I scream, "I just want to give up!"

It's so easy to scream from the roof-tops that you want to give up.  So many symptoms, so many hurdles and no diagnosis.  Seemingly never finding a doctor that will give you some answers.  No one to listen.

What's wrong with me?  Am I crazy?  Two very common questions you ask yourself when you are going through limbo-land.  A land where you feel that you are all alone.  I personally know where that "land" is...I've been there myself.

I "hear" the anguish so many of you feel, in your posts.  The daily struggles of trying to live a normal life, while you go through this period of so much uncertainity.  You muddle through each day, feeling badly and not knowing why.  You have responsibilties.  The kids, the job, the house, the bills....things that so many take for granted will be done with their 'healthy' bodies.  But for those of you that live with the pain, those tasks can seem insurmountable.

You have spouses that you want to have a relationship with.  You suffer from fatigue, you suffer from pain.  It leaves little time for the greatest love of your lives.  Your spouse or your children.  Still, you live with no answers.  No help for your symptoms...just days filled with questions.

The land of limbo must seem like a desserted island.  A place where you seem to have little resources to survive.

There is hope.  That hope is in knowing that there are many that walk side by side with you everyday, in the search for answers.  People to lean on.  People that understand.  People that care.  You never walk alone...

Don't give up the fight.  There is a safe place to come to.  It's this forum.  You will receive love..... if you are wanting..you will receive many prayers, you will receive support and most of all you will receive a total understanding.

May it give you the desire to continue your fight for answers, knowing that you understand your body better than anyone.  Listen to it.  Then come here and lean on all of us.  You will always be welcomed with open, loving and understanding arms...ALWAYS!

Heather

[doni54]

That was beautiful and very insightful.........thanks

doni

[uk2]

That s a great post, this forum has made me many friends and has been a great support system it has taught me alot about small things i can still control even if i cant control what my body is doing like a healthy diet, gental exercises and different medication.

Iv been able to come on here and talk to people about what to expect when i go for tests someone to share the worry with so i dont burden my family with it!!

In my lowest times iv come on here and shared how down i've been and iv been supported and encouraged by others and was advised to take anti-depressants which i was not keen on but after talking to people on here i realised it was the right thing to do if this forum was not around i would not of taken them and could still be in that dark place now!!

I've been able to advise others now as i've been through so many tests and been able to encourage others when they are low.

My illness has taught me alot, it has ground me too a halt and although i have awfull pain filled days,weeks and sometimes months i would not have it any other way and there were times i grieved for my old life back but i see it and not all do Gods will in my life and that all things happen for the good!!  God and my family,friends and this forum have been the shinning light in my life pulling me through.

FOR ALL YOU THAT UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER I LOVE YOU ALL GOD BLESS!!

God bless you heather for this post and for the lady you are.

Samantha

[sllowe]

Thank you Heather - this is a place we all get to, and can relate to -  with or without diagnosis.    

Be well,

SL

[Heather3418]

I posted this for the purpose of showing it is a place where I 'used' to be.  I thankfully have a diagnosis and do not suffer that land of limbo anymore.  I post this as a way of telling those that go through the limbo, that they are not alone.  EVER!!!

This can be a sad time of year for many.  The holidays can do that.  So I felt that this was a good time to post something like this.  There are many that are depressed, feeling that they are alone.  As you have said before and I, as well, it's important for all to know that this forum is the place where they can find comfort and understanding.

God Bless you all,
Heather

[grannyhotwheels]

That was absolutely beautiful Heather.  Although I have to admit even though I'm diagnosed I still feel like shouting from the rooftops.  It's not just for the undiagnosed.  I do know what they go  through because I was there for 3 years.  

What I mean is the unknown.  What will become of me?  Will I become a vegetable?  Will I ever have the loving relationship with my husband again?  Will I ever be able to go outside and play football, basketball, and baseball with my children and grandchildren again?  So many will I ever questions.

Like you said, the one place I can come to and get answers or at least talk with people who ask the same questions is right here.  Without this forum I really think I would have given up.  

There are so many of my friends here that tell me I am their strength or hero.  It makes me cry because my strength came from all of you,  my attitude about life came from you, and my joy in living life to the fullest came from you.

Limbo land is one of the hardest places I've ever been in my life.  I really didn't think I would or could make it through, but this forum can help find doctors they can let you know your not alone, and they are here to listen when you want to cry, laugh, vent, or just talk.  The people here can also give you answers about tests and things that the doctor didn't answer or you didn't understand his answer.  The people here love you and care about you like no one else can.

I truly feel like God sent me here because he knew that otherwise I would have went to a place so deep and dark that I may not have returned.  I thank him every day for ya'll.  I thank him everyday for allowing me the chance to spread his name and to maybe help someone here in the process.  I thank him for giving me this burden I am carrying because I know some how it is to glorify him.  Most of all I thank him for allowing me to make such wonderful friends who truly care about me and who I truly care about.

I'm sorry this was so long but I thank you for reading the entire post.  If you read every single post on here you will get a blessing just like I did.  What a way to start your day.  Thank you Heather for giving me this opportunity this morning.  You are truly a saint.  I love you and pray for you all the time.

I'll be praying,
Carol

[Heather3418]

What a beautiful post.  You are beyond precious and wonderful.

Thank you for speaking for those of us that DO have a diagnosis.  Yes, it can still be a puzzling place.  This forum makes it bearable.

Heather
P.S. Thank you for your prayers, Carol...they are priceless!

[floridamom2]

You are a gift from God to me.  I have said many times that God speaks to me through the internet and today he chose you to be his speaker!  I am levaing again this morning for the Mayo clinic to have more tests done and hope to find an answer.  I have been told that sometimes "we find nothing and are left to believe it is a virus that may take years to resolve".  

Even though this may be true I have trouble wrapping my head around "we don't know what it is that is causing your symptoms" and just waiting for them to resolve, even though they seam to be affecting me more and more each relapse.  Your post and listening to what T-Lynn is going through has given me the courage to continue the fight for a real answer that makes sense to me.  

I really appreciate all that you do for this forum Heather and Thank you for your true friendship!!
Love,
Kristin

[floridamom2]

You are an inspiration of strength for me!! Thanks for sharing all that you do!!
Kristin

[Rena705]

Thanks for your comment Heather...it means and is so true.  You have all been there for me with an answer and I try to answer a few although I am not so learned yet.  I appreciate all the support I get and you truly are a messenger from a kinder, gentler place where life is sweet and there is no pain!

Loves ya,

Rena

[T-lynn]

Well said.Carol your right even us diagnosed have our puzzling days.

To the ones not diagnosed,push hard for answers and test.

The ones diagnosed,continue to listen to your bodies,but please don't assume everything is related to MS.

These forums keep me going,I get to use my sense of humor when appropriate,my wisdom when I can offer it and everyone here I can relate to,limbo land or DX'd.

Keeping a possitive attitude and thoughts is the major battle.Yes all of us have had nasty defective jerky DRs,kick those zero's to the curb and find a Hero.Mines a goodlooking one.But it took many Drs to get to him.My last count was 14 or 15 Drs.of different specialities.

The unknown is a very scary place,but sometimes the knowing can also scare the pageezes out of ya,but we have become a fantastic cyber family,with much support and many cyber shoulders to cry on.lots and lots of hugs and prayers.This is what makes this place so special

Love ya all

T

[Buffalogirl]

I am new to the forum and I am grateful to see that there are people out there who are feeling the way I do.  I have MS and I feel useless because I can't care for my child all alone like I used to.  I get tired, and am in pain.  I get no help from her father because he doesn't understand this illness, nor does he want to.  I was able to financially care for the household on my own, now I need help and he doesn't help.  I feel guilty because I just filed for child support.  I never thought it would come down to this, never thought I would have to make someone take care of his child, it seems like common sense.  I can't help but feel rejected because I can't do it alone like I used to and it feels even more terrible because it's a disease that's not always obvious.  

I thank God for my family who help me daily to get through this, but I know that my relationship is over.  Maybe that's a blessing.  Because times are hard, I have family.  My child is 2 and I had to beg her father for money for food, he could've just brought the food, he didn't give anything.  I provide shelter, transportation, utilities, clothing, education, and the same for his other child during the summer when she visits.  I feel so dumb and helpless.  Is this normal?  I can't handle multiple sclerosis and him, it seems logical to let him go, but I want to stay with him because we have a child.  

[Heather3418]

Welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry that MS brought you here, but you are in the right place to get the emotional support that you need.  With what you have going on in your personal life AND having MS, you have a full plate.

We can be the good listeners that you need.  It's a shame that we cannot fix your relationship.  Wish we could also fix the MS.  Of course, we can't.

First thing I want to get clear Buffalogirl, you are NOT "DUMB AND HELPLESS."  You are doing the very best that you can with what you have to work with.  Please give yourself credit for that.

I hope that you have family nearby that can help you with the baby.  Taking care of a 2 year old is a full-time job for anyone.  Add the MS and the stress of finances and you are on overload.  That certainly isn't good for MS.  Rest when you can and take care of yourself.  Lean on others in the community to help with child care resources or financial assistance through your local Social Services office.

While we can't help your relationship, we can help you with the feelings you encounter with your disease.  We are here 24/7.

I'm glad that you found us and I hope that you will stick around.  This is a wonderful, supportive group of people.  Trust me on this one.

Heather

[Buffalogirl]

Thank you, Heather, you are truly a gem!

[mokibear]

Thank you for the beautiful post. This forum is a life line to so many of us that are in limbo land and for the ones diagnosed. To know that one is not alone, and is understood where no others can or want to makes life so much more bareable.

You are a true angel, my friend. I think of everyone on here as my cyber family. All have helped me through some rough times and know if I need to again, I am always able to come here. I have never met such an incredible amount of caring, supportive and wise people as I have since I've joined this forum.

Because of you all, I am able to find the fight in me that I once had buried. When I hear of the stories that you who are diagnosed had gone through, it gives me courage to keep going on. To the other limbo landers as myself, we have much to be grateful to, to have the support and advice from those who have been there. To see your courage gives us strength. Thank you all!!!!

Moki

[princess73]

Thank you  for your post. I am new to this forum and am totally in limbo. I need a lot of prayers right now. Here is my in limbo story. I have 2 children and a husband. I have worked for almost 12 years 45 hours a week. 2 months ago,  I started getting really fatigued. The next week, I got flu-like achiness. Over the next month and a half, I have had severe achiness and numbnes along with confusion. I had an MRI and had lesions. However, my neurologist says it is not MS lesions. I have abnormal testing for Lupus anticoagulant with increased clotting time. Most other tests have been negative. I had a spinal tap on monday and will have an EEG next week. I have an appointment with a rheumatologist next week, also. My doctor is currently calling this Fibromyalgia and I have been taking Lyrica for this for a month with no results. I have had to stop working and some days I can barely take care of my kids. I am waiting to hear back from my disability company to let me know that I have been approved. Please pray for me and my family  

[essdipity]

I am very moved by your story. I suggest you cut and paste it into a new thread, where others are likely to keep on seeing it, so you should get more helpful information. But of course you will be in our prayers.

Did you ask your doctor why your lesions don't meet his idea of MS? I think that's the place to start. But keep on plugging, seeing doctors and getting tested. Whether you have MS, lupus, fibromyalgia or whatever, you deserve some answers. It does take patience. Please keep in touch and let us know how the EEG and LP analysis come out.

ess

[Heartshome]

Thank you for this post. I am going crazy with not knowing what is wrong with me. Now I'm on antidepressants and they are helping, but my symptoms are still there. It's good to know that others have gone through the same things. It has helped me so much to be able to visit here.

A few weeks ago I was ready to give up, but now I'm feeling better and will keep working on finding out what's wrong with me. Thanks again.

[mae1]

What a nice post Heather.....
april

[Wobbly]

wow...all I can say is I'm so thankful for all of you...