Aa
Depressed
Dear all,
I know im such a whiner...But im still scared..The fear just crawls back with uncertainty for the future..It because i cant control it...Beucause i always think something bad is going to happen...
And then they are my parents...
I dont know i just hope i can hadle this disease ..i so want to beat it...Right now im feeling scared...I know this should probably be a journal entry...You dont have to commetn if you want to..
Im just looking for some support
Kindly thank you
I know im such a whiner...But im still scared..The fear just crawls back with uncertainty for the future..It because i cant control it...Beucause i always think something bad is going to happen...
And then they are my parents...
I dont know i just hope i can hadle this disease ..i so want to beat it...Right now im feeling scared...I know this should probably be a journal entry...You dont have to commetn if you want to..
Im just looking for some support
Kindly thank you
Audrey,
I am so sorry that you are suffering! Depression stinks and people that have never suffered think that you just have to try harder and you will be fine. That is so not true.
You are not such a whiner!! You are going through a very challenging time and the smart healthy way to cope is to reach out wherever you can to get help. Don't beat yourself up for needing to vent or share - pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there and trying to get the emotional support that you need now!
Do you see a therapist of any kind? I used to scorn them like they were the enemy but have now been seeing a psychotherapist for 2 1/2 years and LOVE her. She has helped me through so many of the losses and fears that my MS has thrown me. I have had to learn new ways to do things because of damage and she has been great with that also.
Now don't for a second think that I don't get depressed because oh boy I do! Part of the process of disease I guess.
Take care and don't hesitate to post or if you want send a message when you need to chat.
Hugs,
Erin :)
I am so sorry that you are suffering! Depression stinks and people that have never suffered think that you just have to try harder and you will be fine. That is so not true.
You are not such a whiner!! You are going through a very challenging time and the smart healthy way to cope is to reach out wherever you can to get help. Don't beat yourself up for needing to vent or share - pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there and trying to get the emotional support that you need now!
Do you see a therapist of any kind? I used to scorn them like they were the enemy but have now been seeing a psychotherapist for 2 1/2 years and LOVE her. She has helped me through so many of the losses and fears that my MS has thrown me. I have had to learn new ways to do things because of damage and she has been great with that also.
Now don't for a second think that I don't get depressed because oh boy I do! Part of the process of disease I guess.
Take care and don't hesitate to post or if you want send a message when you need to chat.
Hugs,
Erin :)
OK, the bad thing about MS is that it's most often the type where symptoms come and go and vary in severity.
And the good thing about MS is that it's most often the type where symptoms come and go and vary in severity.
The hardest part often seems to be getting diagnosed and starting on a treatment plan. After that you don't have to battle to beat it. You can concentrate on how to live with it, or despite it. However it helps you most to think of it.
Do get someone to talk to via a phone or in person manner. It seems you may need a little more support initially than a written forum alone can provide. But come here too because we understand and want to help. It's just hard to get our sincerity and humanity through the pixels.
Honey, none of us are in control. We were just allowed to live with that delusion for a while. MS clouds a lot of stuff. It clear away an ideas about control. Think maintenance, healthy living, and a mind full of good and peaceful thoughts. That's the best you can offer yourself.
Mary
And the good thing about MS is that it's most often the type where symptoms come and go and vary in severity.
The hardest part often seems to be getting diagnosed and starting on a treatment plan. After that you don't have to battle to beat it. You can concentrate on how to live with it, or despite it. However it helps you most to think of it.
Do get someone to talk to via a phone or in person manner. It seems you may need a little more support initially than a written forum alone can provide. But come here too because we understand and want to help. It's just hard to get our sincerity and humanity through the pixels.
Honey, none of us are in control. We were just allowed to live with that delusion for a while. MS clouds a lot of stuff. It clear away an ideas about control. Think maintenance, healthy living, and a mind full of good and peaceful thoughts. That's the best you can offer yourself.
Mary
Hi,
Sorry you are having such a tough time.... There are so many of us here to help you by talking things out.
I agree that it probably would be helpful for you to learn more about the disease, as this will probably help you.
I personally started on the forum a few years ago, being in limboland and no diagnosis, and everyone here helped me so much. Now, I in turn try to help other newbies, who come to the forum, as I did looking for answers.
Just remember, you are not alone, and we are all here for you!
terri
Sorry you are having such a tough time.... There are so many of us here to help you by talking things out.
I agree that it probably would be helpful for you to learn more about the disease, as this will probably help you.
I personally started on the forum a few years ago, being in limboland and no diagnosis, and everyone here helped me so much. Now, I in turn try to help other newbies, who come to the forum, as I did looking for answers.
Just remember, you are not alone, and we are all here for you!
terri
Hi Audrey,
I really am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. But there are a few things I'd like to say. First of all, no apologies necessary. The people in this community are here for anyone and there is no shortage of understanding and compassion.
Call it what you may; whining, venting, expressing feelings, dumping, complaining, purging, etc... Most of us, if not all, have had to deal with the myriad of emotions associated with this damned disease, and many of us have done our share of “whining.” But I do not like the word. It carries such negative connotations that when people hear it, they are too quick to rush to judgment. I think you make a pretty strong and clear statement as to the emotional pain you are experiencing and the fact that you need support. This is not whining.
As far as being scared is concerned, it's perfectly normal; I am also scared. People with serious medical conditions, all have to deal with fear of the unknown on a certain level; some more-so than others. In the beginning, fear of how the disease might affect us seems overwhelming. This disease is so unpredictable and variable that it is not hard to see why fear is a central emotion.
One of the mistakes I made when I was first diagnosed was trying to repress/control my fear of what could happen. What I have learned from dealing with other medical conditions is that there is no reason why I need to control my fear. Just let it happen, so-to-speak. Live it, feel it, talk about it, cry, scream, pray, etc, etc!!! But do not try to control or repress it. It does not work.
Don't get me wrong, I am not implying that you should wallow in fear and let it rule your life. What I am saying is that being newly diagnosed, you have been thrown one hell of a curve ball; we all have.
The first and most important step is to allow yourself to grieve; it's not unlike the death of a loved one. It hurts and we need to deal with the loss. Allowing ourselves to grieve is such an intrical step in so many aspects of our lives. It is through grieving that we learn how to move on and live. And as with many things in our lives, it is important to live with MS being in the background as opposed the foreground.
OK, I've raambled on enough. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I really am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. But there are a few things I'd like to say. First of all, no apologies necessary. The people in this community are here for anyone and there is no shortage of understanding and compassion.
Call it what you may; whining, venting, expressing feelings, dumping, complaining, purging, etc... Most of us, if not all, have had to deal with the myriad of emotions associated with this damned disease, and many of us have done our share of “whining.” But I do not like the word. It carries such negative connotations that when people hear it, they are too quick to rush to judgment. I think you make a pretty strong and clear statement as to the emotional pain you are experiencing and the fact that you need support. This is not whining.
As far as being scared is concerned, it's perfectly normal; I am also scared. People with serious medical conditions, all have to deal with fear of the unknown on a certain level; some more-so than others. In the beginning, fear of how the disease might affect us seems overwhelming. This disease is so unpredictable and variable that it is not hard to see why fear is a central emotion.
One of the mistakes I made when I was first diagnosed was trying to repress/control my fear of what could happen. What I have learned from dealing with other medical conditions is that there is no reason why I need to control my fear. Just let it happen, so-to-speak. Live it, feel it, talk about it, cry, scream, pray, etc, etc!!! But do not try to control or repress it. It does not work.
Don't get me wrong, I am not implying that you should wallow in fear and let it rule your life. What I am saying is that being newly diagnosed, you have been thrown one hell of a curve ball; we all have.
The first and most important step is to allow yourself to grieve; it's not unlike the death of a loved one. It hurts and we need to deal with the loss. Allowing ourselves to grieve is such an intrical step in so many aspects of our lives. It is through grieving that we learn how to move on and live. And as with many things in our lives, it is important to live with MS being in the background as opposed the foreground.
OK, I've raambled on enough. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hello,
Please be encouraged -- I was also diagnosed in my 20's and the fear you are having is normal. I have had MS for 20 years and I took took Betaseron for 12 years -- the ABC drugs (Avonex, Betaseron and Copaxone and there are other drugs now as well) -- yes these medications are injectables and I was so afraid of needles all of my life -- but many of these medications can now be used via diabetic needles and injected with a device so you do not have to break the skin with a needle.
I am no expert -- I do not know your symptoms nor do I know if you have insurance to help with the cost of these medications. I do want to say that the Betaseron helped me start walking again -- and I have heard many others say this as well. Today, I am 46 years old and I do not take the medication any longer as I have stabilized. Most nights I walk on a treadmill and I am able to go 4.25 miles in 90 minutes. This exercise has actually helped my MS -- and yes, I still have some numbness at times, especially in the heat, but I have learned to work around this. You can do this also.
The fear of not knowing what tomorrow holds was a part of my daily life for many years as it is for many people with this and other diseases but stay positive and know that I would be available for you whenever you have a question about the MS. I can give you my email if you want -- I am not sure how to do this but I am sure we can figure it out. Please let me know.
God Bless You,
Donna
Please be encouraged -- I was also diagnosed in my 20's and the fear you are having is normal. I have had MS for 20 years and I took took Betaseron for 12 years -- the ABC drugs (Avonex, Betaseron and Copaxone and there are other drugs now as well) -- yes these medications are injectables and I was so afraid of needles all of my life -- but many of these medications can now be used via diabetic needles and injected with a device so you do not have to break the skin with a needle.
I am no expert -- I do not know your symptoms nor do I know if you have insurance to help with the cost of these medications. I do want to say that the Betaseron helped me start walking again -- and I have heard many others say this as well. Today, I am 46 years old and I do not take the medication any longer as I have stabilized. Most nights I walk on a treadmill and I am able to go 4.25 miles in 90 minutes. This exercise has actually helped my MS -- and yes, I still have some numbness at times, especially in the heat, but I have learned to work around this. You can do this also.
The fear of not knowing what tomorrow holds was a part of my daily life for many years as it is for many people with this and other diseases but stay positive and know that I would be available for you whenever you have a question about the MS. I can give you my email if you want -- I am not sure how to do this but I am sure we can figure it out. Please let me know.
God Bless You,
Donna
Just like Lulu said..I am here too. Take this one day at a time. Your feelings will change often. Some days I roll with it and others I freak out and cry because I am sooo scared. I have a friend that has had MS for about 11 yrs. She is in "remission"?? I constantly compare myself to her and it just sets me up for disappointment.
I hope you find someone to talk to about how your feeling. I am thankful for this forum. We are in this boat together.
I hope you find someone to talk to about how your feeling. I am thankful for this forum. We are in this boat together.
Audrey,
A large part of living with MS is like being on a roller coaster. The ride has its ups and downs and definitely scarey parts that make you want to close your eyes and scream.
All of that is normal - and acceptable. I wish there was a way to reassure you that it does become easier to live with this rhythm of ups and downs. Right now your diagnosis is so new and full of MyStery.
The best way for you to control this fear is to learn as much as you can about MS. Knowledge really is power and will give you the means to cope so much better.
Don't try to learn everything at once - you have a whole long lifetime to learn. Pick off a little bit at a time - maybe start with our health pages. They haqve great essential information in them.
If I were 22 I would be terrified with this news. I know I was at 54. Age has little to do with this reaction - it is perfectly normal so please don't stress that you are feeing so despondent right now. Grant yourself the right to feel whatever emotions come your way and remember we are here if you need us.
hugs to you, Lulu
A large part of living with MS is like being on a roller coaster. The ride has its ups and downs and definitely scarey parts that make you want to close your eyes and scream.
All of that is normal - and acceptable. I wish there was a way to reassure you that it does become easier to live with this rhythm of ups and downs. Right now your diagnosis is so new and full of MyStery.
The best way for you to control this fear is to learn as much as you can about MS. Knowledge really is power and will give you the means to cope so much better.
Don't try to learn everything at once - you have a whole long lifetime to learn. Pick off a little bit at a time - maybe start with our health pages. They haqve great essential information in them.
If I were 22 I would be terrified with this news. I know I was at 54. Age has little to do with this reaction - it is perfectly normal so please don't stress that you are feeing so despondent right now. Grant yourself the right to feel whatever emotions come your way and remember we are here if you need us.
hugs to you, Lulu
Dear Audrey,
I understand so well what you are describing- I'm experiencing the very same thing- fear and depression- as well- and am a LOT older than you.. I totally agree with HVAC and Red that it's really important to find someone to talk to- it does really help. I'm just looking at my local MS society and the things they are offering, if there is any option to meet up with others that have just been diagnosed as well, I'll definitely go there.
I do feel with you, you are more than 10 years younger than me, when I was 22 it would have completely blown me away, too (well, still does as it is now). But I'm also thinking that a lot of people probably did have MS at your age already and it was only really diagnosed once there were in their 30s or even later than that- and you've got the advantage of a really early diagnosis and starting treatment extremely early and therefore having the best possible outcome.
Probably isn't much of a consolation at the moment, but for the future I think it's important- and possible! to gradually get a more and more optimistic positive outlook- and I think that will actually positively influence your health as well in the long run.
Feel free to send me a message if you feel like it, I'm not on the forum very often, but it will send me an email if I receive a message, so you'll definitely get an answer :)
Take care and big hugs to you xx
Rike
I understand so well what you are describing- I'm experiencing the very same thing- fear and depression- as well- and am a LOT older than you.. I totally agree with HVAC and Red that it's really important to find someone to talk to- it does really help. I'm just looking at my local MS society and the things they are offering, if there is any option to meet up with others that have just been diagnosed as well, I'll definitely go there.
I do feel with you, you are more than 10 years younger than me, when I was 22 it would have completely blown me away, too (well, still does as it is now). But I'm also thinking that a lot of people probably did have MS at your age already and it was only really diagnosed once there were in their 30s or even later than that- and you've got the advantage of a really early diagnosis and starting treatment extremely early and therefore having the best possible outcome.
Probably isn't much of a consolation at the moment, but for the future I think it's important- and possible! to gradually get a more and more optimistic positive outlook- and I think that will actually positively influence your health as well in the long run.
Feel free to send me a message if you feel like it, I'm not on the forum very often, but it will send me an email if I receive a message, so you'll definitely get an answer :)
Take care and big hugs to you xx
Rike
You poor love.....I understand exactly how you feel. I am frequently scared when my symptoms occur - and for ages I thought I was dying. But now I have learnt that I am NOT dying, just feeling revolting for a while and it will pass. Trying to stay emotionally on top of things when this occurs can be a challenge, but it can be done.
Do you have a local MS Society nearby? My local one provides couselling, nurses, and of course get-togethers with other MSers. It can be of great help and comfort to be with people who truly understand how you feel. And the nurses can offer a wealth of advice.
if not one nearby, is there a number you can call for support? Or of ccourse as HVAC said, find a 'buddy' here to talk to....
As Red said, it is ok and perfectly normal to be scared and depressed.
I hope you feel a bit happier soon..
Cheers from Australia
Jemm
Do you have a local MS Society nearby? My local one provides couselling, nurses, and of course get-togethers with other MSers. It can be of great help and comfort to be with people who truly understand how you feel. And the nurses can offer a wealth of advice.
if not one nearby, is there a number you can call for support? Or of ccourse as HVAC said, find a 'buddy' here to talk to....
As Red said, it is ok and perfectly normal to be scared and depressed.
I hope you feel a bit happier soon..
Cheers from Australia
Jemm
It's OK to be scared! It feels awful but it is normal, if you weren't scared there really would be something wrong.
Don't try to control your feelings, instead, allow yourself to feel them. Then you need to keep talking like Alex said. Finding a therapist is a really good idea. Friends too.
You have had a really tough blow and you are soooo young. It's a huge shock. I'm sure you had your life planned out and then whamm!!. You will probably go through a host of feelings for a while. Anger, sadness, depression, sorrow etc.
Here is something that is very important to remember:
The feelings you have now will pass. They really will. Just keep breathing through it, I know it's hard.
Your life will be different than what you wanted and planned. Everything will be different and it will be a process to deal with these changes throughout your life. You will adjust and accomodate to the challenges in your life.
We don't know what tomorrow brings.
It's OK to talk about this here!!!
((((Hugs)))) Red
Don't try to control your feelings, instead, allow yourself to feel them. Then you need to keep talking like Alex said. Finding a therapist is a really good idea. Friends too.
You have had a really tough blow and you are soooo young. It's a huge shock. I'm sure you had your life planned out and then whamm!!. You will probably go through a host of feelings for a while. Anger, sadness, depression, sorrow etc.
Here is something that is very important to remember:
The feelings you have now will pass. They really will. Just keep breathing through it, I know it's hard.
Your life will be different than what you wanted and planned. Everything will be different and it will be a process to deal with these changes throughout your life. You will adjust and accomodate to the challenges in your life.
We don't know what tomorrow brings.
It's OK to talk about this here!!!
((((Hugs)))) Red
Look I got so depressed at first my doctors all thought Electric Shock treatments were my only hope. When people get scared they either get paralyzed or super angry. If you do all the what ifs you can crawl into a ball a die right there. People with MS told me all kinds of horror stories. This is going to happen and that is going to happen. Well nothing to terrible has happened yet.
You know what no one knows how this disease will act in any of us not even the Neurologists. Get a person on the forum to buddy up with privately. May be someone diagnosed at the same time. I did this. This friend and I started PMing then calling on the cell phone. Also find a counselor who specializes in long term illness. Mine has saved my bacon. I did not have to have ECT. I thought she was too expensive now I know I need her. Then find a hobby. I so look forward to riding. It gives me so much confidence. It tells me I am not dead yeat, far from it.
Cut yourself a break. MS is a big shock but it really will be okay. You might even get to where I am. Pretty durn happy. See I just do not sweat the small stuff anymore. Life is fun when you do not have to sweat the small stuff.
Alex
You know what no one knows how this disease will act in any of us not even the Neurologists. Get a person on the forum to buddy up with privately. May be someone diagnosed at the same time. I did this. This friend and I started PMing then calling on the cell phone. Also find a counselor who specializes in long term illness. Mine has saved my bacon. I did not have to have ECT. I thought she was too expensive now I know I need her. Then find a hobby. I so look forward to riding. It gives me so much confidence. It tells me I am not dead yeat, far from it.
Cut yourself a break. MS is a big shock but it really will be okay. You might even get to where I am. Pretty durn happy. See I just do not sweat the small stuff anymore. Life is fun when you do not have to sweat the small stuff.
Alex
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