i was diagnosed with Trichotillomania when i was 12, i like the sensation of pulling my hair out, it kind of feels like a massage to me. i have noticed this pattern of lack of impulse control in a lot of other things too. for example, i have no control when it comes to eating icecream, i will over indulge, i take kratom everyday because it feels good. i also get obsessed with a idea and i will ignore my surroundings and just focus on that thing,( like looking for beads on ebay for jewelry making) its like a pattern everyday. i like being alone most of the time, whenever there is someone else around i feel tense, stressed out or a sense of depersonalization or derealization. for example i went to help host my sisters baby shower, i was trying to socialize but the whole time i just felt disconnected, i didnt care what they were saying and i was extremely bored too, i couldnt wait to leave, it made me extremely exhausted. i also noticed i started feeling this way everywhere i go now, even places i would normally enjoy.
i have also been trying to ween of lexapro because of weight gain, every time i try i get these horrific flu like symptoms and severe panic. i feel like the anti-depressant is making me more unbalanced.
i would go to a therapist but i cant afford one.