I do not want to believe in god,but i am also scared he might punish me. i also fear i will feel miserably for the rest of my life.I use to believe in god,but the it got out of hand(started doing rituals,feeling guilty because i was masturbating),then i become depressed,anxious and felt god left me alone on the earth,feeling it is all my fault.Now after years of treatment i still do not feel good and have moments when i feel the world is empty,that i do not belong anywhere,disconected,anxious.
On the other hand when i feel the worse,it is like i have broken a sacred rule,or something like that , and i can not be happy and enjoy myself anymore,and feel scared of the others because i get the feeling they sense my fear and guilt.It is like i have a 6 th sense of hell.I feel i am not me,i feel i am the evil version of me.and that is the most teryfing,depressing thing ever.
I take klonopin ,paxil and another anxiolityc. for depression and anxiety.
i have been like this for 7 years
Only medication,because when i talk i get more depressed and more hopeless.So less i talk about it the better,When i talk i enter a ficitonal world where i feel completely guilty,like someone is punishing me it is hard to talk.
I prefer medication,wich don't works so good
The trouble is that medication gets you only part of an answer. The advantage of therapy is that if you can make it past the initial difficult piece (getting started it may seem that things are getting worse) the benefits are long lasting.
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