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Avatar universal

severe impulse control, ocd and depersonalization problems

  i was diagnosed with Trichotillomania when i was 12, i like the sensation of pulling my hair out, it kind of feels like a massage to me.  i have noticed this pattern of lack of impulse control in a lot of other things too. for example, i have no control when it comes to eating icecream, i will over indulge, i take kratom everyday because it feels good.  i also get obsessed with a idea and i will ignore my surroundings and just focus on that thing,( like looking for beads on ebay for jewelry making) its like a pattern everyday. i like being alone most of the time, whenever there is someone else around i feel tense, stressed out or a sense of depersonalization or derealization. for example i went to help host my sisters baby shower, i was trying to socialize but the whole time i just felt disconnected, i didnt care what they were saying and i was extremely bored too, i couldnt wait to leave, it made me extremely exhausted. i also noticed i started feeling this way everywhere i go now, even places i would normally enjoy.
i have also been trying to ween of lexapro because of weight gain, every time i try i get these horrific  flu like symptoms and severe panic. i feel like the anti-depressant is making me more unbalanced.
i would go to a therapist but i cant afford one.
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Avatar universal
i just wanted to tell a professional my symptoms and get a opinion, this anxiety seems to have gotten worse ever since that mental breakdown three years ago.  i also have a fear of being depressed, this fear started a year ago when i met my recent boyfriend.  i think the reason is that my boyfriend likes to go out and do fun things but i fear i will be depressed, these activities we do usually involve magic mushrooms, music and dancing, i like these activities too when i feel good.   he seems to have more energy than me, usually i am tired and want to go to sleep but he just wants to stay up, i start getting really irritated with the environment, i constantly wonder why i don't have as much energy as everyone else.  whenever i feel a weird sensation i worry i am going to become catatonically depressed and go insane. its probably my imagination driving just driving me crazy.
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1308134 tn?1295187619
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I spent quite a bit of time thinking about your post and the addendum that you posted later and was trying to figure out what to say when I noticed that you didn't ask a question. And since the problems that you have are pretty complicated and confusing, a question is really necessary if I am going to be able to say something useful.
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