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How do you tell the news to your parents and siblings PLEASE HELP
Hi everyone,
I haven't been diagnose yet but have been told by my neuro of the high probability of MS. Of course my husband and my son know but how do I tell my parents and siblings or SHOULD I tell? Everytime I think of picking up the phone (they live on the other side of the Atlantic) I brake down in tears and can't find the courage to talk to them. I guess I don't want to upset them or I am afraid of their reaction or something else, I don't know. My mother is already dealing with her sister who has terminal intestinal cancer and my sister is bipolar. Do they really need to hear another bad news? Please help with some advice.
Sara
I haven't been diagnose yet but have been told by my neuro of the high probability of MS. Of course my husband and my son know but how do I tell my parents and siblings or SHOULD I tell? Everytime I think of picking up the phone (they live on the other side of the Atlantic) I brake down in tears and can't find the courage to talk to them. I guess I don't want to upset them or I am afraid of their reaction or something else, I don't know. My mother is already dealing with her sister who has terminal intestinal cancer and my sister is bipolar. Do they really need to hear another bad news? Please help with some advice.
Sara
Hi. We haven't met. Sorry about this possible dx. I am/was where you are.
I was just dx on Friday. I have a lot of people in my family to tell. In reading the above post I see all them in my situation. SL's post is exactly as its been in the past for me. I had two cancer scares in the past. I handled it as I did today and my family handled them as i expect they will this time. As for Rena's comment. I only shared the 'possibility' with two sisters, one who lives far from me. I'm glad I did because I now couldn't have imagined telling this news over the phone to her. I told one brother the other day in person. He cried. I felt bad overwhelming him like this. Thiagirl's comment. Another sister of mine which I haven't told yet picked up in my voice a few weeks ago something was wrong. I tried to dismiss it. I know she did not believe me. When I get around telling her I'm sure she will remember.
I hope this helps in some ways. I always make a point to learn from and listen to others experiences as well as from my own. I wish you the best in this situation and also for what the future holds for you.
Anamaria
I was just dx on Friday. I have a lot of people in my family to tell. In reading the above post I see all them in my situation. SL's post is exactly as its been in the past for me. I had two cancer scares in the past. I handled it as I did today and my family handled them as i expect they will this time. As for Rena's comment. I only shared the 'possibility' with two sisters, one who lives far from me. I'm glad I did because I now couldn't have imagined telling this news over the phone to her. I told one brother the other day in person. He cried. I felt bad overwhelming him like this. Thiagirl's comment. Another sister of mine which I haven't told yet picked up in my voice a few weeks ago something was wrong. I tried to dismiss it. I know she did not believe me. When I get around telling her I'm sure she will remember.
I hope this helps in some ways. I always make a point to learn from and listen to others experiences as well as from my own. I wish you the best in this situation and also for what the future holds for you.
Anamaria
Hi,
I can relate.
I don't have MS, but I do have some medical problems. MS may or may not become an issue in the future, but is not really being considered seriously for now.
I usually look pretty good and my family have not been told anything unless I have a clear diagnosis. They live in Australia and I live in Philppines. I don't want them to worry and there is nothing they can do.
This is pretty much my family's pattern of dealing with things. My mother had a hysterectomy and only told us the day she was being admitted to the hospital. We would have insisted on a second opinion and scolded her (as lovingly as we could). Later on she was recommended to have thryoid surgery. This time she told us and we got a second opinion and turns out surgery wasn't necessary.
We don't talk about anything personal unless and until it is a big deal or confirmed. This may not be the best way to deal with things, but this is my way.
You really need to decide for yourself how much to tell and when.
Best wishes and good luck for this decision.
Sally
I can relate.
I don't have MS, but I do have some medical problems. MS may or may not become an issue in the future, but is not really being considered seriously for now.
I usually look pretty good and my family have not been told anything unless I have a clear diagnosis. They live in Australia and I live in Philppines. I don't want them to worry and there is nothing they can do.
This is pretty much my family's pattern of dealing with things. My mother had a hysterectomy and only told us the day she was being admitted to the hospital. We would have insisted on a second opinion and scolded her (as lovingly as we could). Later on she was recommended to have thryoid surgery. This time she told us and we got a second opinion and turns out surgery wasn't necessary.
We don't talk about anything personal unless and until it is a big deal or confirmed. This may not be the best way to deal with things, but this is my way.
You really need to decide for yourself how much to tell and when.
Best wishes and good luck for this decision.
Sally
To Sara,
I have to agree with the other posts. I will say that I told my family while I was still seeing Dr.'s so it made the news a little easier. Sometimes it ends up being harder to keep things from family members because MS is the kind of thing that can stay silent with no symptoms and then just hit you over the head when you least expect it. I didn't tell my mother -in -law at first because she is a worry wort, I thought it would be better to wait until I knew for sure, then she kept commenting on the fact that I was limping, and the funny thing is I didn't even know I was limping. We decided to tell her because she sensed something was wrong and that made her worry anyway. If you decided not to tell your mom and sister are they going to sense that something is wrong just by talking to you over the phone? I say this because my grandmother is the one person I don't ever intend to tell. She is 94 living in a nursing home and she has a hard enough time dealing with my diabetes this would really upset her. I would rather her to never have to know. That being said I haven't told my mother because she can't keep anything from my grandmother. My grandmother can tell over the phone when something is wrong when she talks to my mom. I know my mother would never be able to keep that from her. So if your family is the type that can tell when your having a problem just by talking to you, it might be worse for them to keep them wondering.
It is something you have to decided for yourself, but all the posts here seem to have offered really good answers to help you find the best choice for you. Welcome to the forum. You will be in my prayers.
Cindi
I have to agree with the other posts. I will say that I told my family while I was still seeing Dr.'s so it made the news a little easier. Sometimes it ends up being harder to keep things from family members because MS is the kind of thing that can stay silent with no symptoms and then just hit you over the head when you least expect it. I didn't tell my mother -in -law at first because she is a worry wort, I thought it would be better to wait until I knew for sure, then she kept commenting on the fact that I was limping, and the funny thing is I didn't even know I was limping. We decided to tell her because she sensed something was wrong and that made her worry anyway. If you decided not to tell your mom and sister are they going to sense that something is wrong just by talking to you over the phone? I say this because my grandmother is the one person I don't ever intend to tell. She is 94 living in a nursing home and she has a hard enough time dealing with my diabetes this would really upset her. I would rather her to never have to know. That being said I haven't told my mother because she can't keep anything from my grandmother. My grandmother can tell over the phone when something is wrong when she talks to my mom. I know my mother would never be able to keep that from her. So if your family is the type that can tell when your having a problem just by talking to you, it might be worse for them to keep them wondering.
It is something you have to decided for yourself, but all the posts here seem to have offered really good answers to help you find the best choice for you. Welcome to the forum. You will be in my prayers.
Cindi
Hello Sara...I don't believe I have spoken with you before but I would like to welcome you to the forum. I can relate to the problem you are dealing with especially since your family is so far away. I think the answer to this is going to be pretty much up to you in the end as you know your family and we do not but personally, I would somewhat prepare your Mother at least by letting her know that your doctor is suspicious that you may have MS but that you have still to undergo some testing before a diagnosis is made.
A lot of us that have had to deal with this have made the mistake of assuming that our families will not be able to handle this news and most have been proven wrong. Of course no one wants to have this diagnosis but it is important to realize and make them realize that if you are diagnosed with MS it is not a death sentence ok? I was diagnosed with MS back in 1993 and my disease has been in remission from then until last summer! You may have some symptoms now but with the advent of the meds that are available, you stand a good chance of keeping this disease at bay by starting these meds a.s.a.p.!
Perhaps if you have access to an MS Society in your area or you can contact them via email, you can obtain several educational pamphlets on MS that will help you explain the disease to the family and then you could pop them in the mail for them so that they can read and digest this information on their own.
In my opinion, letting your family know of the possibility of MS is better than dumping a diagnosis in their lap all at once. At least if you do it it this way, they will have time to digest the information you have provided and will be better prepared to support you should you eventually get a diagnosis of MS.
This is just my opinion of the situation honey and I hope that I have been of some assistance. I imagine that there will be other opinions but I am a firm believer in education for understanding and if they don't know what you are dealing with, how can you expect them to be supportive for you when you are going to need it. As a rule, our families are incredibly supportive and you just might be surprised at the help you will receive if you educate them first. Get that information from the MS Society, take a deep breath and give them a call honey...we all need our families when we are going through this...I know I couldn't have done it without mine!
Lots of Hugs,
Rena
A lot of us that have had to deal with this have made the mistake of assuming that our families will not be able to handle this news and most have been proven wrong. Of course no one wants to have this diagnosis but it is important to realize and make them realize that if you are diagnosed with MS it is not a death sentence ok? I was diagnosed with MS back in 1993 and my disease has been in remission from then until last summer! You may have some symptoms now but with the advent of the meds that are available, you stand a good chance of keeping this disease at bay by starting these meds a.s.a.p.!
Perhaps if you have access to an MS Society in your area or you can contact them via email, you can obtain several educational pamphlets on MS that will help you explain the disease to the family and then you could pop them in the mail for them so that they can read and digest this information on their own.
In my opinion, letting your family know of the possibility of MS is better than dumping a diagnosis in their lap all at once. At least if you do it it this way, they will have time to digest the information you have provided and will be better prepared to support you should you eventually get a diagnosis of MS.
This is just my opinion of the situation honey and I hope that I have been of some assistance. I imagine that there will be other opinions but I am a firm believer in education for understanding and if they don't know what you are dealing with, how can you expect them to be supportive for you when you are going to need it. As a rule, our families are incredibly supportive and you just might be surprised at the help you will receive if you educate them first. Get that information from the MS Society, take a deep breath and give them a call honey...we all need our families when we are going through this...I know I couldn't have done it without mine!
Lots of Hugs,
Rena
Hey Sara,
Well, of course it's a personal decision. But one thing that sticks out in my mind is something that was brought up at a seminar I went to. And, it was very helpful to me.
The therapists discussed typical behaviors. Meaning how you would typically react, discuss, and work through issues in your life, and household.
They basically said that the same holds true for how you and your family will address (or not address) issues that arise. What are the typical behaviors and habits of dealing with problems in your house? Your husband and son know, and hopefully they reacted as they 'usually' do (good or bad, but at least you kind of have a guage).
Having said that, how does your Mom and your Sister typically react to things in general? The answer to these questions is what I'd look at myself. Because chances are, they will react exactly in the same way as what you are use to.
I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it was for me, expecially in understanding why the heck I didn't believe I had a problem, and tried to muscle my way through the problem not addressing it -- in the hopes it would go away. It was my typical reaction to how I most often deal w/things.
be well, hang in there honey,
SL
Well, of course it's a personal decision. But one thing that sticks out in my mind is something that was brought up at a seminar I went to. And, it was very helpful to me.
The therapists discussed typical behaviors. Meaning how you would typically react, discuss, and work through issues in your life, and household.
They basically said that the same holds true for how you and your family will address (or not address) issues that arise. What are the typical behaviors and habits of dealing with problems in your house? Your husband and son know, and hopefully they reacted as they 'usually' do (good or bad, but at least you kind of have a guage).
Having said that, how does your Mom and your Sister typically react to things in general? The answer to these questions is what I'd look at myself. Because chances are, they will react exactly in the same way as what you are use to.
I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it was for me, expecially in understanding why the heck I didn't believe I had a problem, and tried to muscle my way through the problem not addressing it -- in the hopes it would go away. It was my typical reaction to how I most often deal w/things.
be well, hang in there honey,
SL
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