is it avoidant personality disorder?

[hisbride49]

I have been with the father of my children for a long time. He was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, OCD and Tourette's Syndrome a few years ago, as well as a couple of learning disabilities. But he is above average intelligence and holds a responsible job in IT.
I have been doing some research on personality disorders as he seems to have something more than the main diagnoses wrong. I had thought he might have some form of Bi-polar disease (is there even such a thing?) but more and more, I am convinced it is an avoidant personality disorder. I would love to chat or email through this forum with someone who has firsthand experience dealing with this issue, maybe in a family member, etc. I have read the texts but it would be helpful to know how this thing looks in the flesh.
He is to be seen by a psychiatrist in January of this year and I am hopeful the man will not miss the diagnosis. I do understand that there are two schools of thought with re treatment of personality disorders; some advocate drugs, others say a lifetime of therapy won't even make much difference and that drug therapy is practically useless...would love to hear what others have experienced.
Either way, being on this roller coaster with this man is exhausting and nerve wracking, needless to say. We have two special needs children as well. One with Down Syndrome and the other with mild TS...the one with mild TS so far exhibits none of the same symptoms as his father so I am hopeful that will not materialize at some point.
He is currently seeing a pastor friend of ours that he trusts for deep inner healing of emotional wounds from his past and frankly, it does seem to be helping somewhat. I guess I am just looking for some answers from real people. Hope someone can  help us here.
Thanks so much! :-)

[Jaquta]

There is such a thing as bipolar disorder.  Basically it means that a person can experience both highs and lows in mood.

This forum expert will have experience dealing with individuals with such issues.

A psychiatrist recently said that she thought I had traits of avoidant personality disorder.
I avoid almost everything so I'm not sure if that helps.

A good doctor will do a thorough assessment and diagnose appropriately.

An inability for people with personality disorders to change, in my opinion, is old school.  There have been significant improvements in the psychological fields in more recent years.  While it has been accepted that change can take time, it has also been acknowledged that it is possible.  It is my understanding that antisocial personality disorder may be one of the harder ones to treat (?due to a lack of empathy, etc).

I have been said to also have bpd.  For me, intensive psychotherapy has been the most helpful, medication not so much.  I am generally non-compliant with meds, possibly due to the disorder, but I do sometimes take meds for sleep or anxiety.  I have found this to be helpful.

Your child with TS may be more fortunate than your husband.  Lets hope so.

If the work your husband is doing with the pastor is helpful then it would make sense for him to continue with that.  Having this social support will also be excellent for him.

I have ocd too and know that that can be extremely stressful.  I think ocd has contributed to some of my avoidance at times.  It does sound like anxiety could be a significant factor.  The other conditions could also serve as some sort of barrier.

My advice would be to seek some sort of support for yourself.  (Your husband is waiting to be assessed, etc and treatment plans will be able to be formulated from those.)
I'm not sure what sort of support that I would advise.  Maybe a support group for family members dealing with loved ones with mh issues.  I think that individual therapy could be helpful.

Not sure if that helps.  I just get the feeling that you need time for yourself.  Maybe it's not even therapy that you need but time out with a friend.  A coffee, a chat??
Therapy might help to teach you new skills though which could be useful in helping you to manage the stresses and strains that are inevitable with these conditions.  I think I may have worded that badly but I hope you understand what I mean.

Would dinner with your husband be helpful while someone babysat your kids?  Maybe a weekend away?  Maybe a family outting to the beach or park or somewhere exciting?

[Jaquta]

I left my comment on the link.

[Peter Forster]

Looks as though the only way of uploading that file is to put it in my "pictures"

This is the link. Hope it works.

http://www.medhelp.org/user_photos/show/175065?personal_page_id=1393715

Peter

[Peter Forster]

Interesting area to think about. There are a lot of things that can interfere with normal relationships. I have just created a diagram that shows some of them. It doesn't show borderline personality (which I realized after I made it) which probably would have its own location as a disorder of regulating mood. Now I need to figure out how to upload that....

[Jaquta]

Sorry about the spelling.