Aa
I really need some advice!
I've had 7-8 sessions with a counselor over the past few months. It took a lot for me to admit that I need help and asked my doctor if he could refer me to someone. Social anxiety controls so much of my life and I am very unhappy.
My problem, this is so embarrassing for me to admit but my counselor is actually falling asleep for a few seconds at a time during our sessions. As if it is not awkward enough for me already, and I worry about my interactions with people, there she is nodding off as I talk to her. She will start looking sleepy, next thing I know her head will fall forward or to the side and that wakes her up. This has happened in 4 or 5 of our sessions and is often multiple times.
I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this and am very frustrated that it is even occuring. It sounds so crazy and far-fetched that I'm afraid no one would even believe me anyway. It gets complicated in my mind due to the fact that when she is alert, I do feel better after speaking with her. At the same time I feel hurt and like I must not be very engaging and reinforces my belief that I can't communicate with people. In reality, I know this her issue as even when we are having an involved conversation she still dozes off.
Two weeks ago I told my psychiatrist I would like to speak with a different counselor. He advised me to stick with my current counselor for another month or 2. However, I did not tell him why I didn't want to continue going to her. I'm just in desperate need to someone to talk to and can't find that with anyone else in my life. At least she does listen to me for the first part of our session, as that is when he is most alert. I didn't want to admit to anyone, even myself, that this was occurring because I don't know how to and didn't want to have to deal with it - it's not fair! I'm pathetic and even making basic decisions in my life is difficult. How much can she really help me given what is happening? Seriously, what should I do about this?
My problem, this is so embarrassing for me to admit but my counselor is actually falling asleep for a few seconds at a time during our sessions. As if it is not awkward enough for me already, and I worry about my interactions with people, there she is nodding off as I talk to her. She will start looking sleepy, next thing I know her head will fall forward or to the side and that wakes her up. This has happened in 4 or 5 of our sessions and is often multiple times.
I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this and am very frustrated that it is even occuring. It sounds so crazy and far-fetched that I'm afraid no one would even believe me anyway. It gets complicated in my mind due to the fact that when she is alert, I do feel better after speaking with her. At the same time I feel hurt and like I must not be very engaging and reinforces my belief that I can't communicate with people. In reality, I know this her issue as even when we are having an involved conversation she still dozes off.
Two weeks ago I told my psychiatrist I would like to speak with a different counselor. He advised me to stick with my current counselor for another month or 2. However, I did not tell him why I didn't want to continue going to her. I'm just in desperate need to someone to talk to and can't find that with anyone else in my life. At least she does listen to me for the first part of our session, as that is when he is most alert. I didn't want to admit to anyone, even myself, that this was occurring because I don't know how to and didn't want to have to deal with it - it's not fair! I'm pathetic and even making basic decisions in my life is difficult. How much can she really help me given what is happening? Seriously, what should I do about this?
That makes sense to schedule appointments in advance.
I thought I had a similar arrangement with my therapist but then I cancelled an appointment due to illness and he made the assumption that we had an arranged schedule. After I missed several weeks he sent me a letter saying that I would be discharged if I missed another couple and didn't contact him. I left six messages for him. He sent me another letter, then nothing.
It seems a little strange that someone would expect you to turn up without an appointment and without a prior contract. ??
It's good that she followed up with a phone call. I think that's a sign of a good therapist (or one desperate for business).
I think it would be a good idea if you called her. That way you are in control. The doctor didn't seem to think that you had any responsibility to justify your decision. I don't think it's necessary to disclose future plans either. I expect she would be interested though. Giving her feedback regarding the sleeping seems irrelevant now too.
I'm not sure how anybody could fall asleep while talking to you. You seem interesting and humorous.
I would think that the chances of it happening again are pretty slim. Fingers crossed (and maybe toes too) that it doesn't.
It would be a shame to give up therapy altogether, especially if it is needed and could make a difference.
Would adding something to your contract be helpful? For me, it was ?two goodbye sessions. Two sessions was deemed enough to work through any relational difficulties. I asked if that could be extended. I guess that was me trying to protect therapy.
The relationship you have with your T is perhaps the most important thing. Therapy is unlikely to progress well without a good working relationship.
Giving the new counselor a chance is a good idea. Watch that your expectations aren't too high though. Therapists don't have wands that can magic away our issues.
It sounds as though you know what you want from therapy or have a sense of what is right for you. Just listen to yourself and trust it.
I hope the new therapy works out for you too.
Some psychiatrists do do talk therapy. If this is something you're interested in you could look around (or ask your doctor if this is an option. Is he qualified and willing to do it?). Having the T and the doctor in the same office though should be OK. Sometimes it is better to split the roles.
Your doctor sounds like my family doctor. Has the qualities you wish other health providers had.
I hope things work out well for you. Good luck for your therapy and first appointment.
I thought I had a similar arrangement with my therapist but then I cancelled an appointment due to illness and he made the assumption that we had an arranged schedule. After I missed several weeks he sent me a letter saying that I would be discharged if I missed another couple and didn't contact him. I left six messages for him. He sent me another letter, then nothing.
It seems a little strange that someone would expect you to turn up without an appointment and without a prior contract. ??
It's good that she followed up with a phone call. I think that's a sign of a good therapist (or one desperate for business).
I think it would be a good idea if you called her. That way you are in control. The doctor didn't seem to think that you had any responsibility to justify your decision. I don't think it's necessary to disclose future plans either. I expect she would be interested though. Giving her feedback regarding the sleeping seems irrelevant now too.
I'm not sure how anybody could fall asleep while talking to you. You seem interesting and humorous.
I would think that the chances of it happening again are pretty slim. Fingers crossed (and maybe toes too) that it doesn't.
It would be a shame to give up therapy altogether, especially if it is needed and could make a difference.
Would adding something to your contract be helpful? For me, it was ?two goodbye sessions. Two sessions was deemed enough to work through any relational difficulties. I asked if that could be extended. I guess that was me trying to protect therapy.
The relationship you have with your T is perhaps the most important thing. Therapy is unlikely to progress well without a good working relationship.
Giving the new counselor a chance is a good idea. Watch that your expectations aren't too high though. Therapists don't have wands that can magic away our issues.
It sounds as though you know what you want from therapy or have a sense of what is right for you. Just listen to yourself and trust it.
I hope the new therapy works out for you too.
Some psychiatrists do do talk therapy. If this is something you're interested in you could look around (or ask your doctor if this is an option. Is he qualified and willing to do it?). Having the T and the doctor in the same office though should be OK. Sometimes it is better to split the roles.
Your doctor sounds like my family doctor. Has the qualities you wish other health providers had.
I hope things work out well for you. Good luck for your therapy and first appointment.
Hey, thanks for your advice and support. I canceled my last appointment so and I didn't have any further appointments scheduled with her. She called me a couple days ago -- I was at work so I was unable to answer my phone -- to see when she could schedule me for another appointment. If she calls again I plan on not answering. Maybe I'll call and leave her a message saying that I've decided not to continue with counseling at this time. I don't plan on informing her that I'm going to someone else. Please, please, don't let my new counselor fall asleep while talking to me! I couldn't deal with that again. What are the chances? I'm most definitely willing to give this new counselor a chance, but if it doesn't work out, I'm probably not going to anyone else. I really hope that this all works out. Why don't psychiatrist do talk therapy? I wish I could just go to my psychiatrist for this as I always feel better after my appointments with him. He gives me solid advice, seems attentive, and is supportive.
Hi.
From a personal perspective I think informing your counselor of your decision is the polite thing to do. This will also give her the opportunity to re-book your old appointment slots.
I agree with the doctor. I think that working with someone from the same office could be advantageous. I like that you feel that you made the right decision. My only concern is that you are running away to avoid sensitive issues.
Good luck for the wait and for therapy with a new T. I hope all goes well. I think you made a good decision.
Take care.
From a personal perspective I think informing your counselor of your decision is the polite thing to do. This will also give her the opportunity to re-book your old appointment slots.
I agree with the doctor. I think that working with someone from the same office could be advantageous. I like that you feel that you made the right decision. My only concern is that you are running away to avoid sensitive issues.
Good luck for the wait and for therapy with a new T. I hope all goes well. I think you made a good decision.
Take care.
Thank you! While I'm nervous about seeing a new counselor I actually feel confident that I made the right decision -- which is rare for me. My first appointment with him is just a little over 2 weeks away. Even though I had issues with the old therapist I was just getting to a point where I was opening up to her more. The process of learning to trust this new counselor is not something that will probably come easily. Do you all think that I need to inform her that I will no longer be returning to her for counseling?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I don't think you had any kind of responsibility to comment. And I am really glad that you found another therapist. I do tend to have a preference towards treatment that is more integrated (I like the idea that you are seeing a counselor at your psychiatrist's office). I hope this works out well.
Just a bit of an update...I'll be seeing a new counselor in a couple weeks. I chose not to confront the issue with my former therapist about her falling asleep. I just didn't really feel comfortable doing so. Maybe I do need to let her know that I will not be returning to her even if I don't let her know exactly why. My psychiatrist wasn't really familiar with the lady I had been going to and he referred me to a counselor at his office. He said that his approach is more structured and goal-oriented, I guess. The lady I had been seeing wasn't really helping me anyway as we were not working on my social anxiety. Yeah, I probably should've discussed the issue with her dozing off but I was honestly scared of her reaction. In my mind, nothing good was going to come from it so I just left it alone. Honestly though, I feel bad for people that are referred to her as they shouldn't have to deal with that either. Oh well, I appreciate both Dr. Forster and Jaquta taking time to respond to my post. Thanks.
I often feel apprehensive about posting so I'm glad my posting is of some value to others.
There is no way to determine how she will react beforehand. Even when you think an event will go one way it can very easily go the other way.
What if she does react badly? I think the better approach would be to let the situation play out and to deal with the reaction/ consequences then.
I've said some pretty horrific things to health professionals and probably the worst reaction was from a therapist who got defensive when I called her a dictator. Anxiety can make communication a little difficult but what unfolds can be valuable material to work through.
I later learned, through another T, that there were significant power strugles in my therapy. I also learned that some of my material was affecting her/ trigering her own issues. Most therapists should be in supervision so theoretically this should rarely happen.
In my other relationships (with my doctor, other T, etc) being honest about my thoughts and feelings has always helped me and in turn the relationships have strengthened.
What's the worst that can happen? She'll say you're mistaken or insist you see another T?? Any feelings you may have of rejection or shame, etc can be worked through. If you do have these feelings they can help you to better understand some of your issues.
It is not your duty or responsibility to protect your T. Most likely she doesn't want to hurt or upset you either, yet she is through her behavior. The best thing is to talk to her. This should help both of you.
I always use to want people to like me, and still do, but if they don't it really isn't the end of the world.
For me it was good to start feeling OK about myself, accepting myself, so that I didn't need that reinforcement from others. People make all sorts of judgements all the time but it is what is inside of us that really counts.
She may not realize that this is what she is doing or this is how she is being perceived by you. Dr Phil says you can't change what you don't acknowledge. Most likely she isn't aware that this issue exists. Maybe there is a valid reason why this is happening during your sessions. ??
I know what you mean. I once had a T who became pregnant and then had to endure months of therapy where I wasn't allowed to bring my issues.
It is kind of related to your issues though. There will be a theme there. Like maybe you not wanting to disclose how you feel because you fear it may hurt someone or you fear being judged. Whatever the issue is it is probably repeating in other areas of your life. Therapy should be safe though and you should be able to discuss this.
I once had a T talk about negative, neutral and positive therapy. Positive therapy is the goal but sometimes neutral therapy can be OK. If it is negative, or you are worse off for it, then some changes probably need to be made.
I think that you should confront your fears and discuss them with the T. Running or avoiding can sometimes set a precedent. Running is not always a good way to cope with stressors.
You could always discuss your concerns with the psychiatrist. He will likely have some advice for you. If it's interferring with your progress then it needs to be resolved.
Your therapy also sounds a little spaced out. If you're not already in weekly therapy then I would ask if that were a possibility (if you think that could be helpful).
Sorry for waffling. Do what you think is right but don't allow your anxiety to get in the way.
There is no way to determine how she will react beforehand. Even when you think an event will go one way it can very easily go the other way.
What if she does react badly? I think the better approach would be to let the situation play out and to deal with the reaction/ consequences then.
I've said some pretty horrific things to health professionals and probably the worst reaction was from a therapist who got defensive when I called her a dictator. Anxiety can make communication a little difficult but what unfolds can be valuable material to work through.
I later learned, through another T, that there were significant power strugles in my therapy. I also learned that some of my material was affecting her/ trigering her own issues. Most therapists should be in supervision so theoretically this should rarely happen.
In my other relationships (with my doctor, other T, etc) being honest about my thoughts and feelings has always helped me and in turn the relationships have strengthened.
What's the worst that can happen? She'll say you're mistaken or insist you see another T?? Any feelings you may have of rejection or shame, etc can be worked through. If you do have these feelings they can help you to better understand some of your issues.
It is not your duty or responsibility to protect your T. Most likely she doesn't want to hurt or upset you either, yet she is through her behavior. The best thing is to talk to her. This should help both of you.
I always use to want people to like me, and still do, but if they don't it really isn't the end of the world.
For me it was good to start feeling OK about myself, accepting myself, so that I didn't need that reinforcement from others. People make all sorts of judgements all the time but it is what is inside of us that really counts.
She may not realize that this is what she is doing or this is how she is being perceived by you. Dr Phil says you can't change what you don't acknowledge. Most likely she isn't aware that this issue exists. Maybe there is a valid reason why this is happening during your sessions. ??
I know what you mean. I once had a T who became pregnant and then had to endure months of therapy where I wasn't allowed to bring my issues.
It is kind of related to your issues though. There will be a theme there. Like maybe you not wanting to disclose how you feel because you fear it may hurt someone or you fear being judged. Whatever the issue is it is probably repeating in other areas of your life. Therapy should be safe though and you should be able to discuss this.
I once had a T talk about negative, neutral and positive therapy. Positive therapy is the goal but sometimes neutral therapy can be OK. If it is negative, or you are worse off for it, then some changes probably need to be made.
I think that you should confront your fears and discuss them with the T. Running or avoiding can sometimes set a precedent. Running is not always a good way to cope with stressors.
You could always discuss your concerns with the psychiatrist. He will likely have some advice for you. If it's interferring with your progress then it needs to be resolved.
Your therapy also sounds a little spaced out. If you're not already in weekly therapy then I would ask if that were a possibility (if you think that could be helpful).
Sorry for waffling. Do what you think is right but don't allow your anxiety to get in the way.
Hey, thanks for taking time to reply to my post. I know I need to do as you said but I'm scared. What if she reacts badly when I try to talk to her? She honestly does seem like a nice person and I don't want to upset her. My issue even opening up to her is hard based on the fact that I always want to make people like me. I just want this to stop happening and think that if it was something she could easily control, it wouldn't be happening. Honestly, I just can't believe that I'm in this situation. I go to this person - need help - and here I am having to deal with something not at all related to my issues. Yeah, talking to her is helping in some areas - but, it's also adding stress as well. Not sure how fair the trade-off is. Should I just go to someone else and avoid this matter altogether? My next appt with her isn't until the 10th but I have an appt with my psychiatrist on the 8th. I don't know what to do, which is why I'm posting on here. I really do appreciate hearing the opinions of others regarding this issue. Thanks!
I have trouble dealing with some situations too. You've already assessed that the falling asleep is a problem and is interferring with your therapy. As a patient you have the right to be listened to and to be treated with respect.
Not confronting the issue will only compound the problem.
If she denies the issue then that is something that will be need to be addressed.
People accessing mhs can feel vulnerable and insecure. I think some health professionals take advantage of the stigma associated to patients seeking help and use it as an excuse to not look at their own issues. I think that a good therapist will be receptive to what you have to say.
I expect your own anxieties may be making your fears worse.
I trust that you can talk to her. (Telling her at the begining of the session before she falls asleep might be a good idea.)
There is one thing I have learned about anxiety and that is that the anticipation is often worse than the event.
My comments weren't intended to replace those of the doctor but were to help reassure.
You can do this. Regardless of the outcome you will be able to work through it. This is an awesome opportunity to practice skills in an environment that is non-threatening.
Good luck!
Not confronting the issue will only compound the problem.
If she denies the issue then that is something that will be need to be addressed.
People accessing mhs can feel vulnerable and insecure. I think some health professionals take advantage of the stigma associated to patients seeking help and use it as an excuse to not look at their own issues. I think that a good therapist will be receptive to what you have to say.
I expect your own anxieties may be making your fears worse.
I trust that you can talk to her. (Telling her at the begining of the session before she falls asleep might be a good idea.)
There is one thing I have learned about anxiety and that is that the anticipation is often worse than the event.
My comments weren't intended to replace those of the doctor but were to help reassure.
You can do this. Regardless of the outcome you will be able to work through it. This is an awesome opportunity to practice skills in an environment that is non-threatening.
Good luck!
Thanks for your response. It would really be awkward for me to talk to her about the issue as I have trouble handling situations. What if she completely denies that this is occurring? I know I need to do something. For some reason, I have this fear that no one will believe me. It's ridiculous that I'm having to deal with this but I guess I have to.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I agree with Jaquta. You should tell her. Of course this is very upsetting to you, and rightly so. Asking might resolve the problem or it might not. If it doesn't then you should tell the psychiatrists that you need another referral and why. That should not be a problem. Sorry for the delay in responding... Still trying to work my why around the site and your post somehow wasn't flagged for response when I looked last.
It is extremely unprofessional for a therapist to be falling asleep during a therapy session. I would be discussing this with the person concerned and if the behavior continues take it further (maybe to your psychiatrist). There are many reasons why she may be falling asleep but it is still not appropriate behavior.
As she is OK when she is not asleep I would discuss the subject and persevere with therapy.
As she is OK when she is not asleep I would discuss the subject and persevere with therapy.
Please respond, I could really use some advice on this matter!
You are reading content posted in the Mood Disorders Forum
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
