I feel like there's something wrong with me...is there?

[intoodeep154]

I'm 22 years old and have always had problems with controlling my emotions. When I was much younger, about the age one would be in elementary school, I was known for crying too much. As I got older, I became really self-conscious and painfully shy, sometimes to the point of anxiousness in social situations. I was depressed all the time in my middle school years, but by high school, my moods fluctuated more. I would go from being content - sometimes bubbly and happy - to a depression so deep no one could pull me out of it. Recently, it hasn't been too bad, but I still get episodes where I get really depressed. I'm constantly worried about things in my life: school, money, social situations, my relationships, my physical appearance. Most of the time, the things I worry about are small things. I feel like I'm hopeless, and I have no future. I have no motivation to do anything. I'd rather lay in my bed for the rest of my life than become a member of society. The only reason why I get up in the morning is because I'm afraid of letting everyone in my life down, but yet when I get up, I still manage to let everyone down. When things are great in my life, I still find something wrong. Even if there's a way to get out of my funk, I usually choose to keep myself in my situation and drown in my self-pity.  I'm tired most of the time, and I'm known for sleeping a lot during the day. I have impulses to shop when I'm sad, but I control myself and never follow through because my lack of money will make me more depressed. Those that know me well enough agree that I'm too anxious, over-emotional, and I have trouble controlling my anger. But those that don't know me well enough think that there's nothing wrong with me. I've been to therapists and psychiatrists. I've been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder, and was even on medication for bipolar disorder, but my situation doesn't seem extreme enough to be bipolar disorder, and I don't feel depressed all the time.

[mussonia]

@intoodeep154:
you said:
I have no motivation to do anything. -> but you wrote this post, don’t you?

"When things are great in my life, I still find something wrong" -> It happens that things are great, do you find something wrong WHEN you realize things are going great? well, that’s your choice
"I'm constantly worried about things in my life: school, money, social situations, my relationships, my physical appearance." -> I don't think it's like that ALWAYS, as you wouldn't be able to say "when things are great in my life"

"Those that know me well enough agree that I'm too anxious, over-emotional, and I have trouble controlling my anger. But those that don't know me well enough think that there's nothing wrong with me.-> well, how could be so sure they don’t know you? that could be just because they don’t see you the same way you see (sometimes, not always) yourself!

and finally, you said:
"and I don't feel depressed all the time". -> that’s important I think, don’t forget it (you don’t do it actually, as it’s the last thing you wrote!)
all the best, mate!

[amandaelmo]

i can understand the feeling of wondering if there is really something wrong with yourself, a lot of the people well basically everyone in my life have no idea the things that go through my mind on a daily basis, strange things i have to say. It's probably best to go with a doctor's opinion, but get another opinion if you are unsure of that one, it never hurts to get a second or third opinion.

[Peter Forster]

In our current understanding of the difference between bipolar and unipolar depression there is not necessarily any difference in the severity of the two conditions.

In other words, bipolar does not have to be any more or less extreme than depression without mood cycles. The difference is in the nature of the moods (distinct "energized" or "up" periods followed by depressed periods means bipolar).

It is hard to get a sense of your situation without knowing a lot more, but it is clear that you could really benefit from some help.

I think that you may want to check out this book: "Why Am I Still Depressed?" by Jim Phelps. I believe that you might really find the first few chapters helpful.

What happened in your experiences with therapists and psychiatrists?