Since I've become ill, I have begun to feel isolated big time, w the seizure disorder of unknown etiology, I can no longer drive, extreme fatigue making it difficult to even walk to the kitchen and prepare a meal these days, plus I'm having less and less time on laptop b/c of this, (seems looking at screen increases fatigued feelings)
My son & wife live only 10 miles from me and he works less than a mile from here but never stops by, never calls to see how I'm feeling, if I need anything, etc. (I almost feel like he thinks I'm already dead), his ex-girlfriend does come over with his first daughter when she has a vehicle to drive and calls when she's got minutes on her phone, etc. & my niece and her kids call or come over almost every day, and I see my visiting nurse twice a week, but my therapy has been put on hold for now. I think b/c of the recent increase in seizure activity.
Plus my mom lives with me but she's 81 and I know I'm a burden to her, I feel it should be the other way around. I should be the caregiver now, not mom.
I keep telling myself stop feeling sorry for myself, but it''s kind of hard, since the one person I have been wanting to hear from lately is the one I haven't heard from (my son). I'm not allowed to call him (or so his wife told me in the past) and I no longer have their phone numbers (they've changed them) so I couldn't call even if I wanted to.
I know he's partly afraid of what he's seeing, I'm not the mom I was when he was little, but I thought I raised him better than that.
Oh well, I'm done with my crying, made me feel better getting it off my chest.
Isolation is a bad thing. I have bad asthma and allergies on top of MS and bipolar. Lately has been bad. Then on top I am cranky. Something about low oxygen or something. No one wants to be around sick and cranky. When your pets start avoiding you. Something is up.
I have learned no matter what your situation there is someone you can do something for, even smile. I call folks who are unable to get out. Not stay on the phone long. Short e-mails. I am on my face with a few friends.
Your son might be of the age they would not stop by anyway. People are busy.
I have to choices I can think myself into a hole or I can think myself out of a hole.
Take care. my hole got boring for me last night.
In today's world it is hard to be alone unless you want to. You are on here.
My thought is everyone with a serious disease feels alienated and alone at times, and often for longer periods of time than they might want to admit. Recognizing the problems is definitely the first step to finding a way to alleviate the problem.
Your situation is even more difficult with the enstrangement from your son. Something you write sticks with me though -you are respecting the old words of his wife to not call , and I have to wonder why? This is your son, and perhaps her feelings have even changed. Even if she still does not want you in their life, you may be able to reach out to your son. Of course this also sets you up for more disappointment if it doesn't work out, and only you can decide if it is worth the risk.
Even though you don't have his number now, you can be resourceful and get it. The ex-girlfriend who is the mother of his first child must have contact information. Ask her for his number or address. Decide if you want to take this chance and call. I wouldn't write, for concern that the wife would intercept the letter and you would never know for sure if he read it.
Can what caused the hostility of his side of the relationship be addressed, discussed and perhaps even resolved and forgiven?
This may be the totally wrong advice to give you, but one thing I do know is life is short and we can waste a lot of time wishing for things to be different when sometimes all it takes is to be proactive and try to resolve the obstacle ourself.
Living with a member of a different generation is also a strain - I grew up in a three generation home (grandpa, parents and us children) so have seen this first hand.Reversing that role with your mother is even more difficult, I imagine. But I also guess that your mother feels good about being able to be with you and help as much as she can.
Alex is right in her ideas - we have to reach outside of ourself and our own problems to break this cycle. I hope you are able to do some of her ideas for yourself.
And don't forget we are always hear to listen and keep you company.
Thanks for your response, my niece has told a friend of my son's that he works with to talk to him there, to take out the risk of wifey deleting message or intercepting letter, etc. I don't want him to think I don't care, but since I never know if she has or will intercept any voice-mail/email/snail mail messages from me I can't think of any other way to contact him.
My mom hasn't been quiet about how she feels about his wife to him in the past, and I'm worried that she's part of the reason he doesn't come around or call anymore, b/c he doesn't want a confrontation with her, everytime (which she did before he stopped coming over or calling)
I know he doesn't like conflict/fighting and will avoid it at all costs, if humanly possible, I remember him telling his wife once that he wasn't going to "burn his bridges" even though she wanted to when she would get in an argument w/ some friend for some frivolous matter. (like your dog whizzed on my tree).
Oh well, I guess I'll try again to contact him in some way, shape, form or manner again, I think I am afraid of being rebuffed or ignored by him, and want to still feel that he loves me, but to avoid fighting w/ wife he's staying away.
Thanks for your words of support, this writing has actually brought tears to my eyes.
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