Blues traveler or traveling blues?

My husband and I are flying to Mexico tomorrow. I have been really looking forward to this trip. 9 days of sunshine and when you are from the NW sun is a big deal. We are going to Cancun and the Mayan Ruins. I am hating that it has come to this but it has- I don't want to go!  

This has been happening to me more and more these days. I plan and look forward, get excited and talk about things- trips or even just social gathering. When it comes time to follow through I panic.  I mean really, really, panic.

I have trouble breathing I get all sweaty and shaky. My heart pounds and I can't for the life of me relax.  It is like a full fledged panic attack.  It used to be that I had them sometimes when I was under allot of stress but now I am getting them more and more. It doesn't matter if it is a little trip to the store or a major, get on a plane trip. I can't seem to relax away from my house anymore.

I have always been a very social person and now I can hardly talk on the phone. It is embarrassing I am forever cancelling now. Coming up with all kinds of excuses.  Sometimes it is true I am just to tired. More often than not lately it is an anxious nervousness that keeps me from even trying.

I can't stand that there is something else wrong with me.  I really can't stand it. I really hate that there is one more thing on this ever growing list of things that I need to talk to my doctors about. I work so hard at staying up-beat and positive. I hate that my husband has to deal with, understand, be supportive of, one more F'ing thing.

I will get on the plane. I will go to dinner. I will swim in the pool and walk on the beach. I will to have a good time. I will try to keep my mind in the moment. Traveling takes more out of me than it used to. I don't bounce back from jet-lag like I used to. Strange foods and beds and bathrooms are all now problematic where they used to be adventure.

Oh my goodness I have become my worst nightmare-Whiny and ungrateful! Poor me I have to go on a nice trip! I am so tired of this! I am so sick of being sick and tired! I'm sorry I am tired from packing and I am nervous. I needed to vent a little.This was probably what I should use the journal for but I need to hear that someone- somewhere- a stranger understands  me.

If you got this far in my little pity party thank you-Carol

[lovemy6monkeys]

Oh Carol

Big gentle ((hugs)) for you. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope you do enjoy your trip. Like you said, keep your mind in the moment. ((hugs))

(and you do not sound whiney and ungrateful...you sound nervous and I totally get that.)
~Jess

[supermum_ms]

Hey Carol,

I understand the not wanting to go, I do the same thing, i dont get anxious about it, more of being worn out just getting everything and everyone ready. I think its the fatigue talking more than anything else, I also think that its understandable when theres still more energy about to be lost, in the getting there.

I have opted out at the last minute, no one at the time was happy but it was the right thing at the time to do, i was not capable of being in the car. I ended up not getting out of bed for 3 days, no kids or dh to feed was a holiday for me, they had a good time and i got to sleep as much as i needed with out feeling guilty for being on holiday sleeping through it.

Not that i am avocating doing that, not at all, i've thought of doing it before but was glad i didn't when we finally got there, it was great fun and i did find enough energy to participate, i would of regretted it that time, i'm sure.

I suppose i'm trying to say, its ok to feel this way and asking for help to make it easier for you to do these types of things, might be helpful in more ways than you think. Ask your self if you really are panniced about going out or if the going out is more than you can do sometimes? When you have it in perspective, you might be easier on your self.

I hope you do have the energy to go, you deserve some down time, i'm thinking margaritas and silly hats, though i could be thinking of the wrong place lol. Oh have you seen the poem about spoons, that might help you understand it all better, i'll track it down because it says it better than i ever could.

Cheers.......JJ

GO!  

[Sarahsmom46]

I traveled quite extensively in my past and loved every adventure, strange foods, smells,different languages and all that.  Loved it!!!!  But for the past maybe 3 or 4 years, my love of travel has been complicated.  Like you, I anticipate the trip but once it gets closer to the date to leave, I start getting that feeling that I'd just prefer to stay home.

I think we feel his way perhaps because of the unknown.  Will our heat intolerance keep us from having any fun outside the hotel?  Will we get sick? Will we we be able to find a place to sit down when we need to get a break and get out of the heat?  All that aurely plays into my pre-trip anxiety.

I have been to Cancun and actually enjoyed it more than I expected.  We went a few months after my relapse resolved.  I thought I'd be stuck in the hotel too, but actually was able to do a few things like go to Chichen Itza.  

I would highly recommend if you are going to Chichen Itza that you have your tour guide order a wheelchair "before" you get there.  I was too proud to order one and regret that to this day.  They do a walking tour which I was only able to make it to Station 2 before my hubbie had to put me on a bench under a tree.  Get the wheelchair.

Getting around the town...All I can suggest is that you do this only with your husband.  Al went diving for the day and I thought I could manage the public bus to take me to the town from the hotel area.  Busses were fine, but people do not recognize the need of a person with a cane needing to sit down. No one gave up their seat to help me.  Really boggles the mind.  A little girl, probably 6 or 7 let me share her little seat. THe kindness of kids.  

I do hope you go.  For me, I didn't care if I got to go anywhere but the Mayan Ruins and just let the rest of the trip be for R & R.  Stay close to the pool with a cold drink. Go to the beach either before noon or after 5 pm to avoid the heat of the day.  Oh and try eating out at least once in town.  There is this great Mexican restruant, you'll have to get the name from the conceirge they know the best place in town, you guys will love the truly authentic food.  

OK, enough of the Frommer's infomercial about Cancun.  Go and have fun, fun, fun.  

Hugs,

Julie

[patientx]

I have to say I've felt the same way as you since being diagnosed with MS.  I used to travel quite frequently for work, and used to like it - even when it was an out-of-the-way place.  I haven't done any traveling since my diagnosis, and I'm not sure I can get excited for it anymore.  The few times it looked like I would be going somewhere, I wasn't sure I could get motivated to go.   One day, I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and get over it.

Having said that, try to enjoy to Cancun trip.  I was there about 12 years ago (admittedly long before MS), and had a great time.  The Mayan ruins are something to see.  I don't know if they do this anymore, but the coolest part was the Mayan people who would sit there and carve these statues for you for a really cheap price.  And the price of everything is negotiable.

And Julie's right. It's worth at least one trip downtown.  I don't know if it is the same restaurant she's talking about, but we ate dinner at one place where they sang and put on little shows while you ate.

Just make sure you stick with the bottled water....