I'm Losing It and Need Help

Hello, This is my first post. I'm female and 38yrs old.  I have had M.S. for 6 years (diagnosed) I am a very private person and have no friends. I live in a suburb outside Memphis with my kids and husband. I'm taking 10mg Adderall (adderrall) for fatigue and Ativan for anxiety.

I am losing my mind. I have no one to talk to and I cannot bring myself to ask for help whether it be from a mental health person or a local church. I am having mental issues. I feel as though I will explode. I don't see how I wake up every morning. I pretend to be ok when I'm not and its getting harder to hide. My husband betrayed me a year and half ago and although he has repeatedly begged for forgiveness and is in therapy, he was the only person I thought I could trust to be there for me. What he did affected me greatly and destroyed what little self worth I had. He was my world, he was the only one who ever made me feel I was worth something.


I need a friend very badly who will not judge me as crazy and understands at times the MS causes me mental problems. I need a friend in my area. I need a friend who I can trust no matter what. I have no one and I'm dying inside.
I'm so alone.

[sllowe]

Hey Alone!

Your not anymore! I'm so sorry it's come to this.  Being private is leaving you alone in your head, and w/MS, as you know, the head is not what it should be.  

You will find an outpouring of friendship and support here, I hope you are up to it!

Although you've lost trust w/your husband, it sounds to me that you love him very, very much.

What are you on for the MS? I hope we can help you find yourself again, you can trust us.  We are family here, and I'm glad you've reached out to us.  It must of been very, very hard to hit that post button.  But you did it! Yea!!!  An important 1st step.

Hang in there w/us if you can, but most importantly, depression is VERY-VERY serious.  It's "uncontrollable" and you may need more than a friend.  You may need the help of medicine - ok?

Welcome to the forum,
-SL

[Heather3418]

First of all, welcome to the MS Forum.  Secondly, now that you have joined us, you will NEVER be alone.  We will all be here for you, through anything, holding your hand and supporting you.

You are going through alot and it's no wonder you are feeling depressed.  You have taken the first step to feeling well and that's by posting your feelings.  That is brave and honorable and shows that you are reaching out for help.  You have reached out to the right place.

I share your story about a husband that was unfaithful.  Perhaps you and I can be of some comfort to each other.  I am here for you as everyone on this Forum will be.  You will soon see a flood of responses, from our members offering you help.

You are NEVER alone.  Not anymore.  You have come to the right place sweetheart,

Big Hugs,
Heather  

[essdipity]

My heart goes out to you. But you are not alone now, and you can get better. Has anyone, including your doctor, explained to you that depression can be a PRIMARY effect of MS? By that I don't just mean the feelings we get from dealing with a serious illness, or from pain, or from lack of good rest. I mean that MS can directly alter parts of your brain that control emotions. Although that is bad, it is at least one of the effects of MS that can be treated.

Please don't be afraid to discuss this with your doctor. If he or she is good and someone you like, confide ALL your various symptoms. It's not something they haven't heard before--in fact, it's quite common. If you don't like your doctor, then start today to find someone better. We can give you pointers on that if you need them. You need to be prescribed an antidepressant. These are the most commonly used drugs in America, and there's no shame or stigma involved.

Once your mood is beginning to stabilize, that will be the time to start dealing with the other relationship issues and feelings that you have. There are many ways to do that but you need to begin somewhere. That's what you've already done, by posting to this forum. That's a big first step, so feel good about that. You've done something. We can support you through the rest.

I hope that someday before long you will be able to change your forum name to Friend.

With my best wishes,
ess

[Momzilla]

Hi, and welcome, Friend~

I am so sorry you feel the way you do.  How miserable.  But, things can get better, like the others have said.  I agree that you must tell your doctor how you are feeling.  If your neurologist doesn't listen or help, talk to your internist.  There is no reason for you to keep feeling this way.

The betrayal you suffered sounds so painful.  It osunds like your husband is trying everything to make things right.  He must love you very much.  I'm not saying you must trust him again.  That will take time.  If you want to invest in your relationship.  If you don't right now, that's all right, too.  I think a counselor can help you through these issues, even though it is SO hard to seek help.  But, guess what?  You just did!

This is a great first step for you, posting on this forum.  Good for you!  How hard that must have been.  We are here for you.  I have found loving, caring support here when I've really needed it.  I know we can help you that way, too.

Please consider seeking out a professional or someone trained at your church who can help you.  Stay with us, too, and we will be great listeners, and hopefully make you feel less alone.  We're here.

You're already part of our family here, now, having posted.  We're like the Mafia -- we have strict rules about no one leaving!  

Be well and feel better,

Zilla*

[Sunnytoday]

Your not alone- you have all of us- forever!

Zilla is right- once you join you must stick around... here people truly care, love and listen!

I read your story and cried... I can't relate but I can pray, and I am.
~Sunnytoday~
(undiagnosed)

[Super_sally888]

Hi,

You are so welcome here, as all of the others have said.
This is the place you can vent and cry and laugh - whatever you need to do.
let us get to know you and help you and support you.

Salloy

[denise61]

To Alone,

HI and sorry you are so down, there is so much help and understanding around here you wont want to leave, Hang in there stay strong!!

HOPE YOU CAN FIND HAPPNESS SOON!!

Denise61

[santana8]

Hi, I am not from Memphis, but I do live in Sevierville, TN, so I am a little close to where you are!   I am also a member of this forum and also have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years even before the sudden onset of neurological symptoms two  years ago.  I am not dx with MS yet, but have been stuck between ADEM and MS for two years now.  I have a lot of issues with depression and anxiety and still do. If you need to talk, I am here, and please don't hesitate to  let me know! You are never alone here!

Santana

[Momzilla]

Hi!  Feeling any better today?

You're in my thoughts,

Zilla*

[wingnut19]

Alone:

I noticed that you haven't posted since this first post....

Please let us know that you're OK, and know that we are here for you when/if you need us for anything!

HUGS!
Tammy