Aa
I just need to vent a little please...
I hate to be down in the gutter so to speak but I really need to get some things off my chest and I thought who better to talk to than my dear friends right here. I'm sure some of you will know what I'm going through.
As most of you know my husband has been diagnosed with RA and COPD. He hasn't worked since January of 2009. We are still fighting for his disability. It's in the hands of a Lawyer right now so that is one less burden on me. I've been dealing with it myself since February of 2009.
He has recently been having memory lapses. Sometimes they are pretty severe. He has driven to town before only to come back home forgetting where and why he had went. This really scares me. I might understand it a little better if he where old but he's only 49.
Since this has been going on we talked and decided that I should take over our finances for a while. This coming after he forgot to pay some bills. Well, it's a lot worse than I thought it was. We are overdrawn at the bank and most of our bills are 2 months behind. We are living on my disability check which isn't bad but a lot less than what we where used to living on. Now I'm at a point where I don't know what to do.
As always the first thing I've done is turn it over to the LORD but it's still my responsibility to pay the bills and I'm at a loss. I don't have anyone that I can borrow money from because as most of you know times are hard on everyone. This is physically making me sick and I can feel a big relapse coming on.
I just needed to get this off my chest to people that I knew would pray with me and for me. You all have been my rock through a lot of things so now here's another one to add to the ever so high list.
I talked to him about it and he said there's no way I missed all those bills it must be something else wrong because I know I paid them. Then just every few days he will use the debit card to get stuff. I tell him that there's no money to cover it and he will say it will be okay. I took the debit card out of his wallet after he went to bed and hid it. I'm going to tell him I haven't seen it and he must have misplaced it. I don't know what else to do.
If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it but what I want mostly from you is your prayers. I know prayer can change things so the more that go up for my situation the better it will be. As always I pray for all of you every day. Thank you for letting me vent. I actually think I feel better. Thank you.
I'll be praying,
Carol
As most of you know my husband has been diagnosed with RA and COPD. He hasn't worked since January of 2009. We are still fighting for his disability. It's in the hands of a Lawyer right now so that is one less burden on me. I've been dealing with it myself since February of 2009.
He has recently been having memory lapses. Sometimes they are pretty severe. He has driven to town before only to come back home forgetting where and why he had went. This really scares me. I might understand it a little better if he where old but he's only 49.
Since this has been going on we talked and decided that I should take over our finances for a while. This coming after he forgot to pay some bills. Well, it's a lot worse than I thought it was. We are overdrawn at the bank and most of our bills are 2 months behind. We are living on my disability check which isn't bad but a lot less than what we where used to living on. Now I'm at a point where I don't know what to do.
As always the first thing I've done is turn it over to the LORD but it's still my responsibility to pay the bills and I'm at a loss. I don't have anyone that I can borrow money from because as most of you know times are hard on everyone. This is physically making me sick and I can feel a big relapse coming on.
I just needed to get this off my chest to people that I knew would pray with me and for me. You all have been my rock through a lot of things so now here's another one to add to the ever so high list.
I talked to him about it and he said there's no way I missed all those bills it must be something else wrong because I know I paid them. Then just every few days he will use the debit card to get stuff. I tell him that there's no money to cover it and he will say it will be okay. I took the debit card out of his wallet after he went to bed and hid it. I'm going to tell him I haven't seen it and he must have misplaced it. I don't know what else to do.
If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it but what I want mostly from you is your prayers. I know prayer can change things so the more that go up for my situation the better it will be. As always I pray for all of you every day. Thank you for letting me vent. I actually think I feel better. Thank you.
I'll be praying,
Carol
The original post was written last year...but continue your prayers. She can always use them.
Hi Carol.
Wow. What a burden to be carrying right now. I am sorry for your struggle. The suggestions from the others are good and sound.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for both you and your husband. Having to quit working because of the MS has allowed me to spend time praying for many things that come my way. I carry a small spiral notebook to write pray requests into as they are shared with me.
As soon as I read your post, a Scripture from Ephesians came to me. It is one of the last things the Apostle Paul told the churches at Ephesus and surrounding area. Paul had encouraged them by reminding them of the life they had received from Christ through grace.
He said in Ephesians 6:10 (Amplified Bible), "Be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]." Paul wrote all this while he was in prison.
My heart is with your heart. You are not alone.
Beth
Wow. What a burden to be carrying right now. I am sorry for your struggle. The suggestions from the others are good and sound.
I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for both you and your husband. Having to quit working because of the MS has allowed me to spend time praying for many things that come my way. I carry a small spiral notebook to write pray requests into as they are shared with me.
As soon as I read your post, a Scripture from Ephesians came to me. It is one of the last things the Apostle Paul told the churches at Ephesus and surrounding area. Paul had encouraged them by reminding them of the life they had received from Christ through grace.
He said in Ephesians 6:10 (Amplified Bible), "Be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]." Paul wrote all this while he was in prison.
My heart is with your heart. You are not alone.
Beth
I will keep you in my prayers too, Carol. Stay strong. And I think I'll start Mary's custom--what a great idea.
Carol, as so many have given you great information and warm encouragement, all I might add is that I am one who has been there and can vouch for all of these suggestions. I can especially add to the prayers (and I do love Mary's idea of "pocketing" prayer concerns), and I will be asking others to pray for you and your husband, as well. You have taken the right path so far by beginning with prayer and by acting to stem the tide. Sharing with us will also help us to pray effectively for you. God will honor and bless your continued proactive efforts, even if the road might seem a bit rough along the way.
One of the most common conditions that can appear like early dementia is depression. He may need to be looked at hard for a severe depression, which would be understandable given the loss of his work, pain from RA, difficulty breathing from COPD, your pain and recent surgery, and money troubles. Other common ones we have talked about, anemia and low thyroid. And, yes, some meds can do this, but an "organic" or physical cause is more likely. How severe is his COPD? Is he having chronically low oxygen?
Carol, I'm so sorry that this has now heaped on top of your troubles. You have struggled so hard against all sorts of adversity. I am hoping that you can "catch up" on the finances and that his memory problems can be pinpointed and treated.
You are in our collective hearts and, as DJ says, we send HUGS on the winds to bolster you and your family. I'm so glad you let us know.
much love,
Quix
Carol, I'm so sorry that this has now heaped on top of your troubles. You have struggled so hard against all sorts of adversity. I am hoping that you can "catch up" on the finances and that his memory problems can be pinpointed and treated.
You are in our collective hearts and, as DJ says, we send HUGS on the winds to bolster you and your family. I'm so glad you let us know.
much love,
Quix
Thank you all so much for the advice and words of encouragement. See, I knew I could count on ya'll to help me through this ordeal I'm in. You all are my rock.
I'll be praying,
Carol
I'll be praying,
Carol
My heart hurts for you going through so much at once (although that seems to be the way it works, doesn't it?) I said a prayer for both you and your husband, and I would encourage you to contact your creditors and explain the situation. Most financial institutions would rather work with you than not, so it's definitely worth a try. I hope it all works out for you!
- Jen
P.S. to Mary:
That is a TERRIFIC idea! I write prayer requests on little scraps of paper all the time (or my hand if there's no paper around; poor boy's Palm Pilot don'tcha know), but I never thought about keeping one tucked in my pocket. That's awesome!
- Jen
P.S. to Mary:
That is a TERRIFIC idea! I write prayer requests on little scraps of paper all the time (or my hand if there's no paper around; poor boy's Palm Pilot don'tcha know), but I never thought about keeping one tucked in my pocket. That's awesome!
You have had good suggestions here. It's hard to think it through when you are overwhelmed by the moment. Make sure you contact the companies you are behind with. Most will work with you when they're told what's going on but can't do that if they don't know you're having a special circumstance.
Since hubby agreed to you taking over the finances for a while, come clean about the card at some point. Tell him your plan. He may not be happy but this is not a time to start with hidden agendas and plans. If he reports the card lost or stolen at the bank they will simply issue him a new one anyway unless they have instructions not to. It's best he not run into problems with them telling him info that needs to come from you.
I also agree strongly about getting in touch with hubby's medical providers. (Please people, be the professionals you were educated to be and DO NOT pooh pooh this woman's concern!!) MANY medications can impact the memory. So can stress (sorry, it's true). With COPD his brain could be oxygen depleted. A man out of work for over a year could easily be thrown into depression with memory loss as a sign. So many possibilities! You both need help to figure this out. Stick to what you know - this degree of memory loss isn't normal at his age.
Carol, I'm putting you in my pocket LITERALLY. I recently reinstated a practice I had started many years ago but somehow got away from. I'll write your name on a piece of paper and put you in my pocket today with the other gear I carry around. (As the saying goes, you aren't heavy.)
Nearly all my clothes have at least one pocket so I can be sure a few necessities are always available. I'm constantly reaching in my pockets to either fish things out or return them. You and your need will be brought to mind many times today as I search my pocket and find you there. And every time I 'hold you in my hand' I'll also hold you in my heart, remembering to petition good things for you.
Mary
Since hubby agreed to you taking over the finances for a while, come clean about the card at some point. Tell him your plan. He may not be happy but this is not a time to start with hidden agendas and plans. If he reports the card lost or stolen at the bank they will simply issue him a new one anyway unless they have instructions not to. It's best he not run into problems with them telling him info that needs to come from you.
I also agree strongly about getting in touch with hubby's medical providers. (Please people, be the professionals you were educated to be and DO NOT pooh pooh this woman's concern!!) MANY medications can impact the memory. So can stress (sorry, it's true). With COPD his brain could be oxygen depleted. A man out of work for over a year could easily be thrown into depression with memory loss as a sign. So many possibilities! You both need help to figure this out. Stick to what you know - this degree of memory loss isn't normal at his age.
Carol, I'm putting you in my pocket LITERALLY. I recently reinstated a practice I had started many years ago but somehow got away from. I'll write your name on a piece of paper and put you in my pocket today with the other gear I carry around. (As the saying goes, you aren't heavy.)
Nearly all my clothes have at least one pocket so I can be sure a few necessities are always available. I'm constantly reaching in my pockets to either fish things out or return them. You and your need will be brought to mind many times today as I search my pocket and find you there. And every time I 'hold you in my hand' I'll also hold you in my heart, remembering to petition good things for you.
Mary
Many Community Action Programs provide one time assistance with utility bills. If your husband requires oxygen then the electric company should work with you to make a payment arrangement and stop the disconnect.
Praying for you,
terry
Praying for you,
terry
Also, the salvation army and other organizations will pay for a one time electric or other utility bill.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your way acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your way acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
Lu and Misty gave such good suggestions that I don't know what more I could add except that I will be with you, in spirit, in prayer that you both will get through these immense challenges. I wish there were more I could do.
Many hugs coming your way,
Julie
Many hugs coming your way,
Julie
Hi Carol,
this sounds like such a difficult situation for you - especially just coming off your surgery.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing and being proactive about these debts and not just pretending this is not happening and getting into deeper problems. If you think it is necessary, please contact your local agencies about debt counseling. They can often help you make payment arrangements with your creditors.
As for your husband - an honest discussion with his doctor is warranted. There may be other problems that are being overlooked and need treated. I imagine its still difficult to get around since your surgery, so perhaps a telephone appointment with his medical folks would work?
Contact your bank and turn off the debit card. Report his card as missing - which technically it is, because he doesn't know where it is. Go to a new system of spending money and only buy if he has cash- don't allow the plastic to ruin you financially.
Tell him this lack of the plastic will only be temporary and give it a few months to work through your other bill payments. You can reevaluate the need for this card later down the road.
Finally, does your church have an assistance program? I think many of them do have emergency accounts to help people who find themselves in financial problems. Don't be afraid to ask for help. With the interest rates on everything these days, you need to get those debts paid as fast as possible. I just got a credit card statement on an account we fortunately pay off every month. They slipped a little notice on the bottom of the statement that if I miss a payment, my new account interest rate will be 29.9%. This is a card that we have had for almost 20 years and always pay off. That is a crazy interest rate - CC reform didn't come fast enough before they snuck in these exhorbitant rates.
Good luck with all this, Carol.
take care , Lulu
this sounds like such a difficult situation for you - especially just coming off your surgery.
It sounds like you are doing the right thing and being proactive about these debts and not just pretending this is not happening and getting into deeper problems. If you think it is necessary, please contact your local agencies about debt counseling. They can often help you make payment arrangements with your creditors.
As for your husband - an honest discussion with his doctor is warranted. There may be other problems that are being overlooked and need treated. I imagine its still difficult to get around since your surgery, so perhaps a telephone appointment with his medical folks would work?
Contact your bank and turn off the debit card. Report his card as missing - which technically it is, because he doesn't know where it is. Go to a new system of spending money and only buy if he has cash- don't allow the plastic to ruin you financially.
Tell him this lack of the plastic will only be temporary and give it a few months to work through your other bill payments. You can reevaluate the need for this card later down the road.
Finally, does your church have an assistance program? I think many of them do have emergency accounts to help people who find themselves in financial problems. Don't be afraid to ask for help. With the interest rates on everything these days, you need to get those debts paid as fast as possible. I just got a credit card statement on an account we fortunately pay off every month. They slipped a little notice on the bottom of the statement that if I miss a payment, my new account interest rate will be 29.9%. This is a card that we have had for almost 20 years and always pay off. That is a crazy interest rate - CC reform didn't come fast enough before they snuck in these exhorbitant rates.
Good luck with all this, Carol.
take care , Lulu
I would like to say that it's nice to know someone else knows what I'm going through but it's not nice that you have been going through the same thing. I do so appreciate your prayers and concern.
I don't really have anything that's valuable enough to get me past this but I'm praying my income taxes come in soon. It should be enough to catch me up if it gets here quickly enough. My luck it will be another 4 or 5 weeks and then I will be sinking fast.
Please keep praying because I know that's what will help us both.
I'll be praying,
Carol
I don't really have anything that's valuable enough to get me past this but I'm praying my income taxes come in soon. It should be enough to catch me up if it gets here quickly enough. My luck it will be another 4 or 5 weeks and then I will be sinking fast.
Please keep praying because I know that's what will help us both.
I'll be praying,
Carol
My husband and I have been in the same position recentely with finances. I am no longer working and our mortgage is too high. We have been trying to downsize the house but have been unsucsesful in selling it.
We looked for things we could sell to take the pressure off. We ended up selling both our cars and getting a cheap runaround. I dont know if you have anything to sell that could bide you some time.
It has been a very stressful time and money worries can be bad for your health. I hope you are not getting a relapse.
Just wanted to let you know that I know how you must be feeling and I will be thinking of you.....sending hugs and praying you get some financial relief soon.
Mistylee
We looked for things we could sell to take the pressure off. We ended up selling both our cars and getting a cheap runaround. I dont know if you have anything to sell that could bide you some time.
It has been a very stressful time and money worries can be bad for your health. I hope you are not getting a relapse.
Just wanted to let you know that I know how you must be feeling and I will be thinking of you.....sending hugs and praying you get some financial relief soon.
Mistylee
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