Gay, homosexual, I'm starting to think I'm alone...

Okay I just found this site, and I'm noticing that gay men aren't normally MS patients.  I've tried other sites and found the same thing.  I am involved in a LGBT organization.  I just find this interesting, if I'm wrong say "Hi" it would be nice to know I'm not the only gay man with MS.

[ANonnyMouse]

Hi Adam,

I'm not a gay man (obviously!) but I would think that since men are already the minority in MS statistics, then gay men with MS would be even less common?

[Sumanadevii]

I can assure you that you are not the only gay man in the world with MS.  Why this is an issue for you, I have no idea.  Your sexuality has nothing to do with MS.  Where you noticed that gay men aren't normally MS patients is beyond me.  There are plenty of them.

Me thinks you come to stir pot.

[PastorDan]

You are alone only if that is how you choose to view yourself.  There are plenty of diagnosed MS patients here, quite a few persons in what we not-so-lovingly call "Limboland," and several men, whose sexual preferences are of interest to few, if any.  Both Mouse and Suman make good points above.  I think MedHelp has an HIV forum, if you're interested in that.  I've not heard anyone in the MS forum mention it, and I've been here right around two years today.

To more directly address the concern you expressed in a different thread, MS is a terrible disease.  HIV/AIDS is another one.  Both can affect systems throughout the body.  MS patients can be thrown into relapse by infections.  HIV is an infection.  You do the math.  Progress has been made in research of both diseases; both can now be slowed -- in most patients -- but neither is said to be curable.

No one knows yet, with any degree of certainty, if people can do anything to prevent MS.  Prevention of HIV transmission is well understood, and has been since long before my late wife's brother passed away from it.  If you were truthful about your age when you signed up here, that was not long after you were born.  A microscopically thin sheet of latex, euphemistically referred to as "protection," might be enough, in some cases.  It's not foolproof.  Any other advice I might offer belongs in a different forum.

Having said all of the above, I will pray for every aspect of your health.

[essdipity]

Hello again.

I believe there are gay men and women on this forum, because that kind of thing comes up occasionally in discussing our everyday lives---Just as we discuss our marriages, kids, etc. However, that is not the focus of this forum.

I think your best bet would be to post as well on gay sites, where everyone has that in common, and ask for responses from MSers. I'm not sure what percentage of men are gay, but I'm guessing 5%. Correct me if I'm wrong. It is said that one in 750 Americans has MS, but that includes the whole population. Two out of three of these, approximately, will be women. There are a lot of other factors not considered here that make MS more or less likely, but you get the idea.

No wonder it's not easy to find a small number out of a large number, particularly considering that only a certain percentage of all people want to post on internet sites. So that's why you should concentrate on sites where there are gay men who do.

Here it is tough enough just dealing with MS issues, and we'd be glad to discuss yours with you, including any info you have about HIV together with MS. Perhaps there are members here who will contact you privately about gay MSers. I hope so.

ess

[sllowe]

Saying Hi, like you say, your definitely not the only one for sure.

Please do tell us how your getting along with your MS. When were you dx'd? How'd you get dx'd, etc.

Spill if your comfortable to !
-shell

[Sumanadevii]

Speaking of wanting to find a site that will cater to my needs, it is hard to find one where there is an MSer that is sympathetic dominatrix.  It hasn't been easy for me either over the last year.  So, I guess I do understand where you are coming from....

[HoustonDogLove]

Adam-
If you're looking for  GLBT geared site. I noticed the other day that on MSworld there's a GLBT message board.
http://www.msworld.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=90

Sumana- I could be your sympathetic Dom

We come from all walks of life, I haven't shown all my kinks and quirks.

[Lulu54]

Greetings - I hope you will find the conversations and information here of interest and you will stick around to learn more, especially about our very diverse community.  

there is an MS discussion board, specific to GLBT issues.  It is located on the UK MS forum...........

http://www.mssociety.org.uk/applications/discussion/view.rm?post_id=241145

Another one here in the US is on the NMSS site  - MS World

http://www.msworld.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=90



I would check them both out and see which might fit your specific needs better.  I love the UK folks but they really are a bit reserved so the US board might be better.....

I'm not quite sure how the HIV/AIDS part of this discussion got introduced, but I think that is not relevant to our daily fight with MS.  

Good luck - I hope you find what you are loooking for here and there!

be well, Lulu

[essdipity]

Lu, this new member also posted about MS and HIV--------

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Multiple-Sclerosis/MS-and-HIV/show/1447574

ess

[Lulu54]

I missed that one - I'll have to check it out..............

[kelly97]

Hi...
Would you consider any gay women?  :-)
There are a few of us LGBT on this board, some are out, some are not out, yet.  
If you have any issues, I'm sure most everyone here, gay or straight, are willing to help and support you. Since supposedly only 10% of the population is gay, of course we're going to have a lower representation on the forums.

I hope you feel comfortable here...
-Kelly

[Sumanadevii]

Sorry, I can't keep up with all the offers ...lol

My point is...MS has nothing to do with our sexuality.  I guess I could start a thread, "Straight, heterosexual" ....is that advertising?  I doubt any here care if they are speaking to a gay person or a hetrosexual...or what preference.  None of us are immune to the suffering of diseases.  Our sexual preference won't make a difference on this board.  Like you said, we all have our kinks and quirks.  What brings us together is the MonSter we fight daily.  

I do hope AdamJames feels welcome but I hope he learns not to think his sexuality blocks him from being part of this forum or makes his suffering more/less than others on this board.  We are all in the same boat.

[twopack]

The theme here has always been: THE ONLY DUMB QUESTION IS THE ONE YOU DON'T ASK.  It sounds like you have made a lot of assumptions about this member.  We may all be equal (in the same boat).  We are not all the SAME.  Sometimes, the differences are important in ways not all of us understand.

MS has much to do with EVERY part life.  Specifics of a persons life can make a real difference in responses when responders take a moment to really listen to what is being said.

I'm glad this poster feels comfortable enough with himself to get right to the point.  Why would anyone "advertise" (here of all places) for someone he already has in his life?  I believe he is looking for someone who understands living with MS from a situation that feels very unique.  Many members here look for that same type of connection.

Besides, his question posted in a separate topic mentions real concerns about potentially adding an immune deficiency disease to an existing autoimmune disease.  That's not only important, it's an intriguing question that could impact any of us with MS some time down the road.

Hoping you understand that your opinion is valid, it's just not the ONLY opinion and could have a better chance of being understood if it wasn't cloaked in rudeness or sarcasm.

Mary

[twopack]

Welcome to our MS community.  I've had my own times of feeling very alone and I'm a married woman with children and knew a few people with MS before I ever joined here.

I hope you find enough support here to know there are people who care and decide to stick around.  I look forward to getting to know you better.

Mary

[addicted2harleys]

Very well said, Mary.  You wrote what I was feeling and couldn't figure out how to express it.  

MS does affect many peoples sex life...no matter what orientation they are.  And I think Adams feelings and questions are valid.  Feeling alone while trying to figure out some scary health issues is not fun for anyone.  

On another note, what does LGBT stand for?

Adam, welcome to our forum.  I hope you stay here...this truly is a wonderful forum.  

Hugs,
Addi

[doublevision1]

You have gotten good advice from some of the members here.  I think your question is a valid one; as a gay man you are statisically more likely to contract HIV, and you are worried about what complications that might add to your situation.   However you know what you need to do to avoid HIV so I wont preach to you.  I know lots of gay men but none with MS - as far as I know anyway.  However I do have a very close friend who is HIV+ and has numerous other health issues incl Type 1 diabetes.  He suffers multiple symptoms and is no longer able to work.  One of the biggst challenges for him is figuring out what may be causing a particular symptom, as symptoms of his various conditions often overlap.  This makes some symptoms very difficult to treat.  Any disease on its own difficult enough, so I hope you do all that you can to protect your health.  And I understand your feeling alone; of course you are seeking people with similar experiences and challenges as your own.  I hope you can disregard the flippant coments and focus on the supportive ones.  

[Sumanadevii]

Again, different perspectives and opinions.  I respect what you have said and remain firm on my own belief.  It is nice to have the freedom to disagree with respect.

[kelly97]

Hi Addi,

LGBT is an acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgendered.

And thanks for your supportive posts including, twopack (Mary) and doublevision1.

-Kelly

[addicted2harleys]

Thanks for schooling me.  :) I figures out the LG but was stumped on the BT.  

[cainer]

  hi!!  welcome!!  im not gay- but i like men too!!  im female,
but really you are still hurting with this crap like the rest of us, i hope you can find some peace here!  tick  -

[Sparkysarah]

I just wanted to say hello and that I hope you will already have found on this forum that there are many non judgmental folks who will offer you support, friendship and advice. I can understand that you wish to find out and connect with someone else who is gay and has MS and sorry that I cannot help here as I am married with a family. I therefore think it is difficult for me to step into your shoes and see things from your perspective as I do not have that experience. However I do have MS and with that we all share something in common. I would therefore just like to say that you are so very very welcome on this forum, thank you for your honesty and hang around here - there are many of us who are very happy to offer support.

Cheers for now

Sarah

[Jepster]

As a gay woman, I do actually completely see where Sumanadevii is coming from, as I too wonder exactly the same thing... is sexuality relevant when looking for support when it comes to MS? My answer is, I just don't know.

For people whose lives have been affected in so many ways through being gay, e.g.

   Being disowned by the natural support network of a family;

   Being single and suffering with a debilitating chronic illness and with little chance to get
   out to groups to meet other gay people (as I guess many straight people wouldn't ever
   think how difficult it can be for gay people to find other gay people, especailly in
   areas where being gay is not at all acceptable);

   Being victims of homophobic abuse etc,

then being gay has almost certainly had a large effect on forming who they are as a person, and the way they respond to any challenge in life.

In this scenario, then I can really see how having people who can understand their background to discuss the challenge of MS with would be really beneficial, which is probably why the societies that Lulu linked to above e.g. GLAMS here in the UK have been formed.

As for me, and for me only, not Adam, not Sumanadevii, not Kelly etc then the one thing that would matter would be whether I felt comfortable enough in whatever group to include pronouns relating to my partner, and know that I wouldn't receive any anti gay response.

I hope you find the support you're looking for, Adam, but I'd also add that this forum is extremely supportive of everyone who posts here so I hope you're able to find a home here too.

Jep

[Sumanadevii]

I do hope it is understood that I am far from anti gay.  Had the poster referred in a regular posting about his partner, I would have thought nothing of it.  I just felt like and still feel it was out of place for the post and that HE HIMSELF was placing a barrier.  

Then, I do understand where he was coming from, too.  I worked most my life with gay men and women.  I guess that is why I see them totally equal with no division and saw this poster out in left field....Maybe he has not been fortunate enough to be around people that are totally accepting of any sexuality, race, age, etc.

[COBOB]

OK.  I have never seen any relationship between sexual orientation and MS.  Two separate things.  One is what it is (being gay) where the other (MS) is a disease of the CNS.  I have mentioned my partner in several posts.  

If it requires me saying it more bluntly, I'm a gay guy with MS.

Both are part of what I am, but neither defines who I am.  My sexual orientation is what it is.  Believe me, it would be much easier to be straight, so I know I didn't choose to be gay any more than someone else chooses to be straight.  I also know that I would never have chosen to have MS.  

My sexual orientation doesn't change my disease, or my posts in this forum.  I will tell you that it strains my relationship just like it does for a man and a woman.  It instills a desire to help other facing the possibility of MS.  I don't think my MS cares about "ME".  It just does what it does on it schedule.  

Hope this doesn't negative effect anyone's opinion of me, but its your opinion.  I;m sure my disease won't give two shakes about your opinion or mine.  I sent AdamJames25 a message, but I've been here a while and figured that this is a question that may come up once and a while, so now I'm on record:  MS doesn't discriminate based on sexual orientation.
If anyone one wlse asks this question again, feel free to point them my way.

Bob

[Sumanadevii]

Okay...if Bob wants to go on record, I will, too.  My youngest son is a gay man.  Is the reason I reacted as I did.  We stressed over and over in our home, his sexuality was his business and his alone.  He owed no one an answer.  He surely didn't have to come out of any closet.  After all, did his brothers?  I would have beat him with a stick from home and back had he posted using his sexual orientation to call attention to himself rather than the issue at hand.

I guess not every kid is lucky enough to come from a home where they are accepted unconditionally.  My son has never felt any different than others.  He went through high school with the usual disappointments and teen issues.  Went away to college finding a huge world opened to him.  He today lives with his partner in New York.  His life is full.

I hope AdamJames comes back to post.  I hope he will also understand that using his "gay" signature is not necessary to be heard.

[meg321]

OMG, i lost my message again, and it takes forever to write....its nice to get to know everyone here. We might as well be upfront and honest, we are all in this together. it brings us closer together...lol

I never would have even thought about anyone being gay with MS, it does not discriminate against anyone.

I have my own "titles" too.   I am a recovery alcoholic & drug addict.  We all have our kinks ..or not......  my daughter has HIV ..I know Doms, subs, gays, blacks  and  i have an open marriage.

I would not hide who I am but I also have MS, just like everyone else here,  I can't think , talk,  write or spell....but I try.

Stick around AdamJames25, you are very welcome here..

hugs, meg

[PastorDan]

Well put, Bob.  Thank you for your wisdom, as well as your candor.

AJ25, many have stated here how supportive they've discovered this forum to be.  I must agree.  Besides the abundance of good, solid information, the emotional encouragement has been one of the most valuable resources in my health challenges over the past two years.  No matter what else you and I might find as points of agreement or departure, we are both human beings with struggles and questions, with strengths and weaknesses, with experiences, joys, and fears.  If we can give each other a pointer or two along the way, we're both better off.  Stick around and give us a chance; I'm sure that most will reciprocate.

[RedFlame]

I sure hope you come back, I noticed that there has been no response,perhaps you are busy at work. You have received such wonderful feedback and support!

I think everyone here has supported you and have opened up to you as well as the group.  I think of us as a close-knit group that cares for each other through thick and thin.  We can be as transparent as needed and you will always be welcome to let us know what is happening and of course that would include your sexuality, partner et al.  

Being concerned about the possibility of HIV+ could be added to your status is very important.

I know how uncomfortable it is to try to explain my past to people without using pronouns that would give me away.  My family is very religious, so the past 11 years of my life is a subject that they don't want to hear about.  As far as sharing here, I haven't because I was afraid of rejection.  I have avoided certain conversations lest I give myself away.  Obviously, it was a needless fear.

So, I really hope that you come back, we would really love to get to know you and offer our support to you whole-heartedly.  

You're safe here!!

Red

[wiggles94]

Thanks to all who support and lift up anyone who comes to this site and needs a boost.  I hope that AdamJames lets us know how he is getting on and knows that he's not alone - gay, straight, black, white, rich, poor - we have the common bond of some crazy things going on in our bodies - and in this posting, the common thread is that we understand (or try to understand) and care and we're all part of something that is so much bigger than we are-no matter what your beliefs are - We can't do it alone.

There are some pretty great people here.  Thanks all.  And thanks AdamJames for stopping by.  

[Jepster]

Yey!

This forum rocks - there are so many people who would benefit from such a supportive community...we're not lucky to have MS, but we are lucky to be a part of this group.  I guess this is another example of every cloud having a silver lining.

To live the cliche, here we can be just as Gloria intended (except I might have got her words a bit wrong, and you'll have to remove the bit about giving the hook as that doesn't happen here...)

"I am what I am,
I am my own special creation,
so come take a look,
give me the hook,
or the ovation.

It's my world that I want to have a little pride in,
my world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.
Life's not worth a damn
till I can say
I am what I am"


Jep

[Sparkysarah]

Hi guys

I just want to acknowledge the honesty and trust that has been shown in this great post. Each and every one of us has our own individual vulnerabilities and what we choose to share with each other is a personal choice. But I really embrace the openness and non judgmental support that is offered and I hope that AJ25 can come back to this forum just as himself.

You are all wonderful people and this forum is a blessing which I feel extremely lucky to have discovered.

Love and hugs to you all

Sarah x

[RedFlame]

To everyone.

When I saw the title to this thread and the other one he started I avoided it like the plague.  I didn't even read it because I was afraid.  But, last night when I saw all the responses that he received I just couldn't help myself.

I saw others here that I didn't know about and decided to follow suit.  It seems so funny now to have labored over responses here, and I can't tell you how hard it is to talk about someone without using pronouns:-).  

My wonderful family of origin (insert sarcasm) helped tear us apart, mostly by shunning me.  It's ironic that I left love to attempt to regain their love.  We finished each others sentences and knew what the other was thinking.  

I knew I found a special group here and didn't want to mess it up.  I should have realized that because you are all special you wouldn't care about this.  

I do hope you come back Adam if not, thank you for helping us see how very loving we are!

love and hugs

Red

[twopack]

Basically, we all ask questions or start a topic because of something that is important to us as individuals, hoping to find someone who can relate or offer support.    That's exactly what Adam James did, and in concise words he told us why.  I hope he is feeling less alone now.  I really hope he returns here to let us know how he's doing and how we can best help.

Otherwise, I am surprised there have been so many comments and explanations swirling around claims that sexual orientation has no bearing on living with MS (or life in general).  If true, then why so many passionate opinions?  

It seems Adam James, that your topic served as a portal for the feelings of many members to spill through.  There's always a reason behind so many responses to one topic during our usually quiet-on-the-weekends forum.  As so often happens, people who come seeking help end up helping others as well.  Thank you for being yourself.

Mary