bpd

[stacey394]

Hi i am new to this - recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression i am on citalopram 40mg mornings and quitiapine 1oomg at night. I see a psychologist weekly - he works cognitively - and a social worker every 2 weeks for a general chat. The psychiatrist is so busy that after only 10mins i was shooed out so he could catch up where he had got behind with the person before me. He mentioned changing the citalpram - my gp is not allowed to do anything with the meds - but i don;t want a sedative which he has mentioned. I feel the service is too busy to really help me and i don;t know what to do.  I feel really lost and that i am getting nowhere, so,

        if the service can't help me how can i help myself and is there anywhere else i can go for help? Do these meds have side effects because i have terrible nightmares and panic attacks at night. I have selfharmed by cutting my legs and often battle with the need to, as i write i am screaming inside.

       I feel i need more support but don't know how to get it and maybe i am ;using what i have do have properly.
I am lost and confused - maybe i shouldn't even be writing here - i am sorry if i am wasting your time.

    I read about DBT and asked about it but it is not available here. I will be allowed about  6 months with the psychologist then i get on with it myself and i am terrified. Surely that is not enough time to sort this disorder out and change me? So what then?

          thanks.

[Jaquta]

I think that you should absolutely be posting here.  I'm not sure what the expert deems appropriate (as this forum almost seems like a default mental health forum) but my understanding is that many people with bpd also have mood disorders and therefore it would seem appropriate.

I feel for your psychiatrist but I hate it when a patient's emotional needs get overlooked.  I find it triggering when a health professional puts others needs ahead of my own or when the situation changes or is different to how I expected it.  Based on black and white thinking a 15 or 30 minute appointment is that and not a 10 minute one (unless for some reason I feel desperate to leave).
I find it very rejecting when there is the perception that others (or others needs) are more important.  To me it reinforces my feelings or inadequacy and worthlessness.

Some psych meds are controlled and only allow for a psychiatrist to prescribe them.
Citalopram was one of these meds.  GP's are able to prescribe some psych meds though.
Although psychiatrists are supposedly more experienced in mental health disorders I find their lack of empathy uninspiring.  GP's seem more human somehow.

Change the antidepressant to a sedative?  Surely the antipsychotic would act as a sedative.

All medications have one side-effect or other.  The nightmares and panic could potentially be from either the meds or the disorder.

From personal experience I think that when a person with bpd is unwell that one psychology session a week in not enough.  I understand that many mhs have limitations but on a personal level I find that unhelpful.

There is the option of going private if you can afford it or have insurance that will cover it.  For many people with bpd that is not an option.
You could look at the possibility of relocating or accessing a centre that has an interest in treating people with bpd.  You could look at approaching a training facility or teaching hospital.  I once saw that posted as an option by an expert.  Personally I'm not sure I'm for the idea.
You could try educating yourself about the disorder (the library and net are good places to start.

I found a crisis hotline helpful.  While it didn't help me to resolve my emotional issues it helped to have someone to talk too.  Another option would be to join some bpd support groups on the internet.  MedHelp has a bpd community forum.  In my opinion, many aren't that great though so they could be safer to stay away from.  Just be careful.

There is a dbt class online that is OK.  Not sure how helpful that is too someone just starting to learn the dbt skills though.  It can be found at yahoo health groups and is the dbtclass.  There is a dbt discussion group which would also be worth looking into.

Six months is not a long time to work on and change personality.

I would start by talking with your psychologist.  Ask for more support.  Perhaps discuss how the six month time frame is worrying you.  It is possible that this could be extended.  Not sure how things work in the UK though.

For me the biggest difference in my treatment was having a sufficiently qualified and experienced therapist.  Looking back I had a lot of rubbish treatment (that left me feeling suicidal more often than not).
Once this new therapist came she put me in twice weekly sessions then increased it to three.  This is what allowed me to feel contained and to begin to improve.  She also insisted that I have no contact with other staff (such as a nurse or social worker and that any consultation with a psychiatrist, if necessary, was done through her).  This worked well for me.  It also meant that all my issues were taken to her to work through.

This is rather long-winded but start by talking with your psychologist.

[Peter Forster]

Dear Stacey,

I think that looking online for support and help is a very good idea. You may have already been to BPD Central, but if not I think it is a pretty good site.

http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php

Also check out -

http://borderlinepersonality.ca/dbt.htm

There is also a pretty good book that you might want to order -

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook by Matt McKay that is a pretty accessible introduction to DBT.

Psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists don't know everything... and my experience is that folks with BPD are pretty resourceful... you just need to line up the resourcefulness and anger with the right goals.... maybe something like "they can't do this to me!"

[Jaquta]

I'm just posting again so this individual's post doesn't get overlooked.  Sorry for posting so much on the forum.  My intention wasn't to make more work.

[Mj1017]

Hi, I was looking for some help and opinions. I have a feeling I might have this disorder. I am constantly looking for a new job or dif career path. I jump back and forth and its exausting! I am currently employed somewhere I have already left and came back 3 times. I went to a community college and did my generals then got out of that. I wanted to be a teacher at one point..then a fashion designer..a jeweler..etc the list goes on. Then I went to a cosmetology school...got out of that.I just got a job offer I was pumped about. I have not even started training and Im already job searching! Ah..what is wrong with me!? Its not that I didnt like all these things but my feelings are always going back and forth. And its not like im fresh out of highschool. I could of had a few degrees by now if I could just stick w one thing.

[Jaquta]

The online dbtclass that I was talking about was founded by A.J. Mahari.  She also owns that borderlinepersonality.ca site that the doctor mentioned -I think.
She has had bpd and has written a number or articles helping others.

The important thing to remember is that not everybody's journey is the same and that what helped one may not help another.  Do what you need too to help you recover.

There are also clinical texts out there that may be helpful.  I found them to be useful stepping stones and a good source of information.

It would be nice if those health professionals did know just a little though or could communicate their wealth of experience and expertize.
I bash these health professionals a lot because I have found most of them unhelpful and their approach extremely traumatizing and damaging.  There are some good people out there though.  And some even better ones on the net.

I see a theme a lot when talking to others with bpd and that is that health professionals either don't listen or don't understand.  I think this can be a significant barrier to people with bpd getting the help they need.

I don't really understand this or why it happens.  I believe that perception and lack of communication are two factors though.
Maybe things are different in other parts of the world??