takes me back. it is so hard. it's been a week short of 2 months since and my husband and i want to try again, i think i'm physically ready but emotionally i am terrified. i don't want to lose another baby, i don't think i can. i have the ultrasound pictures of my little baby, just sitting there so peacfully, and i think--- what if it happens again. i'm afraid that by gettng pregnant again i'll be trying to replace the one we lost. i just don't know what to think.

[ArmyPrincess819]

I have been right in your shoes. My dh ended up seperating for about a wk last yr and after reconciling I decided we needed marriage counseling and he decided he needed his own individual counseling as well! It was a nightmare we both buried the pain of our losses and it just got to be to much. He needed to understand there was nothing he could do nothing. With this pg now we have had numerous complications that had nothing to do with our reoccuring losses and it took a toll on us. WE made it through happier than ever and able to really move on. The best thing we did was deal with the pain. Every couple and woman deals with the grief of their loss differently. I hope that you find what works the best for you and can give you some type of peace. I'm sorry you are going through so much I can't imagine being in your shoes with ptsd and now grieving as well. I do hope your therapist really helps you if not find a new one and keep searching until your meet your best fit! I'm here if you need to talk! Best wishes to you and good luck. Again I can't thank you enough for fighting for my freedom.  You women and men in the military are truly heros...Thank you!

AP

[boston_terrier_lover]

Servell is a beautiful name. sometimes people don't realise that even though we didn't carry full term, these babies are still ours, and we still love them greatly. thank you for sharing your story. it helps a lot to know that there are people out there that understand the pain i'm going through.

[boston_terrier_lover]

when we had the baby and took it to the hospital, they did tests on it, but, I'm too scared to find out the results. it sounds selfish but i don't mean it to be. i've never done any of this before so i'm not sure what to do... i'm sorry to hear about your losses. i hope i can have the stength that you've had :) thank you for your advice.

[boston_terrier_lover]

Thank you for your support on our loss and of the military.

I am already seeing a psychologist due to some PTSD problems after having been to Iraq, so she was quite eager to discuss the miscarriage with me.  I agree with you about men feeling helpless too. My husband is still holding everything inside and feels like he could have done something to prevent our loss, but I keep reminding him that it was not our fault...

thank you again :)

[ladywoo08]

I also Went throw it to. I had real bad morin sickness. 10 weeks pregnant i spent a week in da hospital for throwin up nd cant keep food down and weight loss 20lb. I had got my mronin sickness under control. Went back for regular check up 4 weeks later had to  another week in hospital for the same thing. I left hospital on a friday. Everything was fine with my baby heartrate the growth everything. Well Sunday night i was spotting since it wasn't alot i didn't nothin of it. Well Monday mornin i started spotting again. I called in to the doctors they told me to come inn to get me check out. I got a scan in the doctoor had told me theres was no heartbeat that my baby had die. Also my baby was measure at 17 weeks which I was. I had decied to give birth to him the regular way. Giving Birth to a Baby Boy April 15,2009 at 7:50am. I call Him Servell

[usuk]

so sorry to hear of all the sacrifices you are making and now all this hurt too. i only carried a baby who stopped growing without my knowledge for 2 weeks so i cannot imagine the deception you felt after after 7 weeks. have you had all the tests done to rule out anything preventable for next time? i have gone back into this with my heart so vulnerable now 3 times. 3 miscarriages with no reason discovered so far. first thing is to heal your heart. then get some tests done (semen analysis too) to help calm your mind. but then you have to try again. doing the right thing in life does not guarantee us anything besides the knowledge we did all we could. don't stop know :) get some help mentally and physically and spiritually for you and your husband ASAP.

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your loss. I have been in your shoes. The what if's are awful. There is no way of knowing if you will have another m/c. There are women like you and I who do everything right and lose our babies. A miscarriage can happen to anyone and for many different reasons. Early on in pg it is often hard to get a solid answer why a loss occured. Most dr's I know mine did told me in a few cycles to try again and good luck. Emotionally is the hardest to get prepared for ttc. It is something in your heart you know you can handle. The misconception is fear of another m/c. Pregnancy in general can be a nightmare filled with all kinds of worries etc. Some women sail through it and others don't. You have to be ready to deal with what ever comes your way good or bad. In your heart you will know when you are ready. I found listening to other stories helped me and educated me but ultimately it was my choice and my dh's choice! Our marriage suffered alot with our last loss in sept of last yr. A miscarriage and the aftermath not only affects us women but affects our men as well. They feel powerless to the whole situation and they feel as though it was something they did or their sperm is defective etc. It truly is a devastating experience. Men are made of steel so the saying goes umm not when it comes to the loss of a pregnancy the first time I saw my dh cry it still haunts me! I myself got some individual therapy after I had so many losses I just needed to get some closure. The best advice I can give you is to keep positive and keep relaxed. Best wishes to you and good luck! I'm here if you need to talk!

AP

Ps Thank you to both you and your husband for fighting for our country!