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305544 tn?1197997610

Ever wish you could sit down with God?

Ever wish you could sit down with God?  When no one else hears your silent screams...When you need to know that someone believes you, when you are hurting?  To have someone that you could talk to and they would really listen, try to give you the answers you so desperately need?  Ever walk around as if everything is normal because everyone else says that it is...Pretending your eye's not twitching, your backs not cramping, you don't feel like you will tip over, your confident when you talk it will sound intelligent, your arms not numb?  Ever get tired of taking different pills for every different ache and dysfunction? Ever wish you could sit down with God, even if it was only to gather strength through a gentle hug, and a promise you will feel better soon?  I do.  
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hello there,

I read your first message and found ir very thoughful and sensitive, which is what we all need.  I have been there before and thought exactly the same (even though I do have ms but at the moment do not seem to suffer half as much as anyone else whowse messages I read) ,... I must say this has been the toughest year for me (I got dx only recently) but at times when I felt low I though I really would like to sit down with God and get some comfort, but also to ask him what is all this about? And why?

God bless eveyone.  
Janey1
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Avatar universal
Do as Carol says:   Just speak to him and you will feel his presence - he might even answer you back, but don't always expect to hear a voice - just a relief from all your pain and suffering.  Just speak to him...

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Avatar universal
No, I am not crazy; not yet, anyway.  Just having computer problems and lots of tremors.  Sorry for the repeats.  I tried writing another post and it did not post.  Now, I have repetitious paragraphs...Sorry.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for much for your response!  I needed that!  I was not sure if I was over-stepping the line, but it seems we are a family here, so I thought I would relate some of my thoughts.

I am so glad that TonkaSpirit started this line.  Everybody on this forum is so supportive!  It is wonderful!

And, I commend you for you work in your church.  Even getting some fourteen year olds to Sunday school is a statement in and of itself.  It says that you must be doing something right in answering their needs.  Kudos to you!  

And thanks to everyone on this forum who has continued to be an inspiration to each of us.  May God bless us all.  Peace, love, and faith...Thank you for much for your response!  I needed that!  I was not sure if I was over-stepping the line, but it seems we are a family here, so I thought I would relate some of my thoughts.
Thank you so much for your response!  I needed that!  I was not sure if I was over-stepping the line; but as we are a family here, I thought I would relate some of my thoughts.

I am so glad that TonkaSpirit started this line.  Everybody on this forum is so supportive!  It is wonderful!

And, I commend you for you work in your church.  Even getting some fourteen year olds to Sunday school is a statement in and of itself.  It says that you must be doing something right in answering their needs.  Kudos to you!  

And thanks to everyone on this forum who has continued to be an inspiration to each of us.  May God bless us all.  Peace, love, and faith...
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222135 tn?1236488221
Wow, I was trying to express how I felt about this issue in some deep, meaningful way, and you just nailed it. I was brought to tears when I read Tonka's original post, but yours really brought the house down. Absolutely beautiful! And if you don't mind, I plan to steal your remarks re your neighbor and re botulism for my Sunday school class, where I am always asked re why God "allows" bad things to happen. I teach the 14 year olds who are very difficult to impress=) I try to really bring them to see that God is alive and well in most people  they meet, in the wind and lightning just before a storm... I do not try to cram things down their throats, as this turns today's kids the opposite direction, but rather to see what impact God has NOW and how they can feel Him within themselves by the way they choose to live their lives day to day. I am contemplating printing out this whole thread and bringing it to class. This forum is such a bright shining example of God alive working through others to bring us strength and to let us know we are not alone, and whatever our challenges, we are most certainly NOT useless. We all still have a purpose and in loooking for help for ourselves, we have all helped each other at one time or another... now that's deep;)

God bless. You made my whole day.

Penn
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Avatar universal
Thank you, that was really beautiful.  I pray for everyone on this forum, and believe that God has answered a big prayer for all of us.  He brought us all together on this site so that we could be with others who do understand our pain, frustration, depression, etc.

How, out of all the different forums did we all end up here?  This is the best place with the most wonderful, loving, and caring people I have ever known.

For me, I don't think I could cope with the daily pain and depression if it weren't for all of you.  I love you all and I give credit to God for bringing me here.

Much love
Doni
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308205 tn?1213962077
I totally agree with wht you wrote , Ibet most of us here feel the same way . It really tugged at my heart strings i have thought this many times myself. Someone once said to me that god only gives people these kind of things as he knows we are strong enough to cope,but i still wish i felt better just for one day . Just like the line in ghost the movie when the spirit helping patrick swayze said il give anything for a drag .Well sure we would all agree we would give anything to feel well but so long as we stay possitive and all pray together
love jules
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Avatar universal
We are all connected.  We are all God's children.  It is our belief in him; our love of him; and our love of life, ourselves and each other that allows us to need him, feel him, strive to know him, strive to emulate his love and live in his grace.  We are very fortunate to have this ability and this freedom of thought.  We are one in and of his will; and yet with free will to accept  or not accept him.  Our faith exudes the force of God.  We are the examples that show strength from our faith in him.  We are here to enjoy and delight in life and each other as he delights in us.  Someone on this forum told me I need to find a way over or around the wall when I was down.  While I knew that deep inside, seeing
it in black and white just hit me in the face.  So true.  It caused me to think about my past and what qualities I can continue to bring to this life.  I have been open-minded and persistent; and I tend to be sort of the creative and self-motivated different duck.  Being different is not always safe or fun.  But, what the heck.  I least I will have left a niche for my efforts, perhaps.  So, it is my intent not to get
around or over that wall but to find a window or knock a doorway in the wall so that others may walk through.  It is time to let in some sunshine.  But that wall can be synonymous with the protective foundation around us.  As we strive to open it up to ease the thoroughfare for others as well as ourselves in our life we also make our protective wall and ourselves more vulnerable.  How scary.  Yet, I choose the complex vulnerabilities of life.  

Each of us has different lessons to learn along the way.  But, we also bring our own talents to deal with them and help each other.  We are all students and teachers of each other.  This forum helps to satisfy our need to know and feel connected.  It also helps satisfy our needs to be able to reach out and contribute and love others; and to feel cared about back.  We have lessened physically; but, we have and will continue to grow more in understanding, tolerance, wisdom, and spirituality.  We know a new kinship.  We know that God knows our pains.  He is with us and WILL GIVE US STRENGTH!  I would rather suffer in this life and learn to understand and grow with God and love my fellow man than to live a life of luxury without any trepidation or concerns for anything and each other.  That is my choice, anyway.  I yearn for my health of the past.  I fear the inability to care for myself.  I must bundle those fears up and send them to God.  Besides, I know that I was at least lucky enough to have had many years of health.  Had I not had them:  I could not miss them.  There is always someone less fortunate than us in some way.  I hope that I can continue to live my life with dignity and love with compassion for others.  Anything else that I can accomplish is a bonus.  I believe that if I can accomplish just these things, that I will have lived as God desired from me and that I will have hopefully touched others lives in wonderful ways.  Sometimes it is the little things in life that we lovingly remember from others.  Sometimes it is someone's spirit, beliefs, or strength that touches us and changes us; and then can change others along life's path if we choose to share it.  I want to blow away the chaffe and keep the grain.  

My Mother laughed when I told her that my physician thought that I probably had MS almost three years ago.  She told me that if I have MS that it [I?] was all a waste...that all my education and hard work was a waste.  That hurt me to the bone...She has never called me back or written me since.  
She told me I was stupid for going to physicians because they did not know what was going on.  I believe she is wrong.  My education has taught me to recognize and logically solve problems.  As I stated the other day, it allowed me to save another person's life.  Actually, I was thinking last night how it allowed me to get to know a family living nearby much better that did not know me and whose Mother used to cause me problems.  As a result, I felt the family needed me one night and went to their door.  I asked if they needed help.  The daughter was shocked because I had never done this with them.  She asked me how I knew.  I told her it was as if I felt compelled to do so.  She showed me her Mother in bed who was cold and seemed unresponsive.  I realized she was aspirating her liquids into her lungs and did postural drainage and cleared her airway.  She regained consciousness.  That lady was a diabetic and in kidney failure.  She was a little mental one day (prior to this incident) and became scared and upset with her Granddaughter and started screaming at my new friend in the backyard.  She even called the cops.  She was sent to the hospital.  She kept yelling that she hated me because I never did anything for her.  No matter how much I tried to get to know her in prior years she would never open herself up to me.  After that incident she delighted in my company and many months later died in peace after I had stayed with her and her daughter that night.  My prior education and God-given abilities enabled me to extend her life and help lift her from her depression.  I would not have had the opportunity to be available if it were not for me being unable to work at present.  So, there is a positive side to every factor of life.  She was the third person in the last two years.  And there were others, including a drowned child, before.  I have been so blessed to have these abilities from and to have known these satisfactions through God.  
  
Botulism has killed so many people.  Yet, it is now used to relieve pain and promote beauty.  There are viuses that harm us.  Yet, research is showing that other life-saving treatments can be piggy-backed to the killed virus to get the treatment to specific areas of the brain and better promote treatment.  There is a good and bad to everything.  It is the yen and the yang.  I am trying to learn about and fight this enemy while gleaning and capitulating on the positive aspects of its uninvited entrance into my life.  Such victories inspire me.

Therefore, I sincerely hope that we can all inspire and lift each other up when needed  while we travel this path of sacrifice, learning, and understanding.  If I can learn to understand and accept my disease and myself; then I will be a better person to recognize and cherish the gifts that I do have:  and hence be more grateful, understanding, and loving of other people.  And to me, that is all that life is about.  Love...
Helpful - 0
306827 tn?1279028740

What a roller-coaster ride MS is. Six days since initial diagnosis and my life has irrevocably changed.

Fear, tears, terror, some mania (only the drugs I hope!), questions, depression, a panic attack, startling moments of clarity, symptoms still the same, keeping a sane face outward as much as possible, worry abut my little boy, my partner and his ability to cope (he has been a rock), money, work, the future .......

And where is God in all this? Where is God in any chronically debilitating disease? I have thought - MS doesn't kill you but this is a death sentence in a way. A life of this now. But death of what? I told my mother I am the same person I was last year, six months ago but I know I won't be that same person in six months. Not exactly the same. And I am reaching inside to try and understand why this. And I can't. So where is God?

I really really hope God is with us all, I know He/She is but I just have to be open to Him/Her. And I am really getting how hard that is for all you amazing people, and I am starting to understand why it has been so hard for me to listen and feel the hug I may be in too much pain to feel.

I did the usual the other day and thought "Why me?". But that doesn't work because the answer of course would be "Why not?"

So I am asking "Why MS?" Why is this my cross? Why is this our cross? I am asking God to speak loud enough so I can hear and give me the courage to keep living, move through this maze and find out why. There must be a reason. There HAS to be. I may not want to hear it or like it, but I will listen.

And as Kristin just said - yes you ARE all angels.

Michelle

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199882 tn?1310184542
I don't have to wish because I do it everyday.  All you have to do is talk to him, he is always there.  You don't have to spill out some elaborate prayer, you just talk to him like you would your friends or family.  When you ask God a question the answer is usually in the Bible.  Read it and study it.  God answers every single prayer.  The bad thing is that sometimes he says no.

I know there have been times when I have waited and waited on an answer and I would tell my husband that God wont answer my prayer.  Why is he ignoring me?  My hubby will just laugh and say have you ever thought that maybe he said no. (duh)

God is my best friend.  I talk to him about everything and everyone.  When I tell you guys that I'm praying at the end of all my messages, I really am.  I go to the Lord with all of your questions and problems.  I pray that he will help you and guide you, and I pray that he will give you an answer.  I know he does.

Tonka, this is a wonderful subject.  I'm so glad you brought it up.  God is really a fun person.  I know he has a sense of humor just look at me.hahaheehee  May the Lord bless each and every one of you.

I'll be praying,
Carol
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228463 tn?1216761521
I believe in God, just have trouble with religion.  I believe that God is you,  each and every one of you saying what I need to hear today to help get me through.  I see God in my life holding my hand and getting me through the day.  It is hard when you feel bad to look at your life and say "where is she (LOL)".  But then I log on and read a post of someone who has just found out their child is sick or they need emergency surgery or their parents have been in a horrendous car accident and I remember that God is there.  With them, and with me, helping us all make it through another day to be able to help others.  That is when we all recieve the most joy - helping others.

I have a little story to share:  My sister is a severe migraine sufferer.  She has been to special hospitals and tons of doctors and no one could help her.  She finally found a pain medication that made her life bearable.  She has decided she wants to get pregnant but she cannot be on any medication while she is pregnant.  She is in a facility right now coming off the medication slowly and the facility is rough and scary.  She wanted to come home and try again to come off the meds on her own even though it is very hard to do.  Today she found out she is pregnant.  God gave her this baby to help her know she is where she is supposed to be.  It has given her the strength to stick it out for the sake of the baby.  That is a miracle and it gives me goosebumps!  

I wanted to share this all with you so that you know that even though it may not look right now like God (or a higher power) is working in your life, he / she / it is.    Thanks for being all of my angels!!

I loev you all!
Kristin
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305544 tn?1197997610
The hugs are there, sometimes we just can't see them. Just like others can't see our pain.  Love to you all...I feel your warmth.
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307967 tn?1194996748
yes i do,i wish he would wrap his arms around me,let me know everything is ok!
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Avatar universal
YES
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Avatar universal
God is with you no matter what you call her. (LOL) We shouldn't have to put on our "happy face". but unfortunately we do. It's so hard when you hurt all over, and look perfectly fine. My EX husband, note he's EX couldn't see the problem or understand, unless it was a broken arm, leg, bruises, etc.(from farming and raising cattle, not him) So much for him. He was also mentally abusive and controlling, which I believe made my condition worse.  Everyone laughs at my pills, I have enough to start a pharmacy! Humm, Not a bad idea! I need more money!  Try to keep your spirit up, gentle hugs, Maggie
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230948 tn?1235844329
uk2
Hi

That posting really touched me as it says so much so many of us feel, i often cry out for gods strength i would not get by without it, just to feel that warm hug around me in my prayers is what gets me through, a while ago when my pain was so bad and i was so low i screamed out to god for answers!! but not once have i blamed him as i know he has a plan in all this i for one have grown closer to my god and have a real relationship with him now, it has done many things in my life that have had blessings even through the pain.

I grieve for the life i had a year ago the busy active social life i had with my church and kids, since iv been taking the A/D i have been able to cope better i did not want to take them but they lifted me from that ever low point.

I had a O.T come round today and after she left i was down as i had to discribe my life before and now after and she said untill we know what we are up against she could not really start any treatment as such till all my results come back but she would start me on some gentle exercises get me a wheelchair (instead of me hiring one all the time) and different stick, i was so down that yet again there is still no answers but she was a nice girl and it was nice to see somebody today.

God knows your pain he hears your crys and he is there beside you wiping away your tears and holding and rocking you with peace and love.

I will pray for you.

Samantha x
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246236 tn?1275478902
Wow, Tonka, tears have filled my eyes!  I'm not a believer in God per se (I do believe there's a connection that can't be seen throughout the world), but every word you said sounds like how I'm feeling.  I wish that for 1 day I could feel 100% better.  Maybe that would depress me too much when that day is over, but I long for a glimpse of my past life.  I'm only 30, too young to have my body and mind fail me.  I want to feel as good as I try to make the work world believe I am.  I want to be able to continue the facade when I get home at night so my family doesn't have to see like this, so my 10 year old can have that mom I know she wants back.  But I only have enough energy for that facade for so long, and unfortunately it ends as I drive home at night.  My husband tells me I take to much medication...that's funny.  What I wouldn't give not to carry a bottle of assorted pills with me to work or to not have a pharmacy at home, complete with my new brand new red biohazard sharps container for my Rebif needles.  Yes, Tonka, I wish that I had someone (God, Buddha, whoever that may be) who really knew me and what I go through.  But, I guess for now I'll talk to you guys, who at least know how you feel when you have a similar symptom.  Angela
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